December 21, 2009
I want to talk. I was a smoker and I died from it. From diabetes and tobacco smoke and the pill. BOOM! Just like that I was out of this life and into the next. I never would have expected.
I was happy in my life when I was with Ashton. I was engaged to him. We could have had something amazing. Our movie was a flop, Demi rushed in (wih her claws) and the rest is history. I am now dead.
It hurt, the Saturday Night Live gig about me that was shown two weeks ago. It hurt a lot to see I had become old and bloated and my life AND MY CAREER had twittered away…it was my whole life, my acting.
I never made it big, I couldn’t. Not with my father being what it is, in jail. Without a father’s love and support one cannot achieve great success.
I was happy with my husband but I did not love him/was not in love with him the way I was with Ash. Ashton was the love of my life, that was it. No kids, no confidence, no legacy. GONE. A lot of cigarette butts in my work, a couple of comedies, I was at my best and I did not realize it. Now look at you.
Starting your life again, a whole new chapter very powerful. (I love that kid, your boy). I saw it when I went up, kind of like you saw a poster with my face on it at the theater. “What’s coming up next?”…
For you, it is the happiest most cherished time you will ever have, about 45 years of it. Embrace it. Walk to it!! Not quite Tim, but ‘what the Universe has made for us.” A boyfriend, a lover, a family, and a gerbil or a guinea pig, whatever the one that you want. You can be kind and I can act pretty, but it is the heart that shines in you Forever. I saw it—from way up here. You were in San Diego crying at the Polar Express 4D.
You were beautiful light.
I can tell you you are beautiful because I know it in the spirit and the flesh (I am fresh at it.)
God wants you to have the confidence that comes from seeing mightly angels, making a difference in other people’s worlds—their operations—and having a family so very light.
All of your gifts are from God. Talk to Him. Every day. About your wedding. What you want. What fits. Not to make a list—that is static. Talking is dynamic.
I shouldn’t have made that movie 8 Mile. That really degraded women. My character was wrong. I am not like that. I am sorry I made it for the world to see. Otherwise, I have no regrets.
I am sorry that I set you back on dinner and the mail. I had to talk to you. I really had to talk to you and get it off my chest. I will be back another time.
You friend of the body in the afterlife,
(the actress that was on earth.)