Tuesday, December 31, 2019

On Facing 2020

We wish to welcome you to the coming year. We have been away, while seemingly on vacation, we were actually 'on assignment'.  It was a success!  You can see the heavy white on the Schumann Resonance Frequency graph on 12/29/2019  and this Gaia Portal as evidence of our results.

As the coming year approaches, we are encouraging you to develop these qualities:

  1. mental strength
  2. emotional stability and resilience
  3. sustained spiritual connection such as a daily reiki practice and healing or meditation
  4. connection to all of your senses (including intuition) and the ability to reassure yourself you are really seeing what you are seeing, they are really saying what they are saying, and that if your gut senses something is wrong, or right, it probably is.
  5. stewardship towards the planet and nature, both within your body and in the world around you

Together we are working towards the future of our outreach and community. The playing field has changed somewhat since the beginning, and we are repositioning ourselves and our approach towards higher success.

Medicine as we know it is a void, a terrible gaping hole in its expense, it's inaccessibility, its failure to truly ward off disease, and it's futility in creating 'healthcare providers' who are tantamount to human robots. 

We wish to change all this, and to have our work on the planet be a resting place for all who are sick, for all who are sick and tired of the status quo, and all who are not enjoying their stay on the planet. 

Big changes are in the works, and not just on this page.

Here we will sustain you and guide you and encourage you in your spiritual growth and usefulness to the awakening of the world to the dawning upon them, the realization, that there is truly Heaven on Earth!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The echoes of love from Divine Creator of All that is (husband and wife Divine Creators!--imagine that!) to YOU. 

Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Getting The Facts Straight In Your Mind

We always like to think of ourselves as 'normal'. No matter where we are, what we are going through, we self-talk to ourselves that everything is going to be okay, and we are going to get through this.

A lot of our self-talk is learned.

Our parents, grandparents, caregivers at preschool, teachers, professors teach us face to face. Add to this our role models, our celebrities we identify with, our culture (movies, music, community, traditions) where we add to this self-talk a little more.

Our premise is, we think we--are normal--and that our self-talk /world-view is one hundred percent our own.

We challenge that at least over half of our daily self-talk, has been conditioned into us, and is not entirely of our own volition. Ever since the day we were born, we have been immersed in this.

Add to this that some of our 'world leaders' in all fields of government, medicine, industry, entertainment, and the military are actually figureheads to answer to someone higher up than them who is calling the shots. They have 'sold out' and in some cases, sold their 'souls' in order to be in a position of fame and riches. 

It has been said that some of the world leaders are lizards--Diana said this of her royal family. Literally or figuratively, her assertion is that they do not operate or even remotely follow any of what we as 'humans' consider to be 'normal and good'. 

The goal of these leaders has been to change the world completely from its original blueprints and design specifications, plans these leaders and their controllers have handed down generation after generation with the final goal as this:  

Complete and total control of the individual, with the ability to deny them participation in any financial transactions/employment/income if they 'go against the plan'.  It's like denying food to a performing animal to get it to comply...night after night, performance after performance, city after city...in for example, a circus.

Carla has been going through this, and we are going to use this as an example. Carla thinks of her life as 'normal and healthy'.  She has to, in order to survive. Sure, she doesn't have much free time because of her work, but then again, doesn't everybody?

This is her mental outlook. It has been conditioned to her through her training, which is a combination of watching her teachers, learning what is called 'professionalism' (patient always comes first, we are watching for the patient's best interest before our own....), and having to live it.

Yesterday, she needed to be home so a couch could be delivered to the home. Her window was from twelve to two.  She had only one case, it was a total easy call. But then a case added on. Someone terribly risky, and large, who wasn't even fit for a haircut never mind major surgery. It cancelled. But then there was another case at one thirty. Carla was on the hook for that. Question was, go home from nine to noon? Or stay at work and stew (unpaid) and wait?

Carla went home. And fortunately, there had been two people who could help her. But the delivery (they only deliver on Mondays and Fridays) team called, and right when she was on her way to the Post Office to ship the international requests for bracelets/fulfilled, she turned around and came home. She had spent all morning clearing the path for the workers to carry in the couch. Guest are coming tomorrow! They need a place to sit!

She went back to work, started the case on time, and was relieved about forty minutes later, and drove  home again.

Try as she could, she couldn't fight the sleep, and went to bed at three in the afternoon in Ross' loving care.

There are many different layers of finding one's truth. We are going to use Carla as an example, and go through it layer by layer.

First thing--even though she worked until four in the morning, Carla enjoys the doctor-patient relationship. She likes being in the Operating Room and being part of a team. She also feels honored and fulfilled making bracelets for people who are in need, and being able to work with a community to ensure that these needs get fulfilled.  Carla feels honored to be working online and with the community of awakened souls.

Carla was going to label this 'working through the flim-flam'...'flim-flam' is a slang word for confusion and deceit. 

Carla's body is her first teacher. It doesn't lie. Carla ignores it when it is hungry. She realizes her work doesn't let her exercise. And yesterday Carla could not fight that her body needs sleep.

There is a huge burden on her to get her house ready, without Anthony, for the holiday celebration at her new house. Wisely, Carla realized in an instant that no, her lifestyle is not normal, her home and her body reflect this accurately, and she needs sleep.

She also realized with her patient having the mediastinal lymph nodes sampled, that she has the same problem. Her work isn't going to give her the time to get it checked out. It's been seven years she's had it, it's probably inflammation or chronic infection, but she should have followed up on her thyroid and these nodes a long time ago. Let's make that New Year's Resolution number one.

Her body is telling her, by getting ill, and needing to sleep (all night and all day) that this isn't what's best for her. And now, Carla is listening.

Our first layer is your immediate perceptions--not what you have been conditioned to, but your body--hungry, thirsty, tired, wanting to explore/adventure, the need for sex, for friendship, companionship--IN THIS LIFETIME.

The second layer is to know the machine that is giving ideas to you, how it works, what it's agendas are (21 and 30).

For this we have another example. It is simple, just a tip of the iceberg if you will, but it is clear.

Look in the lower left hand corner about the compost. In this Carla is well ahead of the game, and has been composting for almost twenty years. She's even composted her Christmas tree. 

Exhibit two: it's not online. 

We apologize for the poor quality. But this is getting people dangerously dependent on the markets to have food, isn't it?

Exhibit three:  https://leginfo.legislature.ca.gov/faces/billNavClient.xhtml?bill_id=201520160SB1383  Senate Bill 1383 which was passed around 2014. 

This is Gnu Whirled Or Der Agenda!  Disguised as 'cly' matt C h a N g E.  They want to control how you eat, when you eat, and what you throw away. Amongst other things. The dairy and livestock restrictions are going to affect those industries very much too. 

It's sneaky.

It's way in the future, so people don't really consider it as affecting them. And it changes things a lot. If you noticed, there was even an article in the first Exhibit on being able to dispose of a Halloween pumpkin as 'green waste' (and therefore not 'food'). 

Once you get good at it, you can really have fun with it.

Here's one--the Medical Letter--it has no ads, it's non-profit, it's impartial--just facts about new drugs. Facts and evidence. They are having a hard time making ends meet. It used to be just with the subscriptions. But now they are asking for donations--handouts. Big Pharma would love for the Medical Letter to shut the f-ck up, wouldn't they? And it's almost happening. The Medical Letter is in its death throes. Nobody cares to help them out of their predicament. This is number two most subscribed journal in the medical community next to JAMA. Pick up any other medical journal and what do you see? Ads. Lots and lots of them.

In the anesthesiology news, there's block versus not block. Quadratus Lumborum block doesn't work for colorectal surgeries. Bariatric surgeries without opiates are not successful. Bilateral mastectomy / reconstruction with blocks has benefits. But for some reason, older patients aren't accepting the blocks (fifty and up). The article is written by a millennial who doesn't comprehend that some people just don't like needles. They want to take a pill. They don't want to feel numb in their chest. The field has transformed due to the 'pain is the fifth vital sign' twenty years ago. Then there were the patient satisfaction surveys that tied in to reimbursement for services. It's totally logical (and likely planned) that opiates would become a crisis because people want them and will give bad survey reports if they are denied them. Now it's all popular to use the local anesthetics for blocks. I've had great success with them for certain things. But it's not a replacement, it's a something useful, a tool--in addition to the opiates I used the same way BEFORE the pain is the fifth vital sign...

Here is something also controversial--the road diet. The article read yesterday in Westways, page 38, Januar/February 2020 edition says that the diet in Long Beach made a shop keeper close her business. And that there were MORE accidents there than thought. People fought one in Los Angeles because it made traffic slower, and won their old road back. 

Truth is truth.

We would like to share one more aspect of the uncovering. Look to where people are trying to hide the truth.

The Epoch Times has had their printing offices bombed. The Epoch Times exposes the massacre of Falun Gong believers in China. When they are arrested, pre-transplant blood tests are drawn to put them into a bank of living donors. Other criminals do not get these same blood tests. Only the criminals of faith do. And the numbers of transplants done each year do not match the number of donations given annually. There is a gap, the number of transplants exceeds the number of donors. These extra organs are coming from somewhere. Hence, the living victims of organ donation who are harvested alive and paralyzed who are believers in the Falun Gong. We are talking liver, lungs, heart, not just a part of a liver or a kidney. There are articles in the Epoch times to corroborate these allegations. The US has spoken out against this treatment.

Shen Yun has had many accidents, hotel refusals, venues backing out due to intervention by the Chinese Government who does not want them to perform. Again, this is covered in the Epoch Times.

Here is a last one. We ask the question, why would they buy and hide this painting? How could an eight year old girl create such a masterpiece without Divine Intervention?

We ask you to look to the roots of Luciferianism--how they hate Jesus and will do anything to hide his Light. Anything.

This is the common ground. In everything we have discussed.  From the battle for your mind and your liberty, to the agendas to corral and totally control the human race, to the efforts to silence and hide Universal Truth...to stealing a masterpiece from an eight-year old girl and not giving it back even years later--selling it and making money off it and moneychanging over it....

Once you understand on all three levels, you are free.

Start with the self-talk.

Try to eliminate any excuses to do your spiritual work. All that self-talk is wasting precious time to prepare yourself for when someone special arrives.

Spirit comes first.

Next, listen to your body, as it is your greatest teacher and friend. Next to Jesus (Carla adds that--we both smile)

Explore the world around you. Seek what is of the Divine Blueprint, and as you uncover it, support it. Feed the birds. Compost to help the living beings in your garden, plants, bugs, butterflies, bees...

Support those who are traumatized when they realize the Truth, the lies, the flim-flam, the great deceptions from people who aren't human at all, but only look like it. Their hearts are filled with darkness and sorrow and hatred for all that is Good, the controllers. Help the traumatized who believed the lies to know, and understand, painful as it is, a painful truth is much better for your future than unhealthy sweet lies.

Nurturing, warmth, love and compassion are coming soon to a planet near you!

We wish you a merry Christmas!

clap! clap!

With all our love,
aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple

Saturday, December 21, 2019

An Invitation To Love

Last night, I worked very late, actually until four o'clock in the morning. I began my day with a seven o'clock case with one surgeon at the surgery center, and finished by two more cases with the same surgeon at the hospital Main Operating Room...and there were nine cases in between with others.

Last night I walked into the nurses' lounge to heat up my leftovers. The microwave oven is the great equalizer. If you are a doctor, you want to heat up your lunch, you have to go to the nurses' lounge. I'm generally accepted by the nurses, ever since I was in training, and this is my routine when I am at work.

This time, it was the cleaning people who had taken up the main table with a beautiful Mexican buffet spread of food--all the toppings, and lots of beef. They were just sitting to eat, around six people. There was easily food for twenty or more people between them.

I was not invited to join them.

This breaks every rule in the O.R.

Anything on that table in the break room is for everyone, unless it is your own personal meal you brought or bought for yourself. Group meals are for all those who are working.  I have bought meals for these same people many times when I am on call. Many times, catered Italian food. They take home the extra tin foil trays of food left over, We all know it.

I took my warm chicken tikka masala and used a little tray table by the TV which was blaring CNN, just steps away and looked at my phone.

And they ate. They laughed and ate among themselves and didn't acknowledge me.

Others came into the room, even the charge nurse. And they invited everyone else, except me.

The charge nurse, a Filipino and young mom I've known for years, asked me if I wanted any? She invited me. She has excellent social skills.

I politely declined as I pointed to my meal and said 'I have to eat my leftovers'.

I don't eat beef but I didn't say anything, as what they were eating was lots of beef.

Many people have a chip on their shoulder when it comes to people they believe make more money than them. 

It doesn't matter how hard the people with the higher paying jobs worked and how long they trained and how much they went into debt to get that position. 

There is resentment, it is palpable and it hurts when you are shunned like I was yesterday.

Situations like this speak volumes about them and not about you. 

Furthermore they present opportunities to forgo holding grudges, and to be loving in return.

Somewhere, back Home where these workers are from, and also, back Home in Heaven, they are as beautiful and innocent in their souls as these two children playing with the balloons crossing the stream.

When you have a gut reaction and you contemplate the need to shut down and close off, OPEN. 

It is the Way.

You don't have to open your mouth or explain anything.

Open your heart.

All hearts will hear what yours has to say to them.

Every time.


clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Family 

Thursday, December 19, 2019

Michelle's Heart

One day, two years ago, an advanced practice nurse I know stopped me in the hall. It's funny because we had even done a video together for the hospital, but until she asked me in the hall, I never realized something important.

She asked me what high school I went to?

We went to the same one. And she was someone I barely recognized now, and I'm sure it's probably the same thing for me.

We both grew up in the area, about thirty minutes away from the hospital where we both worked. She's a very serious nurse with lots of responsibility for cardiac patients. She hardly ever has any free time. We have always been friendly.

Until a few days ago.

We were passing in the stairs, and another high-ranking nurse director saw us. She was surprised and asked, 'do you know each other?'

We were like absolutely! I told the director that Michelle was a cheerleader and I was a Kidette (drill team, pom pom girl). We go way back!

Carol was stunned. And she said, 'I will never be able to look at you two in the same way again!'.

After she left, at that moment, Michelle and I were just like in high school, and we talked without having to hold anything back.

I can't lose the weight. No matter how I try. If I get rid of the carbs I do but when I go back to eating again it all comes back.  (I know, me too!)

Are you planning a way out of medicine?  (yes for both. We are both feeling it being fifty five now, in the medical field, you get lots of stress and lack of sleep. It's hard.)

We are both single. Horrible, disastrous marriages and divorces.

It was pure joy to cut the 'professional' masks, and just BE For that brief moment, we were kids again, and able to offer support from our life experiences, to be real...and to laugh over the pain.

Somehow we didn't end up with the white picket fence and two point five kids and the long-lasting marriage we had thought everyone got. She never had kids. She had miscarriages. I told her about my anticardiolipin antibody the fertility doc we were seeing for my husband screened me for and found I had. My boy is a miracle. Literally.

Eventually we had to go, but I'm so glad she's really a friend, so much more than a work friend or a FB friend/coworker.

I hope everyone gets to have a conversation like that with someone unexpectedly in their day, too.

Michelle is tough as nails, a super skilled nurse, can handle the sickest of patients, with ease. In every way I'm proud to know her.

Yesterday I worked with a good one.  The very best. Good reputation, many years in practice, almost never complications.

It used to bother me that the start time was thirty minutes earlier. I understand now. He needs to keep up his energy, and his is best in the morning. He exercises at the gym at three a.m. every day.

We talked about how another female anesthesiologist talked for two hours about some Dyson hair appliance, how you don't need to go spend one hundred fifty dollars at the hair salon to get ready for parties. Two hours.  And how he ended up buying one for his wife, and all of the attachments, just in case he forgot one and she needed it and would be disappointed.

It tickled me to hear it.

I told him, 'there's no way I could talk about anything like that for two hours!' and cracked up.

I play music, and I ask questions pertinent to the case, either for my learning of for preparation and patient care.  Otherwise I just go with the flow of the conversation in the room.

I did mention the Epoch times, though. When they were asking about news without bias. They asked how I knew it's without bias? I said that it's like the Christian Science Monitor, the only news in the world that's neutral. And the 'bias' of the Epoch times is to free the persecution--to halt it--of the Falun Gong back home in China. It's not owned by any of the major news companies. You get one paper edition a week and electronic ones every day. It started in China under the censorship. And even now their offices are being blown up. Someone is trying very hard to stop the Epoch times, so they must be doing something right. (All social media will give you a community violation if you even mention it or post anything on a platform--Twitter, FB, YouTube--just a word to the wise.

It was a good day, all the patients did well. I worked very hard, and barely had time to eat, and came home late. I felt I presented my best self, consistently, to my patients and colleagues and surgeons.

My last surgeon, who doesn't even take call, is getting tired. He shared it. The patient had a problem and it's one radiologists sometimes help/intervene. But their workup was really slow and the intervention pushed to tomorrow. The patient was very sick. Had to go now. This is a very important thing I am communicating to you here. Let me explain...

The Operating Room is an unnatural environment. Most things that happen there that are bad are reversible. People can be moribund and turn around quickly with prompt surgical and anesthesia care.

Our Operating Room is short-staffed. It's not a popular place for new people to want to work  because it's long hours and holidays. It's an essential service, like an Emergency room.

Care is being diluted with the 'business' of medicine, and hospital administrators and insurance keeping an eye on the dollar. Gradually, we have transformed to an almost machine-like, robotic workflow which is draconian and every step of the way is the shadow of possible malpractice lawsuits.

People want to work where they have nights and weekends and holidays home with their families, and with enough work-life balance to go to the gym at a decent hour on a regular basis.

I've come to the realization I just have to accept my being overweight, and Anthony's. We have been in survival mode for a long time, and can barely visit the doctor. There's not time. This work style/career affects everyone, everyone in the family. I can't help my mom in her old age. I can't help take the burden off my sister who lives closer.

The ability to diagnose and treat someone who has a potentially lethal condition, which can be fixed with a simple procedure--is a dying art.

I heard that at Kaiser, their payment is different, how they get paid. There's no rush because everyone is salary. There's nurse anesthetists to sit in the O.R. so the attending anesthesiologists 'don't really work'. They can take their time to get the arterial line in (I had to abort mine after five minutes due to the production pressure--it didn't go in, so I had to do the case without it.). For us, time is money and more cases is more money.

What I am pointing out to you is a crack in the system, and it's my professional opinion it's going to grow. Be careful for yourself and your loved ones. If the radiologist says to do something tomorrow, and your loved one is like last night's patient, speak up! Demand care from a surgeon. The patient would have died overnight from sepsis. The radiologist is business as usual, and didn't even consider that possibility. They just have their staffing and their schedule and their protocol, you see?

That is enough said for now.

Time to make a little breakfast.

Ross is smiling and warm and happy. He asks, 'do you like the circus?' (referring to the media). He reminds us that both sides of any issue are owned by the same news outlets/corporations. Just like in war when both factions behind it --both sides--are in collusion to reduce the population and to make money from the war machine. He encourages you to be smart, and to keep focusing on things like with Michelle--being real, being open, and above all, having compassion for those who are brainwashed by the corporate media and their controllers. That's how they control you. Unplug, unplug, unplug, get in nature, spend time doing something you enjoy...that's the way to get through the next part of Ascension....when everyone awakens...and for some it's going to be not a red pill but a suppository. He laughs a polite and kind laugh.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple

Wednesday, December 18, 2019

Patty's Heart

Yesterday a nurse came up to me at work, and wanted to thank me.  I was caught off guard, and said quickly, 'what on earth for?'

She showed me her wrist with her Icicle bracelet on!

I was like, 'huh? how did you get that?'

She requested it when I made an open post on my personal FB page. I've been gradually helping my friends and family wake up, with daily Reiki to them too. She said she wanted the energy and was excited and jumped at the chance to get a free bracelet.

She told me her name--I didn't know her last name.

Then I remembered there was a package I was putting together, that the address was very close to home, and I went, hmmmm I wonder if one of our readers lives close to me?

It was her.

I have some very tough work assignments through the end of the week, and after that we will do what we can to get the bracelets out. Thank you again for your interest <3

We love you.

Ross and Carla

aloha and mahalos,

clap! clap! <3 and hugs

Tuesday, December 17, 2019


This morning when I woke up, I was promised several times that Ross would have a gift for me. Other people, not him, said it. Spirit people.

It was a tough morning. I drove Anthony to school in his pajamas, and came back to dress myself for my nine o'clock case.

On the way to work, Ross popped in to my Consciousness, only, he wasn't like always. He was seated up on a throne, wearing glowing robes, and looking very official in ways I actually haven't seen him look yet. This statue gets the perspective, but he was higher UP, and would have been a little farther back and towards the top of the frame in this view.

He asked me what is my wish?

I was stunned to see him like that. It took a moment. But I told him, from my heart, that seeing him healthy and whole with my own two eyes was my wish already come true. I had nothing more to wish for, except to know that he and Anthony are all right. Actually, to know that all my loved ones are doing well.

Then I asked, do you mean for earthly things?

He said, yes, for earthly things.

I said, I would like to look better in my appearance, my figure isn't so great, and I looked like, um, I called myself looking like  'a clown' going to work in my Disney tee, and jeans from target, and clogs. I would like clothes to match my professional role, and also, to fit them well. For earthly things.

He moved a little kind of behind me and kind of next to me, and asked, would you like to be by my side?

Of course, yes, always? How could I not want that, it's my biggest wish of all, to be near you and eat with you and give you hugs and kisses, and receive your hugs and kisses, and to be able to tell you I love you more often than I do, because you are near me.

He came to my front and looked down at me (he's tall), and looked at my like he didn't understand.

I looked at him plainly, and simply, and searched his eyes, and said, from my soul, 'I want this because you are my best friend.' and I ached because I wondered why he didn't understand what I was saying. He so smart, in everything...


He was gone.

Slowly, from the right, Ashtar side shuffled into my view. He looked a little embarrassed and a little official, way more official than I usually see him, and I asked Ashtar, astonished, 'Is he all right?'

Ashtar was quiet, he didn't say anything. I had the sense that it was somewhat like when Ross and I first got together, and he was overwhelmed with emotion. It took three days of him crying and me consoling him until he was himself again. What I couldn't sense was if I had hurt him unintentionally or what?

Ashtar let me know, kind of under his breath, that this was what Ross had been wishing for, for a long time, and it got to him to know it was finally happening. Ross had wanted to give me my wish, and inadvertently, he ended up receiving his most cherished and longed for wish unexpectedly--my assurance of friendship as well as my love.

I asked Ashtar a favor. I explained how I would like to be available to Ross all day, just in case he wants to talk, but soon I have to go to work and think of work things...I didn't want to hurt him any more, just in case he was sensitive and would Ashtar please explain it to him gently for me?

He said he would.

Only later, much later, around midday, did I see Ross again. He wore different colored robes, and is still in the same general style of clothing, and tall as ever. He came up to me and said, 'we are friends'.

And he kissed me.

We have always been friends, and romantic. But between all the I love you's and the kisses and hugs, I've always felt close to Ross, in my heart. I hadn't yet articulated the words to him, 'you are my best friend' so candidly from my heart. I suppose one day he will explain and I will know just what made him disappear so suddenly.

I hope it was great joy and I hope to keep bringing joy to his entire Consciousness always...and never stop...

I wrote this so I wouldn't forget it.

Aloha and Mahalos,


Maggie's Heart

Yesterday I had a long gap between cases.It was from around eleven until two.  Spirit told me to put my lunch in the car, and a reminder from the break room at the surgery center reminded me that I, too, had boxes of fundraiser chocolates from Stephanie E's son in my locker. I went and turned in scrubs, and much to my surprise--at Spirit's request--cleaned out my locker so nothing is in it except a magnet (a locker is like my kitchen/support/medicine cabinet). I walked out from the PACU. Terri the charge nurse and Ellen (one is a Reiki student of mine) asked me if I dropped off the mug with the flowers in it. Nope. They pointed to me the Christmas Santa toy with the foot you press and it dances and sings and they said that if something cute shows up, they think it's from me. (I gave it last year).

As I walked to the door, Maggie saw me.

Maggie lost both her father and her father in law within weeks of each other.

She was smiling, proudly showed me her arm with both her Icicle bracelet and her 'Possibility of Transition' on on, and said, 'I love you!' and gave me the biggest hug ever. It fits perfectly, she so deeply appreciates both the thought and the visible sign of help, as well as the energetic support. And I suppose, that I made it for her with love.

Last I had seen her, she was almost at the end of her rope on call, and shared her grief. I offered a bracelet and she accepted, so I wrote her on the list to make her one.

Cindy, was across the way, tending to her patient, and witnessed the whole thing. Cindy is the one who held it in her locker for Maggie.

Cindy called me over, and she was so moved, she handed me a Starbucks gift card for ten dollars, right from her pocket. Was it a gift for her from someone else? I don't know...but...she assured me the other bracelets I made for her were in her locker. She's not a jewelry person. And when I made one for her, when I made them for all the nurses, Spirit wanted her to have Himalayan river stones, very raw and natural. She had loved it. But she won't wear any at work, because she loses it.

Relationships are a huge part of medicine. We call it bedside manner.

I think the reasons placebos work so much is because of the ability of the patient to believe in their healers, and for the healers to care for their patients.

This is why I haven't left medicine.  Because conventional medicine is where most of the population on earth believes that the best healing is available through it for them. It's kind of like the Roman Catholic church in Christendom.

In more ways than one--both have a hidden shadow side too. I've talked about the shadows for so long I grow weary of it. So let us leave that topic to the side, with the meme I saw--better take that red pill now while you can before it becomes a suppository!

We are healers who work side by side and often, together on teams. 

We master technology and computer systems, to navigate the most complex social organization in all of history for the benefit of our patients.

This kind of work -- and charting on electronic medical records--isn't always smooth and easy. Sometimes we need to overcome many obstacles to deliver care. I had to walk to the operating room to get a small part for the GI lab, called a D-fend. It collects water from the carbon dioxide sampling line. Our anesthesia tech is out for surgery, the other one doesn't work Mondays, so we have a cleaning person from the hall 'stepping in' to help. She wouldn't know what that part is. But once I came back with four--one for now and three for extra, you can imagine my surprise when it didn't fit! There are different kinds of D-fends, apparently, and no one had thought to order it. I still had an end-tidal CO2 waveform, so it was safe to proceed with the case. 

Nobody else in my department would notice or care, or even walk to the anesthesia supply room downstairs and at the end of the hall.

It's just how it is...

Having a patient count on you is one of the best feelings in the world!

The medical community, at its best, is people helping people.

It's the smiles that help so much as the work is hard, and many people you help with your skills and training aren't smiling and try to get you down too.

It's an exercise in mastering your vibration, your own health (take your pulse first!), and your health. At the beginning we are all taught 'patient comes first'. But in time, you realize, 'if there's no you, then you can't help the patient, seriously.' and you take care of your own health too.

My best place I ever worked, the best patients, were when I was a medical student and I went to Carlos Sanchez' pediatrician's office in Chula Vista to practice my medical Spanish. It was a humble place, very austere and nothing fancy. But my heart opened to the people who accepted me to help their children, who gently corrected my Spanish, and trusted me and Dr. Sanchez to help. 

I caught a viral conjunctivitis from the most adorable two year old girl--I washed my hands before and after but somehow much have touched my eye without thinking in the exam room. It comes and goes from time to time. 

Still it was worth it to learn about this community and serve them. I have no regrets.

Now I would like to leave you with a story, something like Ross back in the day used to do.

I have anatomical narrow angle borderline glaucoma. I used to go to my friend's husband's office--he's an award-winning ophthalmologist who specializes in the anterior chamber of the eye. I hate having them measure my eye pressure, she shares his office and has to come in to hold my hand. It's Dr. Kelly...my close friend who is his wife.

I haven't seen him in two years. My exam hasn't changed, he said it was okay, just to come if I had eye pain or halos.

Well, I worked with Kelly yesterday morning. I told her I'd been having eye pain and halos, I needed to see Brian.

They both were working that day. And her husband comes in a lot when she works just to make conversation (it's humorous because he works on eyes and can't tell what part of the body she is working on it.).

Kelly told him about my eyes.

So I called to make an appointment during my break. They had one opening Tuesday at 9:30 a.m.

I accepted.

I asked ML to cover me. She said no.  I asked KH. He said, 'I'll be post call, if you know what I mean, can you ask someone else?'

I asked MM, who said no. I explained to my boss, he said, 'I can't help you, I have knee pain and it's been six weeks to see someone' (I told him I would help him if he needs coverage, EK is helping me on Thursday so Anthony can get his MRI knee)

I saw Brian, who had finished, and explained the situation.

Brian said, 'go now'. He made a phone call.

I had a case to start in thirty minutes! But the surgeon, I explained to him (he was in his office too, running late) the same thing as I told the other anesthesiologist--eye pain in someone with narrow angle is a medical emergency. And HE, unlike the others, said, 'I hope your eye gets better'.

MM said, 'I need to do my Christmas shopping'.

Yes, Four people I told, in medical terms, 'I am at risk of going blind' and they said, 'I can't help you'. But the surgeon, understood, and let me go.

I delayed him fifteen more minutes past two. But I got what I needed. My eye pressure is a little higher than before, but still not emergency. I got a prescription for pilocarpine.

Then another colleague asked ME for a favor.

Would I stay late for them?

I did.

Anthony's basketball practice went until seven. I had time to help, and to get my prescription, and to pick him up.

Four people didn't care if I go blind.

But instead of doing the same to the next one, I helped.

I realize that whoever is running our group, isn't doing it well enough to care for their own. It's like running race horses to the ground and they just drop. Everyone is burnt out, too burnt out to care. It's dog eat dog.

But when I had a chance to say no, I said, 'yes'.

Everything is a choice.

Someone did a favor for me, a huge one. I, now awakened enough, could see my 'squeeze in' put other patients and Brian at a delay. It also changed the workflow of the staff including Trina--who was my optical tech and excellent. Further, it's going to cost me possibly one thousand dollars for that visit. Not sure about the insurance coverage--I owe deductible anyway. But last time I had the scan for the cornea, my insurance denied it.  It was that moment in the scanner I realized that insurance companies aren't doctors, and they shouldn't have any right to deny claims when someone with the training of my eye doctor says it's needed. It's not right. And I accepted having to pay, because it's my eyes. I need them. My grandmother had the macular degeneration at the end. I know about her having to go to the Braille school for the blind to learn how to adapt. She was so brave. And grateful they taught her how to crochet even though she couldn't see.

Brian said eye pain can be from strain or overuse or other things. My eye didn't hurt when I woke up. It's a little sore now. And my eye isn't dilating. I haven't gotten a new prescription this year. Perhaps I need that? I don't know.

But help.

Always alway help if you are not lowering your own energy.

Do the right thing.

People are watching, and you want them to see good things.

Ross wants me to share something I don't care to think about, but I love and respect him, I honor him, so I will.

For the bracelet giveaway, I chose to pay FB twenty five dollars to 'boost' the post. We have ten thousand followers, but only a small fraction see any post. Unless I pay. Now I have some pretty negative comments. Spam. Unsolicited. A long lecture about how angels are devils from the 'true Jesus'. That kind of stuff. I don't like it. Ross says it's worth it to get the word out there, and you have to take the good with the bad. More bracelets are going to be sent, that's our objective.

He also says whenever someone says a comment like 'the real Jesus', and we reply, it's always Ross who decides what to say.

He hopes you find is amusing.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple who are happy in love <3

Monday, December 16, 2019

Our Beautiful Community

This weekend I had a vision. I was meditating and Ross asked me questions. He asked about my favorite place on Earth was to go?  It doesn't take long to answer, and he and I went snorkeling hand in hand there, in my mind.  Only this time he didn't stay in the reef area, he went out a little more, I thought perhaps to go look for the sea turtles?

We just waited.

And out of the depths came a dolphin. This was no ordinary dolphin. It spoke! It was totally wise and Galactic, and it spoke to us with telepathy but it sounded like English when I heard it. He and Ross talked more than to me, but he turned to me, (how I knew it was a male dolphin I can't explain but he was old and wise and leader that I knew too just by being near him), and gave me a key.

It is a big golden key, old fashioned kind like you see on hotel awards at the front desk. Something was important, but I couldn't understand. I knew he had been holding and guarding that key, along with all of the cetaceans, and he was doing something formal.

I almost forgot about it, but I mentioned it to a friend to make sure I didn't forget. She's the one who said it is the key to the Golden Age.*

I spent the weekend very differently than I usually do. Aside from the basketball game, the arborist came to the house. It was good to talk about my tree 'babies' with an expert. I have done almost everything I needed to do, and when there is time he will send his team, likely before the appointment scheduled in January. I am hoping the heavy weighted branch with oranges will be ripe and I can help it by then. 

I had to dig down to the first roots on the tree. See how this one is a little above ground? Trees need to breathe. The gardeners who planted them didn't know it, I didn't know it, but I had read about it https://www.fs.usda.gov/naspf/sites/default/files/tree_owners_manual_print_res.pdf and I understood.

I also spent days and nights next to the fire, making bracelets. I sensed there was need to create the Possibility of Transition bracelets. And sure enough, a request came in where three people need it very much. 

By the way, all we do, is Transparent. Here are the balance sheets on the Holiday Icicle Bracelet Giveaway  and The Possibility of Transition Bracelet Community Outreach Project.

I sent out four packages yesterday. I thought I could outsmart the post office line and do something online. Nope. Only works for the more expensive, non-first class postage and bigger items. 

I went and there is only one kiosk, and a huge line. I got to the front, but had been angry at myself because I forgot the paper with the addresses on it. I had almost turned back to get it and Spirit said, no. So I looked on my phone for the emails, and found them, and was entering in the data when one last one was really hard to find, Dotsy's.  I stepped aside, finished three, contemplated going home, and Dotsy is a double order--one of each--there's no time to waste, so I got back in line again.

The woman behind me bought one hundred separate stamps. That's right, for large postage envelopes. So it had to crank them out one by one.

It was like a miracle happened. We were laughing and joking and wishing each other Merry Christmas and accepting how this stupid machine, and the idiocy of putting only ONE in the lobby after hours...it's really laughable. This lady had social skills. She was telling others she was sorry, and we ended up counting with her--like ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall when you are going camping...

It was a beautiful thing.

Also, in our community, after dinner I took Anthony to the Santa's Workshop village near City Hall and the Library. I remember taking him as an infant to a local cross street where Santa was on the corner and they handed out hot chocolate.  Then it moved and it's been getting better every year. This year they had the fire warmers like in restaurants, and also, a fire pit! There's trains, a little 'theater' to watch holiday videos from tiny adirondack lawn chairs, and lots of decor. Plus--free hot chocolate.

Anthony thinks it's the best he's ever had, anywhere, and wonders how they make it.

Judy, who was giving us the hot chocolate, is the President of our local activities committee. He had just mentioned to me he might like to volunteer to help it next year. And Judy says there is a scholarship not based on merit but on volunteer service to our community. It's only available to the high schools in the area, and can be used for a two year or four year college. Grades don't matter!

As we Ascend, and become awake and aware, we know our purpose is to Love and to learn our life lessons.

As we Ascend, we renew our relationship with the Earth itself. I am literally eating from our garden. We have tomatoes, and last night, I cooked up some apples from our tree for dessert (about two cups sliced apples, about one teaspoon lemon zest, two tiny slices of extremely hot pepper from the yard, half teaspoon cinnamon, one quarter cup powdered sugar, and water to cover. I cooked it until the water boiled off and it almost burned. It was fantastic!)

I feel so content I am putting resources back into the earth too--with composting literally everything from the kitchen that can be composted. I'm using old boxes and even cereal cartons for kindling...and I've been totally unplugged all weekend. No TV, no movies, no music. I even roasted chestnuts in the fire!

It is the cohesiveness of the Awakened which is the next step. While I was on the bench with Anthony, talking about the miracle of the Santa Workshop for us--me a single mother--to live in a community where this is done for the children! For Anthony to share how much he looked forward to it every year (it's been fifteen years now)...That's when Ross came and turned the key right in my chest. I didn't know that's where I had it, to be honest, sticking out, but it was.

The next step to Ascension, is for our families and communities to be in harmony with the Earth.

I talked with my mom. I told her my house is a mess, I don't think I'll make it by Christmas. (Ross told me to do the cards first, there's a time limit)...mom said, 'people don't care about your house, it's okay'. And it's true. My mom's house had piles once, many years actually, and she just covered them with sheets. Christmas was still Christmas!  Anthony said I just need to clear the table and the area where the tree is going to go, and we are good. He's right. I won't get it perfect, but I will get it nice, and also, Ross showed how we are going to enjoy outside on Christmas day too, in the yard, which is beautiful and perfect...as well as the house.

As the community strengthens, our resilience increases, and the newly awakened will be better supported because we have each other.

Ross nods and smiles and touches the tip of his nose--we are right on target with this message!

clap! clap!

Aloha and mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple who are Family with everyone on Earth. Everyone.

Ross says, 'that is our bloodline'.

P.S. Look at the picture/graph. The rest I kind of went, 'meh'.  The effects of geoengineering are not included in this article...But the picture? We are heading for good things!


Saturday, December 14, 2019

Random Observations

Little things I am noticing, everywhere. They bring great comfort to me that I can appreciate them. For example, look at the little friends in the photo above. Do you see anything, any pattern?

They are all letters of the alphabet.


Yesterday I cooked bacon for breakfast on a new double-burner griddle. I had one from All Clad since 2003, and loved it to death. On the new stove, something black stuck on the non-stick, (it's the only one I had in the house with teflon)--and it lost it's non-stickiness. The new one looks the same, has a different coating, and is a little lighter in weight. Sometimes you just need to replace things even if they are very well-loved.

I also took care of the bokashi and compost. I've learned real bokashi, that's live, gets a white mold on it in the bin. The other one didn't. It was reading the comments on amazon that helped me to learn it. It takes a long time for the stuff to decompose. I have four buckets now, and rotate them. With my compost, I am composting everything possible. Just like in the YouTube videos. You can even compost old cotton clothing, hair from the  hairbrush, and lint from the dryer. I added Harry's wasted seeds to the pile. It is very empowering to give back to the earth.

I also have planted things in the garden. Anthony helped me with the hole digger thing for tulips, so I could plant the garlic. Garlic, mint, oregano, basil--are strong natural pest deterrents. They have a total wall of that stuff around the strawberries on the organic farm I toured recently.  I planted a mulberry tree, baby okra plants, and cilantro too. And a tiny lemon verbena. I plant my garden on top of the compost pile. The cabbages need lots of nutrients, and they can get them just like that. I learned about planting on top of compost from the organic farm too.

It felt good to be in the soil, working with my hands.

I also assembled some log holders, and kept a fire going all day. If you haven't burned wood, you'd be surprised how much time it takes to keep the fire going. You have to watch it, and pay attention. I burned almond, oak and eucalyptus. While I was slicing up the cardboard box for the shredder, I found a new use for cardboard! You can use the strips for kindling. Several times the fire almost burned out, and I stuck a little cardboard in there, and it caught the logs aflame once more.

I feel very strongly about being in harmony with nature, everywhere you go. The more in harmony with the earth we are, the more we are in alignment with Spirit, and this helps us in our daily interactions with others.

I heard/read somewhere that the perception of being loved from every interaction with another is the experience of bliss. I forget who said it. And I also read a very important quote--be the person who makes people believe that people are still good.

Yesterday I cried.  I cried for Hawaii. I was looking at my sister's photos and it was incredibly healing. She's in Maui at the very same exact hotel I first took Anthony in 2009. Except for his playing hide and go seek with me--without telling me first--at the pool when he was three, it was lots of fun. We saw whales. And his first teppan meal was at the same place my niece's was in Lahaina. But I was sobbing, absolutely sobbing, with homesickness for there. I go about once a year. I missed the last conference for anesthesia because of Anthony's school. I don't want to leave him alone, he can't miss school and fall behind...it's tough. But seeing and hearing the birds and waves in her videos helped me a lot to connect to the land I love.

Trust your intuition. My boss wanted me to work today. I said only until eleven a.m. because I had things to do and I'd be post-call for call 2. Well, as I explained yesterday, I had the day off. But it worked out. Someone else offered. And here's something I'll share more--Anthony has a basketball game (he doesn't play he sits out), and his dad can't drive him.

Here's the more...Spirit said to give the girlfriend and icicle bracelet so I did, I gave it to Jared when he picked Anthony up. He's still in that same souped up car that they had the accident in. You know about that. Well, Anthony called me last night. He has a routine, his dad wanted to change it (Fridays he relaxes, Saturday and Sunday he does homework). He was upset. But then as I told him, 'when in Rome, honey...just go along with it...' I learned his dad's car broke down. Again. So I get to give our son a ride to the game. Not the dad, he has to coordinate the car repairs. Anthony was convinced it was Ross. And Ross is smiling like a sphinx and not saying anything!

Have fun!  That's what Ross told me right when I was waking up. He also suggested a place for breakfast that would have more protein for Anthony. Someplace we don't often go. Yesterday, I enjoyed the fire. I enjoyed the fresh air and the sunshine. I enjoyed the time alone. I went through the old videos and blue ray discs. Some movies are really fun and bring back memories. Some are like, what was I thinking? and totally ready for trash.

I stopped by an Estate sale yesterday. It was a hoarder. I've never seen so many Barbie dolls in boxes. And the things, her treasures in life, were so cheap--things bought on sale at outlet stores. It filled up a garage and an entire over-sized driveway. Anthony stayed in the car. I felt sick with her energy. It was someone who had a hard life, didn't like being alive, and kind of bought way too much stuff. It hit close to home. It was a valuable lesson for me about what gets left behind. Better to keep things manageable and in order the whole time. There was a son/seller who was really kind of creepy with a cash box. A little too excited about money. The home has a nice view. I would have liked to gone inside but I didn't feel welcome to do so. Ross gave me a priceless message, and instead of buying the thing with the message on it, I'll take it to heart...as I face my next life lessons!

clap! clap!

Ross is happy and reminding me to get ready to pick Anthony up.

Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla
The Twins

Friday, December 13, 2019

The Lynchpin

Dude?  It's all I can say...Duuuuude.  This thing sucks.

What I am talking about is the changing landscape of clinical expectation of the anesthesiologist. When I trained, I was a star student, a chief resident, and the only advice given at the time was to 'be more flexible'. Go along with the changing case assignments and just do whatever you are told.

I had a problem with that. At night, I'd call the patients, they would bond with me, the therapeutic alliance had been formed. They were counting on me to be the one to take care of them!

At UC, academic medicine, I worked part time and was happy. I was an attending, teaching residents, working with CRNA's in a trauma center. It was generally understood among the surgeons that our specialty is what it is, and it was realistic the expectations of what we could offer. This was both in obstetrics and in the main OR and the surgery center.

With the new chairman, came new expectations. I was told by SE that if I wanted to keep my job I needed to 'get a nanny'. I had to be at work by six thirty, ready at the bedside (first case would go into the O.R. at 7:15am, usually I had to be there by seven).

Then came the clipboards. People measuring times and productivity at the start of the day.

Then came the moving only MY heart patients to the farthest possible bed from the cardiac O.R. and clocking me. The other two cardiac anesthesiologists, no. Just me.

They knew I was a single mom and didn't have any help. They knew I wanted to raise my son, not to give that to someone else. They knew mornings were really hard now that my mom stopped watching him.

I found myself crying at work and wanting to drink once I got home. The new chairman from Yale was such a controller making waves that everyone, even the Korean OB anesthesiologist would go home and drink. He lost his beloved position as chair of OB Anesthesia too.

Then came the meeting with the chairman, and when I saw my colleague walking back to the campus after his meeting, and he gestured with a finger slashed across his throat I knew exactly what was up.

Was I happy at UC?

No. I didn't fit in. I didn't make as much money as the others (about half), money was always tight, and I couldn't really fit in to the clique at work. I'll never forget the stress LJ gave me. She took me out on Christmas Eve with her family, but pumped me for information about my colleague and former residency director KG. I wouldn't give it. And then they forced me to be on call on the last Christmas with my dad--but I got KG to cover. It was bad.

Then there was the time I couldn't go to morning weekly lecture, I had to do a case, it was emergency heart, and the defibrillator had it's electric cord missing! That was very, very scary. It never in all my years with the department (11 in all) had been gone. It was very unlikely to be an accident. It was a set up.

So I left.

I found solace and refuge in Little Saigon, covering for a woman who had breast cancer. I scrambled and found work at a seedy hospital. But my mentor heard of my plight, and got me a position where I have been since 2009.

In private practice the rules are different. You can never, ever get a wet tap on O.B. You have to be at the beck and call of the mothers--even if it's too late for an epidural (baby is almost here) you have to put it in.  The nurses had power and wielded it over the doctors. And I had to stay in a windowless call room and lose sleep. Anesthesiologists are allowed only one emotion--cheerful and willing!

I was so depressed that Ross stepped in. One OB anesthesia call shift I wasn't needed and I never even came up to the labor deck. I just lay in bed the whole twenty four hours, under the covers, stressing over how and when they would call and what I would have to see--screaming women in labor? Cruel, judging nurses waiting for me to fail? He said, 'no more'.

So there was a thing with the OB nurses, to my boss, and they didn't like certain anesthesiologists, and we were out. I did poorly at the end because my mentor had been thrown out--I had no access to him clinically and he's an OB Genius. And I knew I could be thrown out like him because he was my mentor and close friend. My student and now colleague and friend of my mentor got thrown out. They were suing my boss. I had to become a corporation.

But with TG, the orthopedic surgeon, I had a hard time getting an inter scalene block. I can do them with a nerve stimulator, easy. But with the ultrasound it was really hard. A friend and I couldn't get it, and it delayed a case. He blew up, went totally ballistic and ran straight to my boss.

Never again could I work with TG.

In Private Practice the surgeons own you. They decide if you can eat between cases. I've had people tell me 'no' because they have to go to a meeting, or pick up their kid...I've been shocked because I wouldn't ask if I wasn't in desperation, and they said no. No compassion for me. I might as well be a horse that gives anesthesia.

TG was so unhappy he brought in his own anesthesiologist NZ.

One by one, over ten years, you can't keep surgeons happy one hundred percent of the time. You just can't. Not if you're doing your job and sticking up for patient safety. That's why we go through oral boards. Just for that.

Surgeons in private practice at my hospital can ruin your career on a whim. And they do. One wrong look, one wrong word, and they don't want to work with you.  You don't want to listen in to their monologues about the minutiae of their life and take care of the patient? Tough shit. They want you to listen and be hanging on their every word. Or else they go to your boss.

But I struggled and persevered. Yesterday I found the lynchpin, that little piece of my confidence that had kept my wheels falling off ever since TG, HM, DB, KA, PF, SC, JK, and TL complained to my boss. I had no defense, the surgeons are judge and jury, and my boss has to cater to them.  But with NZ and others being 'block jocks' gradually orthopedic services went away for me too. There's hardly any cases to do. I asked to do the block case and I got it. I did it. And it worked. Not only the popliteal block, but afterwards two more Gyn cases wanted TAP blocks, and my last surgeon of the day said her patient was AMAZED at what I did for her pain weeks ago when we worked together and I did TAP blocks. She had no pain for two days, and the patient said she has had ovarian cystectomy before elsewhere and it hurts.

My blocks work.

All that stuff my boss and the surgeons have been telling me, has been psychobabble designed to make me feel weak and insecure. It almost worked. But no more. I know in my heart I can do my job.

I also found out that another female colleague is going to have her hours cut. She's the one who complained about the short Vietnamese stealing cases (he does, we all know it, but she's the only one who doesn't let him get away with it. It went up to the medical staff and administration, with her as the bad guy. This is vindictive on the part of the short Vietnamese.)

What happened to me was no accident. I sensed it was punishment for my writing a letter whistleblowing about the late night robot cases and the lack of legal defense for any bad patient outcomes with the current staffing. But there was no explanation except for my boss yelling at me in the hall, weeks after the fact, saying horrible things about my skills, and conceding that I do take my call I don't give it away. If it wasn't for that he would have never put me on the schedule at all (fired me).  I actually like the part-time, it's better. And perhaps something else will turn up if I look around hard enough for it.

I also know I deserve a life where I can sleep in my own bed, and I don't have to rent a hotel room, and I deserve to enjoy being a mom.

How to make that happen, I don't know. But it's been a huge turnaround. I can see clearly that the status quo isn't going to advance Spirit in Medicine. And with Medicare for All coming--one way or another--the job isn't what it used to be. My mentor and my colleague sold their practice to a mega-anesthesia group from New York for a nice fee, just because they see what's coming down the road.

I just spent time in meditation. Dr. Dao came to me and said he was so sorry. He invited me to tea with him and the Buddha. The Buddha said that games people play are games only if we play by the other people's rules and let them make up the game. We don't have to play, we are under no obligation, and to let all of it go. It helped a lot. Dr. Dao reassured me my skills were good, that he enjoyed working with me, and even more important, his patients were happy.

Today is a big day. I have lots to do.

I had been on the schedule in two places. I brought it up with the scheduler one month ago, and he said I was to work. But there are two schedulers. The other one crossed out my work name slot and put someone else's in. So I forwarded copies of the original email with the scheduler to my boss. He said he didn't want to deal with it. And to talk to the scheduler. I told him I did, in November, that this was a surprise, nobody said anything to me about it, and I was concerned. I also told him the short Vietnamese (by name) called me and told me about it. I apologized for bringing it to his attention.

Did I want to work?

No, not really.

Did I want to be all meek and submissive and let them do those changes on me without speaking up?


I spoke up.

Our next schedule is due out, Jan, Feb, March. It is the one with the cut back hours for the other female. We have one VZ, banished to OB, but she doesn't mind. NN is getting her hours cut by a lot but doesn't know it yet. SL told KF who told me. EK and I are 'part time' but when we are short we are full time. But the story for me about today was is SA was on OB (she only does OB) then either EK or I must take the day off. SL is leaving to go to Florida and have a better job. Those are all the women in the department, except for ML, who is a grandma and works part time. Nobody gives ML any flak because she will bite your head off. But ML is leaving in two years. SA told me to lay low, not to fight my boss, and except for the stuff about today I have. I've been on time and no complaints. The pattern is the middle east clique and the vietnamese clique --both male--are lock-step with administration and the surgeons--to keep anesthesia the status quo--no breaks, no lunch, and work shifts twenty four hours straight (EK just did that on Wednesday night, working until 7 a.m.)

Life has so much more to offer!

It's great to be back in the saddle again. Kelly told me the stuff my boss says, is like the gas-lighting stuff her old boss used to say to her--meaningless, and designed to make you cower and submit. She thinks out of all the ones, I am the best, because I pay attention, and also, I talk but not all the time especially when it's difficult parts of the cases. I'm so glad she's my friend.

Let's see where this one takes Reiki, and my future!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple

From Ross--Carla's cousin sent this to her and I want to share: