Sunday, September 15, 2019


Today my energy looks like this.

Because of some wonderful blessings, out of love and gratitude, even though today I have off, I will write.

Note the colors, it's higher frequencies, the blue, the purple, and the white.

I am happy and content.

Yesterday I had the 'guilty pleasure' of Anthony being with his father and I had the day off. Single parents get this in exchange for the extra work throughout the rest of the week.

I spent the entire day in my bathing suit.

Yes, that marks a perfect day in my book!

I drove through over one hundred degree temperatures (100F, 39 C) to the gym to swim in the pool. I did many laps, over a mile, and I felt stronger. My flip turns improved, I felt strong in them. I didn't have to stop to catch my breath on the sides as much as I had in the past.

I took a quick shower and went into the sauna. I adore saunas and I wish I had one at my home. I enjoy the dry heat and the luxury to lie down on a bench and have the sauna all to myself.

I showered again to cool off, put on my one and only cover up (I own two dresses! that's it!) and went to run my errands.  The first was to the dollar store to buy hot pepper to create a deterrent for the green Japanese beetles--you boil it, filter it, put it in a spray bottle, and cover the tree. They don't like spicy.  There wasn't any there, but I found a few things that would be useful. For example, a tray and some bins for organization. In the bathroom, a white or clear or neutral covered tray for your things you leave out will make it appear more organized. The Dollar store is excellent for this.

Then I went to the garden shop. I bought a classic drop spreader for the milky spore on the lawn. They sold me 'Sevin', a bug spray for the Japanese beetles and then some. I was like, 'isn't it organic?' The guy looked at me like I had three heads. I saw the Roundup prominently on the shelf. I know where their paycheck is from. I made a note to myself how the insecticide is well known--you dial in what you want to kill and boom there's a chemical for it! I asked in surprise if you can spray it on fruit you are about to eat? He said to rinse it off and wash your fruit and it's safe. He also said to spray the tree once a week at sundown so as not to burn the tree. After three weeks you're set.

The sprayer attaches to the hose. And I can add the pepper spray later when the poison is done. I dispatched about thirty beetles I collected organically (I held the rock this time, to crush them, it's very satisfying, I must agree with Anthony).  I also picked a cardboard flat box full of apples. They almost fall off when they are ripe. That's how you know.

I still had on my bathing suit and went into the backyard pool. It's cloudy. Not green. The magic eraser and the chlorine is working. I wish it wasn't cloudy. I put in a new filter. When the last filter is kaput I will probably drain the pool. When the heat waves from Indian Summer in October are over, then the pool won't be needed any more.

I spent my entire afternoon outside! I watered the plants. I couldn't have been happier. I forgot about work, I forgot about being a parent, I forgot about bills, I forgot about all kinds of things.

Ross had dinner with me. We didn't watch t.v. And I went to bed early because I was tired.

This morning I woke up early. I started some chores and walked to the local Starbucks for breakfast. On the way out, and also, the way up, I was able to breathe my way up the hills! I didn't have to stop. I have so much thankfulness to Creator of All That Is for my lungs being OPEN, for my sinuses being OPEN, and for having enough air even when I push myself a little bit.

I feel good.

Feeling good is how we are meant to live.

To enjoy ourselves, our work, and one another. Even to enjoy our lessons. In the Japanese Beetles I am learning to set boundaries--on our fruit tree. The apples are not open season for the bugs to feast. I don't mind sharing, but with these animals all they do is take and will take all if permitted.

I also want to learn how to grow the chickens. Shhhh. They are not legal here, but often times if the neighbors do not complain, people look the other way.

Be well.

Let your heart be free, unburden your mind for an afternoon, and exercise. Enjoy the gift of Life as it is being given.

Then you will be refreshed and invigorated to continue your work and your Life Lessons.

If you love water, wear your bathing suit all day and soak in whatever water you can find.

Do what you love.

Enjoy the sunshine on your skin.

When the sunshine is gone I will make soup. That's my favorite thing to do in autumn.

Ross is smiling and happy. Everything is well. And no, he is not sore from making all of those back flips. For a person who has been healing from abuse to be saucy and coy is an incredible sign of healing. He is happy and content with my progress.  Ashtar is quiet today, and that's fine too. Perhaps he is enjoying the day off himself. All is good.

I think I saw the NJ and the portholes on it in the sky just at sunrise as I was waking up. I hope it. I look forward to the time it will be visible to all. Until then, I smile and wave when I see it, and am glad for the fly-by 'hello'.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Illuminated Twin Flame Souls

Saturday, September 14, 2019

The Change

This is me.

I want you to look at the photo, as if you were expecting to see my face as I have included in the last few blog posts. (The reason I have been doing that is that on those days I am using my iPad, it doesn't have photos that my blog platform can access, unless it's something taken with the iPad. There's no more spiritual significance than that...)

I want you to see the true me.

I am shapeless, formless, and can assume any form that I wish.

I am confident and totally a vehicle of Love.

It is what I am in my true state.  Don't let my present form get you off track. It's my rental car. I like it. I wash it and drive it as safely as possible. I use it. I use it for pleasure, for tending to my family, for healing the sick along with my training of course.

Yesterday was the first time the True me began to show itself above all the misery and struggles and PTSD and pain of my past. It was spontaneous, sudden, and now it's here to stay.

Would you like to witness this event? Ross and I will share our conversation on the way to work yesterday morning.

C:  Hey, Ross? What are you doing tonight? Would you like to go out?

R:  (stammering, not sure how to react, caught completely off guard, and backpedaling to keep with the 'party line'--you know, the veil, the diplomatic shit, the Grand Plan, all of that stuff).

C:  Come on, Ross. Tonight is your know...I like to date around.

Ross is my Twin. So, I can feel his surprise, his excitement, and his pointing out to Ashtar--can you look at THIS what she said?! and their energy was just like a couple of high schoolers.

He still didn't reply.

C:  Oh well then. It's your loss.

You know how people when they are excited they say that they could do back flips?  Well, I could practically hear the bouncing off the walls of the cabin as both Ross and Ashtar did their back flips with absolute joy that their plan had been working.

I was healed.  Healed in a portion of my bandwidth and personality which has suffered great sorrow, tragic loss, and exceptionally torturous abuse in my many incarnations as a student in Earth School.

After the ecstasy, the laundry now..back to the day to day. How was work?

It was terrible. A long day. Fortunately not too much exposure to x-ray radiation. Just two or three cases out of nine exposed me to c-arm (c-arm is a way to make x-ray movies and is called fluoroscopy. It's used for orthopedic and urology surgery a LOT).  I ate. And also, I made it to the Library Committee meeting. They needed to approve new lectures for 2020. There was on proposed on the list from requests from evaluation sheets completed by the doctors from this year's lectures. Integrative Medicine.

The committee didn't know what the F-ck Integrative Medicine was!

I delicately explained it to them. How the holistic is provided /recommended by the primary care or conventional doctor who understands the risk to benefit ratios of both kinds of healing, the conventional and the 'alternative'. Putting them together is the 'Integration' in 'Integrative Medicine'. For example, Kaiser has an acupuncturist on staff at their medical center, and the teams of physicians know when it is appropriate to refer. There is a school of thought that, everything works together for the best.

I said, sweetly and confidently, that I am a Reiki Master, I teach, and I am also a certified Psychic and Healer. Their reaction was one of delightful surprise that they had no idea I was anything like that at all.

Then they asked me what Reiki is?

I explained how it is like acupuncture without needles, it works with the subtle energies to heal the imbalances in the energy of the patient. I shared how there are teams of volunteer Reiki masters who are completely trained in the ways of the hospital and 'they've had their shots'--and they give about twenty minute sessions to patients who need them.

The only randomized double blind study on Reiki that proves anything is that Reiki improves relaxation in cancer patients (we just had someone who was on the committee die of cancer last year).  I said, 'if you have cancer you will know how important relaxation is...'  The goal is that the cancer patient, or any serious medical condition, if interested, can learn how to provide Reiki to themselves every day so it is always with them.

So, they wanted to know what to cover, what topics in Integrative Medicine, besides acupuncture?

I said, let's ask our community what they actually use so the can raise the awareness of our physicians here at the hospital. That way they will match and our learning gaps will be addressed.

There's a cancer awareness event coming up soon where all cancer patients are invited, like a community fair. And the woman sitting next to me on the left sent an email to the organizers to ask what the people in the community find helpful in their health that is outside the hospital--acupuncture, etc, etc.

I volunteered to talk, or at least, to give direction to the selection of a speaker.

I explained how I will never forget the tremendous impact made on me in medical school when they showed us a picture of a patient who has recently had 'cupping' (they use vacuum on meridian points by putting a match in a small glass cup, it burns up the oxygen.) The patient looks like a giant octopus sucker got them all over their back, with bruises. It's horrifying to those who don't know what cupping is and why their patient would do it. There's another one called coining where a coin is rubbed edgewise on the back, so these patient look like they lost a cat fight.  But I've had cupping done, and it feels great, and it's really helpful. Coining I haven't.

I was speaking to the choir. The head of the Library Committee is an ER physician and he's Chinese. He knows both worlds too.

So in the twenty minutes someone gave me a break in my lineup, so I could go to the Library Committee meeting--a lot of good work got done. I also gave brief input on human trafficking too. I'd like that topic that was on the list to be shared with our medical staff.

What one had they approved first? What topic? Treatments for aging skin by a local dermatologist. Good thing I went, huh? Just keeping it Real LOL.

Back to this morning.  Ross wanted me to lie in bed, take it easy, and read today. It's been a long hard week at work for me. Long days Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Just to sit and read and relax. To do the minimum.

I saw how it's good for me to take care of myself. I agreed.

Then this song came on--it was seven a.m. and Anthony's alarm went off:

I got stoked.

This is total energy of Southern California. Having a Saturday morning off work, free to do anything--go anywhere, do anything--the beach, Disneyland, San Diego, swimming...I actually kind of want to go to Knott's Berry Farm soon, I miss it. It's called ska music, music like this, it's a surfer thing, and everyone here grows up with it. The Stray Cats are another ska band. It's the sound of Freedom!

So I said, politely, to Ross, right before I go out of bed, 'hey, Ross honey? I'd like a little time to myself today. I have some things I'd like to do. Are you okay with that?'

And again, through the twin-twin cord connection, I felt his response of surprise, excitement and pride at my growth.  I didn't feel Ashtar near him though. I think Ross had been prepared to spend the day with me.

I clarified with Ross, 'just be around me in my guidance/guardian mode, and let me take care of the rest. I'll let you know when I'm ready for you and we can interact.'

He was smiling big.


This is my 'soul picture'.

I want you to notice how it's complete, not in partial view like Carla's.

I have a stronger color, it's more bright.

And like Carla, I can assume any form I wish, in any dimension, at any time, and because time outside of form does not exist, then I'm doing all of these many experiences and interactions at the same time! All at once.

(He shows me an image of someone texting furiously on their phone) Only I can do it a little more effectively and with less stress than you on your Earth Plane. It's very much the same, all the different conversations and you keep track of them.

I want you to know that independence like this Carla has described is rewarded heavily in our evaluation system.

It is as if both Carla and her guides hit the jackpot when this spontaneously happened--everyone will win. And everyone who has had any connection to Carla, whatsoever, is going to win because everything is connected and everything is One.

It could happen to you...the sudden healing from all of your painful memories, and the emergence of the intact, resilient soul who did withstand all of the assaults to its finer sensibilities. And when it does I will be cheering you on, jumping and shouting, and yes, bumping myself on the inside of the cockpit while I do my back flips over your achievement too.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Enthusiastic Couple

Friday, September 13, 2019

How Do You Like To Eat Pancakes?

How do you like to eat your pancakes?

We want you to imagine a big stack of them in front of you, just like this:

Ask your self how you would eat them?

Is it like this?

Are you cutting through the stack, taking a wedge out with all the layers of pancakes at once?

Or do you eat them more spread out, like on the top with the heart shaped ones, finishing one pancake at a time?

How do I like to eat pancakes?

Post-call, fresh banana nut pancakes, hot off the grill, but with the banana and nut actually mixed into the batter, not on top like this. It's as good as it gets.

How do other people like to eat their pancakes?  Sometimes, it's a little of a stretch because there are crepes, galettes, waffles are a completely other story, Swedish pancakes, so many different kinds!

Here is one for example I've never seen before in my life, and to be honest, it doesn't look appetizing...

Marshmallow candies and pancakes to me just don't 'go' together and sound appetizing.  But for some people, chocolate chips added to the batter sounds absolutely delicious! And chocolate is a candy too...

Let's back up for a minutes.

Yes, call was horrible. Up past midnight. This you know from yesterday. And also that I worked post-call.

The failures I've had recently, were green. Emerald green pool. Bright green scarab Japanese beetles. And the were eating my green apples on my Fuji apple tree.

So what's up?

Well, first of all, I didn't see the connection until today.

Second, I didn't see the connection until I was able to address some of the problems with other people's advice, input, expertise and love.

With the pool, I did what the pool people advised me to do, and added a whole gallon of liquid chlorine. I tested the water two days later, no chlorine, it did its job and everything was a lot lighter but still cloudy.  I added another gallon of chlorine, and some chlorine extender. Then, I saw the video a friend provided me. Ironically, I had just bought some magic eraser sponges at the discount store. Apparently you throw one into the filter basket on an above ground pool, and it catches the algae green particles! It's in there now. I also filled up the water level a little so the pump can work better.

With the beetles and the apple tree, my first help was Anthony. He thinks it's terrible too. I've been squirting the tree and chasing the beetles, and Anthony has been scaring them off without much success in actually reducing their numbers. It wasn't effective and they were all back munching our apples the next day. Then I watched the videos and looked things up. We have a multi-pronged attack:

  • we were able to organically collect and dispatch about forty of these beetles. The methods shown in the video work and we followed them precisely. We will repeat this as needed.
  • we have bought a trap, a Tanglefoot one. It has a reusable accordion catching device instead of the bags. It's hanging from a branch in the apple tree. Three feet above the ground. It has both lure fruit smell and sex pheromone for female and male beetles as bait. They slip down a funnel and can't get out.
  • I bought milky spore granules. This fungus--I think--is easy to spread in the lawns and in ornamental flower beds. It causes disease in the grubs. It is a two-year application process, Spring, Summer, Fall. Then the spores colonize the garden to prevent more beetle grubs. (as an aside, it's pretty incredible how you can dial in a pest and come up with a powdered disease to give it and order it in the mail, just like that. The precision of this knowledge is striking.)
  • I bought worms to help with the compost pile in the yard, as this is a major attractant and food source for the grubs. I will not add the granules because with the health recommendations on the package of Milky Spore it makes me cautious to apply in where food is growing.
  • I bought a bokashi composting system. Bokashi is a Japanese word for 'friendly bacteria'. You can compost inside the house, and also, not just usual things, but meat and cheese and dairy too. The process is anaerobic. You smash your food waste into a shelf with holes in a special bucket with a spigot on the bottom. It should be small pieces, about two inches thick layer. Then you add the cup of the bran-based bacteria over it, and close the lid. Each layer, you add the bokashi, until the bin is full. Then in two to four weeks, everything will be soil. There will be liquid in the bottom you collect with a tap. It spoils quickly. It can be used diluted one teaspoon or tablespoon per gallon of water to feed plants. Or it can be flushed down the sink drain to keep it fresh smelling and open from clogs. The kit comes with two buckets so one is making soil, and the other is filling up. 
  • I also tasted an apple that fell to the ground. It was sweet even though it was green. Experts advise that the beetles know when the fruit is ripe. Pick as much as you can before the beetles get to it. They can destroy a whole crop.

Let's get back to the pancakes.

What else has many layers?

Pretty much everything you see.

It's made of atoms, and the atoms are made of pure Consciousness.

Layers and layers and layers of Consciousness.

I would like to call your attention to paragraph two in this link:

That's the hint that helped me to figure this one out.

Look at this photo of the girl with her beloved tabby cat.

Look at the photo with the chakras and auras just above. Look at it long, without analyzing it, just let it soak in.

Look at this photo of the girl with her beloved kitty cat, and apply the hint from paragraph two.

Let us slowly put everything together...

The life force which in manifesting/giving life to the form of the girl, is actually a highly advanced soul who has mastered the art of creating a form in the realm of form and inhabiting it. 

So is the cat.

For those of you who know cats, perhaps they are in a way the more advanced because these life forces create the form of the cat, give it life, live the life, interact with the members of the family and other cats, all with their own 'zen' and nonchalance. They know what they are doing. Their 'people' don't. And they do what they can to help out their people without giving up their opportunity to enjoy every moment, and every nuance, of their being in the form of a cat, first and foremost!

You can extend this to yourself, your keyboard, your computer screen, your decorations, your papers on your desk, the art work, the electronic devices for communication...all of them are creations from within the framework of the life force which gives life to the forms. Both the human and the cat eat food. From a bowl. Which you buy at the store, which was created by other 'master builders' (tongue in cheek--I know, right? hmmmmm)  

We are in a virtual habit-Trail for humans (the original is for hamsters) created by something/someone/some entity that has zoning and laws and lots of hidden secrets just like how Disneyland has the 'show' part and the rest is 'back stage'....It is an energetic habit-Trail, and now our minds accept is as such, as real, when in fact, we are living in the co-creation of many masters who are able to put the life force into the form and they interact to create the world around us, filled with its intrigue, it's blessings, and its joys and challenges.

It's like a school, perhaps like a Montessori, where each is able to progress at their own rate not so much like a typical classroom.

Do you get it?

Do you see?

Does it make sense?

There's something more, much much more, than what meets the eye, and is how the explanations that Life is like a Movie you create,  it's like a play in which you are an actor playing a role and you believe you are that role, it's 'not Reality' because 'Reality' is LOVE...

Our existence is composed of layers and layers and layers of complex interactions of energy, and we take a whole slice through the many layers in the stack on our fork for a bite to enjoy all at once and eat it as our senses take it all in, and learn our lessons and grow. 

That's when I realized the gift of Life itself.

When I ate a beautiful fig, and enjoyed the taste, because the life force of the plant, together with the essence of water and sunlight and air, created the fig and I got to it before the green beetles could find it.  It was a gift both for my senses, for my health, and for my joy.

When I sit at this desk, I appreciate the craftsmanship that went into the desk, the chair, the a means to focus my thought and share it with you. And for your consciousness to receive it.

When everything I said 'I Want' two days ago, actually happened... you stop and think hmmmm and give thanks and hope for it to happen again.

Here is a healing Ross and my guides taught me yesterday.  It is to facilitate harmony and balance when there is imbalance in the emotions and the vibration of the body (disease) and life situation in general.

Imagine a perfect sparkling golden heart about the size of your two hands next to one another. It is flat like in the picture. Mine was a little more shiny, like glitter.

Place it just between the yellow and green chakras on your person you are giving the healing to.

Be calm, relaxed, and mindful, and focus on that beautiful perfect heart.

If you can see auras and chakras, after a few minutes, you will see all of the disorganization of the energy of the lower three charkas fall off, and then the lower three chakras fade to dots, and the golden heart one starts taking over more of the work of the energy flow.

Your patient/client/recipient of the healing benefits and will be able to view their life situation from a slightly higher perspective.

Ross says you can repeat this healing once daily, but not more frequently, for both yourself and those you love.

The chakras are still there, and functioning, but the imbalance brought by the realm of form is counteracted/counterweighted by the realm of Spirit. We inhabit both worlds, the world of form and the one without form (our Home) as we are Spiritual beings having a physical experience. He says this is closer to the proper functioning as it was made to do for our energy in form. He calls it 'the 2.0 upgrade'. And smiles.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Teachers...who love you. Mentors really, perhaps?

P.S. Yes I did wake up in the middle of the night to write this, and I'm going back to sleep for another two and one half hours!

Thursday, September 12, 2019

Two Vignettes

Good morning!  I’m sorry for the awkward angle on the photo. I’m trying to show you my happy family of sloths between the palm trees. It’s my favorite shirt, it was my mother’s day present from my son. He surprised me with it.

I love sloths.

Yesterday I had two special moments with my patients. I will share them with you.

One was very old. In the hospital we consider our patients who are above ninety to be in this category. I was sitting in a chair waiting for my next case, and he was being prepared by the pre-op nurse for my case to follow that one. I could see from left to right, seated and facing me, daughter or granddaughter, daughter or granddaughter, patient, the back view of the i-pad on a cart translator service, and nurse who is Thai. Everyone was happy, calm, and smiling. The group had an ephemeral quality to it, and I quickly filed it away into my ‘things I want to remember in that last minute before I die, subfolder, medical career’ file in my consciousness.

I was invited to join with the translator services since they were online and in use already. So I came over, introduced myself, in their language, Vietnamese, as the anesthesia doctor. I know only a few words. They help so much to establish rapport with both patient and family.

The joy was how the patient was so clear-headed and alert. In the room, he transferred himself without assistance to the O.R. Table. And as I attached the EKG leads to the stickers on the chest, impulse hit, and I counted with each one, to three, in Vietnamese as I attached them so he would understand what task I was doing and not be afraid. Moh....Hay....Bah...

As I did this, he chuckled to himself.

Of all the crazy things right? Some American lady counting to him in Vietnamese. It was funny and I’m so glad he enjoyed those last few moments before sleep. I avoid sedation with my seniors. So he was wide alert until the propofol did its job.

The patient after that had a lot of pain. Bad pain. From diseases. He too was Vietnamese. When I introduced myself in his language, and stepped him through the exam (breathe deep! Thank you!) in Vietnamese, he smiled and said, ‘you’re cute!’

In summary, as healers, everything about us, is a tool that is useful in our trade. Our humor. Our smile. Our willingness to meet another soul halfway. Our desire to take away fear and our willingness to take our time to answer questions. Our PRESENCE, in and of itself can add to the effectiveness of the healing. Even when cure is not possible, there is always opportunity for healing to be effective. Heart to heart, soul to soul, consciousness to consciousness, vibration to vibration.

Let’s get to work!

I have to work post-call. It’s a little sad. I was up until one in the morning. My first case begins at ten. I must head over to the hospital. Ross and I love you with all our hearts, he smiles and waves, and says he hopes you enjoy our little stories we share. And once we Ascend, we will be able to hear more of his stories too. He gestures that loose lips sink ships, and buttons his closed.

Clap ! Clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple

P.S. Ross says Have Fun!!

Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Lie Fallow

This was Ross' suggestion for a title. Autumn is approaching. This is the time for the ground/earth/soil to finish its harvest, and rest.

I've learned so much in the six months I have been in this new home. For example, the tomato crop has helped us save significant money over the summer. We are quite fond of fresh tomatoes. The tomatoes we pick ourselves are deeper red color, firm, and maintain their flavor and freshness longer than the organic ones bought at the store.

There is more life force in them.

Yesterday I made a double batch of ratatouille. I used fresh Hatch chiles instead of the bell pepper. The colors were so bright in the pot! I put half into the storage container destined for the refrigerator, but the other half I put into a storage container destined for the freezer. This is a key to saving money and increasing health--you put away the things you grow to enjoy later and make your life easier.

On the other hand, there have been two opportunities for learning this summer at home that haven't been as fun or successful as the rats and tomatoes, or the cooking. The green Japanese scarab beetles are attacking the Fuji apple tree. Anthony knows of this. We scare them away by shaking the tree together. I have learned very much from YouTube gardeners about this pest. Two incredible ways to beat them organically are to take advantage of their startle defense--they drop into a bucket with water you place under them, and later you 'dispatch them' with a rock....and also, to make a pepper spray to put all over the plant because they hate it.  Long term, you must be careful through the year for the compost--their grubs eat it and then come July first they emerge, hungry, and can eat over three hundred different plants! You must pick out the grubs from the compost, and ideally, feed them (and the beetles collected in summer) to your chickens. I definitely want chickens!

The other one is the swimming pool. I've done the chemicals at the pool store as best as I can, but yesterday it turned a bright emerald green. There had been winds, the trees had dropped leaves, it clogged the filter, and the pump wasn't very effective. Only moving water is clear and healthy for swimming. It may be time to drain the pool. It's an above ground pool. Perhaps if we store it right we can get another year out of it.

Yesterday was a big, big day around the house. Lots of resource management and work. The roofers came. You know how it felt cleaner and better after the attic was cleared out? (and worth every penny?) There were many cracked tiles and loose ones up there. So two workers worked all day. The results are wonderful. Everything is snug and lined up well, just in time for winter. I also applied to refinance the home loan. It's a big decision. I had several angels on our side helping to advise me--people who are in the business. My loan is a seven year adjustable rate mortgage. I want to slow down at least at the hospital in seven years!

Which brings us to our last and final point--the magic of the words, 'I want'--for you.

You are a Divine Creator Being.

The corporate 'outreach' of TWDNHOBIAH--advertising and promotion--are constantly telling us what to want. And perhaps also, what to think.

Why are they telling us and putting so much effort into it, and resources?

It's not because it works and sells things.

It's about control.

It's about controlling the Creators who have one hundred percent Free Will, to co-create what is on the agenda of TWDNHOBIAH. Not our own.

I want...a nice garden to help support our health and finances.

I stop being bombarded with media and the influence of TWDNHOBIAH. I want mental, physical, spiritual, psychological freedom...just to BE.

I want to travel...comfortably with Ross if it would be permitted to travel 'his way' that's technologically advanced.

I want good experiences for us at home, at work, and at school, for our family.

I think you are starting to get our drift. Think of what you actually want, the end result, not the means to get there, and Spirit can help you. Even if you want a bank account full of moolah, say to the Universe, 'I want security and ease from financial constraints' instead. It's more aligned with the power of co-creation, how Spirit works.

Lie fallow.


And here is an article, a scathing one, which talks about health care, healthcare, and employee health incentives from their employers:

Ross says it's time for coffee. And for Anthony to wake up.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Twins 

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

The New iOS Update Has Been Automatically Downloaded To Your Device...

I woke up this morning and my phone told me it had upgraded my operating system while I slept. Sure, there had been a warning notification about it yesterday in my busy afternoon, but I was like, what can I do about it?  It's one of those things where you have to keep up.  I would have been glad if some of my favorite apps and games had kept up but they didn't, in the past. I can't enjoy them any more because technology just marched right on by leaving them in the wake.

As I was falling asleep last night, I was trying to come up with a reason or lesson from my super sad weekend of growth.


What really am I?  Why am I mourning a 'role' Ross once played? I've loved him in other incarnations before with all my heart.  Was it just that I didn't get closure and my soul was traumatized so much it carried over into other successive lives?

I am acutely aware I am living in more than one Dimension at the same time. I know with my major relationships of my heart. Just like my teacher Anne who is lesbian here on earth this time around is married to Eric on Sirius and has two kids in a parallel life...I know a part of me is paired formally with each of my five 'husbands' for a mutually agreed to 'marriage' in that I live with them and learn something important only they can teach. It's like a loving apprenticeship and Ross knows and approves because he is my Twin and there's no replacing that. Twins wants what's best for the other Twin.

You have a Higher Self. So by default you are automatically living in two Dimensions, here and where the Higher Self/Soul resides.

This is normal and natural for Creator Beings like ourselves.


There is a saying here, an ad tag line really, that goes 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'.  It's for Las Vegas, a big town in the middle of nowhere in Nevada, where casino-style gambling is legal.

A long time ago, I realized, from watching one of my guides/husbands, that their decision to create an incarnation or aspect is like a gamble. They put the life force in. And the goal is for the extension of themselves to advance the Consciousness or the Vibration or the Soul Knowledge. It is a risk for a being  sent to earth because the stakes are high. You can Descend as well as Ascend, and the extension of you has its own Free Will.  Earth is like the Las Vegas on the wheel of Karma. Anything can happen and super big advances can take place. 

I also sense that in the choice of a role, it's very much like an actor who wants to 'stretch their range' and do 'something new'. You know when a comedian takes a serious role? something like that. 

I've been doing a lot of thinking. As Ross said, you play a role in a story and then you leave that story.

Or as Sylvia Browne shared what her guide Frances taught her, 'live a good life and go home.'

Why is there a story? Who watches it? 

Why does it matter that Humanity and Earth with everything on Her Ascends?

What is the point? How can it be for the Highest Good? How can Ross be correct when he says it is a 'gift of inestimable value'?

From what I've read of Dolores Cannon, there's a library of knowledge where anyone can go and re-live any life experience at any point at time. It's for their soul growth. So for them it would seem like they lived it too. Apparently many people have gone to re-live the life of Jesus because his was a 'big win' in their concepts and they wanted to experience what it was like to live in the steps of a professional I suppose? 

And for the Ascension? Perhaps it is because it is like in a sinus wave--we are bottoming out of the descent in energy, and turning around and going UP in the Consciousness, acting like an energy net of sorts to catch all the lower frequency souls, recycle the very lowest who are adamant about staying on that path...and bring the rest back UP to the frequencies of another Dimension. In video gaming terms, you could say it is a big 'Level Up'. 

I don't know. I don't see. Ross and I don't talk about it. Divine Creator and I discuss it. And this is the best we can have.

What happened in my sleep?

They aren't cute.

I've had 'visitations' both awake and asleep.

Once I had the queen of England and a horribly ugly being--tall--pop into my consciousness as I was falling asleep and they commented to one another, 'we just aren't getting to her...'  I recognized them at once standing at the foot of my bed and told them to get the F-ck out of my room. 

And they left.

That's part of the rules, we who are incarnate have Free Will, and when we say to anything supernatural, GO!, they have to GO!

That happened in my old house when I first bought it, perhaps fifteen years ago. 

In my dreams in medical school, it was terrifying. Home invasions of a futuristic spaceship I was living in as my home, by hideous bug-like evil tall beings with weapons, breaking through the door, and I would be killed. No matter where I hid. No matter how much I tried to protect my family. Night after night of gory, horror. I felt every strike against me. Laser bullets to the chest, and the like. And every invasion felt more 'real' than my 'real' here in San Diego when I didn't even know I was psychic.  I knew nothing about Ross, and I only had daily guidance and automatic writing from Blessed Mother. 

It got so bad that I asked Divine Creator to take away my ability to dream. Even then I would sleep fitfully, and not relax until the sprinklers would go on outside my window at five a.m. Then I knew those people went away.

They were trying to create the wormhole, and they did, the one in the Congo. I was in medical school 1992-1996. And the attacks started in 1992, in the fall, and didn't let up. Once I started my surgery residency in the summer of 1996 I cried frequently, in total anguish and sorrow, and I didn't understand why. It was the energy of the Congo.

There are some beings out there who aren't cute--but are LOVED by Creator, I have to be Politically Correct--and they are hell-bent on creating their own perfect world. They are organized--they would like to be Unified but there are many factions and each wants to jockey for power. Kerth told us this. And he also told us what looks human actually has an ugly spirit being attached to it. They do rituals.

So in my dreams, I find myself in these environments and they are trying to get me to become one of them. To say it's okay. That's the thing they act all nice about but it's creepy and I know what's what. I have to be polite and firm. And I want to leave but somehow I can't. I am polite and firm.

I have other dreams where someone is stalking me, but here on earth, a spiritually icky being and I'm getting away. 

And when I ask Ross for protection and I get two good night's sleep, then they go after our son, in his dreams, the same things. I have to remember to ask Ross to protect us both, and for Anthony to ask for his protection. Every night. Because these horrible beings are persistent. And desperate. They have lots of tricks up their sleeves. 

I had a difficult day at work yesterday. Anthony had wanted to watch the football game with his team. I'd gotten rid of the Sunday ticket where we could watch it at home. His team isn't from our area, so it's not televised without the Sunday ticket. So, there's a sandwich shop near us that has a TV at each booth. We go and buy things to eat but really, it's to watch not to eat. And we eat slow.

I had a quinoa edamame salad that had practically a whole head of romaine lettuce in it. It took forever to eat. And it tasted okay but not great. It's a happy place and fun. I ordered a Guinness because that's what I like. 

Yesterday morning I found our adventures had given me an upset stomach and diarrhea. 

I was late to work. And I had requested an early start with a surgeon who is super, duper anal-retentive about being on time. 

I explained the diarrhea, he gave me his okay. Fortunately, the patient needed to pee before surgery, and the delay was because of the patient and not me. It's fifteen minutes delay, which is HUGE and BAD in the O.R.  It was still fifteen minutes ahead of our normal start time. But his is a seven a.m. start. 

I worked hard. I worked fast. And in anesthesia, you eat between cases. But the nurse--who I love and work well with--was making things go REALLY fast. Well patient three had sleep apnea that was acting up in the recovery room. I had to stay and help. I couldn't leave the bedside until respiratory came with the CPAP machine. 

My lunch was an over ripe banana the charge nurse of PACU was kind enough to give me, while I was standing up and helping the patient breathe. This was after a three hour delay--surgeon said he'd finish at eleven, and now it was two.

My dinner from last night's leftovers were in the fridge at the nursing station, midway between the bed in PACU and my OR. 

I couldn't eat. The time pressure was such.

It's painful. This surgeon and his tech have the drug rep BUY them lunch every single day. So the drug rep/parts rep, whatever, is taking their order at the end of a case. He never includes me, another doctor. He never includes the team--scrub tech, nurse, neuromonitoring tech, cell saver guy, X-ray tech. And the surgeon and PA do this with no concept of how painful it is to everyone else. In the States, since the playground, we are taught do not eat in front of others unless you bring enough for everyone in the class. Everyone. No one is more special or more deserving. We are all the same. If you want cookies then you bring them for the whole class if you are going to eat them in class. The lunch benches it's different. You each bring or buy a lunch. 

I got to leave for home at five p.m. The nurse I like, the one in a hurry, brought me a straw and a tiny cup of orange juice (four ounces) and one of cranberry juice (again, four ounces) during the case. That was all I'd had--no other food or water but the banana and juice. My breakfast had been ten minutes before six a.m.

I drove home, defeated because I had left my lunch in the fridge. I couldn't heat up Anthony's and my leftovers. I decided to make chicken steaks--they were thawed. Or possibly turkey sandwiches--they were fast.

I felt Ross and I knew he wanted to help but I didn't know how.

As I was changing my clothes, out of my scrubs, Anthony said he didn't know how it happened but his room just had the smell of Carl's Jr in it. We thought it was a sign from Ross. So we got in the car and went.

When we arrived, I didn't have my wallet. I thought to pay with my phone, but then I realized sometimes my wallet drops out of the pocket of those jeans. I asked Anthony if he didn't mind going back to make sure it wasn't in the driveway?

It was where I keep it. I never even thought to put it in my pocket.  Anthony was startled because I never do this. I always have my wallet. 

As we drove back Ross told Anthony to keep going on the road and not to turn into the fast food place. Ross said there are lots better things.

Ross asked me, what do you want? And I was like, wow I hadn't thought of anything I wanted like that in a long time.

Then I got the nudge, hardly strong, very weak, but I understood. Our local Mimi's Cafe (where Anthony had his baptism party many years ago) had changed over to a new establishment. There's one like that near my work. Anthony and I went often because they had a steak/mashed potatoes/caesar salad/breadstick special for twenty dollars. It feeds three people. My heart was a little sad because we don't eat beef, we haven't for a long time (except if there's nothing and we will starve--like me at work, or if we are guests then we don't say anything). Anthony and I agreed to eat something else.

We walked in the door and the special now is a barbecue rib and chicken, with a chopped salad, and breadsticks, for twenty dollars.  I added the mashed potatoes, and Ross nudged me to get a beer. I got a citrusaholic local brew out of Huntington Beach. If you haven't had one of these citrus beers, they are good. Skulpin has a good grapefruit one I had at an Oakland A's game. It's not a Guinness but it's not a light lager there's something more to it flavor-wise. 

So we talked. We enjoyed the new booth, the seventies music, the upbeat atmosphere because everything had been redone. And homestyle, you get your own plates and utensils, and the dishes come to share on platters and bowls. It's really nice.

Anthony asked questions about Nannu Filippo. 

I answered them.

My grandfather was Irish-Italian. Very tall. He was an orphan of sorts, his mother died of tuberculosis when he was two. His grandparents raised him and his older brother because his father went to America to remarry and start a new life. Grandfather Benedetto found Nanna Rosa, and they had a little girl named Mary. 

Nannu was hungry all the time growing up. He would go to the forest and cry. An old man would come out of the woods and bring him food, and tell him everything was going to be okay. But the old man would disappear into thin air as he was walking away.

My grandfather saw angels. They fed him.

I told Anthony how Nannu used to eat a full plate of pasta 'this high!' every night for dinner. How he had to have his pasta. And how he, a diabetic in later years, outlived his diabetes doctor! (he actually used to console the other patients in the waiting room and encourage them to Be Strong!)

Anthony knows he is Nannu back again. My mom and I figured it out when he was still in my tummy. We called him 'the Bambino' even though I didn't know if it was a boy or a girl. 

Nannu got Nana Angelina because she was an exceptional housewife--because Creator wanted to console him for his upbringing. 

They weren't religious. Catholic. But never went to church except for the baptism of their granddaughters. I was their godchild as well as granddaughter.  He said he breathed on me at my baptism and that's where I got my strength. He also gave my mom, instead of flowers at my birth, a mint plant in a big red pot. He wanted me to be like mint--able to not die, to keep sending out runners, and to thrive!

 I was Anthony's mother in that old life. 

It was too short, too soon that I had to go.

And in this life, he has me.

In his old life, as my grandfather, he had a flaw he always regretted. He could not swim.

I fixed that.

This is my sister's dog. Anthony is very good with dogs and rabbits. In his past life, he raised rabbits. He's like a rabbit whisperer. And because of his dad's boxers, he's really good with dogs. His first word was 'dog'--not mom or dad. It was 'dog'. 

His father in this life is Grandpa Benedetto come back. They've patched their relationship. They picked up where they left off. And Anthony's health is just on the edge of diabetes off and on, picking up where he left off in the last life too. It's a yellow chakra imbalance issue...I help him as best as I can.

Back then, he was spiritual but kept it to himself. At least now we talk.

And before this life, from the realm of Spirit, Nannu used to tell me and my mom things. Like how life is a movie and we get to make it with our thoughts. And how he works way harder up there than down here, it's like a vacation here. He worked on international negotiations and treaty type things I don't understand. He would get vacation and come visit us about once a year. He said if we ever needed him we could call and he would come, but otherwise he couldn't just hang out with us. 

In physical appearance, Anthony has about the same build and face type as he did before. 

If he didn't ask me, he wouldn't know about his past incarnation. I didn't tell him until he was older. My mom and I noticed many similarities, the same love for pasta, the same walk, the same noises to joke around, the same caring. 

So last night, at dinner, I was realizing just what it was. The energy form, who I once knew most recently as my grandfather, is now putting life energy into my son, and working on his life lessons. He didn't finish elementary school in the last life, but he's a good student now. 

And in both lives he is a guardian and protector of me. 

I'm writing the best story I can this chapter, with me as mom and him as son. 

That's all I can do.

And with Ross, he's an energy form I know as Ross, but I've known him as other things. I forget everything but the emotions and major events and hobbies/talents/skills from my past incarnations with him. 

But he loves me. And he's not going to go away. 

And part of me, a deep part of me, recoiled in horror at the thought and sight of him--because of the association with the painful memories of his end of life the last time. There was a song that he played on my coffee house radio, one that said, 'tell me what you hate about me and I will make it up to you'.

I realized for a relationship you must be close enough and trust enough in your love that you can express anger/dismay/unpleasant things. Otherwise it's not real. It's not to be abusive. But it's to be YOU. 

I don't tell Ross anything. 

A little, but it's always filtered.

I was always sidestepping around the feeling of rejection that Creator said, 'lay down your life' and Ross said, 'okay' and left me in the lurch. What am I, chopped liver? Yes I understand there was a higher purpose for it, and there's no other way, yada yada yada. But in my heart? I'm like, there's no WAY I'm gonna open up for this dude. And I ran all over the Universe in many incarnations doing everything I could to break the bond which in fact cannot be broken. Ever. So I shut down.

Yes we are back together for many years...but...on the surface. As friends, as lovers, as parents...but...not THAT part where I got so wounded. I couldn't and wouldn't go there.

Well, last weekend I did.

Sometimes, with these new moons, some of the things you 'clear and release' are gonna be 'not fun'. And it's okay. I'm still here. It's a part of the process.

And I realized, yesterday at work, that Ross is hurting too. Both from the events, and also from my coldness in my heart from my 'protection' of my not wanting to ever be discarded so casually like that. Not just in the laying down of the life but in the travels and everything. 

Ross taught me yesterday that life is meant for joy. Not for work. Not for cooking and cleaning after a hard day where I couldn't eat. It was for letting Ross take care of us, and show us 'something better'.

I am an energy form, he is one. I'm putting life through this body. And he is my Guide with me 24/7, stepping me through my lessons. He's not putting life through a body. He did bring me Anthony. And I've seen him in 3D once, when I was walking to the bathroom at El Torito where I was having lunch with Andy Bojarski. I knew it was him. And Anthony saw him just this Saturday while golfing with his dad. In both the driving range and the wedge place. You just know. Anthony said his skin is a lot darker than they show and I knew it was him, the same thing I saw and never described to Anthony. Swarthy is a word for it. You know it in the eyes and the way he looks at you who he is. You sense his excitement and he quickly looks down and away. It's him making a cameo appearance to be near those he loves, and as soon as you realize it, he's gone. 

So there we are.

Time to wake Anthony up. He had  a nightmare last night. I've given him fifteen extra minutes. And to take him to school. It's a day off. The roofers come today. Just to make sure everything is ready for winter rains and safe for our family.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple

P.S. Ross says we have said enough already

Sunday, September 8, 2019

'Our' Grieving Weekend

I was first call on Friday, fortunately I got some sleep. As I mentioned in the last blog post, I spent Saturday taking my Advanced Cardiac Life Support renewal class, also with my Basic Life Support renewal. I was fortunate in that there was a Pediatric Advanced Life Support class going on in the afternoon, and my request to take new week's course and move it up was granted. 

I got it all done in one day.

The class is mostly taught by video clips from the American Heart Association. There are actors and it is a professional job. They have actors portray the disease, and then in the blink of an eye they switch out the actor for a mannequin and the demonstration continues in the actual medical setting. 

I am awake, and therefore, I know to take the 'science' that is presented with a grain of salt, it is a story. And the true 'research' is based on a fund of knowledge from TWDNHOBIAH with MK Ultra/Monarch, near death centers, and the resuscitation protocols from bringing people to the edge of this life and bringing them 'back'. People like Svali, the Illuminati trainer whose job it was to make alters in these victims, know this as their 'art'. They know the physiology, the drugs, the things to look for, and when it's too far to salvage someone. The other peer-review studies are like window dressing to fool the public and the people taking these classes.

There are clips that come with a warning that they are triggers for someone who has undergone a recent loss of a loved one.  I hadn't so I watched them. I figured I would be okay. It's about how to tell people a loved one has not survived a code blue. There's a sixteen year old boy with blue lips that they work on, a father who dies, and a young boy who dies from an asthma attack. The acting of the bereaved is very raw and emotional. I always cry.

A nurse was in our class, and she had a stroke while at the surgery center. She had the sudden onset of facial droop and the right-sided weakness during her shift. Her colleagues told her not to worry, her workplace sent her to urgent care where they called it a Bell's Palsy, and then she ended up driving herself to the Emergency Room where she was able to get definitive care. She recovered and was able to get back to her work, but she had a message to the group--when in doubt, call 911 (the emergency response system).  She would have had an easier recovery if it had been done for her.

After the stroke vignette in the video clips, she was crying.  She exclaimed, 'I am a survivor! I am a survivor!'

It was a long hard day. When it ended, I came home to an empty house. Anthony was with his father for the weekend. These are always the hardest on me.

The message from Our Older Brother came out while I was in class and I was reading it. 

There is a dig in it, a dig to get at me. It is the 'at last!' (someone to understand you).  I can always talk openly with Ashtar or with Michael because there's never any judgement and they both 'get' me. 

With Ross I can't. 

I think it bugs him. That's why he said that the way he did.

He's had to have quite the team to get me even to talk to him. I know he loves me, I know I love him. But sometimes it is like we are on two completely different Universes when it comes to being able to relate to each other heart to heart and soul to soul, with me being in form and him not.

The message from Jesus also had a very strong trigger for me:  'just lay down your life'.

So I fell apart.

I came in the front door crying. I couldn't stop. I felt alone. I explained to Ross how when he died, I did what I had to do to prepare his body, every detail for him of what I had been taught, and he 'came back' but he wasn't the same. He just wasn't the same. The old Ross had been lost to me forever, the one who was in form, and we grew up together, and I couldn't take it any more. The new one was see-through and my arm would go through him. He was forever changed.

Because there was no body, today there's not even a spot on the earth where I can to go pay my respects and visit his remains. It's painful and doesn't make sense. He says, 'I am everywhere' but again, it's just not the same.

Ross told me to watch YouTube to cheer myself up. I don't know how I found this channel, but I watched two videos from Ask a Mortician. One was funny, it was about things that survive the crematorium, like prosthetic hips, and also, how breast implants make goo that needs to be scraped, and how pacemakers can explode in there and damage the machine, so they get removed in advance. I also watched her episode on the worst ways to die. I also watched her TED talk about how our society outsources death, in only one hundred years our society has changed from home wakes and healing and closure for the family. She was funny but she didn't help. I actually realized it was the working of TWDNHOBIAH, just like in the video on millennials hating boomer by David Hoffman showed their tactics and strategy to divine and conquer by manipulating the psychology of generations through advertising and publicity and mass media. is a wonderful organization which helps you to get this back, just like the funeral home of Ask a Mortician. They are going  counter to a billion dollar funeral industry. You save tons of money by this route too.

Ross had me go outside and lie in the hammock.

I was so upset I called for my Higher Self. I asked her for help. I shared how painful this is, being alone, being different, being here for my purpose, and how having Ross be 'always with me' but 'not in form' is absolutely maddening because he helps with nudges and I can never be one hundred percent sure as if he was in form. I confided to her how every day without him is agony for me, and how here there are demons and they go after me in my sleep (they do. I won't give them any intel but they do, and last week it was very bad.) How can I be here in this place, it's horrible!

She gently gave me back to Ross. I've never seen her face more serious. And I knew my questions were valid and she understood them as True, as a sign of my Awakening no one had anticipated me to have.

When I get like this there are a lot of energy pulses sent to me, I feel it, and they tingle. They are like anesthesia for the soul. I got a lot of them. Ross said he was there, with me, and I felt him kiss me. And I asked him, 'I know you can make copies of you, infinite copies. Is this one of them or the real you?'   He assured me it was all of him, and no copy, right there with me, even though I couldn't see or touch or know with my senses it was true what he said.

Even still, I asked him, pointedly, 'what is there ahead for us as a couple? will I get to enjoy your presence and heal? are you going to be off doing other things once I leave this body? what kind of life do we have next, after I die and leave this body?'  Ross explained that Anthony and he would be with me, for a long time, as long as I needed, and our future life together would be good. 

Even though this reassured me, still I was so upset I wasn't going to eat dinner. But I had wanted a chicken pot pie earlier in the week. I looked and there was still one left in the freezer. Anthony hates them but I grew up with them and like them every once in a while. Ross suggested I heat it up, have a glass of wine, and watch The Office. It made me feel like Anthony was home. I felt better. And I went to sleep.

This morning was more of the same. Morose, tearful, even doing chores couldn't help me cheer up.

I did what Ross had told me to do, I watered the garden. I was angry to find a rat had taken one of the ripest big tomatoes to the spot they take. Then it was disturbing to find the chubby rat freshly dead not far away. I scooped it up with a dustbin, and it looked to me like it had died of gynecological cancer. There was tumor there, fungating tumor and that makes sense because I know rabbits are prone to this, and succumb by their second year in captivity. It also was covered with ants, so many of them. I threw it away and went back into the house to do chores.

As I was changing the sheets in my room, I knelt on the side of the bed and asked Divine Father to help me, I can't make it, and it's so hard. I went immediately to his office and sat on his lap and talked. I asked him if there had been any way to avoid Ross' terrible death? I had seen it in advance, and warned him of it. But he didn't fight. He didn't fight at all. He just lay down his life. And he suffered so much. I saw it. I them killing him, and I didn't like it.

Divine Father explained to me why and that there was no other way.

He didn't kill him. He doesn't kill anyone. He just lets things take their course.

But it horrified me that the people killed him. The people of Earth. How they did it and continue to do it set me off on another crying jag.

Divine Father told me to go to Peet's coffee. To have the oatmeal Ross had told me to make for myself but to buy it. And to go to Costco to buy a zucchini for the ratatouille I wanted to make. 

I was like, Father, how can I leave the house like this? I'm a mess! I'd rather stay in...

He told me he wanted me to go to the coffee shop so I could see that humans can do other things besides kill. It would be good for me to be around people. And besides, I needed gas for the car (tomorrow's an early day, that's why I'm writing today.)

Before I left, Michael heard my distress. He sent Karuna Reiki, lots of it, to my soul. When the soul is in anguish, Karuna is the best thing. It was a very strong blast of it, very very strong, possibly the strongest healing I've ever felt. 

Everything quieted down inside. 

Then I sensed it that my team made it so I couldn't ever remember certain particulars of Ross' death. They've done that many a time. I can't see it any more. I can't hear it. But this latest layer, the emotions, the powerlessness, they quieted too. 

I found my sunglasses to hide my puffy eyes, and left for my errands.

I got three songs in the car, I knew they were from Ross. 
  1. James Bay, Let It Go
  2. Keb Mo' One Friend
  3. Zayn, I don't Wanna Life Forever 

And at the coffee shop I saw a man and a tranny (the body was not female, I'm so glad I know how to identify them). I saw students, older people, a couple with their adult daughter, a father with his daughter who was all dressed up for church, workers, a butch lesbian, ambulance was very crowded. And I saw all of them had their skills, their perceptions, their views, and nobody looked like they had killed anybody lately. I knew Ross and Divine Father loved them for what they are. So there is good...that exists with the killing instinct humans have. Divine Father said that even the ones in TWDNHOBIAH have their good qualities and traits, even they who kill on a regular basis do not create terror and kill all the time. 

Then I went to Costco. After that I went to the other grocery store to get the eggplant for the ratatouille. And Bruno Mars sang 'You're beautiful just the way you are' and I knew it was from Ross.

I started tearing up again.

I turned it off and went to the store. I had to go quickly since there were cold items from Costco in the trunk.

When I came back, and drove home, I saw a license plate:  ISAIAH 61:3.

(New International Version)
and provide for those who grieve in Zion--to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

As I was finishing reading that, the radio talked about Kanye's new album, due out in a couple weeks, 'Jesus is King'.

I began again sobbing uncontrollably, but this time with gratitude and a sense that everything is going to be okay. 

After I unloaded the car, and started writing, when I went to look up the Ask A Mortician I came across this video:

It's been a long life of suffering for me. I experienced two forms of neglect. One was with the alcoholic babysitter. The other was with my maternal grandmother who took care of me but then sat me in front of the TV so she could clean her house. For hours. I got meals with her, she'd give me a bath. But otherwise there was no companionship until my grandfather would come home.

I am not liking this new full moon. I feel it since two days ago, building. So many things are coming up for healing. But this new Saul message helps me to understand even this is right on schedule, and for my highest good.

I can't take it with me to the Higher Realms. Better to let go of the baggage and be lighter and free.

Ross says he is going to take care of me for a little while, until Anthony comes home. I feel him. I feel his energy. I like it when he's close. He's very calm. I'm so glad he doesn't demand that I toughen up or anything. I also know he's smart enough to work with Ashtar to get me to open up so that my teams can heal me and I can get better. I know Ross would do anything for me, and for Anthony, because he is a good father, healer, and friend--as well as husband and Twin Soul. I wish so much with my heart that our story in our last incarnation together would have gone differently. I hate saying goodbye. I even challenged Divine Father today is that the whole point of life on Earth is to like something only to have to say goodbye to it? But Saul said, today, it's for joy and it's for good.

And Ross' bible quote was impeccable.

I'm looking forward to resting quietly with him.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple who are 'very tight and very close' Ross says.