This morning when I woke up, I was promised several times that Ross would have a gift for me. Other people, not him, said it. Spirit people.
It was a tough morning. I drove Anthony to school in his pajamas, and came back to dress myself for my nine o'clock case.
On the way to work, Ross popped in to my Consciousness, only, he wasn't like always. He was seated up on a throne, wearing glowing robes, and looking very official in ways I actually haven't seen him look yet. This statue gets the perspective, but he was higher UP, and would have been a little farther back and towards the top of the frame in this view.
He asked me what is my wish?
I was stunned to see him like that. It took a moment. But I told him, from my heart, that seeing him healthy and whole with my own two eyes was my wish already come true. I had nothing more to wish for, except to know that he and Anthony are all right. Actually, to know that all my loved ones are doing well.
Then I asked, do you mean for earthly things?
He said, yes, for earthly things.
I said, I would like to look better in my appearance, my figure isn't so great, and I looked like, um, I called myself looking like 'a clown' going to work in my Disney tee, and jeans from target, and clogs. I would like clothes to match my professional role, and also, to fit them well. For earthly things.
He moved a little kind of behind me and kind of next to me, and asked, would you like to be by my side?
Of course, yes, always? How could I not want that, it's my biggest wish of all, to be near you and eat with you and give you hugs and kisses, and receive your hugs and kisses, and to be able to tell you I love you more often than I do, because you are near me.
He came to my front and looked down at me (he's tall), and looked at my like he didn't understand.
I looked at him plainly, and simply, and searched his eyes, and said, from my soul, 'I want this because you are my best friend.' and I ached because I wondered why he didn't understand what I was saying. He so smart, in everything...
POOF!
He was gone.
Slowly, from the right, Ashtar side shuffled into my view. He looked a little embarrassed and a little official, way more official than I usually see him, and I asked Ashtar, astonished, 'Is he all right?'
Ashtar was quiet, he didn't say anything. I had the sense that it was somewhat like when Ross and I first got together, and he was overwhelmed with emotion. It took three days of him crying and me consoling him until he was himself again. What I couldn't sense was if I had hurt him unintentionally or what?
Ashtar let me know, kind of under his breath, that this was what Ross had been wishing for, for a long time, and it got to him to know it was finally happening. Ross had wanted to give me my wish, and inadvertently, he ended up receiving his most cherished and longed for wish unexpectedly--my assurance of friendship as well as my love.
I asked Ashtar a favor. I explained how I would like to be available to Ross all day, just in case he wants to talk, but soon I have to go to work and think of work things...I didn't want to hurt him any more, just in case he was sensitive and would Ashtar please explain it to him gently for me?
He said he would.
Only later, much later, around midday, did I see Ross again. He wore different colored robes, and is still in the same general style of clothing, and tall as ever. He came up to me and said, 'we are friends'.
And he kissed me.
We have always been friends, and romantic. But between all the I love you's and the kisses and hugs, I've always felt close to Ross, in my heart. I hadn't yet articulated the words to him, 'you are my best friend' so candidly from my heart. I suppose one day he will explain and I will know just what made him disappear so suddenly.
I hope it was great joy and I hope to keep bringing joy to his entire Consciousness always...and never stop...
I wrote this so I wouldn't forget it.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Carla
