Sunday, August 30, 2020

Resting In Grace


Ross wanted me to write. 

I'm on call, but another colleague is working for me until about eleven in the morning.  I am most thankful for this. 

My days have passed returning to work (two long days in a row, Thursday, and Friday, which except for the tissue boxes on my anesthesia machine and kindness from my coworkers, there's no difference from before mom's transition)... Anthony left to visit his father for the weekend...and I have been holding down the fort.

My expectations of myself are very low. I just wanted to plant some plants into the ground around sunset when it was cool for the plants, and I did. I'm very happy with the half oak barrel I planted with lemongrass, tarragon, artichoke, cilantro, catnip, and shasta daisies in it. It looks accidental on purpose and the colors and textures and heights are pleasing to the eye.

I've spoken on the phone with friends. I'm not much of a talker. My mom was. I enjoy a short phone call every now and then. But I hate to talk when there's dishes in the sink and things to do.

Many have sent bouquets and plants. We have an orchid, a gardenia, and a prayer plant. The note with the gardenia said that she can't pass by a plant without thinking of my mom, and it's true, I can't pass by one either...I almost cried.

I spent time in the pool because water is very soothing. 

Yesterday after work--stressful over only one case--there was a scheduling error and a very angry gastroenterologist to manage--I went to the garden shop. In my scrubs and cap, it's a great way to social distance, people avoid you like the plague. Then I did drive thru for Arby's roast beef sandwiches. We don't eat beef. Haven't for years, ever since we saw a beautiful beef cow that was suffering at the county fair. But this was the last of the last of mom's 'places'. The one by her house turned into a Starbucks. But the one here by us, well, it's still open. And for some reason Ross insisted on a Jamocha shake, so I got that too.

Now I'm ready for normal food.

I've spent lots of time with Ross. Lots and lots. He's been by my side. He has reasons for things, that I don't understand, but I trust him in the mom department. It was time. That's it. And the rest is healing and resting.

I took a nap yesterday on the couch. I slept in. And went to bed early. I was called in during the night and didn't hear the phone I was so sleepy from eight thirty to eleven thirty. The bird actually woke me up. And I saw the text on my phone and was like OMG! 

There's a urologist who every case is an emergency for him, even when it isn't, and he won't wait and always makes the backup teams come in for his patient. He ended up bumping a different surgeon and it all worked out. 

I'll probably hear from my boss about it. I don't know how I couldn't hear the phone. But I didn't. I think my soul was someplace else, if you ask me.

My dinner was just Hatch Chili popcorn, corn chowder, and a large cup of Aveda herbal tea.

Fortunately after today, I'm not on call any weekend in September, not even a Friday. And there's lots and lots of days off because our new people started. 

Have I heard from my mother from the other side? No. And I don't expect to hear from her. There's reasons. I was was a good daughter, but not a favorite, and that's okay. It is what it is. I know she loved me. And she has lots to do. There is a huge relief because after twenty one years of her health bringing her to death's door multiple times, this was the last. It's a lot of pressure, especially on a medical family member, to keep up with the care and the visits and making sure everything is okay.

Here is an example of the pressure on a medical person. I know a couple of doctors who are married. Both operate. But his is more internal medicine based training, and hers was general surgery/trauma surgery training.  His father had a massive heart attack while on vacation in Copenhagen. He was in their hospital. He packed his things and flew out there. The wife said to transfer him to a 'real hospital' like in London ASAP and get him out of that little one. He didn't. He spoke with the cardiologist who was very nice, and wanted to do a stress test.

The wife was like, 'HE ALREADY FAILED A STRESS TEST, he needs to get a cardiac bypass surgery if he is to live!'  (right? massive myocardial infarction--supply is inadequate for demand--he needs reperfusion STAT).

But the husband let the cardiologist do the stress test with the father riding a bicycle. And he made it through the stress test. Then went back to his room, and promptly died in the bed!

If you're not medical, you take the cardiologist for his word, and don't realize there could be other plans of care, better ones, and just say, 'it was his time'. But is you are medical, your training is with you 24/7, 365, and you can't override it. No matter what anyone says. 

Now I'd like to get ready for my day. There are dishes to wash, loads of laundry to do, before I leave for the hospital. And perhaps some quiet time too, but I've been talking lots with Ross. And he talks with you through John Smallman today too (latest blog post).

Grief is probably the most personal thing to go through in this world, spiritually and physically and emotionally, besides Ascension. I'm taking the time I need, and also, the time I need to make sure Anthony is doing okay, so that we let the process take its course. It's when you rush it that long-term effects happen. 

We also are thankful for two bouquets with sunflowers and white roses, identical ones, sent through 1-800-flowers. These don't have any notes attached. We don't know who sent them. But we are grateful for sure.

Ross nods and smiles. He's very content and happy, I can tell. I know I had a lesson (he was quiet) and it's time to gather myself before the next lesson, and he's very very near. I think I did well on this one (he says I aced it). Perhaps that's why he seems proud of me and pleased.

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Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple

Friday, August 28, 2020

Healing Update On Loss Of Mother


Ross wants me to show the  Schumann resonance frequency first.

There it is!

Things are quiet here, and there is a deliberate attempt to make things slower and less stressful. Yes, I have work. I had a couple short days, then yesterday I took the approach to distract myself with a long one. The support from my colleagues is incredible. Everyone from the cleaning staff to nurses and my boss have taken time to acknowledge the loss and the healing which much begin.

So, quickly, I will share with you one part of the healing which is unique to our family. It's fast food.

Mom didn't enjoy cooking. There was a period of time when I was in perhaps the fifth grade, that she felt it was cheaper to eat out than for her to cook. (I was also a super picky eater, and most of what she made really wasn't appetizing to me at all, and I complained a lot). 

So life with mom, even with her watching Anthony, meant lots and lots of fast food. 

We don't eat fast food, except perhaps Del Taco and Chik Fil A. 

We don't even eat beef.

But when we learned mom was really sick, that night for dinner, Ross suggested McDonalds.

It totally brought back memories of mom. I had a Big Mac. Last time I'd eaten one of those I was pregnant with Anthony and craving it. I only ate one in the whole pregnancy, it was enough.

One night, in our pajamas, we went to the Taco Bell drive through. We stopped eating there when the Belluminati ad campaign ran. I couldn't believe they got rid of the tostada. But again, when we would visit mom, that's what we would bring to her home because she enjoyed it. 

One afternoon, Anthony and I went to Starbucks and got the season's first Pumpkin Spice Latte's. Mom loved Starbucks. I remember her drinking a whole quart of half and half from the creamer dispenser!

For lunch we went to Carl's Jr. I had a famous star with cheese, the first one in around five years. And onion rings, mom's favorite. I almost started crying when I had my lunch because it reminded me so much of mom!

On the way home. last night, I was thinking of what to make for dinner. I've wanted to make French chicken breasts with mushrooms and mustard all week. But what popped into my head was KFC. 

As we drove far to get it, and ate in the car, Anthony said that one reminds him of visiting Nana, where there was always a bucket of chicken on the table in the tiny kitchen. Nana's favorite was the potato wedges. 

We have gone full circle. These are all the places mom used to go. We would have pizza sometimes too but not that often. And when we were sick we would get donuts. On very special occasions, we would get scoops of 31Flavors ice cream. 

We each grieve in our own way. But in her lack of desire to cook, mom left a legacy behind, a legacy of fast food she would do business with.

The only one we can't recreate, is Gong's kitchen. A little takeout Chinese Mandarin stand in North Long Beach. They had the best fried shrimp and Chinese dishes! Not too greasy. Lots of vegetables. And perfectly steamed rice. Always a little fortune cookie too...

It's work today, not sure how long it will be. I'm on call this weekend too.

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Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Twins

P.S. Ross says he is with me and supporting me in my grief. I sense his presence and it's very calming and loving. I trust everything is going to be okay. Eventually.

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Imaginary Separation


Yesterday I went to work, I was about fifteen minutes late, I'm not sure how it happened, and this song came on the radio

I lost it.

I was heading for the freeway and I had to reach for the box of tissues in the foot of the passenger seat. 

I called mom every day on my way to work...

My sister gets five days of bereavement time off work.  I'm home today, only because a colleague offered to work for me so I could get the day off. He's a facebook friend, too. I didn't understand it, because I TOLD my boss they were withdrawing support in a few minutes on Friday in my text to request my work assignment for Monday. To anyone medical, that means death!

Sure enough, I was at the bedside, and pushed my sister who was in the wheelchair (she'd had a test that morning and had to be careful not to overdo, she's not ordinarily in a wheelchair) into the side room the nurse told us to wait while they removed the breathing tube according to mom's wishes. 

We came in, mom seemed happy, but I don't think she understood just how much work that breathing tube was doing for her. The plan had originally been to take the tube out, drive her back home in an ambulance, and let her pass with family present. Covid restrictions were horrible! I'll speak a little more on that later. 

She never could have survived the transport.

I was there, the tube was out, she wanted water, but all she could get was a lemon glycerine swab, and I swabbed her mouth. She couldn't speak. But she was moving her lips. And I'm a horrible lip reader.

Her sats dropped rapidly. She couldn't breathe. The nurse had turned off the norepinephrine drip too. So within minutes her eyes were unseeing, and she was doing Cheyne-Stokes breathing seen at the end of life. 

I saw the heart tracing on the EKG turning agonal.

I took lots of pictures of my sister with her, and of mom in her last moments of life, and there's one of me--mask off, shield off, just holding mom in my arms, and my face has the emotion of total grief on it. 

It's true, my life will never be the same without her. 

There are three sisters but the healthcare system only allows two present at end of life. So initially my two went up, then one switched out with me, and during mom's passing, we had the one who was in the car on FaceTime, and she was playing Neil Diamond on the radio, one of mom's favorites. At the end, the other sister and I switched back. 

What did I see?

Ross came near, and I told him he has to carry me, I can't walk to this one. So he did.

I told my mom--with my actual voice not just my Spirit one--Go To The Light!

She wasn't in that space much, I think, the space between worlds. She wasn't sure where to go. 

I saw my nana getting ready, she looked very young, a few minutes before mom was to pass. And then at that moment she did, nana came really fast and grabbed mom to make sure she found her way, just as if mom was six and heading towards danger and nana wanted her safe and home. Nana pulled mom up by the hand.

My dad was waiting for mom. He was all dressed up fancy. He said a few words to me, kind ones I can't remember, and then mom saw him.

She exclaimed, 'I did good?'

I told her, 'yes you did good'.  

She never once acknowledged me or made eye contact with me. 

I saw a huge, HUGE party in the distance with the most people I've ever seen on the Other Side in my entire life. 

Dad took her there.

Neither one of them looked back.

There have been no signs or messages since. Ross has been very quiet, very very quiet. Before, when we got the call mother was very sick, I told Ross that I wouldn't hold her back. If he needs her, I give her to him freely, I wouldn't get in the way of plans. My heart is very giving that way to Ross. 

On Saturday I couldn't stop crying. Anthony was an angel and never let me out of his sight, and always was near. 

The hospital was forty miles from home. With Covid, no visitors were allowed. When we learned mom was in the ER, and my sister couldn't go in as her advocate--I called her nurses to get report. But the phone went to mom by accident. Anthony and I spoke loving things, asked how she was, and mom said, businesslike--'I really can't talk now'. Her voice was very gravelly and rough. It was a GI bleed, a lower GI bleed, we thought, but apparently there was infection too. 

My mom has serious health problems and drug allergies. I knew she doesn't know these things. I always tell them to the caregiver. YES, they are in the chart, but nobody reads the chart. Seriously. If it's not in the problem list in the computer, nobody would ever see it. So I got on the line with the nurse -- it's like five attempts through the phone system!--and explained mom has  critical aortic stenosis, and a transplanted kidney that's pretty old. Don't let her blood pressure drop or it won't be good.  The nurse understood instantly what I was talking about (critical aortic stenosis won't come back during a code blue, you need to generate 300 mmHg pressure to get the blood out the valve during chest compressions to perfuse the body). She didn't thank me. She didn't need to. I was okay as long as she knew. She had been telling me mom was an excellent historian (about the bleed) beforehand...

Thursday I went to work. And during my cases I tried to contact the hospital and got the runaround so bad I accused them of trying to hide something about her care.

With Covid, the doctor only calls the 'contact person' once a day to explain the patient's care/progress/prognosis. And my sister, who isn't medical, was it. She'd say things like, 'mom's potassium is going higher and higher' that were so much in lay language I found it extremely frustrating and disturbing not to know what was happening to mom. Finally I got through the nurse and understood intubated, sedated, and on norepinephrine drip. 

That means really bad.

I got a text I didn't hear, and my sister bless her, called me to make sure I got the news--mom had code blue twice in the ICU early Friday morning. It took twelve minutes to get her back. (read--every bone rib and sternum was probably broken at that point). They could allow two visitors. Anthony needed to see mom. So here's the chance. 

At three a.m. we got in the car and drove. Anthony was magically, 'eighteen' and permitted inside. We did the temperature checks and went up because mom was 'critical'. At the door where you call to be buzzed in, they said where are you? You can only have two visitors. We said, 'outside the door right here'.

They were merciful and let us in.

Mom made eye contact, and Anthony told her lots of stories. But to me, she kept gesturing and pointing, but I don't read lips at all. I'm horrible at it. She shifted her weight a lot because it looked like her back hurt her. 

She had said before she never wanted the tube again, but people change their minds. And sometimes get better. She has in the past, and was glad she had it. She also said when her kidney failed, that was it. She was really puffy. Anasarca. But I hadn't thought it was kidney failure because she was clear headed and people weren't telling me anything. We told her she was a good mom, and got kicked out after ten minutes.

It was a long drive home.

I heard from my sister she had seen the video where mom said she didn't want the tube and my sister believed her. So at some point it was going to come out. The hospital told us to wait for the 'real doctor' and to arrive before five p.m.

I dropped everything and came back to the hospital, another forty mile trip. Anthony was with me. Since it was three sisters, we were told it was okay, Anthony was going to be with my brother in law and his cousin. 

You know the rest of the story.

Mom had a policy that wasn't right in my book, but she swore by it:  she had three separate relationships with each of her daughters and wouldn't tell the other two about news of the one.  She did a lot of comparisons, favoritism, but to get what she wanted from each one. She's Sicilian by birth, I'm not sure if it was her or her culture or her upbringing. 

The week before, mom gave my sister who lives near her and cares for her daily by bringing food and cleaning the house--some pushback. The nurse had said she needed her toenails trimmed. So my sister asked mom, what is your plan?

Mom said she would do it. 

Mom needed total care at that point. 

I was in the O.R. and got a call from her in a voice, I'd never heard before, conspiratorial, asking me to 'do her a favor' and explained to trim her toenails. 

I asked the other sister if I'd get in trouble for doing that or not, usually podiatry does this for diabetics. It's risky. She said I'd be the hero. Nobody wanted to trim the toenails. 

I dropped everything after work, and bought new trimmers, creams, soaking tub, salt and vinegar--my colleagues at work told me how to do it, how to soften the nails, to trim straight across. I spent seventy dollars...

I got there, and realized that her legs were open sores from venous insufficiency. and bandaged. I couldn't soak more than the soles of the feet. And her caregiver who washes her came. I had to wait.

I had gloves on, and used alcohol to wipe the trimmers, and got to work. She was grateful. It was hard, the lighting was poor, I couldn't see, and the nails were shaped like U upside down. I had to get the trimmer lined up and slide it along the nail nip by nip. 

We agreed that would be my job and I'd come back every month. 

The nurse the next day noticed and was pleased with the work. 

I find physical movement helps a lot with the grief process. I get Anthony and me walking. Around the neighborhood. By the beach. The other night Ross suggested we go to the beach to say goodbye to mom. We did. It helped to verbalize a goodbye when in that clinical situation we couldn't. 

I still haven't heard from mom.

Oh well. 

Ross nods and acknowledges you.  He is still very quiet.

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Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The couple

Wednesday, August 19, 2020

Heavenly Intervention


Yesterday was perhaps the most unusual first call day I have ever had. My heart sank when I saw the scheduled cases stretching out well until eleven p.m., and that was without the add-on cases. I didn't allow myself to dwell in those feelings. I just did the work as it arrived to me to the best of my abilities. 

Our heat wave made itself known in the Operating Room. There is one thing that can cancel surgery, or delay it, and nobody can say anything about it:  the temperature and humidity specifications of the room.  When outside a certain range, surgery is not safe or permitted. We have to wait.

So, I had two hours delay, which gave me ample time for lunch. 

I saw a case in the long room suddenly disappear! (the patient didn't feel well, and cancelled)

Then I saw that all rooms were going to have power shut off between nine and eleven p.m., for some maintenance. 

All the cases finished around the same time. I was sleepy. I was going to go to the call room, but I met a friend who was on OB, and she said, 'have a nice drive home'.

I slept all night.

I had meals from the hospital. 

We even did our Bible Study at home!

Ross and I know that yesterday's information was highly disturbing. 

Today we are going to explain to you why the dark ones abuse children so. 

A lot of it has to do with this Bible passage:  Matthew 18:5 on children

Children are blessed by Jesus, and he encourages us to welcome them as if we were welcoming him.

Well the dark ones don't like him, or anything he says.

So they do horrible things.

There are energetic reasons too, if you are interested we will provide this information which is very dense as a P.S. at the end.

Remember whenever two or more are gathered in His name, God is present. 

They don't like it, the ASSC, when we assemble, and when we pray. 

Let's irritate them, now, together, shall we?

Dear Heavenly Creator,

Our love for you is great, our love for you is strong, and with courage we go through our days.
Help us to anchor the Light and the vibrations of Heaven everywhere we go.
Thank you for allowing us our place in battle, vibrationally we carry LOVE and at once this both shatters the old and reinforces the NEW grids of Light on surface Gaia.
We thank you for our opportunity to help create Heaven on Earth, with our hearts, and with our souls, and with our daily meditation, in daily activities, and in our hopes and dreams we envision what is Good permanently entering our Reality, day by day.
Our guides gently are here beside us. We thank you for their sincerity and loyalty to the cause, and for their spiritual protection of us.
In this we pray,

Last night while I was talking with a friend, she said that our boss had cut her back from eight OB calls to six, saying that the new people needed more work. She has taught before, and she knows that these are new hires fresh out of school, they are very green. She questions his decision, quietly, but when he says what affects her income and livelihood, she just says, 'okay' and doesn't argue.

She shared with me that she was doing a favor for him, working post-call OB at another place, when a person who is of the same heritage and social community as both of them, at the other place, had a stroke. He woke up with a big headache and lost the ability to move half of his body.  He couldn't free her to go since he was assigned to follow her. So she couldn't go cover as promised. Our boss KNOWS this man who had the stroke. But he still gave her a hard time for not coming. 

She said that sometimes he only thinks about one thing and doesn't make exceptions...that is his way.

When I told her of working half time, she reminded me of when my hours were cut the last time, and how I ended up working almost every day anyway. She reminded me of the bible where it says the sparrows know how to eat and don't worry, they have their feathers too, as clothing...

It resonates as true in my heart.


Everything is happening on time for the Awakening. Many of you realize things you see aren't what they seem, and after listening to yesterday's one hour video, are able to enjoy the show. 

Everything happens at its own pace, including the awakening of others.

I want you to both appreciate the evil that is present currently on the planet, yet at the same time, almost simultaneously, to understand and have compassion for the pedophiles and the satanists because many are born into the system of abuse used by the ASSC to control the planet.

They are on the way out.

I want you to defend and protect the children within your own sphere of influence. Do not get yourself kicked off of social media for it. 

Walk in the middle, just under the radar. This is where you will be most effective in your goal.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Illuminated Twin Flames

P.S. Here is the article, which has many of the points right but not everything, there is still a little distortion through the earth-time lens of the author:

Tuesday, August 18, 2020

The Eyes Tell A Story


Good morning!

It's dark outside, it's early, and I'm back at the helm. 

Ross has been with me, and things have been improving slowly. The energies budged a little--the Schumann is warming up.

I also learned that a close, dear friend is losing her battle with colon cancer. Remember my circuits get jammed when someone close to me is in the process of making the transition. She called last night to say her goodbyes. She has pneumonia and can barely speak. I was so grateful for the call.

My soul does work I don't know about, and when someone is approaching the Transition, it's almost like I'm not here because that other part is working so hard. I get spacey and can't focus. 

Another thing is that yesterday, I was home, and wasn't able to start the book clearing. Other things came up. I returned the tee shirt, and bought some things to replace what I had that was very old. The cleaning helped me to see and appreciate and accurately assess the quality of what I was wearing...and to shore up what's very used and worn.

Also, THANK YOU, a new Gaia Portal came out yesterday after a one month hiatus. This gives me hope. A Mercent is the US Marines Central Command. 

Yesterday in meditation, I was feeling very low, very drained, and connected to Source.

What happened was like this, the ending scene of The Empire Strikes Back.

The Darkness was like the Sith, and was zapping every vortex and ley line of the earth, like the Sith lord did to Luke Skywalker. 

Instead of Darth Vader, like the movie, Luke took advantage of the energy connections, and had barbed tips anchor it, so the Sith could not get away. Then Luke opened his head up to The Force (Divine Creator) and all of Heaven was pouring energy into Luke, and therefore the Sith, and annihilating it.

It was then that I understood what was going on energetically, and why, and I understood that the Game is Over with the ASSC.

Here is something I can do for you, to help you renew your dedication to putting the children of our world first, and protecting them.

We have a raccoon because when I learned this medical diagnosis, it was called 'raccoon eyes'. 

We have a little child with a celebration, and a raccoon, so you can evaluate the mechanism of this injury. The size, the shape of the potential victim of the abuse.

And we have a panda because it is something very serious injury in children who have been savagely abused that the ASSC refers to as 'Panda Eyes'.

Ross and I want you to know the facts, and to understand what this darkening around the eyes really means.

If you break your nose, you get two black eyes, but it's all around the eyes and the cheekbones like a shiner. 

It is generally understood that when a bone breaks you get a big bruise. 

There are two bones in the base of the skull, that when they break, give telltale bruises. The temporal fossa bones give a large bruise behind the ear. This sign is called 'Battle Sign'.  But the small bones in the front of the base of the skull, behind the forehead and the nose, when they break we can observe the peculiar black eyes which are limited to the orbit and are called either 'Raccoon Eyes' or 'Panda Eyes'.

Here is a video to explain them:  ten signs and symbols of basilar skull fracture

Here are some medical things for those who are interested:

Now you can connect the dots. 

From pounding from the front (fellatio forced) or the back (sodomy) the adult male seeking sexual gratification from a child is so forceful, that there is a tear in the meninges and a fracture in the bones in the front part of the base of the skull.

This is so common that a member of the ASSC 'club', the singer, makes a joke about it by dressing/makeup in public, which the vast majority of fans won't understand or care what it really means.

There are photos of actual abused children on the internet, who have been abused in SRA, but we don't want to show them.

The truth is horrifying enough. 

While I was writing this, I was listening to  The Video on the KP post which includes Charlie Freak, the one who was in the three hour video talking about the shipping containers and adrenochrome.  I haven't finished, and I'm not sure what's going on exactly with the video, but it has people I trust and it makes sense.

Also, in last night's Bible reading, we read Ezekial 27:7-the talks about the mercenaries, the economies back in the day, and how one came to an end. And then we realized how economies are so important today, and there is effort to break the economies today. With the Bible study, and the information from the last video Three hour Charllie Freak and Colleen, we realized that the black market economy, the unseen, and the even darker one with the adrenochrome--run the world too. So the question we had, is this--if we get rid of every pedophile, how do we do it? As long as there is demand, then there is the pornography made. Isn't it in the hearts of humans what needs to be cleaned out?

From the wanting something more 'edgy', the slippery slope from normal healthy sex into more and more depravity and darkness--porn isn't healthy. Lots of people in mainstream culture partake in it. Some get addicted to it.

So our conclusion is that one goes with the other. And the HEARTS need to be cleaned from the evil too.

Ross and I want you to be aware, and to understand the important story these eyes are telling you, and to anchor goodness and prosperity and nurturing, warmth, love and compassion everywhere you go.

Be strong, and know all of our Heavenly teams support you.


This information is disturbing, and I apologize for it. We encourage you to check your own moral compass, and to allow for your own interpretation, and see how you feel what is 'right' on this important issue.

We would like to have all children be restored, mind, body and soul--through education and protection--so they can freely roam and play without fear of harm.

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Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple who want to make a difference in the coming of what is new to Earth, to Gaia and her People.

Monday, August 17, 2020



I have to write this, and I've been stalling. Spirit asked me to write. Today is the first day of school 'La RentreĆ©', on the computers, we are having a really bad heat wave, and there might be rolling blackouts in our neighborhood. 

So, Anthony found me here stalling by writing reviews for our rabbit cage we bought on Amazon, and changing my password on, to him, is absolutely hilarious.

I have my books to go through today, but first when the shop opens I have to return a fifty dollar tee shirt we bought because it's one size too small for Anthony. Yesterday we did an abbreviated 'back to school shopping' and I had no clue the tee shirt was fifty dollars! OMG!

Yesterday I finally got to go run errands I needed to run. I stopped by the post office, the bank, an antique store, Costco (more later), BevMo!, and Ralph's grocery store. I drove my old car, the convertible, and it felt good to be zipping around the neighborhood in my little Z-4.

Costco has membership, and they sent me a rewards check. I cashed it for forty seven dollars and eighty some odd cents. But the clerk messed with me. When I asked if I could cash it, because last time with the other rewards, they ran out of cash!--he said, 'didn't you see it's only Monday through Friday?'. I looked with my reading glasses at home, struggling to find the small print. Then he said, 'I was just messing with you!'

I loved the antique store. I guess in my fifties, it's just been so many changes in how we live our lives! They had Motown playing, and I walked through the store looking for the perfect shelf to put in my closet to hold my purses. 

Instead I found a bean pot, and a beautiful heart-shaped copper mold to match my other heart-shaped one from Switzerland I've had since 1998. 

As I was checking out, I saw they had antique windows hanging from chains on the ceiling, instead of the lucite I've come to hate. It was nice.

And gently, Ross explained that when you have vacation, you get a souvenir...even a my bean pot I can use to make Boston Baked Beans--the real kind like my dad grew up with--is my souvenir.

I felt mercy.

I feel like crying now even as I write it.

No real vacation, but Ross gently insists I get a souvenir.

With the cleaning of the house and the Marie Kondo I thought such things were not possible!

I'm so glad for his calm and his love. 

The Schumann Resonance is shit and I don't even care about it. I really don't. I don't care about the cities in my country that have been taken out--Portland, Seattle, New York, Chicago, Minneapolis, Atlanta--it's a total war zone. I don't care about the insanity of right versus left, and even right versus wrong. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of everything. 

So I focus on what I can.

I am still loving to everyone I meet. 24/7

I still listen to spirit.

I still write this when it's the thing I kind of wanted to put off.

I drew an Animal Magic card, Snake medicine, last night. I am being asked to survive all this stuff in order to Transmute it. It helps me to understand a little better. 

This too shall pass. 

Today, I woke Anthony up early, and we went for a walk in the neighborhood before breakfast. I still have my tennis shoes on. It was a good way to start the day.

I'll try to focus more and stop writing reviews on things...

Ross says to share the recipe, so I will:  Pork Chile Verde

I forgot the canned chiles. I had one red bell pepper and one green one. I used two small onions. I used regular chicken bone broth. And instead of ancho pepper I added two dried Hatch chile peppers. 

I also got special non-GMO uncooked flour tortillas, and you warm them up in the pan. It was delicious!

Ross doesn't say anything else, he just says to 'hang in there' message to you. And for me to go to the store to go get back my fifty dollars.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Twins

Sunday, August 16, 2020

Alone Together


Good morning!

Progress is slow. 

Each of us is carrying our weight up a hill.

Somebody's father just passed away suddenly, seemingly out of the blue, when all psychic advice had promised a long life. The family needs to regroup as the father was the main breadwinner...

A family member's mother died, with lots of betrayal over the plan of care, who the caregiver would be, and basically, a speedy course into Hospice where food and water were painfully withheld from someone who only a week earlier had a little dementia but knew how to feed themselves and who the family members were. All over the inheritance!

My work has driven me to the point of despair, only to have retaliation. All at a time where the personal risk to everyone in the hospital is at an all time maximum! The payments still have not come forth from the hospital for compensation for the covid intubation done, taking us out of our homes and into the front lines, FOUR MONTHS AGO! We keep asking. It was 'lost on the finance person's desk' last month and 'now found'.  This is humiliating, ridiculous and embarrassing.

Each of us is 'locked in' to our particular life circumstance.

And each of us is moving forwards as best we can.

I have a neighbor who is a motorcycle racer, who passed away suddenly doing what he loved to do. His spirit came to me, confronted me, about who I am and why I didn't say anything and how I could be only a few houses away and.... It's that way with the realm of Spirit, too, realizations that are important are not made until it's basically too late...

Such is life during the Ascension of a Planet and Her People.

I woke up to this song. 

It made me think of happier times, when all of my future stretched bright ahead of me. 

I don't know why it played.

But I was told to put it into the blog today, so here it is.

There's no white on the Schumann resonance. It's okay. I don't care. And the last white I couldn't feel anyway. I don't know why I couldn't feel it, but I didn't.

My huge realization today is about Sisyphus, the story from antiquity, of a person who pushed a heavy rock up a hill, with all his might, only to have the rock roll back down the hill and he would need to push it again.

Without the rock, and the struggle, we would know NOTHING of Sisyphus. NOTHING!

So it is our life struggle which truly defines US.

Embrace it. 

My rock uphill is the messiness in my house. I can't find anything. But I trusted and had faith in Marie Kondo. And I've started her program. It works!

But it takes time...

After the cleaning last weekend, on this weekend, I still needed to throw out things (our trash can had been full now it's empty), make a drop-off to the donation center, and organize/put things away. So yesterday I assembled a shelf that has been in a box by the entry way for at least two months. It's a shelving system made with aluminum tubes, little connectors, and non-woven paper/fabric 'shelves'. 

There's no official way to put the system together!  You 'make it like you want it'. It took some time for that concept to sink in.

But now, I have the shelf with the containers to hold folded pants, and tee shirts, saving me from having to reach to the overhead shelf. Now the sweaters are beautifully folded in the overhead area. 

I asked Anthony to help me move some things around in the closet.

And I set up a second set of shelving to hold up the towels, because I really dislike them being under the sink. 

Anthony says everything looks 'much better'. 

Next job is the books. Perhaps on Monday I will take care of them. 

Inch by inch you will be able to meet your goals.

And to be honest, this mess is a total gift, because it is an escape from the world at large, the confusion, the lies, the mockery of Truth that is going on 'hidden in plain sight'.

I will leave you with a few things that brought me joy yesterday, or at least, fascination:
  • A webpage that helps you not have to wear masks--legally
  • A recipe for mole (pronounced MOL-ay) sauce
  • A Kitten speaks, you can tell the mind-control this poor soul has been subjected too. She can't really keep on track, and you can sense how she's struggling to say how she feels. The last thing a trauma-based mind control victim can do IS feel. Someone else programs everything into them, and they have a handler. You can almost hear the word play and double-speak that goes into the programming, in her monologue..
  • A Prophet speaks. The poem. The Monica Lewinsky poem. How it got to be there, with everyone in on it. I enjoyed listening to his speaking style, seeing his confidence, and how he presents himself. His self-effacing humor...
  • A gift from Ross, a recipe which brought me much joy and happiness

Slowly, our problems are resolving. We had rats in the walls, we could hear them scratching and it was horrifying. But we hired an excellent service. They identified activity in the attic, and sealed off entry to it.  We have bait boxes they will maintain. 

The pool isn't as big of a problem with the algae. We actually have two pumps on all the time in series, and every two weeks we need to change both filters. I understand the system and the chemicals, Anthony and I work together as a team.

We put in an application to adopt a dog, it wasn't accepted, but it's okay, we understand there's lots more cleaning to be done, and then once that's set we can consider it. This was a beautiful deaf dog who had lost her owner who had passed. Perhaps Spirit wants us to get a puppy, I don't know. 

My depression is slowly lifting. The last few weeks I have been very, very depressed. But it helps me to understand myself better. I work to live. I work to enjoy fabulous vacations. This year? Nothing. Nowhere. A couple trips to the beach, a generous sharing of time in a neighbor's pool when they were on vacation and we ate restaurant food like we were on vacation, a wonderful get-together with school friends/parents and their luxurious community pool, and a trip to the zoo. Anthony actually had 'more' vacation by visiting his father...who has moved out of town. 

I miss Hawaii. I miss Switzerland and France. I ache to go visit Italy. I dream of visiting New Zealand and Tahiti and Samoa.  I see photos of friends who have traveled to Mexico, and made road trips. I know I wouldn't enjoy a road's okay...I'm not jealous. 

For someone whose job it is to do energy work all over the planet, while going 'on vacation'  (I never know until the last minute what my assignment is, actually the very last second--so people who get frustrated because I don't teach how to 'open vortexes'--it's so hard to explain. You NEVER announce your intentions, and it's better with such top level security not to even know what you are being sent to do...see? It's more Spirit than me, in this work.)....the prospect of not being able to go anywhere is a little bit of a relief but also very sad and very very unnatural. 

Why don't I just get new work?

If only it was as easy as working in a restaurant or selling clothes!

Every group I've ever been with had the politics and money issues. I used to help a woman  with outpatient surgery anesthesia. She would take fifteen percent of everything I made. Billing took seven percent. We negotiated her down to ten percent. But it was bad. She always took the best for herself.

Some groups have a 'buy in' where they take a certain percentage of everything you make until you make partner. 

There's one group who is fair and honest, and another where I have friends. I can start with them. 

I have tremendous 'overhead'. I pay all my own insurances, health, dental, malpractice, disability...there's my license, my DEA license, my educational units...Just to stay in business in anesthesia takes money. 

In a way, I'm looking at just a way to finish my career out, and then retire, and hopefully, have an income stream to take care of it from my savings. Ten more years, and then Anthony will be finished with college. 

I never had the time to get DWR website up and running. It feels like I've missed a window. I paid thirty-five hundred dollars for someone to build it, it never got built, and I still had to pay, and now I pay them twenty dollars a month. It was such a total waste. People building it don't really do much because they need the material to put into it from you.  So I pray on it and hope perhaps Ross and I can help others... somehow...through that original site. Perhaps if I wasn't such a perfectionist. Anthony has seen the mockup, and he thinks it's good.

There hasn't been a new Gaia Portal in over a month. And that feels right. I've been in the dumps, mentally, psychologically, emotionally. Inch by inch I move forward, giving thanks for What Is, and appreciating that at least all of this is a wonderful distraction from current events.

What set me off?

Reading Cathy O'Brien Trance-Formation? A little.

What really did it was the interview by Special Books for Special Kids on the wife, and her mental illnesses, her five diagnoses. I've struggled a lot in the past with anxiety and depression. All those old things came up. I never even watched more than fifteen minutes of that interview, too, but it set me off. 

I KNOW I have friends. I KNOW I'm loved. I KNOW I contribute to the Awakening in ways other people can't. I KNOW in my bones and I can feel it that there is a beautiful future still ahead of me. And I am BLESSED BLESSED BLESSED to have Ross.  

When you have endured the amount of abuse I have, sum total, over all my life, it's really rough. Last week at work was as bad as it gets. It's always a struggle to realize you have value when you have experienced abuse--not that I'm fishing for help or anything, it just IS--and with time and positivity things improve. 

We must factor in too, that we are highly sensitive to the milieu of energies on the planet, and they are really challenging at this time too. Heavy, dense, dark, confusing.

So cleaning and organizing, although it's slow, is a life-affirming welcome path! So is meditation and prayer.

Ross wants me to share yesterday's meditation with you.

There was a gathering of the religious Christians. Ashtar took me on stage for them. But I wasn't 'me' like Carla as you know it. I was a sparkling ball of lights and zaps and crackles of energy. I floated about five or six feet off the ground. The people were mesmerized by watching something they had never seen or imagined possible.

Then somehow with the music and the communication I was doing as a disembodied spirit and Seraphim I am, the crowd started to get the idea that I was announcing the coming of Ross. I was his warm up act.

He strode onto the stage in his robes, and the people went WILD! Absolutely, stark raving WILD, cheering and patting each other on the back and saying 'I knew it!'

He greeted them.

But he interacted with me, to show them, how he can be comfortable with the realm of Spirit, now that they can SEE it...

And he said, 'how can I bring this into a way you can relate to?' and slowly, gently, he transformed me into my present form, and he introduced me to them.

They were silent.

I'm not sure if they understood all they were seeing and taking in.

But it was.

Ross is happy with my description.

Now to get back to cleaning and organizing before Anthony wakes up <3

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple

Friday, August 14, 2020

Moving Imperceptably Forward


I'm okay.

I've been struggling with my lessons.

It's always about being called to service, and not being able to rest.

Yesterday I drove to do my mom a favor, after work, she needed help trimming her toenails and asked me. 

It wasn't easy, they were thick and curled. I could barely see in the light. I did my best, and she was happy.

Remember  how I drove home and to work twice the other day? It's kind of the same thing yesterday, because my work is in the middle of our two homes. 

I've been in shock, emotionally, for three days, because of a code blue I witnessed during a c section. Everything turned out well, the mother went home with the baby yesterday, the surgeon said. The skin tone, the drama, the thinking with all of my medical knowledge that this patient was going to die, the panic on the part of my just hit me like nothing ever has emotionally in my career, and I've seen a lot. 

So yesterday when I got home, I stopped by two stores looking for a small set of drawers to put in the closet for my Marie Kondo. I didn't see anything I liked but it was at least something to move forward.

I had a nice long talk on the phone with my sister. 

Earlier I'd went for a swim.

Today I'm tired but I feel like myself.

Anthony comes home today from his father's too.

Spirit wants me to share this link with you:  another view--a long BitChute film that's well done

I watched it in two chunks. It's very good. It helps connect the dots and give some answers. Like with anything, I'm always a little skeptical of parts, but looking for the nuggets of truth and the research in this one is phenomenal.  And yes, he calls his wife Colleen, 'Colliwog' why I don't know, but that's what he's saying.

Keep up with your meditations, prayers, and study. It will sustain you. 

Be strong.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple who are Illuminated Twins in Spirit