Thursday, June 29, 2017

News From The Front Lines

Life endures!

Work abuse continues...I did eat a sandwich for lunch, and a quesadilla for dinner, which is an improvement. But the jockeying for 'the best cases' is so bad the nurses notice, and one high up suggested I proposed a CRNA-only model with anesthesia supervising, and ME as the contract holder.

I know in my heart, this isn't the right HOURS for me. I love the people. And the patients too. But somehow I feel like the lack of sleep, the lack of knowing when I am coming out of the hospital, and the rest is psychologically damaging to me.

I had a patient who needed an arterial line. I just couldn't get it to thread. I had had pulsatile flow. The surgeon was in a hurry. And then when I tried for the second i.v. line, that too, was unable to thread.  I had blood all over my jacket and pants, and had to change before my next case. During the bustle, I said, 'there are times at work where my soul just cries for my mother!'.

My colleagues said, 'you are a GOOD anesthesiologist! We understand!' but I still said 'some days my soul cries for mom and now is one of them.'

It's too much.

It's way too much.

And MANY anesthesiologists and physicians are leaving the ranks!

At a sister hospital the OB service is desperate to find people to cover the shifts.  Nobody wants to be up all night working for nothing, or at least, next to nothing. Remember, each case you do, you are open to the risk of being sued, having your license taken away, and increased cost to your malpractice insurance..risk never goes away to the provider...ever.

My hospital effective July 1 will not accept CalOptima (except through Monarch, another insurance).

I also got a 'dear doctor' letter--to me as a provider--that effective August 1, my hospital won't take anthem-blue cross. I should find other hospitals for my patients who have that insurance.

I have that insurance! I'm self-insured! (it's a silver pathway obamacare)

Fortunately this time I didn't panic. I know the local Catholic hospital system doesn't take it. Now my work hospital won't. Perhaps the university hospital I used to go to will? They double charge for everything though--facility fee plus doctor fee, even for an office visit that's routine...

I won't panic.

There's plenty going on with the awakening that I think in a short time (till 2018, or possibly sooner, it 'feels') won't be much of an issue.

At work I feel camaraderie between souls. Patients and providers. Colleagues. People are sharing more, they are helping MORE (except the lone greedy ones)...I can't put my finger on it but something has changed for the better.

This isn't an accident.

There are filters across the globe -- energy ones--to achieve the separation and awakening needed to compensate for the inertia of the sleeping masses.

The one thing more wicked than the place I went to they day before yesterday has been addressed by souls who outrank me and Ross.  It's the entire organization of religion, where many dark things have been hidden. It's being cleaned out. (rumors have it the church of Baal/Satan is directly beneath and below St. Peter's and the Vatican in Rome. If you've studied Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart, you will understand the implication of this cleansing.) Now many religious items/images are emitting the diamond flame energy to cleanse and soothe and heal those who turn to them for strength.

As an aside, Anthony's father did an amazing thing for his son. He broke up with his girlfriend. She went behind his back on this school in Vegas, and even signed a lease without his knowing it. He can't go to the house until her stuff is out by Wednesday...

I was talking with my mom last night to share. She had been praying all day for Anthony because he needs his dad, and her wish came true. (It also did for me to leave the hospital by nine pm instead of eleven pm).

She shared how the adopted son across the street, his wife who divorced him left the messiest mess. It's taking him and his mom truck loads to clean it out. Wet clothes filled with mold, totally filthy. She apparently had remarried already and he didn't know. But she had taken out credit cards in his name, maxed them out, and stuck him with the debt while they were still married! He has fifty thousand dollars in debt, and he 'doesn't make much' according to my mom. This is ruining his life, and essentially making him a slave to the credit card companies.

People like her are going to be sent straight to Pan.

Many of those who just don't get it, and aren't ready for Heaven on Earth her on Gaia, are being escorted out. Their souls might have a walk in or a hologram for the rest of us, but the 'spark' that does such harm is moving on. It's just not compatible and they have to go. They have overstayed their welcome.

The needs of the whole outweigh the educational needs of the few; superimpose this in the 'whole' with the planet, and her delicate ecosystems.  Pan is another dimension/planet/reality for people to seamlessly 'switch' to more 3D but it can't be hijacked like this one was by Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart.

One last thing--vortexes and ley lines--they are moving around. There's a new grid. Don't get too 'into' them. Here's a conversation I read about that made me think to remind you:

JP: Vortex like the energy vortex or the water kind? We went to a few vortexes in Sedona off Schnebley Hill Road so you have to check them out when you come out in the Fall.

Trip advisor said the vortex here is not the nice kind. See below...

...<<the vortex thought to be near Hawai'i is not the positive kind similar to Sedona. It's the yang or "vile" vortex type, of which their are 10, Devil's Sea off Japan, Bermuda Triangle, Easter Island, and others, places where planes and boats disappear.
The Hawai'i vortex is in the ocean, a perhaps mythical location called Hamakulia, of high volcanic energy, SE of Hawai'i.>>

MA: Yes Sedona has a lot of them which we explored but would love to get more info from u on Sedona spot's...while there up in Princeville is one.

I don't know how I got that line on there to the left, sorry.

It's time to go to work again. 

It always is.

I'm soooo sleepy too.

Coffee it is.

And hugs to you from Ross and me.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Cleaning Up

Yesterday I had the day off. 

I took Anthony 'somewhere'.

Amazing energy work took place.

First I'd like to share this Gaia Portal.

It tracks my 'work' completely.

(the people at Gaia Portal don't know me personally, there is NO connection outside of Spirit--absolutely none.)

New installations and their functions:

  1. Direct link, one-way, from this place to Mount Shasta, energetically. This brings Agarthan energy up to the surface in a second location besides Shasta.
  2. Special blessing from Kamehameha himself to all who visit the place where they serve the pineapple whip and see the show.
  3. A floral, lace, multidimensional network which gently removes all attachments from the guests with the help of the Guides of Compassionate Healing and Divine Father himself. (this is significant as it is taking some of the energy burden safely OFF Divine Mother incarnate in her mission).  Divine Father calls this 'a scrubber'. It was active effective 1344 on 6.27.2017.
  4. A certain attraction will help people to 'shit or get off the pot' if they are people who 'have trouble making commitments'. This includes gambling habits and cheating on partners in relationship. (those who aren't able to heal/willing will be designated to go to Pan, the 'kinder gentler 3D experience).
  5. Another one will open up the third eye and spark interest in the unseen in all the guests who go on the ride.
  6. This last ride addresses those who have 'a little problem with following the rules'--the Galactic ones of Heaven--and furthermore, attaches a 'homing pigeon' to each soul to help it find its way Home to the higher realms. (some who won't heal are also going to go to Pan).
  7. The last was a disruption of the 'pyrotechnics ritual'--I stood in direct line with the 'contraption' and 'interrupted' it, metaphysically. I waited. Eventually, due to safety/winds, it was cancelled. Only a 'light show' was done. I've never seen so many people not paying attention, and leaving! I cleared the land itself in one gesture, actually kneeling down/crouching down to touch the earth/pavement--in a ten second pulse of energy that went from Ross and his teams, down through me who just made the requested connection physical contact...

You know yesterday was my twenty-fifth anniversary of getting messages from Blessed Mother? That's when I started getting written messages from her. (I started talking to/hearing her in March of that same year).

If it looks like a duck, then...

All-seeing eye hidden

Classic pose, almost as classic as the 'okay sign' for Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart

Star two points up

Carefully placed over burning meat to appease Baal (etc., the 'many named God of Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart).  This by definition is a 'holocaust'. Furthermore, the 'attention'--all the eyes that innocently see it every day, INCREASES the 'power' of 'the offering'.  This is no accident. There are many more 'hidden symbols' if you know what you are seeing when you look at them. These are just three examples.

I think the new Gaia Portal makes the discovery of these 'hidden things' and the 'new installations' to address them and disrupt them all the more fascinating and welcome!

We are now addressing the masses who AREN'T 'fit to be merged' but are 'asleep' deeply, and have a great deal of 'spiritual inertia' which is 'holding back the group'.

We don't have to wait for the last one to awaken. Only a tipping point.

Divine Father said we are in an energy now where no matter how hard they try, the Dark Ones' magic will not work. They can try and try, but everything they do is only going to get more ridiculous and more 'messed up'. 

The working apparatus at the 'kingdom' where the attention and support of the innocent, unknowing masses had once been harnessed for 'hidden agendas' is now cleared, and working to the opposite team--the victorious--to accelerate the awakening of the masses.

It is working by extension to all similar 'places' on earth, too, and there are a handful of them...we all know where they are. 

I was told this upon awakening this morning.

I was also told I would have 'much joy' and 'much happiness' today.

Ross smiles and waves.

He was extra romantic and close, and delivered to us a fabulous and much-needed fun day for our family.

He gives a smile and a thumbs up.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Twins

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Looking Past The Veil

I've been working with Ross to re-write my life to something more 'doable'...without the long crazy hours, without the commute, without the politics...

He told me to think of what I CAN do, what I enjoy...not what I can't do.

So the whole drive home--it was late, I had been stuck by my boss into the one hour free watching the patient in the recovery room--I was thinking how I like to wake up after a good night's rest...etc, etc.

My drive home wasn't to home. It was to my  babysitter's house. Her husband picked Anthony up from school. She's in the valley at her mom's house getting it ready for sale. It turned out her husband just had been alone too long, and needed to talk. He's an amazing man. I started it because I didn't understand what he did for his work. It's actually fascinating. Something to do with electronics and airplanes and the FAA.  He's had a serious eye injury, and suffers from double vision. Both eyes see, but in one the image is distorted.

He had been so kind, and taken Anthony to El Pollo Loco for dinner.

I didn't have dinner.

But I knew sometimes God works 'in mysterious ways', and I know for sure Ross helped him. He and my friend were not in a good place. The eye problem was really getting him down. He enjoys sports like motorcycles that are fast and dirt bike riding. He just had to stop his favorite things to do. Depression set in. It was really hard on the couple. He kept threatening suicide  and crying for days. This went on for a year...and I knew it wasn't sustainable and begged Ross to intervene...Ross never answered me on this...ever...but I knew he heard.

One day in the fall, our friend's boyfriend had a heart attack at work. He had pain, he sweated all over, and then he felt super cold. Where he works there are eight buildings, and he knew the ambulance drivers always get lost. He would have died had he called 911.

He grabbed his keys, he hopped in his car, and he drove to the hospital. When there was a red light, he looked both ways and ran it, one after the next. The hospital was nearby. He actually parked the car! He knew it would be towed if he didn't. He walked into the ER and said, 'I think I am having a heart attack'.

They took him right in. Their hospital was full in the cath lab. They put him in the ambulance to the next nearest hospital. There he coded. He was down for ten minutes.

The doctors weren't sure if there was neurological damage. Most people don't come back after being down that long.

He did.

It bothered him how people were watching him to see if he had neurological deficits. He knew he was okay. But their concern scared HIM.

Now he calls himself the 2.0 upgrade version. And he is. He's kinder. He proposed. They married.

I'm his wife's closest and longest friend, he said. And it's true. I shared how she has been wonderful with Anthony, how even at times she would choose Anthony's side over her own son's, and how I'm grateful.

He smiled and confessed, 'yes, she's really good with kids'.

She is.

That's not the first time Ross has helped.  This one, I asked him to 'DO SOMETHING' and it worked out beautifully in only ways Ross can help.

The first time was when we met in the pool, my friend and her son--who is five years older than Anthony--and me and Anthony.  We were neighbors. And I had this feeling in my heart, 'I'd love for her to watch Anthony' because she's so nice and we really became friends.

A few months later, she was offered a position in Texas as her company was moving. Either that or quit one year before retirement (actually she was laid off). Immediately I offered to help in exchange for babysitting. I always felt an angel helped me with that.  I'm sure it was Ross...

This part isn't so easy to write.

It's that higher-dimensional, place without words thing I am translating to words.

When I left for Hawaii, I had a realization of a room, much like this, where I was sitting. Divine Father was there. I was there. And there was a soul there--I don't know who.

The soul stood before us.

It was quiet. Not somber. But serious more than anything I've ever 'sensed' and there was no joking around.

It was fascinating.

The soul was shown a life review.

And they couldn't face me.

They couldn't look me in the eye.

They were being held accountable for how they treated the resources on Gaia.

Apparently every one of us is sent to be Her caretaker.

Every soul who is on the way out--completed their assignment and lessons here on Gaia--has to decide for themselves how well they completed their project. Did they achieve what they were sent here to do? Were they distracted?

These souls EXPECT to see Creator. They KNOW they will be evaluated as a good person. In a way they have prepared for this their whole lives.

Every single one of them is totally and completely blindsided to meet me.

It's the little things that add up, that count. The recycling. The helping the hungry animals. The not going through remodels and new cars and the rest to 'keep up with the latest'. The being humble and taking what you need, not more (think like the First Nations with their subsistence living).  The being conscious and mindful in every daily activity of living--so as not to impose as a guest in someone else's home--Nature--and living in Harmony as best as one can with All There Is alive on the planet, not just the humans.

I wish I knew where Ross and Divine Mother are. I didn't see them in the room.

But I do know that many who choose to merge after their Life Review do so because of the horrible abominations they have done and it is too painful for them to be discovered. Their secret atrocities were okay as long as they were secret. The easy way out is not to heal, to just 'go'...

Incarnate Archangel Michael sent me this link recently:

It's close to my visions.

The intense emotions, were similar.

The concept that souls are energy balls--basically, orbs--makes sense too.

I ran this one by Divine Mother Incarnate. She says some of it is true, perhaps some it with a grain of salt.

It deeply resonated with me, I'm grateful for it.

And if Higher Selves talk like this to the hypnosis people--QHHT--perhaps this information from sessions should be made available to more people.

It really helped me.

On to a different subject!

I am torn in my career options/choices because it keeps coming back to me that I'm in the right place at the right time during my day.

This reminds me of the 'those who were sent to sacrifice themselves' in the article in the last section. In all three cases I was present to support and assist the persons involved.

Case 1:  Lady Surgeon. She is very perceptive. She is struggling and healing after a split from her group four years ago. She came out of fellowship with a guarantee salary. She has excellent credentials and skills and training. But the abuse! You really couldn't make it on your own, because the patients come to me for my name.  Then there was the stealing--there is no money in the checking account, so you aren't going to get paid--that went on for months and months. She had over seven hundred thousand dollars she brought to the group in her services given to the patients--and saw only a tiny fraction of it. The partners took their salaries first, then the office payroll and expenses, and then what was left they gave to her and the other 'new guy'.  She struggles to 'get' how to run a business on her own. She says, 'I never learned how to do it'--and that's right. Medical school has a glaring paucity of instruction on how to run a successful practice. Even hiring personnel is difficult. She had trouble with one worker. She calls the process of being a boss, 'babysitting adults'...for example, she had to tell her employee not to call the others in the front office 'bitches'. She says, 'it's things they should have learned at home a long time to be professional.'  She takes call for free. Sometimes if she gets a sick patient she's up for days, and has to delay her office and scheduled patients. At other hospitals in the area, you aren't expected to take call. But at ours, you have to to be on staff. She doesn't want to give of her free time to take call, to lose money, and to be exposed to risk of being sued. She's spoken to the high ranking administrators of the hospital how it's not fair how the schedule is made--she was put on four days in a row for a long weekend--that was too much! She has a point and I'm sure what once worked in the past isn't going to work for the incoming new doctors who value personal time.

Case 2:  Wife of Surgeon. This one had an emergency. I stayed late. I was told the daughter 'will ask questions'. That was an understatement. The daughter refused to take the mom home until SHE thought her mom was ready.  It needed delicate management, which the nursing staff and I did well. The daughter essentially STOLE thirty minutes from my life by refusing to go when medical experts said it was time to go. Anxiety, neurosis, and fear have absolutely NO PLACE in the higher realms!  So I worked--being in the 'right place at the right time'--sending unconditional love, neutralizing the fear, and being the 'bigger person'...being very sad I had no spend not just sixty minutes for free for the routine post-op which went very well, but for the extra thirty because the family demanded it. Life isn't what you get, it's what you NEGOTIATE.  I wish my negotiating skills were a little better when it comes to situations like this.

Case 3:  Disneyland and Anthony. Anthony looked SAD. Deeply sad. I had only a small bite of yogurt, and I had to put my needs aside and check out my son. The roller skating had gone well, someone had taught him, and he didn't get hurt. He looked dead inside. Like the typical teenager, he didn't get his feelings out when I offered support. He paused a  long time. It was drama. And then, 'someone insinuated he is a stalker' on their group chat. It was Isaac, the one who shared a room with us, the one who had once made him want to end it all and I had to take him to therapy. And a therapy where 'he never really told the counselor how he feels because he didn't trust her'...I could see her working a difference, and I met with her too, and he DID make progress. But Anthony is one who keeps things IN. So I told him, this is a rough patch. I had a rough patch to go through after my training and to pass my boards. I knew it was rough, it would take a lot of studying and time. And when I asked my friends if I could join their study group, they said, 'NO!'.  'Four is enough, go find someone else!'. I was devastated. I decided I would study with Niels Jensen, the best, the one who had the blue and the red books to help you pass your boards. I bought everything. I attended the conferences. And I WORKED really hard. At the boards, guess who sat next to me? The one who said no. And she didn't pass. I did.   So I explained to Anthony how adolescence is a rough patch, one that gets MUCH better once you've graduated--and somehow together we will find our way through. But keeping things in isn't helping.  (a colleague had offered me a day off, so I used the pendulum, and I took it. Anthony wants to go to Disney today, I'm still not sure if we will go. He's asleep. There's traffic. And he has basketball practice tonight. Anthony doesn't do well in the heat, and it's going to be a scorcher at the park today.)

I'm going to add an aside to Case 3:  Friends episodes on Netflix. Anthony can't get enough of them. It basically ruined our vacation. His sunburn, and his addiction to this show. I watched enough to agree with him, it's cute. But now?  As I was waking up I realized the theme fits the Disney model--Phoebe's mom is dead. Rachel's is mean/picky/selfish. Her dad isn't much better. Monica's mom is really passive aggressive with her. Chandler's parent's divorced. Joey's dad is fooling around on his mom, and she's okay with it.   I think the format is FRIENDS = SOMETHING SUPERIOR TO FAMILY in the programming.  Family is selected by you before you are born--it's important. Yes, some people pick families with huge opportunities for 'lessons'--souls have their reasons. But family is important to the soul, for it to heal. Back to the show--however--there are also lots of predictive programmings thrown in there. Phoebe is the New Ager who is always made to look stupid. In the last one, she somehow gets a mink coat, and likes it, although she's a vegetarian and animal rights activist. Yes, it's entertainment. But also, it has HUGE outreach, not just live but in syndicate...and influences many without their realizing it, including my son. Shows like this give him the expectation to be popular. Once at the trampoline park, he had been watching lots of Zach and Cody, and thought since it was spring break he would make friends. He ditched me. He acted like he didn't know me. And he never made a single friend! This makes sense because people go to places like this WITH their friends! It's not a place to form friendships. He apologized to me in the car, and yes, I told him this is unacceptable to ignore me, especially when I pay!  In the future anything like this will be grounds for immediate discipline!


(he clears his throat--ed)

It has been a while since you heard from me.

From where I am things are busy, there are lots of preparations to attend, but I am well.

Carla always worries about my well-being, and just in case some of you were wondering why I had 'gone off the deep end'--all is well. I am always okay. I am in excellent health, get enough rest, get enough meditation (which is more important than food to you on earth), and I am in good spirits. I am highly content.

Now about you. (taps the blog post--ed)

I don't want you to worry about your 'Life Review with Gaia'...if you are on this page with us it is a Big Plus!

I DO want you to know there is something like it for everyone, and to prepare. This advance notice is blessing enough. And it doesn't matter how you treated Carla who is incarnate. It's the Earth. That's the only part that is evaluated and judged by you and you alone. The rest, 'how you played along with others'? That's the other room where there is Divine Mother and me.  I am the one who takes you to that room first, most of you who cross over. Angels may guide you up but it is always I who escorts you to that room.  Then after that you are walked over to Divine Father and Carla.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple/Twins

Monday, June 26, 2017

Is It Like To Win At Chess?

Last night as I was falling asleep, I was talking to Ross. I asked him what the deal is? Why am I here? What is the energy that created me?

I knew on the one hand, my memories of Home--the room where the seraphim are--and also, getting into the machine to create twin souls from just me, and being delighted with Ross who was created at that time.

But I show before him, like baseball cards, all of the beings I've incarnated as, spread out on the table.

I referenced this article and asked  him, directly, 'is this--all the characters--like-- all to win a game of chess?'

Ross chuckled, and softened, and took me in his arms. I could tell the love and affection was real, that he in no way ever thought it could be interpreted like this, but once I asked he could totally see my point.

I sensed he wanted me to write this.

Then in my mind's eye, Ashtar was there. He kissed me hello, and also there was a long metal thing for me to swallow. When I had been in Alaska, Divine Father had given me a key to swallow (my soul--that's how important things go 'in'--things I don't understand but they do.) Ashtar was very smooth about it, acted like nothing happened. This was smaller than the key but several inches long.

Then Ashtar led me down a long hall. He was going to explain something.

I don't remember anything else.

Yesterday some of the best things I saw on the internet were photos on Instagram by astrooaxaca of dandelions. They said, 'sacred geometry' but there was so much energy coming off them.

I got news yesterday that Jared's girlfriend just got accepted to an accelerated bachelor of science nursing program in Las Vegas. It starts in October.  Their house is up for sale because Jared and his brother co-own it and the brother wants to move to Seattle.  

We had dinner with Jared's parents last night. They moved to Arizona for their retirement. We haven't seen them since March. Frankly, Anthony is resentful. They have come to visit twice since then, but to babysit his Uncle's dogs and never once asked about him. They made him miss a basketball game because they took the family out to dinner. Father's day came and he didn't even want to call his grandfather. He didn't want to give a card. And he didn't want to mention it yesterday.

Things are moving around.

I am asking Spirit for guidance on 'what next'? It looks like I am to teach, starting with the nurses first, and I will be doing a great deal of writing of the learning materials in my spare time this summer.

To be honest, I'm not sure what to do with my life.

The hours and working conditions for anesthesia are brutal.

The cost of living is going up. It's also getting super traffic-y and crowded here in Southern California.

I need more energy from my home/geography and I sense things are 'moving around' and at some point things will become more clear.  That's what Ross says. He says I won't 'get it' all at once, but I will end up where I need to be.

It's weird to think of 'slowing down' and 'retirement' because I had kind of thought I would feel like I did when I was forty forever.

I take it with a grain of salt when I superimpose the whole Ross thing, the Ascension thing...

If you're ever interested, I have a trail of my own things I watch on my YouTube--I'm 77picklehead. There's one file called 'Truthseeking'. But if you want just a good source, lately I've been impressed with this channel.  I think they are the best. I've also noticed how the Black Child has had completely stopped producing things. It used to be pretty reasonable...

Anyhow, those are my thoughts.

Ross gives a smile and a wave. He's been quiet with me too lately. I've asked him are you busy? What's up?

Either way, in general I sense we are reaching closer and closer, hurtling closer, to the eventual conclusion of the whole Ascension 'thing'...

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Twins

Saturday, June 24, 2017

The Arc of Silence

This morning, Ross woke me up to the title of this blog post. Divine Mother incarnate had further clarified with me the last ten percent of what there is to know.

Here it is in her own words:

The Oneness of all, it is that all the souls carry a part of the same consciousness, maybe a bit mixed, a part of this and a part of that and in this all is unique but all from the same stuff, the same love that is Creator. The ocean is one ocean and one mass of water and each drop of ocean water is unique but a part of the same ocean.

This might explain why some people really believe they are Divine Mother or Divine Father or this archangel or that archangel as in all truth, the origin of all is the same energy.

Some are more unique as the Archangels and Angels who exist in all eternity and from one cycle to the next and so on like Michael who is several cycles 'old'. And then the Prime souls who divide into these huge numbers of normal souls that through their growth and evolution reconnect one after another until the original Prime Soul is formed again that then one day merges back with me and when the last of these souls has merged with me a cycle is finished and the next will begin.

All of you are a part of me, unique in itself as soul and incarnation but in essence you are all a part of the same essence, the same energy.

I explain it always as one soup of energy all over that is and in some places this soul soup gets a bit thicker as energy is connecting in a more special way and forming like an energy ball and this energy ball is a soul, it is still a part of the soup but individualized as it took a piece of this soup in this place and a piece of the soup in that place but still a part of the same soup.

Because all is still in the same soup/ocean the connection can't be lost, the Oneness is still intact.

You ARE Gaia Sophia but the same time also Carla, maybe your soul or HS has sponsored some of her energy to other souls to help reach a higher energy and vibe on Earth as there might also be some memory and experiences accompanying this process so that that certain soul really believes it is 'this' soul that has sponsored this energy to it. (I was told by AA Michael's second incarnation some of my energy was in Diana, Princess of Wales--ed). But you as Carla and Gaia Sophia you are the same soul and your memories and experiences/lesson learned will stay, hopefully only the positive memories.

The energy that is sponsored to other souls for a better result of this Ascension process should afterwards go back to the original soul.

Maybe for you it might be like it will be for me, living my life as Goldenstar simultaneously to my life as EnnKa at SaLuSa's side;

EnnKa and Goldenstar are One but in two bodies living and independent life but knowing they are One.

Raphael and SaLuSa are One but two independent beings.

I don't think duplication is possible as truly everyone is unique and even the first incarnation while being one has their own life; it is a kind of dichotomy, they are one but despite this they are unique, not a copy but each one with memories and experiences and a life of their own, being still One soul.

Silverstar and my HS say I described it right...

I have some troubles too in some things and don't understand yet all but I think I am near in most of it.

I saw Kamehameha smiling at Anthony and me while I was on the shuttle bus to the rental car place at the airport. He is very tall, and I know him well. Our souls go back together. I was his favorite daughter from his favorite wife, I believe Queen Kahu'umanu.

Last time we were here, in November (around Hawaiian New Year)--I took Anthony to a place that is special for those who love Kamehameha, and he gave his blessing to the boy. He will always watch over him.

This time, I didn't know the surprises planned.

We have a very special room, a suite, right on the beach, for much less than the going rate. I couldn't imagine a nicer suite in the entire hotel...

And I've been working...

This land here is Kalahuipua'a...old stomping grounds for Kamehameha and the ali'i. The name means 'pig gathering place'. There is a fish out a little deep from here. It has shape of pig. It has snout like pig. And when you catch it, and haul it onshore, it grunts like pig.  There are lots of them here, the only place on the island. That's how it got the name, this land.

It was sold in 1936 to Francis Hyde I'i Brown, a descendant of Papa I'i, a general in Kamehameha's army. He bought it from John Palmer Parker of Parker Ranch.

It has many fish ponds and petroglyphs here (more than anywhere in Polynesia). It was a place to relax and enjoy ho'okopia (hospitality).  But if you were not ali'i, you could be invited for the day, but you wouldn't spend the night, back in the old times.

There are five mountains visible from here--Mauna Kea, Mauna Loa, Hualalaii, Kohala, and across the waters, Haleakala on Maui.

In 1972 this property was sold and renamed Mauna Lani (as Pig Place isn't very good for real estate, right?).

It was the Rockefellers who built up this place in the 1970's!!!

We are near the Heiau, Pu'ohokola (spelling, sorry). This was where the final unification of the Islands took place. There was a human chain for forty miles to bring the rocks to the heiau to build it. There is rumor many deaths happened and the bodies were buried into the temple. Kamehameha's cousin, who was ruler of Maui, was invited there. He knew he would be sacrificed, but to save honor, and to honor prophecy of Kamehameha, he willingly came to his death.

The Mauna Lani hotel is in many ways with its distinctive architecture reminiscent to me of a heiau...and the feelings and energies with is are a heiau. Down below the structure is where I feel it.

In 2012, I helped set many souls free who were trapped in both heiau areas. I helped them cross to the light.

On this trip, I discovered that Kamehameha had been aware of something the 'builders' (yes, they were here, unfortunately) wanted to 'harness' of the energy of the region. 

He booby trapped it.

He booby trapped their plans--the 'builders' will plan things over many generations--so what the Rockefellers (who are linked to Agenda 21, NWO, and more--ed) were trying to do, had been booby-trapped generations before Kamehameha.

On the canoe ride we learned of early Hawaii on the Big Island. Kamehameha was born in Hawi, on the tip of the island nearest to Maui. The island was ruled peacefully by six kings. A king was taken away as a keiki, and treated to hardships. As part of their education to lead they were beaten, starved, and exposed to all the things people can suffer from a bad king. That way, as ruler for the people, it is the responsibility of the king to make sure his people never suffer under him.

People were free to move from one king to another, if they were not happy.

If one king overfished his region, or did too much agriculture--then they did not have right to take from the next region.

This started many wars...mismanagement by the kings...

When Kamehameha was born, there was a vision by a huna (kahuna) of his future. The kings sent to look for this baby, and to kill it

He was taken up into a valley region, where there were actually eight valleys to confuse those who sought after him, and he was raised in one of them. He didn't come out until he was an adolescent, and he was very smart and won all the Hawaiian sport games they had on the island.

Captain Cook came at that time. People honored him and gave him gifts. He went away for three years, and he came back. The people honored him again. He went away. When he came back the last time, he tried a trick that works in Polynesia/Tahiti. He stole/kidnapped a king's daughter. Back there, the people would give him whatever he wanted.

That didn't work here.

Kamehameha and his army killed him.

People think that Kamehameha was power-hungry, and this is what drove him to conquer the islands.

He actually did it to protect his people.

He thought to himself, 'if Captain Cook can find this place, who is going to come here next? What will we do?'

So he knew the British navy was the strongest in the world. He surrendered the Big Island to Britain. But when you surrender, you get something.

He got cannons and modern weapons and supplies.

He took the cannons up the chain of islands, conquering them one by one.  With one exception.  He knew the ali'i of Kauai was old and sick and feeble. He told him, if you sign a treaty with us, we will leave you in peace.  The treaty was signed.

At the time, Maui had French occupation, Oahu was from the United States occupation, and Kauai had ties to Germany! (I don't remember who had Kahoolawe, but our guide this morning mentioned it).

Much change was taking place on the islands when Kamehameha united them all.

I personally 'sense' that Kamehameha was a pawn in the hands of the 'builders', and at some point, due to his own deep spiritual training--as was normal for Hawaiians at the time to work with spirit--he figured it out and took matters into his own hands...

On this trip, the first morning, he woke me up, and asked me to go to the bead I could do work for him. That morning, at the 'office', I found a perfect white shell with a hole in the middle.  I was frustrated because I couldn't get to the bead shop before it closed. I drove far, but was too late (I should have gone to Target afterwards).  

I realized at some point, the beads were 'mountains'...and energetically I connected them...I can't tell you how but it was a stretch for me, I'll give you that...and the energy started to flow harmoniously in this area as never before. 

The 'beads' weren't our 'beads' after all, and Kamehameha was so pleased he sent me one more of the very rare 'bead shells' ...where I snorkel.

This morning, I asked Kamehameha to bless us on our canoe ride to greet the sunrise. 

We paddled out with Elijah, who remembered us from last time. Anthony and I were the only ones there. It was a 'private tour' because the two others who had signed up never showed.

We heard the conch blow in the four directions. A conch can be heard from two miles away.  A conch means for the people to be alert and to gather. 

We heard the chant--the sun is here, and it brings life to this new day, yesterday is gone, all things today are Hawaiian which was translated for us.

Then --it was a stormy morning with many clouds, yet, calm, clear oceans where you could see the bottom easily thirty feet below, and all the fish--Elijah confided something.

He had never seen the oceans so clear and calm before.

And we were surrounded by honu.

When he first blew the conch, the turtles (honu) came up, and looked at us.

There were five, and we were in the middle.

It was a sign.

I knew who it was from. 

We had three times longer time out there at sea, than the usual tour. We spoke of many important things. How the 'outsiders' come to expect a Hawaii that is 'scripted' for them. How many disregard the sacred things, and also, try to go to beaches where just locals go. His friend asks them to leave, when they invade it.

I spoke how I hate the name, Captain Cook, the name for a town near Kona, and I supposed the only good thing about it is that it proves he's dead. Captain Cook brought nothing but sorrow to the islands...and Elijah had never thought about it, how the name sticks out like a sore thumb, because everything else on the island is true Hawaiian name.

Elijah has been to the heiau many times--up on it--only locals who are of that faith may go.

When I told him it found me--I went there because I was going someplace else, I got lost, ended up there when I tried to turn around, and figured maybe I should go--he was thoughtful. Then it was time to paddle back.

I shared with him about the First Nations in Alaska, who lack the confidence of their brothers and sisters here. How I saw their singing and dancing at the cultural center and I KNEW the wealth of spirit the songs contained and had passed on--even though the dancers weren't aware of it what they had. I shared my vision how these are the leaders of the new world, the world where Spirit and Science are One--how the unseen is just as important as the seen and measured....and I wished how the Kingdom of Hawaii (natives here) would go help First Nations in Alaska and Canada to get their confidence up.

I shared how kahuna lapaulau (healers) spoke with plants to find cures, how native Hawaiians often died of bowel obstruction, and how elaborate gourds were tools of the trade, to open things up as enemas. How kahunas demanded payment up front (elaborate banquets) and how sometimes healing took a village, as the emotional imbalances were often tied to the physical, and a healer needed to heal both for everyone involved (for example, a mother and son had a feud/separation, that caused the mother pain in her stomach) emotional release and crying and support was very healing for the whole village...when the kahuna chose to heal the sick...

It was a wonderful morning...

Now I must pack.

P.S. Yesterday Anthony and I were in the ocean while it was raining hard. It was beautiful, to see the raindrops on the surface of the water. Some made little splashes where drops came back up. Some made circles that were beautiful.

Kamehameha came to me. He was in good spirits. He told me to come back.  I said of course, in 2018, for my next conference.

He told me it's sooner. He will call to me, and let me know when it is time for me to come.

It made me glad.

I slept wonderfully all night.

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple

Friday, June 23, 2017

Gently Telling The Facts

Ross sat me down this morning. I needed to talk with him, he said. And after we finished, he said I have about a ninety percent understanding of how things work.

The good news is the icky, out of sorts feeling I've had this whole trip has softened...and I believe the reason I was sent here to my favorite place in the whole world was to be given the truth...about who we are...and why we are here.

I am supposed to break it to you, those of you who have eyes that see and ears that hear, and have been working on it.

Here is the easy part...

My consciousness is awake and okay with all of my many past lives. What is aware and in me as Carla is totally connected to my other lives. Basically my memory is intact. It's the combination of the memories and the feelings from who I was. I have been a temple girl (not sure where), a princess several times, a queen, a soldier (yes a male, as well as a female!)...and of course, Ross' partner and twin.  Before I remembered, many things in this life gave me much pleasure and joy, more than normal, and it was my soul remembering that which I couldn't.  Indian food, for the first time, was like, 'where have you been all my life?'...I felt love for the culture, the food, the music...a deeper love than one would expect for a college student in Berkeley who was in her twenties, you know?

The whole point is not who I was, this is about you, and who YOU were in your past lives...when you reach a certain point in your Ascension, you will know in your heart by making the connections. You will have memories nobody else could have. It's not because someone tells you. It's not a whim. It's part of who you are.

When you discover your truth in this way, there is a feeling of satisfaction, of completion, that the nagging questions about why you are the way you are--sort of a 'wow, that makes sense!'--conclusion about the whole thing.

One of my past lives was the daughter of Kamehameha. That one wasn't so happy. Because of my 'mana' (spiritual power) I was cloistered and my marriage was political.

Another was Liliuokalani. There's so much more to that one...however, it explains why on my first trip to Honolulu I had absolutely ZERO interest in seeing the Iolani palace. I had aversion to it, and I couldn't explain why? It turns out, in the history books, Liluokalani was held on house arrest there for several years, I forget how many, but it was a long time.

The integration of who I am, together which who I have been, for me, has been an effortless one. I don't overthink it, and I accept.

Along with this, other things are increasing with the energies, to the point where telepathy is a tool I use every day to communicate, particularly when I want a favor or something done. I think it, and a microsecond later, the person brings it up as if it was their idea.

I pick up people's 'stories' too, intuitively. Not perfectly, but close, very close, by the process of claircognizance. This is telepathy in reverse, so to speak--how I receive information through this spiritual 'wifi'...

As for manifesting, in general, things are starting to work out as I keep my thoughts 'high and tight'...more sleep when I'm at work, leaving a little earlier, help with the child care...more routine which I love. It's not perfect but on the whole it is markedly improved since the past few years.

Gratitude plays a huge part in everything. Yesterday I practiced gratitude. It's more of a way of life for me.

The 'searching' is much less, as well as the need to 'do things' as earlier Spirit has many tasks for me to do. Now I get a little more freedom. I don't have the 'push' to write. And for the delicate things like this, Spirit lets me take my time and process it.

Early in the Awakening I enjoyed the presence of my guides often, and I could ask for signs and I got them. Now, later on, I sense they are fostering my independence as a soul. I ask, and they will come, but they aren't always noticeably with me.

In essence, I enjoy and promote peace and harmony in all I do, and my inner world harmoniously reflects my outer world--in body, mind, soul, spirit, and purpose.  I am a teacher-healer, I've been one for a long time, and I help out when asked to be of assistance in both the seen and the unseen.

I also have compassion for those who are struggling to awaken, and to step into their truth.

I know of one who couldn't detect a dark one--it was understandable given the situation. The dark ones are experts at this deception too. It led to total and immediate destruction of everything that had been under the care of this soul--a whole planet. The soul was devastated, and still is. But it functions. This soul is trying to prove to itself it can detect such its own way the soul is trying to undo the past.  Souls do this. I'd say the detection rate for this soul is probably fifty percent. And when there's another who can detect when it can't, it goes ballistic. Absolutely, positively, explosive on it. Because it's too close to home. That's when all people get angry. And this soul keeps punishing itself--and projecting onto others--because of the one lesson is has yet to learn.  It could easily compensate by attracting others who have exceptional detection skills--who still aren't perfect--and to work together to heal this sore spot.

It's okay.

Souls have time.

And lessons sometimes take long time to learn. Incarnations and incarnations.

This soul will find its way. The soul on a soul level knows what to do. I have peace with this...

This morning I had a beautiful swim in my 'office'...I snorkeled and saw many fish. I saw sail fishes with their fantastic fins. I sneaked up an an octopus too. It knew I was watching it, and I felt it's intelligence as it tried to hide in a tiny hole in a rock. I saw the big eyes and the siphon gills moving, that's it. Not one single leg. But both of us know I saw it. It wasn't sure I would harm it or not, but it played safe just to be sure.

But what startled me was the yellow tang. There are hundreds of them here. But one charged at me.
Not once or twice. Three times!  I don't think it liked my camera. I've never had a fish get mad.  But I saw it, I felt it, and it swam fast at me with fins out to make it look bigger three times!

At first I didn't know what to think...then I smiled. I realized you must be close for something to feel threatened and get mad at you.  And yes, I truly was swimming in it's 'space'...

Now for the hard part...

This article really caught my breath.

We are almost 'there'.

'Why not invite your Higher Self to come see through your eyes and help co-create your reality? You have nothing to lose?'


First hurdles--our society--people 'sell their soul' down here. That's not good. That's why, one soul, one body, one lifetime, no problem, right? We are taught to be careful and not let other souls/spirits IN.

Then there's the 'nothing to lose' part--who says things like that? Those who trick us, right?

'Why be a scout with a memory problem?'--that's right on target in the article, because basically, that's what we are...

That's why I put the 'hint' from spirit with the cover for the magazine from the hotel--Meet The Creators--at the top.

What ARE the Creators?

Why is this Illusion?

That's why Ross sat me down.

What are we?  Why are we here?

Ross showed me an image of someone clicking through the stations with a remote--watching T.V.

There is an essential curiosity and desire to discover that is unique across all living beings in the cosmos--and our Reality (what is actually Illusion--in their words) is a means to promote that for some beings who are 'Higher' than us.

Ross says it's not to make money like down here with the television. It's done with Love.

Then Ross showed me where I snorkel. And all the places I have snorkeled. They are each fascinating places, little nooks with rocks and coral and fish, each one different. Yet here on Hawaii, they are all Island coastline, or a short boat ride from shore. And water is water. It is all Ocean. The divisions of the oceans into names is all man-made and artificial. The ocean and the sea is One.  They all connect.

We are all Consciousness.

Consciousness is like the saltwater on earth--no matter what--it is the same. Ross says Love is this energy, this Consciousness--the unique combination of intelligence and love which gives LIFE--much in the same way the seawater gives LIFE (and our bloodstreams are not much different from seawater here on land, too).

So Creator is the source of all Consciousness--Divine Mother and Divine Father--like all the oceans put together on Earth.

Then me and you are like the little inlets, each one different, each with its own unique composition of fish and rocks and coral....and somewhere between Creator and Us is a Higher Self who made it possible we could be here as we are.

The way I understood it, as I reflected on Incarnations and First Incarnations and a Higher Self--for example, Archangel Michael--'sponsors' an incarnation. A full incarnation is a being in its own right. And as the incarnation learns  and grows it reflects well upon Michael. When there is need, a second incarnation is made, a full incarnation--which has certain strengths and abilities Michael put into it--and yet this too is a separate soul, and has a Purpose, Lessons, and friends and family and work.  The aspects of Michael aren't full souls. They are sent to earth, but aren't as completely sponsored. To be alive as an aspect feels like a full soul--but in the sponsorship there is only so much energy that is given. I'm not sure what happens to aspects later on. Yes technically, everything I have described is still 'Michael'. It's multidimensional. And it doesn't make sense.

I know soul groups are over souls that split into pieces, and the group reconnects as One at the end of a creation cycle. I've seen one such soul group reunite. They are close friends and communicate often and help one another through life. I know schools of fish and some primitive humans share one community 'soul'--and act like a fundamental unit of consciousness.

Soul families/star families also are know to reincarnate together. For some reason their Life Purposes align and they do this.

How I deal with this is I tell myself I AM my Higher Self.  My HS looks through my eyes every single day.

It's a little sad to realize 'Carla' is a chapter in a book that one day will close, and yet I AM will go on past this chapter, much like I've done before with my other previous incarnations. I'm attached to this 'Carla'...that part of Ascension isn't as fun. Because 'Carla' wants to be with Ross forever and ever, and be DONE with everything once this Ascension is complete.

This brings me to the part I thing may have inspired the I said how it hurts Divine Mother Incarnate when all these other people say they are HER. It hurts me too for all the Mary Magdalen's out of my many past lives...It hurts me too for all who speak for Gaia. It's not right. There's only one incarnate, as far as I know...

Could one be telling the truth and all the others be incorrect?

I won't say yes, and I won't say no on this one.

Does Divine Mother Incarnate do a whole lot of work on behalf of those incarnate on Gaia--things no other incarnate one does--even though they say they are HER and take the credit for it and have no knowledge of the blessed and intense spiritual work She does?

Does Fran Zepeda 'speak' for a part of me I have no control whatsoever? Does she channel something? Is it from the light or the dark and how can I tell?

I have no answers for these.

Only this--if you throw in a bunch of archangels, with their incarnations, second incarnations, aspects and more, add them to the over souls with all their many soul fragments--is duplication possible? I don't know--I don't think so--everyone tells us we are 'unique and loved' from Creator.

Can it be a huge confusing multi-dimensional mess that no one would understand or even think of here who is incarnate?

I think so, yes.

That is why, like the first one, Ross informed me, simply, that the concept of the Ocean and the Inlets and the seawater--is done with LOVE.

Not to control or dominate (like the dark ones).

But for the Highest Good in ways we can't understand except that we take Ross' word for it that it is Love.

Could my Higher Self have 'sponsored' more people than just me? I wouldn't put it past Her. After all there have been so many PAST incarnations, why stop at just one character living them all? Time, up THERE, doesn't exist, right?

This brings us to the concept of parallel lives. Shared lives. To be honest, I don't 'get' any of it.

I think that's the ten percent I don't know.

Ross never asked me to write this. Yet I could tell by his demeanor he wanted me to. I could tell by the release of the icky feeling and out of sorts--I always get the icky feeling and out of sorts before a memory comes up from my PTSD--it became calm again.

At the end of the day, I pick gratitude.

Gratitude for the balmy breezes, the ocean with the fish, and the chance to swim.

They keep telling us over and over again, the guides, 'we are One'...

I hate to think that I am imagining you, and you are imagining me, as this seems cold, and heartless. Under the concept of Illusion--down here on earth, anything goes, right?  When I say 'imagining you', I mean that there is some 'Virtual Reality' we are engaged in, and perhaps, everything is 'virtual' in ways that make sense to people like Ross and not to us. I know my deceased grandfather told my mother 'it's like a movie' and 'you can create the reality you want' and 'you dream it the night before and it happens the next day'.

I couldn't fathom how this goes, how it works, and why it would be like this in the first place.

Why would we ever choose to incarnate and be like Drew Barrymore in Fifty First Dates?

Because everything is Love.

And we get to fall in love with life every day, just like her character falls in love with Adam Sandler.

Because Consciousness is Intelligence and Love put together, and it wants to grow.

Consciousness for some reason DOES this.

And whatever we are--incarnation, second incarnation, fourth incarnation, aspect, soul group --- we are here for a reason and we are deeply LOVED by Creator of All that IS, both Divine Mother and Divine Father.

WE are the least, the co-creators...and this never ends...the adventure, and once we are through with 3D and duality, we will co-create in a field of nurturing, warmth, love and compassion, for all eternity, for the Highest Good of All, without end.

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Reiki Doc Couple
(this time around--Ross smiles)

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Hawaiian Rain

I can see Haleakala from where I sit.  Right now there is rain, and on the dry side of Hawaii, rain is a special thing to enjoy.  The ground smells damp, and it's still warm and balmy. The clouds are thick, and I expect the sunset to be a brilliant red in a short time.

A magpie just landed steps away from me. Earlier I saw a brilliant chameleon on a lily plant eating ants. This morning I swam with sea turtles, saw a moray eel, and enjoyed the company of thousands of brilliantly colored tropical fish.

I am truly in my Heaven on Earth, and soaking in every minute of the healing I can.

That being said, life is not without its lessons.

The ones since Saturday have proven fruitful, and I would like to share them with you.

I know they will sound simple to read and resonate, but to LIVE them and to resonate with them as your truth is something Ross has been gently -- most gently guiding me--at this time.

I am going to present the lesson in a way that is less roundabout and more direct than for me to arrive to it.

See these two guys up here in wood?

The tikis?

These aren't just ordinary decorations. These 'gentleman' are at Puuhonua O Honaunau--the Place of Refuge.

There was a time Hawaii wasn't a nice place. One Kapu broken and you were KAPUT! There were many laws, and things as trivial to us as walking on the king's shadow resulted in immediate death! can imagine some people wanted to escape rather than face the consequences of breaking a Kapu.  And they did.  If they could find their way to this place, and never leave, their lives were spared.

Refuge isn't only limited to a place--a church--or an island temple.

Refuge is a vibration we carry with us in our hearts.

Refuge is an acceptance for all things as they are, including ourselves.

With it comes the peace which is beyond all understanding.

With it comes the Divine Frequency of Home.

(I have tears in my eyes. There is a sign right now. It's the keiki--OMG--bless them and their pure hearts.  A little girl about six has a conch shell. The guy with the fire invited her and her little sister to help him --OMG now they are singing IZ white sandy beach at the restaurant, the professional dude too--anyhow I just saw the little precious girl and the hotel guy face the four directions and blow the conch in unison, to welcome the nightfall and gather us all to the village for the night.)

We most definitely ARE Home!

How exactly did I arrive at this point?

Through the gift of frustration.

Through the gift of not being able to hear Ross as close as I am accustomed to.

Through the gift of others 'doing their thing'...for example, Anthony got a horrible sunburn. I gave Reiki, it's fine now, probably not going to peel. But we had to drive to town to get wide brimmed hats, more sunscreen, aloe vera gel...We limited our activities from ten to two to avoid the sun.  He could stay on the couch and watch Netflix episodes of Friends all day! He has NO curiosity, NO ambition, NO desire to ever leave and explore the island.

But...that's HIM.

It's not ME.

I know in twelve step groups there are saying like 'The courage to change what I can and the wisdom to accept what I can't and know the difference' (I can't recall it perfect today sorry).

In twelve step groups you can be happy even if your surroundings in life are in shambles--as long as you know what's on YOUR side of the street, and not try to fix theirs.

Out there we have people pushing all kinds of buttons, some painful ones for me from betrayal that led to Ross' death--and the nasty accusations of me being a horrible person (from many many years ago)...we have others online saying just about every iteration of 'info' and 'disinformation' the point where it's painful to those who know who they are, and are doing lots of work behind the scenes to get this whole project going to completion--and just about everyone has an opinion. (The people who say they are Divine Mother Incarnate are too numerous to count, and every one makes the real one sad in a big way, and hurt).

I've been battling those feelings of low self-esteem that were brought on by some very angry accusations. Self-doubt. Despair. Very old feelings from being helpless many incarnations ago, from a similar volatile split back after Ross passed so many years ago.

I was on my own, back then. Totally and completely on my own, without anyone close like Ross that I could turn to.

I made it.

I made it then, and I made it now.

What is a gift about this time is the scars from the past are revisited, and I see I don't have to carry them around with me any more.

When I was in the ocean, snorkeling, I felt like Anthony--who doesn't really have a passion for fish like I do but he enjoys them--had been holding me back. The painful flippers. I bought new ones. The snorkel. The camera. Yada yada yada.

Ross told me frustration isn't 'real', but it IS a valuable tool to help us learn our lessons.

Everyone is doing the best they can at this point in the Illusion to live out their own Truth as they see it.

And it's not going to coincide with yours or mine every single day, and that's OKAY.

It's expected.

I've come to a point in life where everyone is beautiful. They are incarnate, they are alive, and they are trying their best to get through their life.

I may disagree with them, I might not like their life choices (for example, hardened criminals)--but all of us are trying to enjoy our gift of being alive--as best as we can.

In a way, Anthony is a little disadvantaged due to his pale skin and fair complexion. He's only twelve and he can't understand why I bug him so much about the sunscreen. He loves watching Friends and it helps him 'escape' I'm not sure from what, but there are lots more like him than me who enjoy watching it too.  The beauty is we can adapt, we can negotiate, we can still find ways to enjoy the trip despite the limitations.

And THIS is one of the greatest gifts of spirit for humanity--this ability to 'cut a little slack' and 'make the best of it' for what it is.

Ross let me know frustrated or not, your life is going to carry you to your life lessons, and sometimes it's better to go along with the current and let it carry you along. The current of energy that flows through life is much like the flowing of water.  And besides, if you relax while you are floating with the water you might see something really good!

Today I saw ulua (black fish with electric blue trim and fancy fins). Yesterday I saw flounder who is very hard to see. Every day has it's gifts.

This is the fern grotto.  The Hawaiian Wedding song is played here for the newlyweds on Kauai. It is a very special and romantic place which is only accessible by riverboat.  I went there twenty-nine years ago, on my first trip to the Hawaiian Islands. This same week!

Life is a wonderful, miraculous gift!

Even if sometimes we don't appreciate it.

And as we grow and learn more about the spiritual, what is really really special about the things we can't see, we learn to appreciate it for ourselves.

Sometimes others wish to learn this from us.

This is where it gets tricky. As long as we resonate deeply with our own essence--and are going along learning our own lessons too--we can guide others.

Guiding is an art. It must be learned.

We must remember how to be the guides we have been trained to be for incarnations and incarnations--each incarnation--anew.

Sometimes it isn't pretty.

And it's nobody's fault.

It just is.

Life will carry you to your next will carry all of us to the next one.

Everything exists in a state of Divine Perfection. Yes! It is when you factor the life lessons and the growing and spiritual part of it in.  It might not be easy, any particular situation, but we are at last at the vibration of Home.

And the little children are here to show us the way.

I saw it with my two eyes at sunset tonight on the Big Island.

I hope I hear Ross a little bit more now I hope my lesson is least...this one. <3

aloha and Mahalos

Ross and Carla
The Couple