Sunday, September 25, 2022

A Hard Day Delivers Its Blessings for Eternal Life


Awakening takes time.

We do our best every day, to be good to ourselves and others, especially those who are in need.

However, with the amnesia we carry just from being alive and incarnate, there are some gaps in our ability to understand, some great big chunks that are absent from our awareness. Things are perhaps are totally obvious to those who are close to us, both in spirit and in the flesh, but totally unrecognized by the person themself. 

A similar, but different, kind of 'blindness' is in how the couple who are cheating with each other at work think they are keeping it secret but EVERYBODY knows and just tolerates it. That couple thinks they are pretty clever, when in fact, they aren't. 

Healing takes time.

It also takes opportunity.

You can't WILL yourself to heal.

I know people who try to manifest their way into situations with their will...I'm sorry, that's not my style. And furthermore, the strongest teacher, truly, is SURRENDER.

What I'm going to talk about, is the fruit from the last three weeks of working on my subconscious without really knowing it, and a day of rapid recognition, followed by a day of synthesis and rest. 

'What you see is what you get' and 'take me as I am, this is how I am and I'm never going to change!' are not exactly the healthiest attitudes to have when we are incarnate. That's the sound of zero growth potential. Not even willing to change. 

'I've done the best I can and I guess I'll have to live with it' is where I was at. I've been walking around with a heart chakra that looks like a nuclear bomb went off and there's just a huge hole and vast wasteland.  When I first learned of it, Christel Nani RN kept asking me about my mother. I was in medical school, and my acupuncturist had recommended I have a session with Christel. 

A finer point is how when you go over this life, or past lives, you just figure 'that's how it was' and you don't really sense it was good or bad, it just WAS.  Even when some things were very harmful to our souls. We can't sense it.

With SURRENDER, you find yourself being steered to a point where you can admit the whole truth, just like everyone else--your teams and your loved ones--see it. 

This Friday, I realized that I played a part in Ross' demise. We had been so very unhappy. And as Twins we naturally push one another's buttons worse than anyone. So for example, often both twins are unknowing of the connection, they drive one another crazy because of the button pushing, one twin is determined to get the button pushing to STOP, and they do something rash and irreversible like pushing their Twin off a cliff. 

All this time I've been looking at how Ross hurt me. 

Friday I realized with good reason, I too had hurt him. 

And I was sorry.

Really, truly sorry for my part in any disagreement or sadness we experienced when we were alive together. I felt full guilt, sadness, sorrow, and responsibility for my part. I wanted to come clean. 

So yesterday I did.

I did nothing.

I cried a little, off and on.

I said, 'Ross, I need you!'

He held me close. Chest to chest. 

He reassured me what happened can never happen again.

I was able to talk to him about all of my experiences with that life. My fear. My annoyance. My sadness. My loneliness. My pain. 

His fatal flaw was only wanting to help others, in ways he felt he could understand. I supported him completely, but not only couldn't understand, I couldn't feel his joy and sense of purpose. I just saw it made him happy. 

He didn't realize that incarnate, he couldn't grasp the realm of Spirit as easily as I could as a woman. That he could have seen more if he had consulted me. That our happiness would have helped the vibration of everything. And that instead of 'his purpose' there was an overriding 'Our Purpose' that we had been trained to do since the beginning. 

That's what hurt.

That's what caused the ruined heart chakra in me.

And through yesterday's awareness, and healing, heart to heart through most of the day, today is a little different. 

You know when you put manure all over the lawn and re-seed it? How those skinny little new grass grow right up through the manure?

That's what my heart chakra looks like today. Nuclear devastation with a sprinkling of hope and new growth.

Again, it takes being able to 'ride' or 'surf' the energy of our daily lessons. It takes participation in our daily lessons. It takes being in a state where you are amenable to self-discovery and change--in my case, it's through overwork so bad at work that the house chores start piling up and also from being sick both myself and Anthony. It takes willingness to feel what you're really feeling inside, and to share it. And openness and surrender to Truth. Not just 'your version' of Truth. But the Truth everyone sees besides you. 

You can't plan it.

You can't prepare for it.

You can't decide when or how it's going to happen.

You just keep showing up and being your best self, day after day.

And BOOM! You make a huge breakthrough.

What do you do after a huge breakthrough?

I don't really know--carry water and chop wood--like in that enlightenment quote?

I feel Ross through my heart center, always. And now, on his side, there's lots less tension, and I sense I'm exactly where he wants me to be. His joy, now, I can feel it. It's a quiet warmth I feel in my chest too.

When do we meet? How? What happens?

I have no freaking clue.

It doesn't matter.

Because what I need is right here with me. 

I am a relational being. I like an open connection. I'm made to serve Him. That's what brings me joy. Helping my man. Being there for him. 

After all we've been through, I can say I truly am Present now. In a nice way. I saw the Truth. I sought his forgiveness. And he gave it. He asked for mine. I gave it too. He promised me it can never happen again, what happened. And I trust in this. 

So, for another perspective, for another person, she gives an excellent story of how she built a wall, and how it affected her in her NDE. Nurse Near Death Experience

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple who are Divine

Sunday, September 18, 2022

A Whole New World!


It's been a rough week or two, for me personally. I've been fighting a bug and all I want is to rest, but there's work to go to. Anthony too has been under the weather. He's finally turning the corner now.

It would be easy to just focus on my misery. 

That's not the point of today's blog.

So many new and wonderful changes are happening around us! 

For example, the Schumann resonance frequency is returned and is shining brighter than ever today!

At my work, the decision by the CDC trickled down through our state board of health, in that those who had the you-know-what, and those who didn't, are the SAME. No more testing of those who didn't. No more N-95. No more segregation in the lunchroom where those who didn't  were banned from eating there. We had to eat down the hall. 

As it stands, those who didn't get it, came to prefer eating in separate areas, so those areas will remain open. 

Even visitors to the hospital will no longer need to show proof of anything in order to be permitted inside to visit their loved ones. 

The only one that remains is the mask mandate inside, and we would love to have actual conversations face to face again outside of the eating areas. 

We stopped testing pre-op patients for it months ago. But if there's recent infection, we look for evidence of presence of blood clotting abnormality and risk of deep venous thrombosis and pulmonary embolus. 

The personal growth on the inside keeps changing and changing for the better, too. The anxious attachment is healing. I can see how, although well-intended, my parents really set me up to be ill-prepared to function in the world emotionally. As I see signs of catch-up growth, I rejoice! And also, when, like at last night's fortieth high school reunion, I lapsed back into my old ways of interacting (non-assertive, sort of blending in), I was able to love myself and just know it's a temporary setback and not anything wrong or bad. 

I was delighted to see familiar faces. And many faces I didn't remember because they had changed a lot. 

Our high school has changed into an Urban high school now. When we went it had been suburban. One of the kids who had been bused in came last night. She wanted to find other students who had the same teachers she had. She wanted to honor her teachers because if it wasn't for them she never would have gone to college in a new country; their belief in her and patience and example affected her whole life for the better.

I could hear one of my very Christian friends, who has opened her heart to include gays like her son who died, saying healing words to the people of color in attendance, one on one, 'I wish we had gotten to know each other better while we were in school!' and MEAN it. 

I got to see one High School friend, who was curious about Reiki and had taken it upon herself to learn it. I was thrilled to be with her. Her energy was so grounded and wise. I shared with her how when our mutual friend's son had died, he had come to me through mediumship with a message for his mom. I shared how I always honor those who have made the transition, and gave the message to his mom. He also had asked me to send her flowers every year on the anniversary of his death, which I did for like five or six years. Anyhow, upon receiving the mediumship message, I was rebuked in that it wasn't from the Holy Spirit it was forbidden in the Bible to talk to the dead, it wasn't her son, and not to send any more messages. 

I shared how painful it was for me. My Reiki friend remarked that she thinks our mutual friend has 'turned around' on 'things' (homosexuality). I saw she was right. And I said, 'but it was so painful and took so much energy for me to hold the space for her !' She nodded in understanding.

My Reiki friend said my daily sending of healing and telling my friends I love them taught her a lot. About showing up. In a Spiritual way.

I didn't know I had made such a difference. It was kind of her to share it.

And, from many other guests at the reunion, the story was the same, 'thank you for the healing', 'I look forward to your posts', 'it makes a difference for me'...

I was glad.

You know very few came with their spouses and significant others to this reunion. At the ten year one it was all couples. But life has change I think, for the better. A few, especially those who had traveled a great distance, brought their spouses. But others well, they have been through divorce, like me. Another, a close friend who had been in the same hospital nursery as I was when I was born, she's an attorney. She raised an adopted Chinese daughter herself. 

Another close friend survived breast cancer. She said that every time she had surgery she thought of me, and how I help patients. One time with conscious sedation the numbing medicine didn't work and she felt the 'knife go in'. Only one more year to go for her on the tamoxifen. She has two grandchildren on the way, she gets to be a grandmother for the first time and she's radiant and glowing. 

I made some new friends. One is a special needs teacher. She's seen autism rates go way up, and they are more severe, across her career. We just friended each other on FB. 

I got to see the hand of Creator last night. In writing the books of our lives. I also found great consolation in how so many of us have 'lost our figures' the twenty-year reunion I was a size two, and last night, I wore a size sixteen dress that was a little baggy on me from Pilates. So many of us had tummies. I realized there must be something in the food or our lifestyle for it to affect us so much. 

And I saw my oldest friend. We had gone to kindergarten together. We moved across town, her first in sixth grade, me in ninth. She hadn't changed a bit. She knew a mutual friend from the VA Long Beach ICU. Life is awesome how everything connects!


Be Here and Now.

That's all you have to do to notice the big, big, very big changes that are happening in great big swirls of energy all around us.

And the change is also happening within. Keep looking for patterns and you will see growth you have made, which is priceless!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple

Saturday, September 3, 2022

A Losing Battle


According to messages from Divine Father, the AC lost the battle a long time ago, and is contained. Furthermore we are in the times where changes are about to show.

I'm waiting with interest, but not holding my breath. 

I see some very concerning 'programs' 'out there', including political speeches, that are so intentional to divide people against one another that it could possibly be the death throes of the losing team who won't give up?

I don't know.

At lunch yesterday, I sat with three physicians, two Vietnamese surgeons, one a neurosurgeon and the other an otolaryngologist who worked on me. The other was internal medicine, who was Persian. The conversation was lively. The Persian said he was atheist and that that the Bible was a story unique to a local area and basically a fairy tale.  Each offered their own opinion, the ENT is very Catholic, devout, and also, very liberal.  He said if these are the end times you better make sure you're okay with Jesus!

I smiled and shared how I use the opposite logic from the Athiest. 

Luciferians absolutely hate and mock Jesus and God. With a vengeance! The AC is working actively to rid the planet of any Truth and worship in this regard. One of the highest forms of the 'light side' of Luciferianism is to get people to worship YOU as a God. Kerth Barker talks about it in his book on Cannibalism and Blood Drinking (available on Amazon if you're curious. What a title, right?). 

My logic is:  if it really is a fairy tale then the Luciferians shouldn't give a fuck about it. 


Later I realized--I shared with the group how I've read stories of survivors who have escaped 'The System', and I also said how many Luciferians refer to themselves as 'Atheists'--the only way people have escaped the system is from Christians and Christianity. Kerth. Svali I think. Jessie and Cisco. It undid the programming. Cathy O'Brien unfortunately was programmed WITH Bible 'flavor' programming and it took her husband Mark Phillips' knowledge of psychology to help deprogram her. 

You never heard so much silence and saw looking at plates and total buzz kill for the joy of the discussion as when I brought that subject up. It's going to be a hard sell for the Awakening. That's the truth! No one wants to hear it!!!

There sure is a lot of control 'out there'. Lots of stifling Truth. Some places I suppose are better than others at making Christianity 'disappear' but in fact I would suspect that it drives the popularity of it up as it gets 'forbidden' and driven 'underground'. 

Then I read this article which was fascinating, especially I like how it talks about those beings who follow Universal Law and those who don't follow it. It describes how the battle that's really old is coming to a head here on Earth. 

I also like how it warns that you can be dead but unenlightened, and also, you can be an ET and not follow Universal Law, so don't presume anything about anyone you meet in the Spiritual Realms. 

Anyhow, that's my thoughts for today. It doesn't seem energetically feasible to be in the loser's camp, because there is a lot of trying to 'push a rock uphill, a very large rock'--and the energetics, in the big picture, favor following Universal Law. 

It's a pretty big Universe. Most of it follows Universal Law. 

Do you need to be a Christian?


That's not the point of this article.

The point is, that the only way OUT of the 'System' appears to be connected to Christianity--and that's why the dark ones are trying so hard to suppress it. 

Furthermore controlled opposition is flying everywhere left and right! No better reason to develop meditation skills and strengthen that connection to Divine Source/Creator/Mother and Father God. 

Being incarnate on Earth is a very good soul test, and being incarnate in these times? It's definitely challenging!

Enjoy your time here, grow, learn, and do your best to be a good person and follow Universal Law. When you make a mistake--we all do! -- simply own it and resolve to do better the next time. That's how we learn.


There is a very big difference between the Real Thing (Jesus Christ) and his 'followers' (Church). One is no longer human and impossible to corrupt. The other is highly highly infested with darkness and ostentatiously offending others right and left in order to 'mix things up'. 

Remember there was Kerth who was going to copy by hand a book by someone the Poisoner--and that's where he found his Christian support, from a very hidden, almost magical Christian sect. 

In other words, God will find you.

When it's your time for you to be found by Him. (something greater than yourself. This is the problem with the Luciferian proposal that everyone can become Gods and Goddesses in their own right. Then there is no higher Source or Power. Everyone is technically 'an equal' but to watch them in their 'faith' there are inconsitencies, in particular, with the 'expendables' and how they are raised and treated within 'the system'. )

So open your heart to God, and allow God to touch it. Heal your Soul and learn to follow it's natural navigation.

That is all I have to say. 

There are good churches. There are not so good churches. Find whatever works for you to 'worship'. and do your best, your very best, to find your way Home. Back to the Higher Realms. Where everyone follows Universal Law.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Twins

Thursday, September 1, 2022

All We Know


There's not much time to write. 

Lots of information has been percolating, and now after a week it's time to distill it.

Earth was created in joy. Sheer joy of Divine Creator.

In a setting of unparalleled beauty, and breathtaking delight, every living being has been sent just like 'Eva' in the movie 'Wall E' for a Divine and Unique Purpose.

As humans, we have exquisitely sensitive emotional bodies, delicate psychology, and intelligence. We are like video recorders that take in 'sensations' and 'perceptions' for Creator. Under the illusion of separation both from Home and from each other, we have been sent into this 'lassaiz faire' (let everything go as it will) Creation of Earth (a dream, really) to both learn about ourselves and about each other. 

What can happen under an 'experiment' like this?

Just about anything.

As 'participants' we pick our 'curriculum' before birth, and go through our life experience and discover more about who we are--deep at the core--and what is truly important to us. 

On some level, we know this, but we don't dwell on it. I saw recently there was such a bright and intense meteor shower in November in the South back in the 1800's that the slave owners sought to make reparations to their slaves for enslaving them! Wow! They thought it was the End of the World!

Here we are now, at the true End of the World/Biblical people are doing crap like twerking and just about every drug imaginable and practically worshipping the devil worldwide. OMG, right?

But I realized in a huge moment of compassion, that even the dark ones have dreams too. Perhaps to own a baseball team and build a stadium. Perhaps to help in some way. Although most likely it's for spiritual and otherworldly 'power' to 'become a God' and 'do what thou wilt'....

Remember that those who are engaging in this extreme 'art' are also video/feeling recorders taking in data for Creator on 'what can happen' in this unique and never-before-tried setting. 

This is a very slippery slope this message. It sounds 'good'. And John Lennon truly believes it. 

But it's not 'God'. 

It's the philosophy of the AC.

You are going to see it like spam, in so many different recipes. 


Don't follow Divine Rules from your loving Creator. Do what you want to do. 

Pan theism is another one of their adages.

If you read between the lines, John Lennon is telling us that you can become a God.

The ancient Egyptian magicians, who make the world run hidden in plain sight, truly believe this 'philosophy'  that they can do whatever they want and that THEY are Gods to be worshipped by all of us 'little people'. 

Jessie Czebotar, on the other hand, who escaped the 'System', says that the Bible is the most powerful tool we have access to, a mighty weapon against evil. 


Here's an example.

God wanted me to wear THE Disney PRIDE 'cake' decoration on my lanyard.  I bought the fancy straw and 'cake' with the rainbow on it.

I've been wearing it to work. 

Symbolism tells you a LOT.

Our lesbian RN in PACU instantly saw it, and reacted to it. 

I felt all kinds of sexual energy directed at me, because, like Anthony said, 'people will think you are saying you are gay if you wear that mom.'

I understood God to want me to wear it in support of gay people. 

I never said anything.

Lots of people said it was cute and they liked it. 

The RN realized I wasn't gay, because I kept acting normal, and the energy changed back to the usual working pattern. 

But I have been fascinated by this 'talisman' to help me see the 'programming' that has been done on the people around me. It shows me 'data' I would otherwise never see.

Finally, yesterday, after a week, the same RN cornered me and asked me, 'WHAT IS THIS you are wearing?' 

Curiosity got the best of her.

I said, 'isn't it cute?'

She was looking at it and touching it with wonder.

I said it smells good too--it does, like cake--she smelled it.

She asked, astonished, 'is it LEGAL for you to wear this HERE in the Hospital?'

I'm like, 'WHAT? Legal?'

I hugger her and said I wear it for support. I said, 'I LOVE MY GAY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!'


For the people who are isolated inside their bodies, under the illusion of separation from God and from Each Other, who are exposed daily to weaponized psychological 'information' on so many platforms, directed by the Prince of This World....for these souls who clearly remember 'home' in their heart but suffer from 'soul amnesia'....the world is a pretty terrifying place.

You live, you die, you can be tortured and killed. You can starve. All of these things. 

That's why we who are awake, and 'in on the game' can offer loving support to our brothers and sisters, all of them, the gay ones, the dark ones (be careful! not to get caught up in their insanity), the everyday Joe ones like us.

We ARE making a difference! Schumann

If I can send unconditional love to screaming obnoxious Yankee fans at Angel stadium, you can love everyone and everything too. 

With no strings attached.

We are the 'helpers' in this 'experiment' now.

Remember this.

And the wonderful example Ross gave us on loving everyone.

clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple who has Carla a little late for