Friday, May 31, 2019

The Truth

Almost forty years ago, this was me. I was the top of my class, with the most awards, in both Junior High and High School. I had been accepted to the University of California, Berkeley, as an undeclared major. My 4.0 GPA was enough to get me in even though I wasn't sure yet what I wanted to do with my education.

I transferred into the College of Chemistry to do a Chemical Engineering major my first year. Why? Because I didn't want to stop learning about Chemistry. It was my favorite subject. And the Engineering? Because of mom and dad. I could major in anything I wanted, but if they were going to support me it had to be some form of engineering where I could get a job upon graduation.

I worked for five years at The Clorox Company in Pleasanton. I married and tried to get wanting to be a doctor out of my system. I'd wanted it since I was four, but the finances weren't right for me to go. I saved my money and looked forward to a future with my college sweetheart Mark Loren Shalz.

Then I got sick.

I had a pituitary tumor and needed surgery. The wanting to be a doctor got worse. I was thrown into a terrible depression from the surgery's affects on my hormones. And kindly, my therapist, a UCSF grad, helped me to find my way through the application process and start a new life.

My marriage wasn't perfect. We fought. A lot. But we loved each other. I had changed because of his irritability and need to control. I needed to control too. With two engineers, that's not easy. But he was the one who learned to 'put his foot down' and he most certainly did it well. He did it well enough to break my spirit.

So if you can imagine, medicine became my escape from an unbearable life.

I got in to UCSD. I prepared for the big move. I realized once I had been there a few weeks that my husband and the men who were my classmates differed. And my husband was mean.

I asked him for a divorce and at first he said I had every right to ask for it.

Then he tried to get me back.

So in essence, I had been raised by a mother who had anger management issues and frustration, married someone not much different, and took off to embark on a career helping people and using my heart and my mind together.

I got into UCI for Categorical General Surgery. Actually, the secretary didn't  follow the list the chairmen had submitted for the match. She switched things. And we ended up with three women and four men. She was always very kind to me, and told me I had the same birthday as her daughter, and she thought I was so beautiful. So I'll never know for certain if she bumped me up a little or if I earned it. Either way, it was out of my hands.

In surgery the hours were grueling. And it wasn't suited to my personality. If the patient didn't drink all of their prep, it was somehow MY fault that they didn't.

In surgery everything you do well is expected. And anything you do wrong, well, that's what is talked about.

We even had grand rounds on Saturdays!

So with the long hours, and everything else, I switched over to anesthesia. I enjoyed working part time where I had done my residency, and working in the community the other part of the time. I had been Chief Resident, the department was very supportive, especially with my pregnancy as a single mom.

Anne Wong another cardiac anesthesiologist would give me breaks in the heart room so I could pump milk for Anthony. When she wasn't there, I had to stand in the anteroom called the 'pump room' for the Bypass machine was stored there when not in use, look through the window at the monitors, and watch my resident as I pumped standing up.

If you can see where things are going, that's good. This should be the first red flag.

It's a violation of the law to deny a woman who is breast-feeding adequate time and space to pump.

A rule was passed due to Libby Zion in New York to limit resident work hours. These limits did not apply to me in my training, or to anyone after their training was complete. I trained before the laws went into effect.

This is red flag number two--physicians in practice are not protected by the same work hour limits to prevent mistakes due to fatigue--as they are in residency.

Yesterday I could barely talk.  I caught a bug in Spain and my Asthma was totally out of coughing due to that tickle in the back of my throat that only responds to albuterol--my coughing was so violent I threw up on myself twice. Once in the car on the way to work. And once when I had just lay down to bed.

When your patient is working too hard to breathe, the speech becomes like a telegram and they use the fewest words possible in order to breathe. And also, when people are working too hard to breathe, they don't want to eat because between air and food, air wins.

Why didn't I go to the doctor?

Why didn't I call in sick?

It's because I can't.

If I get sick I have to find someone to work for me. There are only fourteen people I can ask. They all have busy lives.

My group has nothing in the system to account for illness. One woman broke her arm in the shower and was out for two months. We covered for her. But I had to work a lot of post-call days because our group is too small. She told me yesterday she is not allowed to request summer vacation because she had been gone for too long, a few months.

I also didn't go to the doctor because I don't have one. I don't know how my friend makes her physical therapy appointments. I have no control over my workday and when I go home. Our policy is to ask for a short room and to make the appointment for late in the day. Or post-call but that's not always a guarantee.

I haven't had my thyroid checked in years because of the combination of high copays and difficulty to access care. Not just getting off work. I mean getting the appointments, the insurance authorizations for the tests, for everything. My thyroid is huge and it makes it difficult for me to breathe.

Once the house sells, I will invest in my health.

But even with that, I haven't been to the dentist or periodontist for two years. With something recently--a new sonicate toothbrush, I noticed little pieces of hard things, possibly teeth? breaking off.

I long for a job where I can stay home if I am sick.

I long for a job where I don't have to work nights and weekends and be away from my family.

I'm tired.

Yesterday was the first day since March where I didn't have to go pack things at the old house or manage things like cleaning or snacks for the workers and water--while Anthony was at baseball practice.

I slept with a little bell by my nightstand. Anthony has asked me, mom, on a scale from one to ten, with your lungs being totally closed and tight as ten, where are you right now?

I was a seven.

He said mom, I am taking you to the hospital when it gets to be an eight.

I was to ring if I had trouble.

We did a test run to make sure he could hear me.

I did something I've never done before, ever, last night. I crossed a bridge that there's no turning back. I took the prednisone. This is a very strong steroid asthmatics take. My body responded to it.

Here's what I've done besides lots of Reiki and healing codes:

  • honey, lemon and warm water (honey is about as effective as dextromethorphan in clinical tests)
  • albuterol puffers
  • zyrtec antihistamine
  • anesthetic throat spray
  • vicks vapo rub
  • saline nasal rinses twice daily
  • antibiotic (I started it last night--there wasn't any signs of purulence, but the viral infection was so lingering I was starting to head in that direction)
  • Airborne fizzy drink
  • oregano oil capsules
  • all the supplements my friend a physician sends me--probiotics, vitamin C, and adding immune boost and long-acting vitamin C.
  • put in a Reiki Request with Team Doctors With Reiki
  • asked Ross and Raphael to help me find my way with this health challenge
  • albuterol nebulizer treatments
  • keeping the window open in my room at night--the air somehow is soothing to my lungs

I've also been unpacking all of the medications because they have still been packed up from the move. I can't find anything. 

I slept well. 

My respiratory rate is high. 

It's high normal though, not like forty per minute or anything.

My chest isn't tight.  I am coughing a little, but it's not like before and it's a lot less.

I slept in my clothes last night just in case I had to go to the hospital.

Today I'm first call. 

I was given the choice of assignments, and I chose the lower-paying one that has pacemakers in it at the surgery center. Why? Because the patient has to stay at the facility for three hours after the case for monitoring. My colleagues hate to stay, unpaid, for three hours. But for me? It's just the rest I need before I go to the main operating room and continue my duties through the night. (Anthony will be with his dad for the weekend).

Ross says for me to take lots more vitamin C, my kidneys will be okay. And to plan to stay in bed all weekend. He didn't say to get a hotel room or not, he said to see how it goes through the night.

If I had known anything about medicine, I would have put two and two together with my maternal grandfather on theophylline and having almost died of pneumonia in Chicago (that's why they moved to California from Italy instead of to where the family was in Chicago)--and with all my allergies growing up--that I was at risk. My dad had eczema and also pulmonary fibrosis at the end. 

In my career planning I should have realized that by going to medical school five years later than most, that fuzzy tail end of my career could have benefited from more attention.

In Doximity, a website like Facebook for Doctors, there's articles about physicians leaving medicine because it's a toxic lifestyle.  And how to 'leave' medicine (work locum tenens--substitute doctors basically--to avoid call and only accept assignments where you work short days, or have a side gig as a blogger, or be a speaker or consultant, have medicine be your 'hobby'...yada yada yada).  People share about how frivolous lawsuits that were dropped still cost them eighty thousand dollars in legal fees. And the debt incurred in training is really making it that new physicians can't even buy homes. 

That's what's going on out there in my world--both my immediate world--and my peers who share online.

At my work, I know administration of the hospital would love to step in and take over our contracts. Then they could pay us salaries, collect our billing, and pocket the difference. 

To be honest I would rather work for my group than to work for people whose main focus is money even more than my group's focus is on it. It would be nice on the one hand to be an employee with a 401K and breaks and full legal protection. But it would be a huge drop in income to gain that.

Why did I choose my group?

I was offered a career at a local trauma center and doing hearts. It was a dumpy place kind of. But a friend knew someone and got me in. What bothered me was the nurses told me that when the one female physician was pregnant no man colleague EVER came in and gave her a break. 

That hospital ended up getting bought out, and that group was taken over anyways.

I came to where I am now because of a friend who looked out for me. He heard I was between jobs, and he knew a cardiac anesthesiologist was needed. He put in a good word for me. 

Do I make good money?

Yes, I could say that I do.

Would I point out that good money comes with huge expenses like malpractice insurance, having to pay for my own healthcare and dental insurance (total for month is $1500 every month, just to be able to go and pay huge deductibles and copays.  There's licenses, DEA licensing, associations--that is pricey too. 

I never in a million years thought of this when I was applying to medical school. 

I am truly thankful as an anesthesiologist I don't need to manage an office and everything that goes with it. It's just not my personality to do this. Too much real-world business 'stuff''.

Ross tells me he will get me out of this.  I know I will find my way.

Did you know a lot of female physicians retire early in their careers? The female ophthalmologist yesterday said some go into pediatrics because they like kids, then they have a bunch of kids, and then they stay home to take care of the family. She remarked, 'then why did they go into medicine anyway?'.

I don't know.

I do know Polly McClosky another ophthalmologist who has a nice specialty--ocular plastic surgery to help drooping eyelids and stuff--hired full-time nanny to take care of her kids for everything. This is the kind of arrangement where the nanny goes on vacation with you and you buy the nanny a car. 

She bought a wife, basically. Polly's husband was an eye doctor like her. 

Elsy, the best eye scrub tech EVER, confessed yesterday that in her whole career, she longed for the opportunity to pick her son up from school. She never got it. But she stopped doing cases at the hospital because it was just too much of her son's life she was missing out.

Medicine needs change.

The average wait time at a California ER is five and one half hours. People had thought that with access people would be proactive with their health. But like myself, lots of people find that approach frustrating and expensive. You can't see a doctor for two days when you get sick. They are all booked.   In New York and some other states, the wait time in the ER is even longer. Many thousands of people LEAVE the ER waiting room before they are ever seen. 

Our system is broken.

I am run-down, and in need of some major life change, to be honest. 

But you know what? The more I think about it, the more similarities I see between the book on Irish slaves--and workers now.


Hours are crazy long like in medicine, but now, outside of medicine too.

We wear badges that even can track our physical location. My sisters work had the personality type coded (INFJ would be lilac, etc) on their badges at Ditech. That way 'workers would know how to interact more successfully'.

ER nurses sign contracts saying they won't pee, poo, or eat during their twelve hour shift. I'm sorry, but what if a nurse is on her period? You have to change a tampon or sanitary pad--overnight ones don't really work. 

We are not machines.

We are humans.

And even though in the movie, Freddie Mercury said the human condition is one that requires anesthesia to cope with it--I disagree.

We need Nature.

We need nurturing, warmth, love and compassion to function.

Newborns will die if they are not touched. They fail to thrive when denied nurturing, warmth, love and compassion. 

We were once newborns.

Healers need time to heal themselves, and to be a full cup in order to heal others. My ophthalmologist  friend sees patients EVERY FIVE MINUTES in her office. She has no free time. That's why she loves the O.R., hates office, and loves to sew while she's doing surgery. How can any time of healing and lasting change take place in five minutes?

Yesterday we had a miracle.

She helped a blind man to see. 

I was a part of it.

He had a growth over his eye called a pterygium. But back in in the old country, they took it out in the office and did a retrobulbar block (eyeball numbing) with no anesthesia. He was traumatized. So this time it grew back. It always does when you just cut it. 

We reconstructed the eye surface, taking steps to insert medicine layers so it won't grow back.

Another opthalmologist had seen him, refused to touch it because it was so severe--and he had gotten depressed. Badly depressed. But his primary care doctor sent him to my friend. 

The blind can see.

It was so beautiful in the bible when that happened with the mud, wasn't it. So much nurturing, warmth, love and compassion in that moment. The mud was mixed with spit, the healer's own essence and work to make the poultice.  It probably was just to help the people understand the cause and effect of the healing, because other miracles had been without such actions too.

But even though the miracle for the blind man yesterday, took years of training, lots of hassles, loans and debt--politics in the workplace from day one--and even working sick--it still makes me feel in my heart the same joy and wonder as when I read the story in the bible. I love healing. I love to be a part of it.

I hope Medicine heals.

I hope everyone heals.

It's worth the effort to get it right.

We are almost there.

Thank you for listening.

I have to get ready for work.

Please note I only coughed twice in the hour while writing this. My respiratory rate is totally normal too. 

Please also note that Ross asked me to write this.

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Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
Part of your Family of Heaven


Ross sends this video and our countdown is only seventeen!

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Embrace Adventure!

We are at less than three weeks with the countdown.

The most recent Gaia Portal says that things are in place for Hue-manity to awaken. Hue-manity are the incarnate beings from places besides Earth who were sent here to help with the awakening. I am not sure what fraction of these workers are still asleep but I would imagine not all of them are online and active in the Ascension process at this point. I know for a surgical tech colleague of mine it took him two years to wake up. Now he can totally see the lies and the deceptions across the board. He didn't want to wake up, he said. He wanted to believe things are the way they are, the way what meets the eye is. He wanted to take everything at face value for what he is told.

You know my writing.

Here is an excerpt from Barcelona. I don't know why the wifi was so slow, but it was painfully slow. This short passage took me thirty minutes to write and I just gave up:

Ross woke me up with this (the title, 'Embrace Spiritual Adventure!'. He has since changed it to 'Embrace Adventure'.)  yesterday. I didn’t know what to expect.    I had hopes to return to the same beach I visited the day before. With the other parents and kids, it took a while to leave the place where we are staying. There were many last minute switches  with moms who would accompany us. This was key because someone is needed to watch the items while others swim. Everything worked out. The metro. Finding a spot. I even bought a large cloth from a vendor who walked up and down the beach for us to lay on. I forget the name for that cloth. (It is a pareo)

Being there in the water was magical. It was cool and took a while to get used to. But the water was clear, and I laughed with delight to see little fish swimming around my feet. It was just Like snorkeling!

I felt joy and peace in that moment.

This trip I

So where was I and what was I doing?

Everything has two meanings.

On what meets the surface, I was a chaperone on Anthony's school trip to Barcelona, Spain and Andorra. I spent nine days in Barcelona in the gothic district at an Air B n B, like a little apartment, which was wonderful. I got the best bedroom, all to myself, one with doors that close off a little enclosed balcony/sun room from the quadruple bunk bed thing where Anthony and his three friends slept.

We toured many things and I logged in over fifty kilometers of steps in one week! Dali, Picasso, Catalunya art and history, Gaudi's house, Joan Miro, XO Chocolate museum, Park Guell, the Pedrera, the military museum, a walking tour, the Sagrada Familia, the church of Mary of the Sea, The Basilica of Barcelona, the Aquarium, park Tibado and the cathedral, and the beach.

On what's deeper, I actually was very reluctant to go. Everywhere I go 'for fun' (cough, cough) ends up being some sort of assignment or mission for our team. Ross made sure for me to get a nice gift at the beginning from Duty Free so that I would feel like the trip was 'for me to enjoy'.

I see many things, when I have my decoding skills on and I use my eyes that see.

I had been anxious because rumor has it that the invisible top of the Illumin Ought Tee pyramid is in Spain.

I went to places where there were symbols that reptiles rule the area, and also, that the reptiles had twisted 'faith' completely upside down.

I also suspected Andorra was the tippy top of that pyramid. Two princes rule it and there is no sales tax. One 'prince' is Macron, the president of France. The other is a Sicilian bishop who is in charge of Barcelona. I recall from my past experiences that TWDNHOBIAH really like the mountains. Vail, Colorado is full. And there's other places too.

My assignments were not that difficult. And I completed them with the help of our team, with ease. The two most recent Gaia Portals reflect the work that was done. They don't know me, I don't know them, and we don't talk. But their sources see all because they are up where our Teams are.

How do I feel?

I have a bad chest cold. I'm taking medicine for it and I'm going to need to take some breathing treatments today.

I also have a touch of jet lag from the long flight. We actually took three hours by bus from Andorra to the airport in Barcelona, then the flight.

I'm super duper happy no one in our party was pickpocketed.

Our group was a little trying, with the personalities. One family, a mom and a son, have very tight dietary restrictions. Gluten free, dairy free, no nuts or allergen triggers, and also for the mom no nightshade plants. Every single meal was a battle. Every one. And although the group was twelve, the dietary restrictions dominated two or three meal selections for all.

Another member, a student, has a super nice mom, but is very apparently autistic. High-functioning. But impaired. I saw him warm up to the group of classmates on the trip and this was a good thing. For example, it was hot and a father told him to take his jacket off. Well, the child took it literally, took it off, spun it around over his head, and put it back on. The mom has to really explain just about everything to him, so he can function. She puts each task cheerfully into words and concepts he can understand.

Another mom was a smoker, and took many breaks to be alone on the trip. Sometimes for hours at a time. She snores too, loudly, and the other two women sharing her bedroom had to adapt to it but they did.

The only thing I asked for on the trip was to get ramen noodles. There was a noodle house on our street and it's a short walk. The gluten free mom gave me a hard time. I explained that I was asked what I would like to eat, that was my vote. I like noodles. She asked me, 'have you ever had pho?'. I was stunned because where I work is practically Little Saigon, I can tell good pho from bad pho, and I highly doubted that pho would be good since my friend and surgeon Khiem tried it in Paris and it sucked.

The mom was outvoted, and much to her delight, they had both rice and buckwheat noodles. It was the first time either ever had ramen, and they were very happy. She thanked me. I give her credit for this.

I had an arepa  which was gluten free and I was glad to learn of this type of food too. It goes both ways.

What was my favorite? It was not the paella because both the fideuo (paella with noodles not rice) and paella were cheaply made. I actually loved the thick, warm dark chocolate and the churros. Normally I don't like churros but these were fantastic!

Was it good to get away from the old house? Yes. There were two water leaks, and now I'm forced to do a kitchen and bath remodel for three bathrooms. The asking price might be higher but I'm doubling the investment I had budgeted for the sale. At least we are moving in a forward direction.

And for work? It's in God's hands. I still don't believe staying up twenty four hours is safe, and I'm pushing for change as best as I can without pissing people off.

Now it's time for breakfast. I'll get dressed.

Ross was remarkably quiet the whole trip. I know he loves me. And Anthony. I know he's working hard. And I admire his courage to remind us to embrace adventure. This truly is a Galactic trait!

He also wants me to share this, our spa in Andorra:  I had a lot of fun there! And the name sort of struck me as odd, since Chaldea is a religious branch of Catholicism.

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Ross says 'we are looking forward to getting back to the swing of things and the routine, and we thank you for your patience with our absence.'

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple

Saturday, May 25, 2019

Hold On To Your Hats

Ross came up with this title.  He also recommends this video 

The reason he does is because he would like to emphasize a basic fact—as within, so it goes on the outside.  The changes we are making/co-creating in our own hearts and immediate environments are peaking and starting to change the energy of what we see in the outside world around us.

Everything happens for the best.

Carla just finished reading this book. It is on white slavery. It was recommended to her by a patient who was Irish heritage. She read it with interest. She particularly recommends reading it for the observance of a pattern, a human tendency, which has often repeated itself and no doubt is behind the machinery of TWDNHOBIAH. It is available on Amazon.

Here is an example of how there is room for us to focus on inner change within. Today Carla had an opportunity to do her laundry. It is at the hostel/apartment where she is with five other parents and their children from Anthony’s school. It was too wet. They had trouble with the washing machine—unlocking it, and the person who shared the wash load with her had to add an extra cycle. Yes, it would dry. Carla was okay with it to dry. But instead of asking, the other parent said that they would run an extra spin cycle and hang up the clothes instead of Carla.

Who is right?

In anesthesia, there is a maxim that is said among teaching professors as once Carla was—there are many ways to bake a cake, all of them delicious. 

There is no one right and wrong way to give an anesthetic. There are many nuances which add very minor details.

It has no effect on the overall result of a patient safety and painlessly going through their surgery.

There are many ways to bake a cake, all of them delicious.

Apply this maxim to the way you face your world. This will shorten the distance between your energy and that of the world around you, and raise both steeply and sharply UP to the Higher Realms!

Whenever you find a need to control or are with someone who is controlling, remember the impetus behind this need is a form of fear. Do not give in to it.

Clap! Clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The magnanimous

(Ross is smiling and is very glad)

Thursday, May 23, 2019

You Are Loved

Good morning! It is cool and grey out the window. Rain is impending.
This is my second attempt at writing today’s blog post. The WiFi and the message just wasn’t right.

Where I am and what I am doing is of no importance whatsoever. I am away from my home. Ross is with me in his chipper self, in spirit, as always, guiding me.

What I am about to share with you is the discovery I have made through all of my work here where I am, and I can assure you the work is both necessary and timely where I currently am.

You are loved.

You are eternally and deeply loved.

You are to be filled and overflowing with joy once you reach this knowledge.

I can see it by applying it to the dark ones I have found lingering in areas where I tour. I have seen their symbols hidden in the touring areas, and recognized  them, quickly taking action.

Ross asked me what the hardest thing I ever had to do in our relationship when he was incarnate? My soul answered immediately, from my heart, and that was ‘saying goodbye’.

The dark ones are all about saying goodbye. Goodbye to heaven, goodbye to each other, resorting to cannibalism to ‘keep the person alive inside you forever’.

The dark extraterrestrial beings they serve are very sick and twisted. What is ‘normal’ here on Earth is deeply influenced by this mental illness.

What Ross and I are doing back, in return, is offering complete and total love and forgiveness. To each soul. The souls can’t believe it, they laugh, with sheer delight! I likened it to an angel trying to fall who has a great huge bungee cord attached to it without its knowing. The harder the jump the faster and farther they go flying right back home to the Higher Realms.

Drop fear.

The dark ones love for you to be afraid of everything because then you are much easier to control as a human.

I have seen examples of food fears here—no gluten, no this, no that. This loving soul has built so many walls around them and their family that there is little room for spontaneity and joy to flow fully!

Drop the fear.

Embrace the love.

If Divine Creator can love the mean ones unconditionally—and Creator does because they are insane and need lots of healing from the experts in healing them—imagine how much more pleased and smiling Creator is for someone who is misguided a little (the fearful) or who is actively Ascending both for themselves and making the way clearer for others to follow?

When you feel the unconditional love in your heart, the joyful interaction, you will know you are home in your heart and you have never left.

YesterdayAnthony was talking about our rabbit. Does she miss us? I said I think so, yes.

We turned the corner, and who was sitting on a bench but an old toothless man with his tiny pet bunny who resembled ours! Anthony and I gushed in his language over the rabbit...and he let us pet her.

Joy is for everyone and everything!  So is LOVE. Nurturing, warmth, love and compassion.

Let it flow.

Love is the only thing that is real.

And love is forever.

Ross asks me to share about Miguel. I met him at the W in San Diego the night before Valentine’s Day. I was actually in the bar waiting for someone to come downstairs who had invited me to something. Miguel was from here and he designs golf courses. We were attracted to one another. Both of us work too hard. We knew the distance was too far for a relationship. The short time I was in his arms meant so much to me. To both of us. I know because he tried to contact me one or two years later. By then I was a mom.

This love is still alive and in my heart. I love everyone here where I am. I see Miguel everywhere. I see his food, his culture, his kindness.

Love never dies.

Ross says love doesn’t have to follow the book that you see in the movies or in your culture ‘taking it to the next step’.  Love is everywhere.

This doesn’t give you permission to leave behind all of your responsibilities and do free love. That’s not who you are. But when love finds you, and when your heart is overflowing with unconditional love, wonderful things happen.

Carla loves me, Ross says, and I know it. I am forever watching her and guiding her from where I am. I have a special kind of love for beautiful Carla, who pleases me in every way. My love for her is overflowing and it touches everything I do, everything I say, to everyone.

Your love as a parent is like this.

Your love for us and our team is like this.

There is love outside for everything and everybody!

Go in Peace to find it!

Never be afraid for you give your power up with fear. Keep it to yourself.

Be love.

Be love always.

Clap! Clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The cousins to YOUR heart!

Saturday, May 18, 2019

Anything Can Happen!

My Higher Self came up with the title as I woke up this morning. She was cheerful and encouraging. Every night when I go to sleep I tell her I love her (I know, right? Me? LOL) when I tell Ross I love him too.

Then I conk out.

I want you to know that in a private conversation with my best friend--and I know none of our conversations are actually private because we are monitored and also many messages channeled from the Council pick up on our topics...I was talking from my heart about the torture and abuse of all these lessons. It feels like torture and abuse. I know I might be like some kid whining over having to eat my vegetables my parents are forcing me to eat 'for my own good'.  But I decided to be a huge kiss-up to both Ross and my HS because to me it seems that perhaps that together with moving forward is the only way out of this matrix.

Then this message from the Council came out.  I would like to call your attention to paragraph three lines one and two.

That's a direct answer.

The bulk of the article addresses this part of Ascension--our view of it, which we have been conditioned to believe, and I in my current situation am totally on board with this philosophy and concept:

Ascension = not having to worry about paying the bills.


Well, there are other riches around us.  Spiritual ones. Once we might take for granted because we have been brainwashed by the advertising agencies to overlook it in our quest for what they sell.

Take a look.

Look at this! Asians eating spaghetti! Isn't this wonderful? In history, the Italians got their noodles from Marco Polo who brought them home from the Orient.

Spaghetti is delicious!

And everyone who is incarnate can enjoy it.

That joy between mother and daughter can last a whole life!

Spending time with those you love and enjoy is one of life's greatest gifts!

Together we share victory, hardship, worry, encouragement, and precious, precious time.

Ask anyone whose loved one has been taken away, and they will let you know how priceless those times are.

I'm going to talk a little more about your precious time with yourself.

This is the only thing that you can take with you.

You are your own best friend. And the better you know yourself, and the better you perceive what is going on with Spirit around you, the better off you are going to be at every single point in your life.

Let me share with you something I've stumbled across recently, while reflecting upon my troubles.

This is the true me.

This is the true me that drove Ross crazy with adoration for me back in the day, and why he chose me over all others.

You know how I've been having a hard time at work?

From the dark energies that have attached to people and they are acting out on it and going bonkers and making my life miserable?

I have turned the table on them.

I have taken one of their teams tactics and applied it to them!

I'm making them look crazy.

I am so cool, calm, collected, cheerful, loving, professional in every way--that it's totally obvious to everyone else who is witnessing the conflicts that I am on the up and up.

In other words, I am making them look bad with my impeccable behavior.

If I am called on the carpet to explain I will quietly say I've seen the error of my ways and taken a new path...focusing on the new path and moving forward.

The energy of Spirit is with me.

I can be in a room full of people who are talking about Game of Thrones, like it is normal and cool.  I can anchor the energies strongly, not saying a word, that NOT watching Game of Thrones is even cooler, and that watching it is very uncool. I use Game of Thrones as a metaphor for 'something that the narrative is pushing really hard on the population'.

I know through the direct aura-to-aura transmission that there is no defense against this type of energy interaction. Strong will, strong mental faculties, and very strong desire for Heaven to come to Earth, along with a little self-confidence--are unbeatable!

Here are some articles that help to consolidate this concept:

I will share with you an example from my work. Several examples.

First one--the nurse in pre-op takes me aside. That's always a bad sign. She said the patient is refusing general anesthesia and wants a block. For a super easy quick case. (blocks last hours of numbness).

I go to the bedside, and I see an older woman and her daughter, filled with fear. They 'don't take medicines'. For example, the daughter said, if we have a headache, we don't take a pill, headaches go away on their own. 

Apparently the mother had been groggy for days after her initial surgery to fix the bone. She didn't want that. And she was all worked up.

I patiently explained that when we remove hardware, if it's sticking out of the skin, it's easy to remove, and a little sedation is all that is needed. But if it's inside the skin, sometimes bone grows over the top, and even though we have X-rays to look in surgery, sometimes it's like looking for a needle in a haystack and it can take a long time.  In this circumstance, having the patient lie still for the length of time needed makes a general anesthetic a good thing for both the patient and the surgeon.

They agreed.

Then we spoke about the need to remove the dental work. Many many many people resist this. But I gently explained that dental work that's removable is expensive, there is a small chance for it to break in surgery because it's not as strong as real teeth, and there's an even greater risk for something to get dislodged and go into the lungs if it were to break. Once removed, there's no chance for it to break or cause harm. Would she mind?

Her daughter explained it to her the same as me, and she did.

Then I asked her, gently, 'are you comfortable with me?'

She started crying.

I thought at first they were tears of no but they were tears of 'yes'. I got her the kleenex.

I explained that when patients are nervous I can give medicine for the nervousness and anxiety to ease the moving from pre-op to the O.R. But new studies are showing that this medicine can actually cause mental confusion over the next few days and cognitive changes. There is a list of medicines the geriatric society says are not good for these patients, and are to be avoided. So this medicine is one of them. I wanted to raise the subject in the open, both options are okay with me and she can choose, but if she wants the goal of clear-headed emergence from anesthesia I would recommend that she skip it. 

She agreed.

This took half an hour to explain. We delayed the case. A lot.

But the surgeon totally understood. He said she wanted the surgery to be on a Friday and he doesn't even operate on Fridays! He had to adjust his clinic.

Sadly, Dr. Dao did the original surgery one month earlier. And Dr. Dao isn't feeling well enough to operate. So another surgeon did it. A young one. 

When the patient woke up, she was incredulous and proclaimed to the world how amazing I am! And she cried more because this was exactly what she wanted both times. And her daughter said she was texting the family as soon as her mom went back--about this incredible doctor who SAT DOWN AND TOOK THE TIME TO ADDRESS EACH OF THEIR MOTHER'S CONCERNS.

I knew in my gut while I was interacting with her that this was the right thing to do, and what was needed because if I screwed up with the bedside manner, next time she needed surgery she probably wouldn't go and if she did it would invariably be traumatic for her. 

Then in recovery room I asked them to tell my boss they were happy with my care. I also offered for them to request me if ever my services were needed in the future.

This is an example of being where you are needed to be, working with Divine Creator, and helping to improve the frequencies of those around you. 

Believe it or not, my next patient, the Charge nurse came and took me aside, and said, she refuses to sign the anesthesia consent, she refuses general, and her husband is a physician and he speaks to you with his face right next to yours way too close.


And when I met them, they were speaking a language I didn't know. I asked. And it was Hungarian! I exclaimed I spoke it as a baby because my sitter was Hungarian!  And from then on out, everything went smooth and she got her general. 

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Twins

P.S. I was going to list some interesting views on the abortion situation in the states which is causing all kinds of conflict in the social media and society. This is optional. 

Ross and I want you to know we love and forgive everyone who has stories on both sides of this issue. Our hearts especially go out to the victims of SRA who are forced to abort, or sacrifice, their children. We know that SRA couldn't be hidden without this convenient way to dispose of the fruits of their behaviors and abuse. We also know that if people were able to see the spiritual, the souls, of everyone involved, including the little babies, and that EVERYONE on all sides of this conflict are bathed in unconditional love--no matter what the view--things would work out. Ross adds that there is a depopulation scheme going on actively making humans less fertile that needs to be exposed. That will give added weight to the entire discussion. 

Long story short--pro choice? WE LOVE YOU.  Pro-life? WE LOVE YOU! Product of rape? THANK YOU FOR BEING BORN!  SRA? We ask you to stop and we know you will once you realize how much YOU ARE LOVED BY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IN HEAVEN!!!


We LOVE everything and everybody.

And we wanted to help you look smart so we added extra boundaries to the discussion at hand--both extremes in two dimensions, with little sparklers of extra points of view--just because we like a well-rounded thinker!

Thursday, May 16, 2019

Short and Sweet--To The Point

I will be very direct in this blog post. Ross is around too and helping but this one is more of my effort. It has to do with the changes. We are at countdown thirty two.

For some reason the blog website isn't letting me post photos. (I dragged others but couldn't upload the 32 one)

So that saves even a little more time.

The only thing we can change is ourselves.

And I find by the direct aura to aura transmission, people are rising up to my frequency in the workplace. We joke around. We enjoy one another. There is no mask or hiding behind a role, we are our authentic selves and work is a joy.

For example, because it was call, some people who normally don't work with our ENT surgeon Dr. Peter were a little nervous. I said, 'Dr. Peter is good because when he throws the instruments he throws them gently and slowly and gives you time to get out of the way.'

He never throws instruments!

But he laughed and said, and gestured, "I am going to throw THIS instrument in THIS direction so you can move out of the way and if you don't it's on you!'

Everyone laughed and enjoyed the moment.

We all picked unicorn cards.

Dr. Peter's was 'you are beautiful'.

He truly is.

English isn't his first language. And our culture isn't his original culture. He has assimilated beautifully. He works dutifully for our community.

I'm also asking people things instead of sticking my nose in the phone or the chart. Yesterday I asked him if people really do get bugs stuck in their ears? He said yes, lots of times. Roaches breathe because they elongate, like little accordions, but they have little hooks on their legs that propel them only forward. They like small tubes--not noses because they are wet and the breathing scares them. But ears are tunnels they like and they get stuck.

The most important thing is to pour oil into the ear. The insects breathe through holes on their sides which are highly lipophilic. This is how they can keep air stuck to them when they go underwater and still breathe. The oil coats the breathing holes and the insects die instantly. He says this relieves most of the suffering of the patient with the bug stuck in their ear.

People are fascinating treasures.

I also applied a little school for scoundrel I learned from my dad. Dr. mean Liver Transplant surgeon was at the computer in the doctors lounge. I graciously greeted him and sat at the computer next to him so I could write my patient's pre-op note.

He cringed.

He totally totally cringed but knew I had liberty to sit anywhere in that room, and I chose near him. I smiled to him, a genuine smile, from my heart.

He finished his work and got up as soon as he could.

I was FEELING his vibration, and it's one of darkness, and fear. That's his mind, it's his choice.

Right now for authorization purposes, he books everything as an exploratory laparotomy even though he knows he will do certain surgeries. The nurses and I think it's shady. There are very few people on his 'approved list'--across the board--techs, nurses, anesthesia. The general consensus is it's not so good a thing to be on that list really. The harshness isn't worth it.

A nurse came all flustered into the break room. She had offered to insert a foley catheter to drain the bladder during the case. He said no. But in the middle of the case he changed his mind. And she had to go under the drapes, and it took two nurses, one to hold the large labia apart so she could see the target. It was miserable and she was hot and very angry and upset he did that to her.

See what I mean?

So, trust in your own senses, and BE the angelic incarnate being you are. Know that as long as you hold on to your inner joy, and as long as you connect with your Divine Creator of All That Is, everything will go by fast. Remember this is Illusion.

We have one month left starting tomorrow.

Anything can happen.

And as long as you anchor the frequencies where you are, our opportunities expand exponentially for Good Things.

If things don't happen, don't despair.

We have changed. And that's something we can take with us.

My old house sprung another moisture leak under the old dishwasher. All the counters need to be taken out. I can't even put that one on insurance.

I meet with the plumber today.

It is a crazy-maker for me? You bet.

Am I concerned about the money? Yes. Who wouldn't.

Is it going to help me to sell the old house so I will have less things to come back and bite me in the butt after the sale? Yes. So onwards we go.

And the new blinds were installed. They are wonderful! I feel less vulnerable now that I can close the windows! I came home from work at three a.m. and was thrilled!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
the Couple

P.S. I am reading this book. It's an eye opener. Even though the trade of Irish slaves was much less than the trade of African slaves, this is an accurate description of the suffering these Irish slaves endured when their country was taken over. The sugar industry has evil going back to its very roots. The one governor of Barbados who was always getting caught and set free has all the hallmarks of a devout Luciferian who was able to have his buddies bail him out. I bought this one from Amazon on the suggestion of an Irish patient. This is real. This is history. And enslavement has never stopped...not if you read how many children were sold...just stolen from the streets and sold. Also look to the timelines the dark ones use to herd us and mold our society. First there was conflict. Then the men were 'broadswords' and hired by foreign armies. Then the wives, children, orphans were collected and sent to Barbados, branded like animals, and all to make a fortune. There was a twenty percent death rate considered to be 'acceptable'  in the shipping. They threw bodies to the sharks every day. History is important because you can see the strategy of both sides and how it worked for them...Ross highly recommends this book.

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Explore Your Many Options

You don't have to follow the 'recipe' for 'success' which is promoted in the narrative.

What is the narrative?

The narrative is everything that is told to you through the news, the media, the entertainment industry, the government, and advertising. 

Today we are going to explore more options.

One of them which is tried and true--outside the narrative of course--is the combination of Love and Gratitude. Getting into this mindset will be like a magnet to bring good things to your life.

Carla is going to apply this to her work every day, and also, as she did when she lay in the hammock and spoke with Ross, as she looks for other opportunities for her career which might be better suited for the needs of herself and her family.

Another option is the course Ross recommended to Carla in her current work state--one which is eating at her because the politics are so distressing.  This option is Look For The Fun.  Every time Carla is facing an unpleasant challenge, this is the course of approach Ross usually recommends to her.  This changes the dynamics when we view something as an adventure.

Acceptance is a healthy way to adjust to What Is. Things are how they are for a reason. You are the way you are, your life is the way it is. Acceptance, especially in combination with Forgiveness, is an excellent foundation upon which to build changes or future plans. It is the healthiest way to be, psychologically.

One which Carla has really enjoyed lately is the feeling of doing what is right, even when it is difficult. The DMV mailed a handicapped placard to her home, for one of the people who used to live there. It would have been nice to have the parking. Carla's mom has it, and so does her niece. 

It would have been so easy.

But she realized there's someone who needs it more, the person it is intended, and she went to a neighbor who has contact with the old family. She gave it to the neighbor and instantly her heart felt light and a happiness came because she helped someone who needed it very much. 

The same was true for their bunny, who was having a little pain in her bottom and not wanting to eat. Carla took her to the vet, and while waiting, got to sit with the bunny for a long time. Nurturing feelings stirred in her heart and Carla found she enjoyed being present for her little bunny in her family. She was surprised to learn a few things. The first was that their bunny was very well-mannered and easy to handle, which is unlike most rabbits who are pets.

The second is the scar on the neck of the nice lady veterinarian which was screaming out to her energetically. Through the course of conversation, Carla learned that the veterinarian had numb fingers of the right hand. Actually, compared to not being able to walk when the injury happened, the veterinarian was doing okay. She had been in the hospital for nine months, and part of it was in a rehabilitation facility where you learn to walk all over again.  And today was actually her first day back at work.

And the cause of the accident?

The petite veterinarian had been trampled by a cow!

Hurt in the line of duty!

Carla remembered her friend the mom who is a veterinarian talking about the horrible working conditions when she was in training and interning with large animals. She was up all night like Carla, and at risk for injuries too. She was a walking zombie and that's why she left to become an animal pathologist and work office hours like anyone in industry.

Apply what you have learned is another good option. We will give an exercise to you, but first we must explain the lesson. There is a 'light' or 'sparkle' that your regular eyes do not perceive unless you focus with your attention and your intuition and your sense of resonating with your center. You can pick up on it when you meet people face to face or see photos in print. For Carla the print is a little easier. When you look in the eyes you get an idea of who has our team's energy--a sparkle and a presence--and who lacks this. When there is lack the eyes seem flat, dark, and hollow. It's like there is nothing there. So here is an article where if you look past the smile, and at the eyes, you have the opportunity to pick up on this pattern. Not everyone has it to the same degree. Some of the women at the end have it a little less. But give it a try if you'd like to expand your skills at discernment.

Yesterday Carla went to check out her old house. She saw some hiccups in the repairs which had gone on for about a week unfixed. So she took action. She contacted her friends in the business who had helped her with leaks in the past. She did the right thing. And it's not going to be pleasant--they need asbestos tests, even though in the same garage it's been tested and abated. But to sell the house she didn't want any mold. They are also going to charge it to the insurance. Tomorrow the plumber comes with a huge laundry list of tasks in addition to the leak. And Carla will pay for all out of pocket.  It's the right thing. A not-so-fun right thing, but the right thing and she slept well because of her decision. The sale will be postponed because they don't want it on the market while the equipment and repairs are being done.

Ross says our countdown is at thirty three and although it might spin a little slower than a forty five rpm record, the music is the same, just very beautiful, as we wait and are 'on hold' for about a month.

Anthony was in a school play last night. Carla was delighted. The whole audience loved him! He played a Russian ballet teacher in the play You Can't Take It With You, and he stole the show.

That's our son, who brings us and the world, delight!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Twins

P.S. We will be taking a brief hiatus for about ten days beginning on Sunday. There is a reason which we will be sharing with you as the days arrive. xoxoxoxox We love you!

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

How It Appears With Eyes That See

Today is an opportunity to look through rose-colored glasses, or in this case, strawberries, and see the world how Ross and I see it. 

Wait a second! you may think to yourself. I have two eyes! I don't walk into walls! What is it about Ross and Carla's eyes that they see in which I cannot?

Let us remind you that our countdown here is the link to the original article which caused the start of the count   -- we are rapidly approaching the conclusion of said countdown.  

In all of the Cosmos, there exists a minority of beings who nourish themselves on the suffering of other sentient beings.  Another word for this energy of sorrow and pain is 'Loosh'.  In the movie Monsters Inc., it's not far from the truth that an entire process exists to gather energy from screaming children. This is the concept.

On Earth, and possibly on other planets, where such beings were before being herded to their last stand on planet Earth--such beings have assembled themselves into a hierarchy. And our own military hierarchy is built upon similar rank and file systems because they are effective in the organization of non-minority beings to do the will, what is desired, to meet the objective of the minority of beings who energetically feed on  Loosh.

These beings have proved highly successful in the monopolization of the natives and star seeds who are perceived by this minority as 'lesser souls', mere animals really, more suitable for herding and refer to them as 'useless eaters'.

At the very top of this hierarch are the 'High Adepts', who practice a radical form of their organized religion which is far removed from the rituals which they refer to as 'slicers and dicers' with contempt. Yes, they practice cannibalism. They believe the deceased who is consumed their soul will live inside of them, or at least their memory. Outside of this they can be total vegetarians. 

The key to the High Adept, and Kerth Barker talks about it in his book with that word in the title, is that they seek to mislead others off the true path to Divine Creator/Source. This is to deceive the innocent from what is their birthright--the full realization that their life lessons are playing out in Harmony with All-That-Is--and furthermore that they are surrounded in loving energy of Spirit.

The more who are misled, the better-- in the perspective of the High Adept, a leader in the hierarchy of these minority of beings.

As an example, in the book, the High Adept who interviewed Kerth because of his bloodline ties to Solomon--and therefore Kerth's ability to command that soul of Solomon--had his house staff convinced he was a God. They would sit in a chapel, and worship him as he sat on a pedestal. Literally! And due to mastery of Illusion--as well as abilities to do a little more than 'slight of hand'--this High Adept was undoubtedly able to make this illusion seem real enough for his house staff to believe in it.

Who do you think is running the world as we know it? As society's highest ranks?

Who is behind every movie, every form of mass communication, every sport, every amusement other than taking a hike and spending time in Nature?


Now it's starting to make sense, isn't it?

You are on an adventure. You are leading the true path for the little ones to follow. You are the one in the green jacket. Those you serve are in the pink.

And you are leading the impressionable ones who are just starting to wake up from the web of lies and illusion, HOME.

Home where there is nurturing, warmth, love and compassion.

Every single day.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple

Monday, May 13, 2019

How Can You Know....?

Yesterday morning I spent a few minutes in the hammock, resting. I thought of Ross and in my heart I tried to be as close to him 'across the miles' as I could.

I sighed and wished for the day when everything would be peaceful and calm and working together for the highest good!

I was taken aback when the sudden realization dawned on me, at Ross' suggestion, 'how can you know that things are already not working together for the highest good just are they are right now?'

I was like, whoa...Divine Creator is the hand behind everything that is going on right this minute, and even though it may not look like it from where I sit, everything IS in the force field of Divine Love and is aligning together right this minute now, for the common denominator--the Highest Good!

At once it was both thrilling and liberating to feel these truths rushing through my soul!  

Yes, life on Earth isn't easy, yes, there are huge hurdles for humanity to jump clear, and yes, it sure is murky here from our perspective. Fortunately, other higher perspectives exist! And for this we can be grateful...

As our countdown proceeds, we are at day thirty-five until 'everything gets really better'.

What makes 'better' to you?

I wonder if we discuss our better, and perhaps align them, we will be able to manifest them?

Is it feeding the poor? Is it healing the sick?

Is it ridding ourselves of disease and all possible control systems and attachments?

Is it abundance and prosperity?

I don't know about you, but for me, yesterday was a good example of what 'better' entails. Anthony was with me. For the whole day. I was not on call, or post-call.  Friends and family and I were in communication all day, wishing each other a Happy Mother's Day.

I got to go drive and visit my family!! It's been MONTHS and this is something I used to do every Sunday when I was growing up. Anthony remarked, 'mom, I guess this is what Sunday is for, going to visit?'  I said yes and in Italian families it means a big Sunday dinner too and we can do that at our house once we are all moved in.

I brought Italian Heather to my sisters and my mom. It's really beautiful. I've never seen anything like it, lots of pink tube flowers. We brought a hydrangea to another single mom we've known since our sons were in preschool together.

Anthony had an upset stomach all day. We think it might have been the restaurant we ate our lunch at near mom's house. It used to be a McDonald's but when the McDonald's moved to where the Shell station once was, someone else took the restaurant building over and made like a diner from it. I've never eaten there.

So for dinner, I made chicken broth with spring onion (Ross' idea), carrot, and stellini. Anthony was hungry for it and wanted baguette with olive oil and balsamic vinegar.  I gave him a Hansen's Mandarin Lime soda too for the fizz to help him.

It was enough. It was just enough and he slept well, thankfully.

Something is happening to me, and I feel like I am in some way turning into Ross with my soul--back in the day, he did his thing and I did mine. They were mutually supportive, but separate. But you know how an old married couple begins to switch? It's like that.

I love this image here more than anything because it really shows the feeling of the healing team guiding the patient to look toward Health and a positive future. Even if the end of life is part of the process, it is a beautiful part, probably the most important, to face the end with courage and positivity.

When I am talking to my patients, and even to colleagues, something is open in my heart center that never was open like that before, and there is an energy to it, a passion, a flame, a CONNECTION.

I love it.

I sense gradually I am being prepared for whatever is next for me. And I'm seeing the writing on the wall that perhaps I have outgrown my old workplace, as much as I love it and the people there. Why?  Because there's this ENERGY I can't explain that's starting to flow through my heart center. I sense it's important, because I really like the feeling of that energy flow. I am connecting with patients who are not fear-based. These are the ones who respond to love and they do respond well!

I have half a mind to go start a business to teach other places how to become healing centers. How to blend the esoteric with the peer-review-based evidence type of care. I don't know where to begin. But I do have help from Ross and I talk with him a lot these days.

I kept asking him, 'why? why?' with the lesson from Paul at work. Was it to test me? To take me off purpose? Ross was very loving, and kind, and said, it's to teach me to talk about what's going on inside, because I am not a talker. Writer? YES! But face to face talker? No. And for me to seek in Paul, if he is strong enough to be the kind of strong friend I should have by my side, friends only.

I know all this stuff of Heaven is real. Andy Bojarski did a beautiful share about his mother yesterday. It gave me such hope. I've seen the ceiling open up too and the glory and the gates when my own father passed. But that was ten years ago.

I miss Heaven!

I hope our teams bring us home soon, and yesterday's insight as to everything being under the guidance of Divine Father and Divine Mother was a good start. It was truly my first taste of Home while I'm incarnate.

I need to wake up Anthony and get him to school.

Ross is reminding me and he says he will talk to you later.

One last thing, a miracle! Today I owe our passports, a notarized letter from Jared, and one-hundred-forty dollars to the school. It's field trip time. I am going to chaperone. While I was looking in the passport holder, I found one hundred fifty dollars American money! I had been dreading that last fare for the airport transport...and just exactly enough showed up at the last minute when I needed it most. I had no idea it was in there. Earlier I had put thirty dollars into a birthday card for my nephew, and Anthony said, 'mom you better put in fifty or Aunt K will be mad. She always gives me fifty and that's important to her that we do the same.'  So I took twenty from my forty for the week, and put it to my nephew, because it was the right thing. So when I found the miracle money, Anthony said, 'See? mom? you did what I said and now you are getting it back three times more!'

He was right!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Twins