The best thing is our countdown is at forty-seven days, a little over six weeks.
It's been a very long gap, and for this we apologize. We know you are counting on us and are working through the move and working and everything else which is required at this time.
The household at the old place is empty. There are only a few more things to bring, they are heavy and we need a truck. They aren't musts, but simply 'wants'. Yesterday was the last day to bring two loads over.
Work has been burdensome with call and overwhelming. I've worked every day the last five days, and I need rest.
I am seeing an ugly side to things in medicine which at best I could describe as pure evil. Very low, dense vibration. Attacks. And no one in my chain of command who cares how late I work or even if a surgeon makes me cry. I wanted to go home, and I couldn't.
My Chief of Surgery is being attacked from all sides and wants to resign. The Medical Executive Committee are all against her, and basically want her dead. Why? Because she spoke up on behalf of her doctors.
I am being slammed by the Chief of ER for comments made not to him but to the ER/House Supervisor, some nurse I don't know who--who were harassing me with a case while my patient was crashing. They twisted my words and I'm just not able to defend myself.
This is in addition to the surgeon making me cry. My boss assigned me to his room on Monday morning. Saturday I worked with him on a big case all day--I was forced to come in as backup for a non-emergency. He describes everything as 'exploratory laparotomy' so he will get full insurance funding because they don't approve of his other work he does on the organ he works on when he calls it what he's going to do. He was kind and thankful to me. And he's the nicest one who always asks Anthony if he is hungry when Anthony waits for me in the doctor's lounge. I had thought perhaps he'd changed his mind about me, and added me to his list. Well, he was irate, and called my boss and made sure someone else did the case (someone who had been up until two a.m. had to start it) and my boss made me find someone to switch even though it was his mistake. I felt humiliated and like my skills were dismissed.
The patient loved me, I could tell, and I had answered her questions and set her at ease.
The next patient called me and her nurses 'precious angels'.
Everyone since has been extra nice and kind. And my workers have been wonderful--I even spoke in French with a Korean surgeon who likes to speak French. We talked about our breakfasts.
But I'm sad.
Deep deep down I'm very sad, overworked, overwhelmed, and just plain blue. There's boxes everywhere. Anthony is okay but his teacher is saying there's stuff that's problems. I have to get him registered -- I've done the online part for high school but now I need to meet with a counselor. One car can't pass the smog check because of the computer for the car--and the other car is over two thousand miles past the time to check the tires. I haven't seen my mom since February 1. I call her every day. And I need to spend lots of money to paint the old house and ready it to sell.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not worthy of my HS's energy she put into creating me.
Sometimes I feel like I'm worse than the drunk magnet I used to call myself (only drunks are attracted to me) because if we are to be magnets to attract things into our world, experiences, I feel like I'm the worst at it. Ever. Because all I ever seem to attract is overwork, and painful lessons.
I miss Ross too. So very much it's painful. I know he's always with me in Spirit. And we talk. But it's just not the same to have one incarnate and the other not.
Ross has done his part. Yesterday he had me stop off by Sonic with Anthony after picking him up from school. He told me to get the fried mozzarella sticks. I got a large cherry limeade too.
He bought us dinner the night before, because of free coupons we got in the mail. I knew it was him because there's a song he always plays, and it played when I was at the register.
The latest Council message and John Smallman sort of depressed me too. Because I feel like I'm not good enough to wake up every morning and hope to make the best of it. I thought I was doing that. But the way the Council describes it, perhaps by the sound of it I'm not doing it enough. I know the dig was at me, the one about complaining about life on earth and wanting to be out of the body forever and then talking about Ascension in the next breath. Life here is hard. And with the John Smallman, I'm glad Earth is going to live. I'm just sad that it's the people under thirty who are going to do it. I'm just a 'prepare the path' old person. And I suppose I won't get to see the final results in forty seven days like I'd hoped. At least, that's why I have been counting.
What I can tell you is my cousin's wife switched companies. She was working before at a more traditional office where the executives were in their fifties. Now her new company has executives who are in their thirties. Everything happens much faster in these organizations. She's having trouble adjusting to the pace. Everybody wants everything NOW.
If I was the queen of the world, I would make everything stop. Just STOP. I would give everyone a shovel or some piece of equipment. And I would say fix the plants, fix the animals. And no food for you, no movies, no anything, until the job is done. I would give the animals the right of way over the humans. I really would. Why? Because they need to catch up.
I would also make everyone the instant owner of wherever they are living and have it all paid off. If you are in an apartment, it's yours. That way you don't have to worry about rent or taxes.
And I would have everything else--utilities, healthcare, etc--be free.
I don't know how to make it happen, I have no stinking clue. But it would get people focused again on things that matter. And distract them from things that do not.
At this point I'm just tired and overwhelmed. All I ever wanted to do was to take care of sick people and it's such a business now. They say that interns now spend more time on the electronic medical record than they do with patients. I think it's sad what medicine has become.
Ross
How do you stop the game when you are tired of playing? Playing 'cops and robbers' or 'cowboys and indians' or school or tag or any of those games children play?
You come up with another game that sounds more fun, perhaps?
Or you tell your friends you want to go and play something else, and ask them what they think?
Or you can go home and say you need to go home now?
All of these things work.
What about when people are being mean and nasty to you? How do you put a stop to this?
Through love.
Through daily visitation to the place where no one can go--in the mind and in there heart--a place of quietness.
THERE you will learn to love yourself even if no one else will love you.
THERE you will learn how to forgive and how to love those who act out in such terrible pain that they form addictions to greed and to power and to blood and to sex and to intoxicants...just like those who have been unkind to Carla.
How else do you put a stop to it?
You call on your family.
You call out to your brother who is bigger than you, bigger than them, bigger than anyone who has courage and is strong and unafraid of anything!
This is fair game and considered common courtesy whenever there is need.
Carla called on me today on her way to work. She said the temptation is strong, please help, and Ross I need you!
Carla how was your temptation today?
C: nonexistent.
I rest my case.
There are many things at your disposal and all of them are from within, from your person power, and have no connection of any kind to a superhero.
God has something glorious prepared for you.
Walk to it!
Even if you have to limp.
Even if you are so weary you need someone to carry you like Carla did today.
Looking at evil with your own two eyes is very daunting. This is why self-care is most important. Making time for the pleasure and joy of being alive is nourishing to the soul! Without this nourishment, on the front lines of battle all hope is lost.
So do what you can to stop the game. And when enough people are tired of playing it, we all go home. Home to the higher realms and much more love and joy than you could possibly imagine.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twins
