Monday, December 25, 2023

Let The Poison Come Out


Anthony had a really tough final a week ago Friday. He wasn't sure if he was going to pass the technical course. Saturday he came home. To cheer him up, I had made reservations at Disneyland. This isn't a spur-of-the-moment thing like before Covid. You have to book it well in advance and if you cancel it you get dinged. 

But the whole time, Anthony was irritable. Too many people. Too much noise. He just wanted to ride the train and enjoy some peace and quiet. 

I should have realized something was amiss, but I chalked it all off to stress. Sunday he seemed more content, had good appetite. Monday morning I had to work, but I put bacon in the oven before I left the house around sunrise and kept the temperature on the lower side so as not to burn it when he woke up two or three hours later.

When I arrived home he was even more distressed. His stomach had been bothering him all day. Grumpy and irritable, I didn't know how to soothe him. And indigestion made me worry it could have been my fault with the bacon.

Sure enough, I heard a noise in the bathroom that sounded like buckets being dumped into the toilet.

He was throwing up. 

Anthony is not a weak-stomach kid. I can count on one hand how many times he has gotten sick like this, this time clearly being the worst.

And my mother's wise advice, her words, I spoke to him with love, 'get the poison out. let it all out. and you will feel so much better.'

I got him a chair, a wet rag, a glass of water to rinse out that horrible taste in his mouth. And I rubbed his back as waves of nausea overcame him, and more of the poison made its way out. 

Unfortunately, unlike with food poisoning, Anthony remained sick. For two or three days. He stayed on liquids and rested for days. Everything ached, joints, muscles. He couldn't sleep. I made him an iced coffee blender beverage and that really was a turning point for him. Then that night he asked for ibuprofen. It did the trick. He slept and two days later he was back to normal.

Then it was my turn. Only instead of my stomach and achy joints, I had shaking chills, fever and cough. And I had to work. I asked my colleagues if it would be possible for me to take a sick day on Friday. They let it happen. I was resting twelve hours a night, but not feeling better. The coughing was violent. Horrible things came up. I wanted desperately for my natural immunity to fight it off. But when Anthony came home last night he said mom you need antibiotics. 

He was right.

At 'normal' Anthony left to go to his dad's house for the holidays. I don't know if it's the astrology, or my point in life, but I had a lot of icky feelings that were coming up. Everything hit me all at once. My childhood traumas. Being alone at holiday time. Failed marriages. I couldn't remember the last time I could have a normal holiday. Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years are the big three in the hospital. Anesthesia always has to work two of the three. And since I got Anthony every New Years, that meant I always worked both Thanksgiving and Christmas weekends. Because of the shared custody, and the court agreement, I got only one 'real' holiday, Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day. I never got to relax and enjoy my son. 

This was not a downward spiral of emotion. Not like in the past. Why? Because I sat with my feelings. They sort of came up from all sides randomly. But I paused and tried to acknowledge each one. Wow I was sad about that, I thought to myself. That was really hard. And totally unfair. 

I was a little annoyed and dismayed at how my lack of insight and social skills (ADHD, on the spectrum mild female autism, disorganized attachment ) had left me so alone, after having picked the wrong partners...and from working so hard there was little time to maintain friendships...But I caught myself. I realized even though my time left on earth is more visibly limited than, let's say when I was ten, I trusted that there is a reason for everything, this is my life as it was supposed to be lived, and at least now I have worked hard to gain the skills at mending any rupture in relationship. I've done my work. And on top of that Anthony has been a total blessing!

Emotionally, I had been throwing up. For days. And by letting myself process the emotions in a healthy way, I too was getting out my poisons I had been carrying around unconsciously for many years--thoughts like something was wrong with me and I am unlovable, like I have bad luck, like my life is ruined. 

The past is that! It's no longer here. It's only here if you let it. I realized I'm fortunate to still be friends with my high school first love. Not everyone gets to stay connected. I looked further and could see all the men in my life had been more feminine, which makes sense because I had been more masculine. I had been trained to 'earn' love by my parents who had huge expectations on our behavior--that I didn't develop the feminine ability to realize I am lovable just for existing.  The patterns made sense. And when you superimpose on it that everything is love and love is the only things that exists...well...

There were some guideposts and signs along the way, too. On my last day at work, a medical records worker who appreciates how I always review charts for her without complaining, and do it promptly, she gave me a gift. And one thing in there was a potted pinkish peach silk rose. Tiny. And it was beautiful, I sensed it was a sign. Then FedEx redelivered something from 1800 flowers. This was live mini roses in the same exact color, in a pot that went into a beautiful 'picket fence' basket. I still don't understand the full meaning of the sign, but I value it as such and await further revelation of its mystery.

There have been friends, who are close, who I confided in about my illness. And Anthony's. I kept it quiet online. Their love and support and healing helped me realize that although mistakes were plentiful in my life, it bore fruit. Excellent people who genuinely care about us, me and Anthony. 

I realize it is better now to have communication skills and insight, to move ahead. Instead of unknowing like before, which was painful.

In practicing nurturing, as I healed, I watched lots of movies. Holiday ones especially. And I realized that coming from Hollywood, a holiday movie is kind of like one that is made by the spiritually blind, trying to describe something they comprehend intellectually as 'feel good' . It is lacking. Yet the character that reached me most is Katie or Kate from the Feast of the Seven Fishes, and how she moved on from Tony. A beautiful character played well by the actress. Not since Jenny in Forrest Gump was someone so moving and powerful a character at expressing their inner struggle. 

What is your poison?

Is it a family disagreement?

Or is it being obligated to interact with family members who are toxic to you?

Is it a failure?

A dream that crashed and fell on its face big time?

Is it your body failing you with age? It's frightening, isn't it, how we lose the abilities and clarity we once took for matter of course.

Just for today, if your poison is making itself known to you, and you have time and space, allow it to come to your perception. Don't listen to it's distortions and lies. Look deeper at the actual feeling in the moment. Feel it, and acknowledge how hard it has been to keep that one carrying around for years. Look for the hope in your future. You know better. You won't make those same mistakes again! If there are physical reminders around you, throw them out. I tossed lots of money's worth of thawed meats and meals I had prepared on Sunday and had ready for the week. It's not worth getting sick again. Remember you are precious and no longer need reminders of anything that weighs upon your heart. 

Get rid of the poison, let it come out. 

You are going to feel so much better!

Ross says to wish you a joyous holiday season and that your coming year 2024 is looking very bright!

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Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The couple

Thursday, December 14, 2023

My Dream Last Night


I found myself at a luncheon-type conference/seminar with only women. They were powerful women in a society I didn't even realize I was allowed to socialize with. Some were very well dressed, in sequin/expensive suits with matching hats like what Queen Elizabeth used to wear.

There were not many people, but the few who were present at the conference event knew one another. I saw them make side glances at one another, as if they knew something I didn't, and were not going to say a peep about what they knew. I wasn't exactly welcome but I wasn't unwelcome either. I was supposed to be there and they understood.

I went into a convention center-style cafeteria. And although it was near empty with very little food, I saw a small area with exotic fruits I've never seen, that were being sold by a member. These were rare, long purple, large grape like fruits.

Next I was at a glass case around a register. It was square, the counters were glass and you could see in. I was shopping. There was a pair of slippers unlike any I had ever seen. They had light colored plastic bottoms that bent, and long thick ridges from left to right for traction. The top was kind of clear/white plastic very cushiony with designs all over. I looked closer and it had hearts and unicorns. It looked like a modified penny loafer style but wider. They felt soft to wear, very warm, and fit my feet perfectly.

I worried because I bought myself a new pair of replacement slippers for the ones I usually wear, felt ones with fake shearling inside, on clearance for Christmas (in real life, not dream). 

But then I decided I would regret not having the unicorn slippers, so I decided to take them.

That's when I was really surprised. My mother was there. She was at the counter opposite side from me, talking to the worker. I saw her open up her wallet and take out her credit card to pay for it. She wasn't smiling but she wasn't angry, and in a very matter of fact voice she said, 'sometimes you just need to provide for someone'. What I understood is sometimes we need our parents to care for us, even when we are grown up and they have made the transition. 

I found myself at another kiosk. Again, hardly any people anywhere, but there was an asian woman, likely a nurse I knew from the hospital, with me. This kiosk was sponsored by an OB-Gyn I know, Dr. Watch. The woman at the kiosk said I was eligible for this gift because I knew the sponsor. She handed me a very tall, trophy shaped gift with lots of gift boxes wrapped, and it was heavy. There was a wagon, a folding one, and it had a little hood on it like a pram. So I put the prize inside near the hood and raised it up to cover it. 

I took the wagon with me to my hotel room. 

I'm not sure if it was the wagon, or the room, but I saw jars of many black widow spiders opening and being let loose inside the room. There were thousands and thousands of them. Little baby ones who were totally white. Teenage ones with a streaky giraffe like pattern of light and dark on their abdomens, and great big fat grownup ones. 

I saw baby ones climbing onto my backpack, and I said, 'no this is not okay I will touch it' and I shook them off and moved it to a chair. These spiders were on the ground. I was not afraid to sleep in the bed because only a few would get up there. And I was careful when I walked so not to annoy any into biting me.

I accepted the situation, and wondered both why it was happening, and what would become of it.

Then I got ready and left for another function which I don't remember at all from my dream.

When I got back to my room hours and hours later, I opened the door with curiosity about what state the spiders were going to be in.

I scanned the room.

I was shocked, astounded, and totally blown away by what I saw.

They had eaten one another.

Only a few very big full ones were left.

I gently scooped them up in a cup with a piece of paper, and let them outside to a woodpile where they would be much happier than a hotel room.

There were no other spiders left.

I believe this is a prophetic dream.

I had a deep sense of compassion for the big fat spiders, when I realized I could easily capture them and set them free. I had a feeling of fulfillment, of completion, and freedom from harm and fear.

Then my alarm went off.

I was asked by my teams to write the dream. And so I have.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple

Wednesday, December 13, 2023

The Real Nitty Gritty


Happiness is an inside job.

Well, that makes for a nice cliché, doesn't it?

But, what does it MEAN?

As students who find themselves incarnate on the planet Earth, suffering from a huge case of amnesia, often times we find ourselves facing challenges. Often times these challenges seem insurmountable. They appear to be coming at us from all sides. 

One thing that is not able to be grasped while selecting our pre-birth curriculum and signing that pre-birth contract, is the pain we will experience while we are alive! There is the physical pain. Then there is also the emotional pain. The unthinkable, unfathomable spiritual pain hits--who are we are why are we here? There is mental pain, broken dreams, heartache...

Inevitably we realize that the only thing we can control is our attitude, our reaction to our circumstances, as well as our discipline/goals/habits. 

Everything else we cannot control.

Mentally, we are in the construct where time is linear (actually it isn't), where things we perceive with our five senses are 'real' and with our sixth sense 'isn't real', and the work of physical survival consumes most of our daily efforts. There is financial pressure, pressure to 'fit in', and what society convinces us is going to 'make us happy'. 

Compared to our forms in the spirit realm, being incarnate, although it is indeed a beautiful gift and I will explain more about this shortly, it is like being bound, gagged and blindfolded. Our intuition isn't the same. Telepathy is hit or miss. Manifesting things doesn't happen like it used to back Home...

We are held hostage by our very sense of self.

Our ego.

And by our wanting to stay in one piece, healthy, fed, and comfortable. 

Many of us have our hopes and dreams. Some of us set goals and work towards them. Mine was to be a physician. I've climbed that mountain and I'm glad I did. Many more focus on raising their family with love, and keeping food on the table.

Essentially, we are creatures of perception. And our perception is not only shaped by our physical senses, but our many experiences which color them. As well as our personality, our nature, our interests, likes and dislikes. From this basic viewpoint we are then compounded by outside influence, of physical, psychological, and spiritual kind. There are forces out there who 'mold' our perception. 

Let's say you have done 'the work'. You have allowed painful past experiences to rise up and be released. Kind of like Jeff Brown advocates. You may or may not have had therapy. You might follow a spiritual practice. You could have followed your calling and are producing good things to help others in the world.

What about inside?

Where is the happiness?

How do you fill the emptiness inside?

It's a spiritual sense of emptiness, that's why the physical won't fill it. You can do what you want, pursue any pleasure, but sooner or later, you will be like the celebrities who are dissatisfied with that 'cure'. It doesn't work. 

This brings us to the real nitty gritty: sin.

Oh what an unpopular word!

What judgement! How scandalous! Isn't this a feel-good spiritual website? UNFOLLOW! UNFOLLOW!

I am smiling.

I absolutely love to stir the pot. To talk about unpopular things. And to bring up social Now THAT is part of my soul character from one incarnation to the next! 

Let's take away all the connotations and heavy bullshit that have gone along with that word. Let's strip it down to the very essence of it, in a spiritual sense, okay?

Sin is the state of being unable to let in God's love for you. It's that feeling of something being wrong and you just can't quite put your finger on it. It can be that nagging homesickness you feel all your life but you can't explain. 

Sin is what God gets so sad about. He has all this love to give...and yet we go about our day to day as if He/She doesn't exist at all. 

You might love God. And intellectually know God loves you. But that is not the same as a live relationship with your Divine Creator, one that is fully connected and healthy and whole.

I've loved God my whole life. Always. But a part of me felt, frankly, lonely and unlovable.

The reason it is important to acknowledge sin, isn't because of the sin itself. 

It is because when we are on our knees, humble, contrite, and sorrowful, beating our chest and saying, 'God, I fucked up. I don't know how to make it better. No matter how hard I try, I just can't get this thing right. I'm so sorry God. I don't even know why I am here. Please show me how to put the pieces of my life back together. Help me to find my way.'

This opens the connection. We are human. We are designed to fuck everything up. It is part of the deal. We are never going to get it right. It's impossible on our own. 

But with God?

Everything is possible. 


Sin as we know it, is our trying this thing and that thing, whatever we can to help make that horrible pain of being a spiritual being having a life experience, go away. Then we can slip into some real trouble--addiction, psychological problems, personality conflicts, money troubles--it's easy. And it happens. There's no 'harm' in it(no fault, perhaps a weakness, but let's say you walked into a beehive and got stung--it wasn't the best decision perhaps but YOU are eternally GOOD). Back to the addictions, it's hard to have one! But life is better when you decide to change for the better. And take steps. 

Our life as humans is beautiful because we are given Free Will. Complete and total autonomy. 

We are Love, the essence of the Universe, that is all that exists, all that there is, there is nothing else!

In denying our connection to Source, and our beautiful soul's Divine Essence, we suffer and Creator suffers. Unnecessarily. 

The real nitty gritty isn't  happiness or contentment 'here and there' depending on what day of the week and how the stars are aligned (Oh God! It's Mercury in Retrograde! Quick get the body stocking to hide!).

Our happiness is in acknowledging and living each and every day as the children of Creator. In going after our dreams--even if it's a short term goal here and there at the moment. This enables us to better connect to others. And to feel joy, joy which is our humble birthright...that feeling of being loved for exactly who we are. Every single day. Helping others is one of the greatest highs there is. People say that one again and again and again. It's even why many return after a near death help others...while they can.

The challenges? Well, we face them still. With just a little more courage than before, because we have better understanding of who we are and why we are here. 

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Twins

Wednesday, December 6, 2023

Lies Multiply


I am a seeker of Truth.

How I achieve this is by taking in a lot of sources, most of which are basically 'half truths'. 

Just like all the information I learned in medical school, half of it would be outdated by graduation, but the teachers didn't know which half would be outdated so we had to learn everything. I'm used to sifting through large sources of information.

Yesterday I was watching a video, it was on X so it's not easy to provide the link. But after a while I couldn't listen any more. The message was fear. That's usually what stops me, that and a sense of intuition saying no longer to ingest the information. 

Well, what was it?

It was a Christian series on how awful New Age is, relating to end times and DJT saving the world. It didn't sound like it was and I made it through perhaps twenty two minutes of it. The first part was talking about the snake of the kundalini. The snake was the bad Serpent and there was person after person describing how their kundalini 'lit up' and what it felt like. Apparently, Kundalini, yoga in all forms, and astrology are Very Bad Things. 

What stopped me in my tracks was the sheer ignorance of the metaphysical world!

How can people who believe in Angels not trust someone who says they can see the Spirit World?

The part I realized it the most was the hypothesis presented that once the kundalini is activated, then it creates even more harmful things called 'chakras'! 

Chakras are the visual whirling energy fields that connect the spirit to the body! I see them. I work with them. And when people are 'fixing to die' the chakras slow down and turn dark grey and black. 

This is Spiritual Gaslighting, what the people in the video are saying. Trying to make those of us who see and know, feel like perhaps we aren't really seeing what we see. To listen to them who 'know more'. 

That's a load of bullshit!

The other lie, which is the Lie of all Lies, is that we need to do something to become a God. Some initiation or anointing or ritual. In my Bible reading yesterday, in Isaiah I think 43, they were talking about how someone takes a tree, uses part of the wood to heat the home, part of it for cooking, and then also carve a god/goddess out of the wood and expect the carving to help them. God is the God who can take bones in a valley and reassemble them, put flesh on them, and give them life (Ezekiel).  Why worship the Creation instead of the Creator?

It makes sense, right?

We are CHILDREN of GOD. 

When we grow up, guess what we are going to be? ADULT CHILDREN of GOD. Spiritually mature functioning family of Creator and All That Is Divine. 

Technically, as CHILDREN we are of the same 'stuff'. Only now with being here and the amnesia and everything it's a little hard to find our way.

So, lets stop for a moment to seek the Source of these Lies.

In a war, who makes the most money?

The people who supply the equipment needed for the war.

And typically, who to these people supply? Is it one side or the other? They would like you to think that. But actually, if you look at wars such as World War II, if you sift through the appearances and shell companies, the actual suppliers are few and supply both sides of the conflict. That way they can make the most money.

In a Spiritual War, let us pause and reflect on these physical war suppliers, and who is it that they serve?

The Lord of Darkness, right?

Well, I believe with all my heart, that this entity doesn't gamble or leave anything to chance. And with the horrible war on the planet and her people and all life forms, there is a psychospiritual form of controlling 'both sides' of the conflict as well. 

Both the far conservative Christian and the really opposite serve the same 'God'. 

The über Christian leaders often lead double lives, themselves, and worship um, perhaps a nice way of saying it is Jabulon. It's their God but not the Creator of All That Is. 

It is controlled opposition and they are harming people, innocent believers, with Spiritual Abuse. Telling the parishoners/followers they are full of shame and sin. 

On the other extreme are the Blatavsky/Crowley types who say, 'do whatever you want there is no such thing as sin'. 

Neither extreme brings one closer to God. 

Knowing your feelings, and really being honest with yourself and Creator, just like a child is with a good parent or teacher--brings you closer to God. Realizing your motivation behind your mistakes, and examining your soul, striving to do better--helps you grow up in Faith and embody your Adult Child of God role. 

We are totally surrounded, nonstop, by all kinds of lies. 

Yet in the video, there was a half-truth. It resonated with me. The 'Oneness' that they were talking about, can be hijacked by Team Dark, so that the Consciousness could become a 'hive mind' of the enslaved ones. 

There only is Consciousness. We didn't need a fallen angel to come make us 'different from the animals we were designed to be'. They think that Luci-boy is the savior by giving 'knowledge'.  I know animals can see the world of Spirit, and they are not mindless in any way at all. Instead animals are often guardians, brothers and sisters in Spirit who guide the way. 

I've covered a lot of material. 

Look behind the curtain where the short guy who pretends he is the Wizard of Oz is. Just like when Toto pulled that curtain. Look behind news, stuff you encounter online, or broadcast, or published...look to see who the material serves. Know that most things 'out there' have enough truth 'thrown in' and mixed with the lies to make them more palatable.  Practice Discernment.

Strengthen your connection to Creator of All That Is. 

Strive to create a balance between your Mind and your Heart. You need both of them working together to navigate your way in these times.

A basic, fundamental working of the Spirit world exists. It has to. And with a strengthened connection to Source, allow it to be revealed to you. 

The Bible was put into King James Version by the same person who pretended he was Shakespeare and wrote all that , I believe it's Francis Bacon, who is a member of secret societies. 

One Truth is that the Dark One studies the Bible, and twists it to achieve what he wants us to believe. The whole concept there is that they want to prove the Bible untrue by changing what is written about the End Times. 

What cannot be changed, is that the Bible is a Living Book. This means that no matter what the translation, the seeker will find things inside that are pertinent to their spiritual path. And as you raise your vibration/get stronger in Spirit, new meanings that have been hidden inside the Bible from your awareness, will become meaningful to you. There is a layer upon layer of insight that the Holy Spirit will provide as you grow in Spiritual Wisdom. This is why direct study is helpful, and relying on teachers is okay but cannot be the only way to work with religion. Teachers can be compromised. The Holy Spirit cannot. 

Next time you encounter lies, and piles of lies, be sure to notice them for what they are...and to look further as to who is sowing them, and why.

Be strong.

You've got this.

You are here for a reason, and you know in your heart that Home is the only thing that's REAL. 

This world is a world of Illusion that is run by some teenage-like souls that are hell-bent on making trouble and finding their personality and just making trouble for the younger ones like us 'out there'. To them it's some kind of game but it's gotten out of hand and they are playing to the death it appears. 

Be in the world but not of it.

Ross says he agrees with this and nods in support. It is a message well spent.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple

Monday, December 4, 2023

The Switch


This couple is to represent the natural balance of masculine and feminine within us.  Even though we have the capacity to behave and think in ways that are a little more one way than the other, our souls have one sex or the other as their main frequency.

My soul is female.

My body is born female.  I have two X chromosomes and all the physical manifestations of a human female. I have carried a child to term. 

I was raised in a home where I was taught I could do anything I wished to do. My father had no sons. I was a tomboy. I had little interest in dolls and stereotypical feminine things. As a matter of fact my bedroom was decorated all in pink with a canopy bed and I grew to feel confined and restricted by it. Just as restricted by my options to choose from for a career--mother, teacher, nurse, secretary. 

My mother was in body, mind, appearance, and behavior--classically feminine.  As a high-functioning autism child of very high IQ, to me she presented herself as illogical, and I didn't want to be a part of her world. During family gatherings, I enjoyed the company of the men in the family. I would listen to their stories and laugh. They were easier to understand, as they generally said what they meant to say, and there were fewer social cues to decipher. 

I have been working very hard and documenting my efforts to heal my attachment style. Layer upon layer I have shed of old patterns that do not work. How I think, how I act, even how I pray.

Yesterday brought me to a point of two highly significant breakthroughs.

The first and the most important was that I apologized to God.  Right before I went to sleep. I told God how I'd made a mess of my life in the relationship department. I'd wanted more than anything to have a partnership where  it brought happiness and joy and life to myself and my family. I couldn't do it. I lacked the skills of validation. I was vulnerable and fell victim to three narcissists because of my inability to love myself enough to withstand the love bombing phase and see it for what it is. 

I told God how very lonely I am. 

How my life isn't anything I wished it would be. 

I struggle.

And I accepted I will be alone from here on out, fortunately, for the twenty to thirty years I have left. And judging by how fast raising Anthony went, this remainder is going to fly by. 

I told God I wished for a partner so I could practice sharing my needs and communication skills because I'm so awful at it. I appreciate Ross all the more because although we don't have actual conversations like, 'how was your day' because he is in another realm, I appreciate his support and presence all the more  because he isn't a narcissist. 

I spoke of how our first life together I remember I was good to him and he was good to me. The second one I remember, I was awful--but he loved me so much. And our last one, the 'Big One', I had a lot of guilt still how it went. It took a lot out of me. 

I don't think I've ever felt lower, or more humble, than last night. I couldn't sleep, really. But in my conversation all my little things I told myself to make me think I was 'something special' I saw them for what they were, and I was honest, truly honest with Creator about what mattered to my heart. 

I've worked hard, and God has blessed me richly with a job, with online family here, with a son, with friends, and earthly needs. I'm most grateful for the trees, many of which I waited a long time to be able to enjoy. Almost fifty years. 

What I made clear is that I accept God's plan for my life, no matter what it is. 

And Ross gently asked me to write about it. So I am.

The second is where I might get myself into a little trouble. Yesterday, I turned off my inner masculine stress of supporting myself and my family, just for a day. And I turned off my feminine homemaker 'to do' list in my head that makes me feel compelled to work and work and work when I should be resting.

The essence of the Divine Feminine is to be able to receive.

I've renounced Frog Farming (see the Queen Code book for more information).  I've been seeing huge changes in how I've been treated outside the home. Men open doors for me now, when they didn't before. Others I'm overwhelmed with how helpful they are at work. This book is based on the understanding of the differences in how the male and female brain actually work, both for thinking and for communication. It helps us to realize men are made different and to expect them to behave as hairy women is absurd. 

I winced inside when I overheard a nurse poking fun as a male in the operating room, doing her own version of Frog Farming. 

This is the kind of thing they should be teaching us at to get along, and how to make the better of ourselves and others!

Here's where I get into the trouble part, in case you were wondering...masculine and feminine bodies are from Creation. Our media--film, TV, music--have been messing with that original for a long time now. Not just with stereotypes or objectification. It's been way deeper and darker than that. The legend of Big Michael is one example. There's been many, many artfully, convincingly created with surgery and know-how similar beings who are helping us to define 'masculine' and 'feminine' in the public eye who are role-modeling for us and future generations. Estrogen and its precursors have been put into foods, drinks and packaging. I believe the technical term is 'hormone disruptors'. All of this stems from an ancient phallic-worshipping cult that hides in plain sight, and worships further a hermaphrodite God the Baphomet.  

To be a single mom, you must be masculine--accountable to provide for your family. Our social norms have changed from provider husband-stay-at-home wife, to baby daddy and baby mama. As well as 'blended families' and 'modern families'. Then there's the whole topic that Gays against Groomers support--protecting the children from the latest 'social movement' that's really easy to see on TikTok. 

My point is that there is a lot going on 'out there'. What you are, as a soul, is what is most important. Only you can know what you are--deep down inside. After you filter out all of the outside 'influences' which are completely surrounding us, and also, can be affected by life circumstance. 

Your most healing thing you can do, is to embody that which you are. Like I did yesterday, and allowed my non-linear, feminine, creating self to emerge for a day. The dishes could wait. So I did things as I saw they needed, but didn't commit to any long laundry list of chores. I did laundry actually, because I enjoy hanging it to dry. And I don't mind folding. I watched football because it makes me feel like Anthony is home. I also played some Pokemon Go.  I craved sushi after working out, so I bought some at the grocery store. Just for the day I avoided structure and accountability, with the exception of taking care of my beloved pets. 

Ironically, Cobra today talks of the same idea--click here for article. I don't take him at face value on everything but I do enjoy his description of how things are moving forward (just like I enjoy Fulford). Towards the bottom it talks about how healing ourselves is very important. And also, if you read between the lines, each of us is anchoring 'bubbles' of higher energy, and his description of how these will coalesce in time is fascinating. 

Yes all of this is fake.  Hope is correct, Hope Johnson, in her saying we are making everything up, our life is a movie. I study lots of NDE videos, and in this movie we experience (I'm not sure how we influence others and they influence us in this co-creation of the movie we experience, I do know how she says others are pointing out to us things we need to understand and accept about ourselves)...there appears to be an agreement made on what we experience. Earth is a difficult school, there's so much going on, light and dark are totally available experiences one can pursue to total extremes even. Even though technically it's fake because the only thing that is Real is Love. My point is that on Earth, anything can happen! 

Every day you breathe, you have an opportunity to change your mind and start a new life. Way more than Fifty Ways To Leave Your Lover. But it's as easy as they describe in that song, to change ANYTHING. Yes it can take time. But people have left the System (Jessie C, Cisco Wheeler, Kerth Barker, Svali to name a few). People have left horrible lives. 

Here is a video to inspire you--it is very sad what this woman experienced early in life--and yet her unwavering belief in her destiny to become a nurse is a noteworthy example for all! Melissa's story of surviving terrible abuse

Thank you again for your belief in our work.

We love you.

Ross says 'everything is going to be okay'.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

Tuesday, November 28, 2023

A Quiet Victory


There is nothing to prove.

That's a very good sign, actually. Being calm, at peace, and not needing to change anything or anyone. There's a little bit of changing myself, which I am committed to, physically and mentally, especially with my communication skills.

That happiness inside I mentioned in the last few blog posts, it's still with me. Even though nothing externally in my life has changed from last year. 

I think a large part of the healing too, has been coming to terms with how much stress I endured being a single mother, working in the hospital and having absolutely no control over my schedule (or time to see friends or work out), and running a household all by myself. I'm grateful to being able to have produced as much as I did during those years. And I'm thankful now for a little less pressure overall. Work in itself has grown a little more intense, actually. Why? It's because the production rate is accentuated, and time between cases is at the minimum possible (that's when anesthesiologists can take care of their personal needs and make phone calls for example).  With the bigger cases in main OR there was time for a meal or a little mental break. 

One of the forces helping is an appreciation and understanding that everything is in the right place as Creator intends it. 

The other thing that helped is being able to feel a connection to Source, and the Underlying Unconditional Love from Home.

I saw this quote today, it made an impression on me. I will share it and then go:

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Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Twins

Saturday, November 25, 2023

Easier Said than Done


Pardon me as I search to find the words to describe something pertaining to my emotions, my most delicate part.

Children are highly resilient. Their natural tendency, as well as the grueling teasing that they survive on the playground at school growing up, is to assimilate. Everything is normal and I fit in. 

Even Monarch type programming takes advantage of this need to be unified, whole, and present as 'normal' to society. The scars are heinous deep within the psyche, and yet, the healing mechanism inside the mind will bury the horrific memories even from its own consciousness. That is how we get 'buried memories' and 'dissociative' states...

Yet, on a deeper level, there is always some form of 'cry for help'. 

If the child is told never to tell what they did, then, perhaps, they will act it out, or draw it over and over and over again. The family might never make the connection between the trauma and the behavior, but the unconscious is trying and trying to heal even though the damage is running in the background and the individual isn't actually aware of what is happening.

We manifest our our appearance, in our surroundings, in our belongings, and in our way we run our lives. Some people take this to extremes and become a bit rigid and controlling perhaps...that way no one would ever guess about the mess that is inside.

I've kind of felt like this one my whole life. Even to the point where someone who is totally well-groomed and put together isn't attractive to me. I like a little scruffy and if possible, at least one flaw...
I've been sharing with you about all the deep inner work I've been doing. 

It's as slow as molasses and takes lots of time.

Factors that have been helping is Anthony growing up and moving away, and also, work having less traumatic hours so I have a little free time to enjoy life a little. 

It also is helpful that my family drama has diminished significantly.

There is a pattern I've been noticing as I go through my belongings, deciding what to keep and what to let go. Overriding this all is my new awareness of my need to be surrounded by beauty and serenity. My mind is wanting to have organization and harmony, and this gives me the strength to go at my own pace to start getting rid of things I no longer need or use. 

The pattern I'm discovering is that I purchased a lot of reminders to prove to myself that I am loved.

Slogans on art 'I loved you before and I love you still, I always have and I always will', or 'You are Loved'.
Nice jewelry. Lots of photos of me with my own small family. Keeping photos of the whole family. Cute stuffed animals and things like Hello Kitty designs. 

It's all the same, smiling, reaffirming, objects I bought for myself.


Because for the longest time I didn't believe it. 

Not deep down, on a soul level.

And Spirit has been trying and trying to get me to make the connection. Even back thirty years ago, when I was introduced to Al Anon and I was learning to pick up pieces of my own development and growth that all adult children of alcoholics lack in their family of origin...there was a delightful woman, a sponsor to many, who proudly exclaimed, 'I am God's Kid!'

I told myself that. Over and over for all these years.

It wasn't until recently that I actually FELT IT.

God is in charge of my life.

Everything is going to be okay.

A long time ago I had thought being pregnant meant that you were loved. Nothing could be farther from the truth of my experience...I had to go through it as a single mom to realize that it only means that you are pregnant.  (my baby and I love each other, and God blessed me in sending me a child, immensely).  It wasn't love from the father, that's my point. 

Being married doesn't mean you are loved. I've done that twice.

I was going through my belongings, and I saw the pattern, and I said to myself, wow! My subconscious has been screaming for attention and care, and even though by baby steps I've been gradually taking better and better care of myself, this has been the hardest lesson for me yet!

Inside now, I feel better. I feel relaxed and calm. I remember how much energy I'd expended keeping my buried memory hidden from age four till twenty six. It was a huge relief, energetically, even though the memory itself was really painful when it came up. 

God has a plan for me that is good. 

And even though Hope is right, Hope Johnson, that all of this is illusion. And even though the messages of John Smallman emphasize we are awakening and none of this we are experiencing is's nice to let go and accept the fact that in all of this illusion, deep down, all there is is love. Unconditional love. And not only are we love and everything around us is Love...we are loved for who we are--whatever that is!--both inside and outside of the Illusion of Life on Earth as we know it.

That's all I have to say for today.

If you are struggling, don't beat yourself up for 'not getting it'. The damage we experience, the psychological damage, is real. The pain hurts. It makes it difficult to function. We do our best to get through. 

Everything is happening for the best. Everything is going to be okay. We are actors in some movie and we aren't really sure what is going on here on the set. But our Director is a genius. And the Producers and good. 

So show up every morning, do your best with whatever resources you have been given, and enjoy making the show.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Twins

Wednesday, November 22, 2023



I really really like this picture. It's an old-fashioned camera. My nana had one like this when I was very little. It took excellent photos. But when you were the subject you had to hold really still.

I've been talking a lot with both Creator and Ross lately.

I will give an example:

Two of the worst experiences I'd ever had with my mother, were at four and one half, when my new baby sister came home with mom from the hospital, I'd worn my favorite yellow dress with black trim with white polka dots. It was a summer dress. It was February. So the weather was cold. I put an undershirt, a simple white tee, underneath for warmth. 

With the flurry of excitement on their arrival, out of everyone's eye (grandparents, both sides, Dad), mom pulled me aside. She got her face down to my eye level. And she was angry and upset. She said, menacingly, 'how could you ever wear anything so ugly on such an important day?'

I was crushed. Not only had I not had any help picking my clothes, from Dad or grandparents, but for the first time I had actually dressed myself completely. I didn't know there was a way to make clothing look 'pretty' or 'right' or 'correct'. I'd chosen my favorite.

About a year, a year and one half later, I was sitting in my mom's lap, and my baby sister pushed me off so she could sit. Mom laughed it off. It was the last time I remember ever sitting on her lap. It was also the last time I ever experienced warmth from my mother. 

They asked me about situations that had troubled me in my childhood. 

This was what came up.

I've been studying a lot about narcissists lately. 

So they asked me to apply what I'd learned.

I started at the beginning, everything had been cool between mom and me up until the baby. Then something changed.

Through questions I was asked, I was able to see that I was unplanned, and yet the new one was a product of the ego because mom had decided to get pregnant and did. 

Mom unfortunately saw more of 'herself' in the baby, and this was her new 'supply'. 

Her angry words to me were because what other people thought of her through what I wore was more important to her than my feelings. Again this is not the trait of a healthy, mentally balanced mother. 

The healing was in that Ross and Creator showed me that mom would have behaved in this manner to anyone in my place. It wasn't really to me, even though it hurt. 

And they emphasized that I am just as worthy of love now, as I was then, and nothing on Earth can change that, not even a mother who really dropped the ball and ruined our relationship time and again, starting on that day.

Ross wants me to share another painful memory with you.

I'd found the love of my life, I was going to get married. My mom had been busy so my Aunt Edna had gone wedding dress shopping with me. 

I'd gone shopping for the prom with my mom, who was businesslike and distracted, but made sure I had the right accessories to go with my dress, even though I never even thought to ask.

But for my wedding dress, the next day, when she drove me there to order it?

Mom was cold, cold, cold. I actually started crying in the car, and exclaimed, 'you don't even want to be here!' There was no motherly love for me in her heart. I could tell. And I didn't even want to go. She had to pull over for me to collect myself. It was the perfect dress, and not too expensive as far as dresses go. 

It was a very businesslike, solemn transaction. There was no joy. 

I did what I needed to do to get it done. I buried my feelings. I thanked mom profusely. I took care of her needs instead of my own. 

Again, money was tight. I knew it. I'd asked mom and dad to give me a budget, but they didn't. I would have been able to spend within our means. After the wedding I felt so guilty that my husband and I gave half of our wedding dance money to them to help pay for the wedding. We had collected three thousand dollars in 1988. That was a lot of money. And mom and dad never even said one word of thanks for the money we shared. 

I can see now the pattern again, not wanting me to look pretty, taking no joy in it, there was no kindness, no caring no love.

But there was backstabbing. They had rented a tuxedo for my sister's boyfriend (now husband). And never told me. It was as if I was to just not notice at my own wedding where I had planned everything down to the smallest detail! If they would have asked I would have said 'of course!'. But they didn't. 

What I have learned is that my parents groomed me to fall in love with an abuser. In learning to cope with their upbringing, I didn't gain certain much-needed social skills like being able to ask for my needs (or even know what they are) or assert boundaries. I also was conditioned to tolerate abuse. And not to walk away.

So husband number one (mom said she had a bad feeling about him that's why she was mean to me), we were incredibly close. Until his mom said to 'put his foot down with me'. Then it got ugly. In hindsight, he hated his mother and never healed and took it out on me.

Husband number two, no passion, just compatibility...had also a traumatic upbringing and didn't heal. His father drank the paycheck and his mother stole bread for them to eat and got arrested for stealing bread. He was kind enough to others. But in a close, personal relationship, and my not even knowing how to be healthy, it got really ugly. Like, me on the floor in a fetal position, crying uncontrollably, bad. He'd lied to me about his debt, it was a lot. Scary a lot. And I insisted he did a credit payoff program or I'd leave. In the end my therapist suspected he was bipolar. I didn't even cry once we split. I enjoyed the freedom. I'd already cried my tears...

So, what's different now?

I took nearly twenty years off from 'relationships' after Anthony's father left me when I was four months pregnant. 

I knew I couldn't handle it.

Now, I've been picking up the pieces, and gaining interpersonal skills. It's wonderful to have better working conditions. And a few days off here and there. 

As I face this Thanksgiving, I have a lot to be thankful for:  understanding that what happened to me would have happened to anybody. And that what happened to me has no bearing on my value as a person. Furthermore, what happened or didn't happen--the skills can be gained at any time--it's never too late. 

It's really really hard to learn to love yourself.

I've been jealous at times of animals, because they have a strong sense of integrity and dignity. You can just tell. Cats, dogs, birds, lizards, anything, has this consciousness and you can tell they respect themselves. 

Today I have joy. 

Yesterday I had the first day where I realized I am lovable, and believed it, the whole day. And it didn't matter who validated me, because other's can't give that belief to you no matter how hard you try. I should know I've spent a lifetime trying. 

Ross and Creator helped me see that my Nana and Nannu always loved me, and treated me with kindness and respect. They weren't crazy. They were good people.

And I remembered long ago, in my training both as a chemical engineer and a physician--I always valued the respect and admiration of those I respected. I knew others to weigh their opinions a little less if they weren't people that had my respect and admiration. It was just data in that case, to act on it, but not to let it affect my self-esteem.

So I applied it to my family. And to who had my respect and admiration from their consistency. And who perhaps was a little short-sighted, and didn't understand the Big Picture because they were a little too focused on themselves (my parents). They did the best they could. And caused a lot of damage to me. But they are both gone now. They can't damage me worse. I can heal. 

I think this is an important insight to arm yourself with going into the holidays. Family can be difficult! 

Work on your ability to understand. And give yourself time and space and time with Creator and will find your way to joy. A quiet little warm feeling in your heart. You won't need to feel sorry for yourself because the past is gone. The future you can create. One that is welcoming and warm and loving. 

For this let us give thanks!

clap! clap!

Aloha and mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Twins

Monday, November 20, 2023

Paddling Like A Duck


It's been hard lately.

A little bit of my muscles are sore and I'm tired but happy--in my life.

And a little of really stopping to feel the feelings I'd buried so long ago, ones that are quite painful. 

I work a lot, a lot, a lot, and when I come home I'm tired. The days are good, I'm not complaining. But I miss the times when I used to just space out on the couch and talk with Ashtar Sherhan. 

It seems like so many years ago. Ten years, to be exact.

And, I recall in 2012, when we didn't all Ascend, I was so bummed and completely heartbroken. Why? Because the next astronomical alignment was in 2025! So many years, right? 

Here we are.

I've grown a lot more on the inside, I had no idea I was walking around with those scars I had inside. Today I have found lots of support, and they are healing. Slowly. But I know the basics of how to look for red flags, how to communicate more effectively, about the delicate balance between the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine, and how to maintain strong boundaries in my relationships. It's good.

If I had experienced Group Ascension back then, and needed to interact like I do back Home, then I would have been relying on my Amnesia to be suddenly lifted in order to function. Today, I'm chipping away at the Amnesia by gaining valuable interpersonal skills. It reminds me of those who lift weights and body build while they are in jail. There's nothing else to do, right? Might as well get stronger in the meantime. 

What has changed?

I made a promise to stop Frog Farming forever. (The Queen's Code is an excellent resource on how to learn that). 

I'm slowly processing the painful childhood experiences...the deepest healing couldn't take place until my mom passed and her estate settled.

With Anthony in school I've adapted better than expected. It's good we are both growing, him discovering himself, and me, rediscovering myself. 

My health--my knee--improves. 

What is lacking?

Motivation. Joy. Being able to plan things and look forward to them. Carrying out my 'to do' list. I find I respond well to fresh air and sunshine. I try to get as much of that as I can. I think I am going to need to schedule more time off for myself just to decompress because the work is so intense. I headed into this week thinking I needed to get things done around the house, and actually, I need to invest into myself a little first.

I feel scattered.

But not in a bad way.

I feel like God is nearing the completion of the demolition phase of my life, and I'm giving Creator permission to remodel me into whatever it is I'm destined to be. I'm not riding on the influence of people on The Other Side I know and who love me. I'm not even thinking about who I am when I am Home. I sense at some point the me here will be the exact same as the me There. Same old me. To whoever I meet. 

The other thing is that there's still lots of opportunity to help others. It's the best way to heal a number of things that concern us. 

Do I think we are Ascending?


I see more and more signs of it. For example, over the weekend--I found--or should I say, it found me!--a little fair with pop-ups of businesses that specialize in autism services! Sensory toys. Special vacation places for families affected by autism. Dance companies which specialize in special needs dance lessons. There were groups that helped families navigate the various social services too.  There was a horse with the mane and tail dyed rainbow like a unicorn next to two other horses by a trailer. Not sure if they were therapy animals or not, but they were so beautiful to see. 

This wouldn't have been possible in the eighties. People used to play down such family members. Now, it's a thing. And there is support. 

It's just a tiny example of things overall getting better. People seem more genuine and kind everywhere I go. This is a welcome thing!


I would like to share an example of Carla's growth. Yesterday while relaxing and watching TV, a small mouse-like critter boldly walked across the carpet and climbed into the entertainment center cabinet.

Carla remembered her mother having rats living inside the couch at her place, and groaned inwardly. With just one person in a home, there's not enough noise to keep the animals at their distance.

She had also left the door open while taking out the compost the other day, and understood the opportunity.

Instead of freaking out, immediately she went to find a trap and set them with peanut butter.

Nothing happened during the night. Nor in the morning. 

She looked quickly through the cabinet, it didn't appear there were nests there. And it was a tiny bit of tiny poops just behind the entertainment center on the side where she had seen the 'mouse' approaching. 

What could she do?

She's been through it plenty at her old house.

Just wait.

Well, today after exercise class, she came home, and was startled to see not one but two tiny baby rats with long long tails, in the traps!

She took them outside after notifying Anthony what had happened, both last night and today. 

Then she let the trapped ones out of their misery. 

There is not even a blip on the emotions. Not even upset. Simply action. It's like keeping your shoulders down instead of letting the stress tension make them raise up when you are exercising. 

Now, that is a warrior who has been through training!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple

Wednesday, November 8, 2023



What is Escatology?

Scatology is the study of poop!

Not much different, Escatology is the study of the end of time.

There is a small distinction between the study of End Times and the End of Time, in my book, because both are described to appear in the book of Revelation that is written by John.

Are we in the End Times?


Even those who actually were there in the Bible at the beginning thought that their Master Teacher would return in their lifetimes! It is only natural to think that we are in the End and that things are going to get better soon.

Unless you are one who really, really studies the esoteric and/or the Bible. 

That is the purpose of this brief blog post.

The roosters are crowing now with the impending Dawn of the next phase of whatever it is that is happening. People who have studied the End Times, and are fluent in understanding the hidden mysteries in all the prophecy in the Old Testament, are warning of big, sweeping changes that are imminent.

Things like lots of people dying. Because that's what the prophecies said.

Their point is, you better make right with your maker now, because once you are dead, it's too late.

One of them has actually, in meditation, been given a glimpse of what its like in the 'not quite Heaven' eternal existence.

For me, I find myself very sad at the thought of many people being caught by surprise at the end. I'm ready myself if it's my time. But being raised in trauma, I've lived as if every day could be my last. I'm sort of a Wednesday Addams in that department. You never know, right? And I profusely give thanks for every day I get to live. Even the sucky ones.

Just like when a pregnant women is about to deliver, and she exhibits 'nesting behavior'...I find I am working and concentrating with full focus on my lessons. I have been for about six months. I want to get every last lesson in before 'whatever' happens--Ascension, or the End, or however it is meant to go.

I am not getting much information from Ross.

I do know that there was some really horrible people as president of my country in my lifetime. And I was fooled for many years by all of them. One of the ones who stood for decency on his running platform turned out to be a full blown Archon, if you know what I mean. I couldn't see it then. And even now, that I have changed from my studies, I will admit that some of the more evil 'players' out there don't give off that 'evil vibe' at all. It's like for me they mask it. But I do know a pattern of people who totally hated these figures? They were correct all along.

Ross doesn't want you to worry. 

He wants to reassure you that all is well and that everything is happening on the timeline for the highest possible good. He says that although the impact of events is going to be widespread, it won't be everyone on Earth. Not all at one time. So pray for your location. And keep your connection to Source as strong as it can possibly be. Forgive others, but do not forget and make yourself a doormat to be stomped upon by these others in the process.  He says to practice self-care.

And yes, things are manifesting very fast now. I had two experiences of it yesterday. And one the day before. Keep editing your thoughts for the highest possible vibration and don't get hung up on any one outcome before it happens. Let it do its own thing and be pleasantly surprised when it happens.

That's all there is for today.

An early start beckons at work.

Clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Angels who are with you through thick and through thin

P.S. Carla believes that a lot of the fire and brimstone type stuff in the book of Revelation is actually describing the activity of DEW type technology. And whatever else TWDNHOBIAH have in mind behind closed doors--such unknown technology too.

Wednesday, November 1, 2023



I've studied extensively the entire concept and survivor stories of trauma-based programming of the mind. For years now.

I've also learned the symbolism of team TWDNHOBIAH, and watched the application of the principles of their 'magic' to the masses.

Daily, I see evidence of Bread and Circus, Repetition (especially on broad'Cast' news), and influencers who may or may not be entirely what they present themselves to be.

But through these perceptions, it has always been through the perspective of Duality, a form of 'them' versus 'us'.

What I am awakening too, somewhat startlingly, is the long-acting ramifications of one 'sour apple' into my own family. And as I look deeper, I see similar effects of trauma on individuals, their reaction to it, and how it causes entire generations pain and suffering. 

Would you like examples?

Of course, no problem. Sure!

My mother was very different. She had horror of opening gifts. Just hated it. It made her feel bad. She also wore a mask in public, a 'social mask' so to speak, where she wanted everyone to think how great she was a person. She was extremely careful to control information and perception. I remember my friends saying they wished she was their mom--mom was way more popular in Junior High than I was. Flocks of the popular kids would roam to the car when she would drop me off or pick me up. Not to see me! To see her. At home, the masks were off and she was an anger management person who terrified me, and also she exhibited favoritism among her children, with me being the last one out, the short stick, the pariah.

I realized mom grew up in war, World War 2 Sicily. Her first experiences were of lack. She never met her father until he was home from the war, when she was four years old. She didn't like having to share her mother. My mom and uncle absolutely hated my nana in the end. Nana had always been nice and kind to me, I couldn't understand it.

The big 'aha!' moment was when I realized the long-lasting and far-reaching influence of my Uncle Frank, who was a monster. The older brother of my grandfather, after the war he had no place to go, he had been a prisoner of war in Australia--shipped from Italy or wherever they were fighting. But Uncle Frank was controlling, petty, mean to the core, and there was no making him be nice to anyone. Out of respect for the eldest sibling, my grandparents didn't kick him out. 

Uncle Frank was so terrifying that my Uncle Ben, younger than my mom by about four years, ate something he didn't enjoy, and threw it all up in the plate. Uncle Frank made him eat his vomit.

Mom learned to lie and to wear a mask to survive the terror that was Uncle Frank. She also said she used to go to his room and steal some of his chocolate he had there. But another time she went and the chocolate was all full of 'worms' (bugs?) so she didn't do that any more. She was seeking passive aggression against him. 

But why was Uncle Frank so awful?

Perhaps it was because he was older than my grandfather when their mother died of tuberculosis--when my grandfather was two. The children were left with the poverty-stricken grandparents who didn't feed the children. Left them out of the house all day. My grandfather used to go into the fields and cry from hunger. And once an angel came to bring him food. Right out of the plants the old man showed up. And he disappeared before my grandfather could get  a good look at him. His brother must have been six when their mom died. The father went to America and remarried, the new wife was Nana Rosa, and they had a daughter, Mary. He didn't break off all contact--he's the one who sponsored my grandfather to come to America years later. But he didn't actively get involved.

When we are exposed to trauma of any sort, sometimes it gets embedded into our DNA. It changes to adapt to the stress. This is Epigenetics. 

On my nana's side, she had even worse abuse. Her parents both beat her, they made her quit school early to run the home and raise her siblings (the great grandmother ran a bakery). They even allowed one baby to starve to death because they couldn't afford to raise her. Nana said that the screams were heartbreaking from the infant as it cried to be fed. Nana got married to escape her home.

On my father's side, his mother was the monster. My cousin went to her funeral just to make sure she was dead! He couldn't stand her. Me, I didn't judge her but she hurt a lot of people with her mean things she said. She was uneducated and opinionated and cruel. But her mother died of tuberculosis when she was four. And her sisters raised her with her dad. With the exception of a few years where they couldn't afford to keep her, and she was sent to the convent to be raised by the nuns, which she hated. 

What I am trying to show, is that we assume our childhood is 'normal'. This is a misperception of being a child.  

We gloss over horrible things our ancestors have survived because they tell us the stories, and to our eyes, they 'seem okay'--and this is a survival mechanism because our food, shelter and protection depend on them. 

We go on to think we are 'normal' and yet we may be walking around with some pretty serious trauma bonding happening in our relationships. We might overachieve and become prey for the narcissists out there. We overlook our damaged attachment systems, go 'chasing a feeling', and end up choosing a partner who makes us feel lonelier than if we were actually alone! Our marriages break up for lack of the skills and foundation and ability to choose a partner who is truly right for us.

How is all of that different from the victims of MK Ultra?

Well, perhaps because theirs is deliberate programming, and ours is just, inherited. 

But for both, trauma passes down though the genetic material to the young. That's why it's also called Monarch programming for the MK Ultra trauma-based mind control. 

I sit back in awe, and I look at the terrible weave of timelines/ancestry, on both sides of my family, and clearly I see how one 'sour apple' can have deep and far-reaching impact to the other members of the family. For generations!

TWDNHOBIAH don't need to plan out the trauma for the masses in each family because it perpetuates itself and makes humans easier to control. 

Then layer on structured societal programming through mass traumas like buildings falling down in New York with lots of people dying, or war to cull the population and make them money (the handlers), or locking them up with a pandemic...


On the flip side, I would imagine the long-reaching impact of kindness in the family and the society the individual is in. It would be a welcome breath of fresh air, a respite, a holiday of sorts. 

Everything IS Love.

Yes there are a lot of people out there, bearing scars and some of them hurting one another, usually not intentionally. But the vulnerability of all of us in this tangled web of energy/scars/terror/pain is really something to wrap your head around.

It makes it clearer that the healers need to be strongly connected to Source. And to ask Source for our needs. As well as to walk away from those who seek or inadvertently cause harm to us.

There is no escaping TWDNHOBIAH. However, if we go into our soul and our resilience, and align with Truth and Good and Love, and are conscious of our psychological weaknesses, always seeking to grow and heal along our life path, we are the bravest and mightiest warriors that ever walked the Earth.

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(Ross wants me to get ready for work so I will)

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple

Sunday, October 15, 2023

What To Tell Your Friends


There are things going on 'out there' that are pretty upsetting.

I won't elaborate.

But I am having people come to me to ask me what I think about what's going on. People outside our wonderful circle of readers and followers and soul family.

These are people who have not yet taken the Red Pill. But things are starting to get a little more disturbing for them. And they seek consolation. So they ask me.

This is a spiritual war. It's been going on for a long time. Right under everyone's noses, actually. The moves have been microscopic in scale, and the effects have been cumulative. So now we are at the point where the frog in the nice cozy warm 'bathwater' is beginning to realize that it's a 'little uncomfortable' and that trend is going to progress to an unpleasant ending. 

But how can you awaken someone who is deeply asleep to what has been hidden in plain sight?

You can't because there is cognitive dissonance. 

There is no way they can understand, unless it is their timing to awaken, and then they will have thirst for knowledge and must be fed in small increments so as not to overwhelm them. 

On the most recent one, I took a huge step back, and said, well, where we go at night as we sleep, and after we die, is the only thing that is REAL. Everything else, in our waking hours, is like a big movie production that is created by egos of everything and everybody. Implying that we must take it with a grain of salt. 

I also said that the news is not our friend, there are psychological side effects from viewing it, and these side effects are known and exploited so that we can not stop watching the presentations. 

I could have added that it's a form of MK Ultra to the masses, but that would have been way over their head. So I kept quiet on it. 

The cycle of MK Ultra is to create traumatic shock to the psyche, to 'strengthen' the victim (so the abusers say) and then after each trauma there is a period of kindness and rest and restoration otherwise the person would go completely crazy from the abuse. 

Every trauma is done for a purpose, and that is to build another piece of a mind-controlled slave.

In the Spiritual war which is taking place (what chapter of Revelation are we on today, yes?), the steps are basically make everything go to shit, cull the population, doing both in ways to create as much psychological trauma as possible, then to have 'someone' (the AC) step onto the world stage to 'make everything better'. And people will worship him. 

That's the whole gist of the Luciferianism. Have people worship anything but Creator, and hopefully, they will worship YOU. 

So the AC will be the top of the heap at affecting that.

But the goal of the AC is total world domination/worship of him, and what's gotta go? All of the Abrahamic religions. Yes! The current skirmish has two of the three pitted against each other already, right? 

Will the AC succeed?

It might look like it. But not, no, um, that's not the whole picture.

The AC gets to battle the original C (Ross jokes around, 'someone like extra crispy on their fried chicken? because of all the letters reminding him of KFC)

That's when things get interesting.

And that's why we are alive here today, and lucky to be alive to witness it. We might be hungry and enslaved or whatever, but our suffering won't be in vain. And who's to know how this one is going to play out? My mom grew up in war-torn Sicily. Yes they were hungry. And the Nazi's made the kids sing German songs on the playground instead of Italian ones. But the American soldiers gave the children chocolate bars from Hershey Pennsylvania, and ultimately freed them and their families from the Nazi's.

The only thing mom had to say about that was 'don't be a hero, try your best to blend in'.

Getting back to our friends, comfort them with genuine loving concern, and reassure them with validation that what they are seeing/sharing is indeed upsetting. Answer their questions with care and gentleness and concern. Ask for Divine Guidance on what to say. And keep your connection to the Divine as strong as possible, doing what you need to do to keep that spark alive in your heart and soul. 

I'd say my most recent friend absorbed maybe fifty percent of what I had to say. Which is more than they would have had if they hadn't asked. It reminds me of feeding a baby at the beginning. Half of what you spoon in with each bite comes out and you have to take it off their little faces. It's learning, and in time, it won't really happen. 

Remember it's an honor to be awake and guiding others. Your soul has worked hard over many lifetimes to be prepared for this. Now is your time to shine, even though, by appearances, the world is 'going to shit in a hand basket' and there is suffering, sorrow and sadness overall. It's kind of like taking care of the cancer patient. It's serious. It's real. And they really need your help more than anything because it's a hard burden to bear on their part. 

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Ross says, 'I look forward to working with you!'

aloha and mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Twins

Friday, October 13, 2023

The Peace Which Is Incredible!


Oh my!

I've been doing a lot of inner work since I last wrote! And I've been fortunate to have received the Mantle of Divine Mother, a shield I highly recommend. It is soothing and also helps put you into alignment with your purpose and Source/Divine Creator/All That Is.

I was wrong. 

I see it now.

How long did it take me to figure it out? Centuries upon centuries, for like, two thousand years! 


I had a lot of emotions to process, a lot of pain, suffering, fear, grief and guilt.  What happened with the passing of someone I dearly loved back in that lifetime, set me off into a total tailspin as a soul. And I kept choosing to incarnate over and over in ways to hurt myself and my beloved. As much pain as possible! I was acting out my pain. 

Even though my partner was my best friend and over time the relationship got sour, even though the marriage was really in lots of trouble due to his absence, lack of commitment and protection to me, and his dedication to his work--in his heart he really loved us both. Me. And the mission. 

It's a simple misunderstanding, how can you love someone if you're not actually interacting with them on a regular basis, right? 

But, I GET IT now. 

It was like a flash that just hit me all over, a realization, that took a similar painful event recently in this incarnation that was just enough to 'set me off', kind of like when you are going to set a broken bone, you have to move the limb in the direction that caused the break in the first place, just enough to get the bone ends loose, then you pull hard up and back to get the ends into approximation in proper position. There is a lot of crunching and icky sensation when you are setting a bone for someone, and fortunately, we know to inject lidocaine into the hematoma at the fracture so the patient is a little more comfortable when it is done. 

The release I felt, the relief, is indescribable!! Yes, over being WRONG! Because it meant neither one of us was at fault. 

I wasn't rejected.

It was just bad luck, so to speak.

And what Hope Johnson says about everything being love (and anything else is just ego so don't listen to it), is not only TRUE, it applies to me, too, with the worst pain I have been carrying for millennia. As a soul.

So now, there is no need to focus on any outcome.

It just IS.

And I am ready for whatever is next, because this heavy burden has been loosed. 

Why do I share?

Because I hope the same for you.

The freedom and lightness of being is really wonderful to experience. Whatever it is, that has really bothered you for the longest time, and how you feel that 'this is the way it has always been' and 'it will stay that way' does not have to be like that. 

Ask God to help you out. To find your way. 

I didn't ask, I was lucky, it just happened.

Do not be afraid to sit with some pretty uncomfortable feelings. Even for like a few days. The pit in the stomach. The urge to just collapse into despair but you hold yourself back from it because you know this is a part of growth so you acknowledge it but don't let it take over. And you communicate as best as you can your feelings to someone you trust. Be real. Be authentic. Even if you think your feelings don't matter, they do. 

As you notice your feelings, you might get glimmers of insight. And then if you are moving in the right direction, Spirit will accelerate your understanding and you'll be completely amazed at how you had thought your were right for so long and you really didn't appreciate the Big Picture!

You will be delighted to find the LOVE that still was there, even in your darkest hours.

Then you will be set free.

Another thing, is you will be astounded at all the teachers Spirit has placed in your life, and how your experiences were tailored to get you to this one moment to help you SEE what before you couldn't. 

You'll be in awe of just how incredible Creator is over that one!

Just know it exists, and you'll feel it inside and just KNOW once it happens.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple who are United as One

Sunday, October 1, 2023

What I See


What I see happening in the world of both body and spirit is what I was asked to write. An important thing to share is that about twenty or thirty of my blog posts have been unpublished by this platform. I adore Blogger, it's free, and very simple to use. The reason they unpublished the articles is because of a 'malware/virus risk'. I am yet to go through the list to look for common causes, but what I suspect is the Schumann Resonance link I often add. On my computer the site has a 'malware risk' and I can't open it either.

Both the Schumann and my blog being restricted makes me wonder if I am above the 'target'?

Speaking of Target, the next thing to mention is that I am seeing the chess moves TWDNHOBIAH have been making starting to come together. Just as these days and times were planned for in the eighties and nineties, their movement is extremely slow. And also, it's not easy for a normal kind and loving-oriented mind to grasp the thought processes of totally evil beings without conscience. 

I also must be careful to be 'under the radar' so to speak in my description...

Why get rid of stores, brick and mortar shopping?

Well, if items are accessible, then they can be either given or stolen by people who lack a certain number, card, or 'mark' who are in need of them. Control is absolute when it's limited by an ordering system such as online shopping. Both in knowing who has what as well as who is allowed to get what. 

So, what about the empty buildings then?

I don't know, but once a long time ago I heard a rumor that Wal-market type facilities were built with a dual purpose and the second purpose had something to do with Fee, Ma?

Well gosh, that sure brings up a prospect of another level of absolute control and misery. Naysayers and people who won't welcome in the Gnu Whirled order are kind of easy to spot and control when they are denied food and access to their preferred shelter, aren't they?

Deep in the recesses of my mind, I see a shadowy image of humanity being corralled and forced to eat kibble and work  among other forms of unpleasant exploitation. And I see the gradual changes from hunter-gathering tribes, to agricultural communities, to the industrial revolution cities, to the modern and post-modern age, as creeping towards that inevitable goal. 

This is the 'plan' by TWDNHOBIAH. One for absolute and total world domination and separation of the Creation from the Divine Creator. It's sick. It's definitely twisted. And even deeper still in my bones I know that it is not meant to be.

In my readings last week I read about Solomon sanctifying and celebrating the Temple. There were hundreds of thousands of cows and sheep 'sacrificed'. Then the Lord 'accepted' the 'burnt offerings' and incinerated them to ashes, and the Spirit of the Lord 'filled the temple' and the 'priests couldn't go inside'. 

I asked my Jewish friend about this temple. It was in Jerusalem. And it was the first Temple. Solomon built it, and we know that at some point he switched teams and stopped worshipping the God of his father David and got really into demonology. That temple was destroyed and rebuilt at a later time, only to be destroyed again. This temple has implications to the End Times. Someone has purchased land for this purpose. It was in the news. And also, there has been an ongoing lineage of priests who have continued to prepare and be ready by their training in how to run such Temple. My Jewish friend didn't tell me the last two things, this is something I know. What he said was the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, which is very big and tall, made with stones that are too heavy to assemble with modern machinery and they also haven't budged during earthquakes and temple destruction, is the last remaining part of the Temple.  As far as timing goes, either there or some mountain in the area is where the throne of the Anti you know who is going to sit. And also, once that person is out in the open, terrible persecutions are going to begin. 

All Abrahamic religions will be at risk. They stand in the way of the complete control and domination of the people. What are these? Anything with the Old Testament of the Bible. That would be Muslim, Jewish, and Christian faith. From what my friend shared, Muslims have about five churches in Jerusalem, including one with a big golden dome, and they believe the area is theirs and theirs alone, the whole region. I asked if their temples had ever been destroyed and rebuilt but my friend didn't know.

So what do I think about the End Times?

It looks like we are experiencing them. And therefore every one of us has a 'front row seat'. Does God of the Bible win? Yes. Is there going to be suffering? It's quite possible. Sometimes I ask myself if these financial times are part of the 'suffering'? You can see how in a state of complete and total control, with food production, distribution, sales all managed by TWDNHOBIAH, who are adding unhealthy things to things we need and innocently believe cannot be adulterated like food and medicine...a loaf of bread can and would cost a bag of gold. 

But I also believe that the enjoyment of life's precious gift, moment by moment, is something that will wreak havoc upon their 'system' built by TWDNHOBIAH. And, try as they may, they cannot take away our joyfulness and our memories of happiness. 

They can't feel LOVE.

So now do you see how the Spiritual war stacks up?

Their lack of LOVE creates a need for CONTROL that is INSATIABLE, and nothing will ever fill that sensation of 'lack, that void. Not blood, not sex, not drugs, not power, not money, not technology, not anything. Especially when all of us, their team included, are very much loved children of Divine Creator!

So do I recommend 'doing anything'?

No, I do not.

Stay the course. 

Nourish and follow that connection to Divine Creator. 

Follow your intuition, not blindly, but always test it and double-check to make sure it's from Source and not the imposter. 

Do what you can to enjoy your time. If God directs you to prepare,  then by all means, prepare!

Here's what Saul has to say about it:  latest Saul message

And I hope this one stays published <3 for good. 


The awakening is happening with Divine Progress. We are both meeting and exceeding expectations. From out teams. 

Remember when someone is asleep, sometimes it will take a lot of noise and shaking them by the shoulder in order for them to awaken.

That is what is going on around you in these times.

Nothing more.

So honor your intuitive wisdom, and follow your joy.

Carla will you share?

C:  I know it sounds stupid but I bought a little arcade style video game, Pac Man, to play while Anthony is at school. It's in a box and I asked Ross to help me assemble it. But it's making me feel like a kid because back in the day I never had enough quarters to really enjoy playing it. At the store yesterday while Anthony was shopping for a monitor I found it and couldn't stop playing it. I was utterly delighted the play was for free. 

R:  THIS is the kind of struggle that you should experience! Whether to let in that child-like wonder and happiness, and fully experience it, or to let it pass?  Where do you see YOUR joyful encounter appearing to you?  I encourage you to follow it!

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Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla