Saturday, March 18, 2023



Last night I made a tiny adjustment in perception. Ross told me to write about it. Since it's something from the realm of Spirit, on that side it totally makes sense and is clear. Writing about it in the physical might not be as clear as I'd like. I'll do my best.

The energies are set up right now for healing and manifestation.  There's some parts of me that are really always in a lot of pain. I just bury them. It's always under the surface. I was doing dishes, listening to a YouTube on NDE's, and when Jesus told the person 'tell others that death isn't real' I started bawling just as fresh as if it was now when those losses hit. 

Unhappiness in relationship has been pretty much a standard lesson for me, in this life, in past lives, in many many past lives.

A big part of healing for me has been to accept what is.

Over time I've learned that there's Good Reason for the unhappiness in this life. Early life experiences, attachment style, and wanting to heal so bad through connection that I sort of became not as strongly connected to myself. 

I've learned too that emotions aren't my strong point. When I look at someone's face who is talking to me, eye contact isn't easy. And no information or data whatsoever comes through my reading their expression. I would just guess. I couldn't tell if a smile was genuine or not. Annoyance I couldn't see. At the same time, my mother had a hair-trigger temper. I would do anything to keep from setting her off. So I got to be vitally empathic to read her signals/body language. 

I remember when I was married to my college sweetheart, and he became abusive, I would read the signals and energy on him when his frustration was building up. Instead of hiding like my mother, I would pick a fight on my terms and my time because I knew that energy was going to blow anyway from him. I might as well control it. 

So with the healing, and healing, and HEALING, especially during these recent quiet times where I can't even walk properly and the house is getting behind in the chores...Ross encouraged me to manifest by imagining the end result, really feeling it, and divine thanks for it, just as if it had happened. To imagine being held in loving arms, by someone kind, who really 'gets' me, and allows my nervous system, which has been through so much in all the lifetimes, to blossom in its Divine Feminine and rest...

I'm understanding the energies, doing the work, living the lessons, and coping as best as I can.

Well, last night, in my own bed for the first time in over a week (it's upstairs, not so great when there's been knee surgery)...I understood.

Ross said, 'it's just as important to notice and celebrate the small victories and accomplishments as it is meeting that end goal/destination/manifestation. '


It's the old 'enjoy the journey' thing again, isn't it?

Well, really, no.

Not at all.

Because this time, there is Direction. You know where you are heading. Love. At least for me.

And there's lots of kinds of love in our path. Amazing love, perhaps not romantic, but incredible people with incredible hearts who are present in your life and support you. 

When you understand Love is Everywhere and Everything, and you accept and allow your past to become the past and not a Curse (as it was for me), then you can explore your future by feeling the feelings you will have at the direction you want to go.  Just not to the point where you are missing out on the blessings. Right now there's a hummingbird out the window. A close friend in the UK recommended comfrey to me (the bone-knitter!)--and I got some yesterday (@sokugarden on Instagram, email and tell Courtney Carla sent you). That type of synergy in the Universe lets me know I'm loved.

My knee is getting sore now sitting in this brace. But what I think Ross is getting at, that we need to acknowledge and love ourselves along the journey. I can do dishes now! I can walk without crutches as long as my brace is on tight! I can even cook simple dishes, for example, yesterday's St. Patricks Day slow cooker meal! This year I've gotten to know my half-brother I didn't know I had, mom's estate has finally closed so I can move on, and I have the job of my dreams! 

It's easy to let the annoying 'lack' of 'what you want/dream' fill your soul. 

How much better it is, to imagine the 'lack' filled--as one day it ultimately will be! And to take off the 'eyeglasses' that make you 'unfocus' on the here and now, and appreciate all you've been through, how you keep going and keep learning. It's important.

And for my friend Courtney, she's amazing. I got not only handmade, homemade comfrey balm with bees wax in it, but Cannabis balm, calendula balm, lip balm, lip scrub, a gorgeous soap! On Instagram you will be impressed with her work. You really will. My non-CBD balms were twenty dollars for a small tin, and the CBD was twenty-five. The rest she gave free just because she's so kind! 

As I recover, I try to take each day as it comes. I'm so grateful it could be fixed. So grateful. It's not easy, and it's not fun. But it does shake up the routine, and help me grow closer to Creator and my journey. And to Ross too.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple

Wednesday, March 15, 2023



It's been a while since I wrote. Last month I had a knee injury that was severe. I couldn't walk. I had to take a Pilates bar to drag myself to the car. I went to the emergency room, and I said I'd fall if I tried to walk. They came with a wheelchair, a nurse parked my car, and I left with a knee immobilizer and crutches.

It's been repaired. Now I have six more weeks of a brace, even while sleeping. I can't go upstairs. I have crutches. 

My life has gone to an absolute standstill.

I'm thankful for the time off from work so I could get it repaired.

Is it painful?

Yes. But I don't like to complain.

For the first time in my life, I'm not sure exactly what my lesson is. I can't make the connections. I accept and allow. I pray. I meditate. I also sleep a lot, even while doing other activities like reading or watching TV.

I have no motivation.

I've kept an eye to the 2030 agenda, and how everything seems to be marching right on schedule. In my area, not one but two shopping centers are being bulldozed under to make room for more high density housing. Stores, like cash, are being made to be obsolete. The lax laws here in California that let thieves just plunder what they like without repercussions  is traumatic enough. Anything of value is locked up in the stores, it looks like a war zone. You have to watch for your purse and wallet in the store. Pickpockets. Stores don't want to do business and close. But online shopping has its risks too, of identity theft and porch pirates...

Elon Musk said a tweet the other day that filled me with dread:  'these are the good old days'

He knows.

I remember when I first saw the Han Solo movie, I knew that was a premonition of what is in store for us. Orphans. Slaves. Ugly, dark environment of cruelty. 

Yet, I spend a lot of time watching NDE videos. I know too the tighter the 'squeeze'--electricity and gas and fuel are so expensive, as also is food...the more people will wake up and turn to their Creator for help!

This is all a game or story. Nobody gets out alive.

I spend a lot of time asking Ross why I am here? And what am I supposed to witness in my lifetime? 

How can I prepare?

I've tried gardening. It's not easy. Plants need fertilizer too.

I can cook but I need supplies.

For money? I don't know. Gold can be stolen. Crypto is cryptic lol. And currencies are, well, losing value. I realize prayer is a lot more important than preparation, but both are essential. Without God's blessings we are toast. 

In the meantime, I do my best to live in today and not worry excessively. There's joy to be had, connections to be made to uplift others, and way more good going on in the world. Things in general are out of my control. But that's okay. The NDE's are probably the best source of Truth next to the big holy book.

Do your best. And angels can do no better.

Yesterday my goal for the day was to change into clean pajamas all by myself. I did it. It wasn't easy. 

Today Ross said, 'write' so I write.

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Know everything is going according to plan. If God can send manna from heaven you will be taken care of--keep your connection to Creator strong as you can. 

If you are being given a 'time out'--like I am currently--rest and strengthen and heal. The only way out is through. 


Carla and I have been doing a lot of talking. About things that pertain to us.

All the while, Carla is striving for healing. 

She doesn't know that the instant she arrives in Heaven, everything IS suddenly healed!

It helps her to pass the time, and perhaps, by her Healing she wants to save time later for things she enjoys.

Do your best and angels can do no better.

Do not be harsh on yourself.

Let the past go.


Draw up the courage to dream your most fantastic dreams and miracles! No one is stopping you.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos



Ross and Carla

The two elite

Wednesday, February 22, 2023

What Happened?


Today I had a late start. 

It's funny. Yesterday I thought to go to the gym to swim, but instead Spirit sent me to my old Pilates studio, and the discount store. A little retail therapy did me a world of good.

This morning I had thought to go to the gym before work...then I remembered it's Ash Wednesday. I decided to go to Mass. I haven't been in a very long time. 

Our local neighborhood church went through a 'pardon our dust' when Anthony was little. I didn't understand the need to scrap a perfectly functioning 1980's church, for a 'more modern' 2000's one. They had said the old one was too small, but this one here wasn't that much bigger! The old church is now a parking lot. There's a new church, hall, offices...parking with those solar carports. 

There had been changes. Instead of saying, 'and also with you' we say 'with your spirit' which I refuse. I'm old school. Gone is the cup at communion. And gone are the shaking of hands for the sign of peace. New is the bottles of sanitizer at every entrance. In the back was the prayer request book, and I put myself in there for my repair and recovery of my knee. 

Why did I leave the church? 

By 2012 I was a big donator ($100 a week) and I went every week to Mass. Anthony was baptized. We went to Fish Fry's (and he would win the lottery, three hundred dollars as a tot! lol). I'd been going since I was sixteen, actually, thirteen, and even my college roommate and I used to go to mass together. 

I remember on my medical school interviews, in Baltimore, pulling into a church, getting on my knees, and saying the most important prayer I've ever said. It was to Blessed Mother. And I said, 'thank you for being good.' I meant it.

When I took the red pill, and learned what goes on under the facade of the church, I could no longer in good conscience participate or donate. No matter what they say, it just all trickles back to THEM. TWDNHOBIAH.

It hurt. A lot. 

So today, I was talking with Ross. I was seeing so much perspective. I saw the early church of the apostles. How it took root. How the early Christians nurtured it. Then somehow the Babylonian idol worshippers (to put it mildly) infiltrated it. 

I was looking at layers and layers of good and bad, intrigue and deceit. I asked Ross, 'What happened?'

At the same time, I realized that if church is built by God, even if people who run it aren't holy, it still can have a powerful function. I recall back in college a wacky priest threw a bible down on the floor during his  sermon and jumped on it, saying 'it was only a book!'.  He was impaired, clearly, but the sacraments were still functioning. 

Ross said he would explain it to me. But also, I sense that there are things 'built in' to the church that are in a way, 'counter espionage' against the Dark. For example, today, after Mass, we said the prayer to St. Michael. It's a powerful exorcism prayer!  

I also realized how everything we think is 'good' or at least, 'structure'--government, education, church, etc--has the infiltration problem. 

There's no escaping it. 

I wait for Ross' reply.

During the meditation after communion, I saw Divine Father. He was very gentle. And he said that this 'movie' cannot be a Hallmark movie because it's for the boys as well as the girls. There are many out there who LIKE a little chaos and 'action'. He wants it to be a good movie that makes an impact to all. 

So he's okay if I hide my eyes (he knows how sick I feel from watching violence). 

He also told me that for Lent he wants me not to give anything up. But to buy myself flowers each week. Starting today. And so I went to the local grocery store and found something because for twelve dollars. 

I'm glad I'm being listened to. And grateful for the responses, both from today and the ones in the future.

Ross says, 'everything works out for the best'.

Now I'll get ready for work.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple

Tuesday, February 21, 2023

A Conversation


Things are moving in so many different directions at once! I will hit the highlights in this blog post. But the most important is this conversation I had with Ross not too long ago:

C:  Ross?

R:  Yes, Carla.

C:  I might be alive in the times referred to at the last part of the Bible. Things are matching really close. But I don't like it.

R:  In what way?

C:  I don't understand how God works, Ross. I know He has His Plans. And some of them include violence. It's written all through the Bible of wars and pillaging and vanquishing enemies. Even the plan for Salvation included murder, a horrific one. There's all kinds of deaths predicted in the end of the Bible. 

I don't see why we can't just have a happy story like the Hallmark channel with a little struggle and a nice ending. 

Ross? If it's okay with you I want to cover my eyes for this part of the movie. Just let me know when it's okay for me to look again.

That was a really big realization for me. I've been through enough trauma in all my various incarnations, that I've frankly had enough of this 'Biblical Action'. I accept and allow--I don't fight it because I understand there's a Plan with a capital 'P'--but I have my limits. 

Another big movement, is that I realized that our home, although disorganized and cluttered, is comfortable. It lets us live and enjoy our lives without being slaves to the home. 

I discovered a wonderful resource online too. Here's a video that reminds me lots of how my dad and Ross used to teach me:  How to have Confidence!

Her house organization one is good too.

How about my health?

The anterior cruciate ligament is no more. There's other things too. It's swollen, and stiff and sore. 

Oddly enough, after I dropped off the Pilates Bar I used as a cane/crutch on that fateful day eleven days ago...I stopped by a local discount retail store. I want a new flannel nightgown. Nightgowns in general are getting harder and harder to find. It's all pajamas. 

I did find some sweat pants to make dressing easier for work and home. 

A woman commented on how pretty the rose pink ones were as I was admiring them. She said that all she can wear now are sweat pants because of her knees and the pain. She's been home for nine months now. 

I was astonished and told her I just found out today about my ACL. How sad I am to need to repair it. How painful and sore it is too. 

She asked me my name.

I told her.

She started to pray to Jesus right there in the middle of the store, OUT LOUD, to help me, to help my knee heal, and to have NO PAIN. 

As soon as she said NO PAIN my knee felt better!

She also said there would be a miracle and to look for it.

Her name was Mary.

I told her too how my leg is God's leg, I'm borrowing it, and He can do with it what he wills. His will, not mine. I'm thankful it's worked for so many years...

She said that helped her. 

People are going to be increasingly interested in Spirit. Ultimately the Jewish brothers and sisters will pick up where they left off years and years ago, and lead many many souls to Heaven! 

Even though The World Leaders are saying things that are true about what goes on hidden in plain sight in the US, it's in the Bible that alliance, and although it's valiant they will not succeed. Not against the AC. 

Only one can defeat that one. 

Which reminds me, Hope Johnson was talking about her relationship with Jesus in the most beautiful way on her Wisdom Dialogs. Let me see if I can find the link:  voila! here's the link!

You may know too that Lisa from Angelorum Tarot had a--deliverance?--from a serpent python demon and is now totally Christian and ketogenic too. 

I think now is a good time to make sure you know your Father's voice--and your Mother's too <3 It's fascinating times! At least what I'm letting myself see through my fingers during this 'movie' lol!

I think the most important thing is to accept and allow--whatever people find are right for them to do, and for you to do. 

I'll share something I haven't in a long time.

I was doing a pique turn when I felt a guitar string pop in my right knee. I was at a class at Irvine University High School as a resident in surgery. Maria Chand, MD, an ENT resident, was teaching the dance class. 

She was right on me and examining my knee when I fell. It hurt. But I could walk. I limped to the car, a stick shift mind you! I drove myself to my apartment, a low-income one bedroom in Costa Mesa, about twenty minutes away. 

I sat in my bed with ice on my knee, my leg propped up on pillows, and I was crying my heart out. I loved dance. And this was bad! I had my Orthopedic Exam book on my lap, and was blindly flipping the pages from one page to the next, wondering what I had done to myself. 

In the corner of my room, was Blessed Mother. She was crying as hard as me. And kept saying over and over again, 'God has made a miracle! God has made a miracle! God has made a miracle!'

It wasn't until after my healing, my surgery, my healing from that, my marriage, that I was at a stoplight, and Blessed Mother told me, 'you will one day dance again!' and then I really bawled, because dance is one of the greatest joys of my heart.

She was right.

I didn't know how it would happen.

One day Frank saw a ballet class at our gym, 24 hour fitness. He said I should go. I looked into it. It cost eight dollars extra. I was a chief resident and would schedule my calls so I could go to classes post-call.

Jay was an excellent teacher. I ended up going up on pointe. I learned about Miss Sara and her studio from Jay. I ended up dancing even more as an attending! I was in the Nutcracker twice, and La Bayadere too. Being a Shade was one of my favorite roles, I even wore a tutu. 

I ended up donating my costume from that other dance class when I hurt myself--we were going to perform --to the new studio.

In fellowship I got to dance where I couldn't afford it in medical school--The San Diego Ballet. I took pointe classes, regular classes, and even at home in the kitchen every day I did a barre. 

I danced up until I was seven months pregnant. 

She was right!

Well, what about this leg?

There was no warning. There hadn't been either the last time. I've been working to be in shape and loose weight. When I went down I knew it was bad. I hoped it wasn't as bad, but it is actually worse as there is a meniscus tear. 

I didn't see Blessed Mother. I didn't even cry. I had to be a mom. Keep things running. It was like a joke my hobbling around. Anthony took it serious. For example, if I took a shower, he was home, listening for a possible THUD, and was ready to call 911 if I slipped. 

But the other night, I was in so much pain I drifted in and out of sleep. And I woke up to Jesus. He was holding my knee in his hands. He's the most wonderful healer. I was happy to be in his care. 

I still don't understand why this happened. Anthony told me today it's 'mom, you have to realize you are not twenty five any more!' 

Even a surgeon who has been mean to me, gave me good advice, since he's had his ACL. He said to stay active and swim. I enjoyed being active in Pilates. At the ER my blood pressure and heart rate and oxygen had improved since before I've been exercising. 

Thank you for all of the healing you have sent, and for the prayers, and for the cheering me up. It's meant so much. 

Ross is happy. And he shakes his head 'no' on if he has anything to say. It's late, and he wants me to get my rest. I've meant to write this for two days now. So here it is.

clap! clap!

Aloha and mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Twins, one who has one good knee, and the other who has a pair of good knees <3

Friday, February 17, 2023

It Starts At Home


Our purpose of this blog has been to help you and inform you as the spiritual changes take place around us. 

The pace has quickened.

More like a three-ring circus, there are changes going forward on every front. On the home front the economic squeeze is being felt as the noose of control is being tightened. Around the world, if you listen to Ben Fulford--not to say he's correct and others are incorrect--there is global conflict going on behind the scenes as major controllers of the economy are going bankrupt, and the bankrupt controllers are not going down without a fight.

We are alive in a multi-faceted war. It is Spiritual. But also, information, political, economic, with biological and unknown technology implicated. 

It's not good.

Yesterday I was at the orthopedic surgeon's office. A gentleman perhaps ten years older than me, was standing, and he couldn't perceive me asking to let me walk by. He was in a trance with the television. He caught himself after I asked and moved and said, 'oh I was just staring at the TV'. 

There are a lot more people like him than like you out there. A LOT of people. 

Just look at the Super Bowl.

Humans like a story where the hero wins. 

They will put all kinds of money towards their heroes, not only in fan merchandise but in gambling too. 

It makes them feel better, like there's a bedtime story, like the world is understandable...even though all signs point to our being 'free' on some elaborate 'ranch' without 'borders'. 

What do we do?

Well, there are some revivals happening.

Those are from the Holy Spirit.

We are going to see a lot more of those. Including the Jewish people who will be right on target when it is their time. 

Remember, darkness hates the Holy Spirit. And darkness will infiltrate and mock and destroy and lie. 

Real revivals needs a strong leader who cannot be compromised by darkness. And who knows how to keep it away.

That's why we are at risk for overwhelm.  Everything is coming at us from all over the place, psychologically.

And that is why there is so much need for self-care, kindness to self, and daily quiet time to connect with Creator. 

It's kind of like our hiking trail has turned rocky and straight up. So, take breathers. Drink pure water. Regroup. Even if you need to do this more often than not. 

Remind yourselves that this conflict has a guaranteed outcome. And it does. It just might get a little 'bumpy' along the way.

When things happen--for example, for me, with my knee injury--accept it and move on. Do the best you can. I told God my leg is his anyway. I'd love to be able for it to heal and be strong. But God's will, not mine. 

Do I have pain? Yes. Lots of it. Hard to sleep. Hard to walk. Ice helps. I have a good doctor, I'll take things one step at a time (no pun intended).  'Why me?' isn't a thought I have the resources inside me to entertain. 

You will learn who are helpful people around you. And you will find your way. 

By contrast, there's a beautiful world of Nature, just right outside. There are the stars in the Heavens, the little plants trying to grow after winter here in the Northern Hemisphere. We have our families and loved ones (furry and human!) and these are true gifts!

Remember to appreciate these wonderful things while they are accessible. <3

Ross says that this is enough for today.

He reassures us we have supernatural guidance. And to listen to it.

It might be wise to check and cross-check all incoming spiritual information--just in case! Be prudent. As this is a complex, unconventional 'war'.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple

Saturday, February 4, 2023



How are you?

It's been a while since the last blog post, yes?


There's been a lot of very deep growing and healing work going on. None of it has been painful. Not like in the past.

A lot of it has the theme of letting go and letting your Life Purpose take control with full and complete acceptance. 

I recently took time to attend a conference in Maui, Hawaii, the United States.  This was our view at sunset. That island is Lanai, the island my son and I last visited. And the boat, if you can see the mast off on the left, is the Gemini catamaran. 

There was a time I thought for sure Hawaii held a curse for me.


I mean it.

My honeymoon in 1988 there was heavenly, but I had a cold, it was in Kauai.  All was well.

But the second time, my first husband and I went there for a wedding of one of his childhood friends who was dying of AIDS. It was kind of happy-sad. And it was a real strain on the marriage. His friend separated us, and had his closest ones with him for every pre-wedding, wedding and post-wedding event. I was stuck talking with strangers. I felt very alone. We didn't know at the time he was dying. We just knew he was getting married. It was later when he passed his wife let us know how very sick he had been.

My first time to Maui was to Wailea, at the Fairmont Kea Lani. 

That's where the lei making instructor gently told me the truth, I wasn't really married, and I should wear the flower on my right ear, not my left. My second husband made me cry at a meal, and I left the table. I had been torn, and at the Luau the night before I'd decided he wasn't perfect but I was happy enough with him to stay. But the next day we decided to divorce. He slept on the couch in the suite, I got the bed. It was so cold.

Once we got home he put all my belongings in our bedroom and he split the house down the middle. I could barely walk into my room! 

Huge change it was for me. 

Huge change.

It wasn't until a cardiac anesthesia conference to Honolulu the next year that I realized the curse wasn't real. It was just a strange coincidence.

Until I went to Maui again. Anthony was three. And even though this was January of 2009, and everything seemed wonderful to be able to travel again, within months my job was no more--no longer an Associate Professor of Anesthesia. It shook me to my core and I had to scramble.

If you notice, in the last fourteen years, I've been to Oahu, Kauai, Lanai, Big Island--but NOT to Maui!

So I did a lot of deep meditation. 

What I learned was, losing my academic position led to greater financial stability for us. And losing that husband number two? I didn't even cry over him! I'd shed all my tears. 

So, I don't know what my Life Purpose has for me.

It looks like there's a huge separation if my son chooses to attend college out of state. 

But there could be other changes too, I don't know. And I'm glad and happy and grateful to have grown enough to accept that Maui has been the beginning of the biggest life changes I've ever had. I fully accept it. I know and trust in my Creator and my guides and my Higher Self that whatever IS, is going to be okay. 

Can you believe that's me writing this? I know right? I used to hate my Higher Self. A lot! LOL. And I have it in writing too!

Ross and I grow closer by the day. 

I spoke with him about how much I appreciate his love for me, and for his giving me the freedom to choose what lessons I would like--the ones that don't interfere with the main ones already written in my Life Script. And it's really great. Really.  I know he loves me and supports me in my efforts to pick up skills I want to have 'under my belt' and 'ready' before I get to Heaven.

I also am okay with people not really knowing me or anything about me from back Home. 

I figure is Home is filled with official activities and commitments and stuff like that, then to be a nobody here is a real treat! One I should enjoy with all of my being. And I am.

There was a doctor here who was hit by a car when he was riding a bicycle. And then the driver came out and stabbed him! He died I believe in his own emergency room. 

I was driving to work, and he popped into my awareness. He was politely coughing, nervous, stammering really to approach me. I was vaguely remembering some of that feeling from being back Home as he did that. He asked me what he should call me, and I gently said, 'Carla! of course! I wouldn't have it any other way.'

First thing he said was, 'Carla, that man of yours up here, he's not all that bad...'

I smiled. Last time IZ was the one who told me I should 'give him a chance'. Ross has good wingmen. But I laugh because Ross and I are closer than close now. We really are. As far as my being incarnate will permit. 

Then I asked how he's doing, this doctor? First he thanked me for being incarnate, in his area he lived, and for the work I do. Then he said, 'you get a certain age, you can't work any more, so either way, death or retirement, it's just about the same.'  

It was practical, yes. Sad though, since he's fifty-eight like me.

Then he told me something extra. When I'm doing my doctor work, I'm not just getting compensated on Earth for the good I am doing for my patients (body/mind/soul work, not just medicine).  He confided that I'm being paid at the same time, in Heaven currency, and the pay there is way, way better than anything we could imagine here! He says that pay is incredible!

There is a bible verse about storing up treasures in Heaven.

I believe all of us need the reminder about how well we are doing here, and how it translates to good things in the afterlife. Lasting things that will make our afterlife experience absolutely wonderful beyond our wildest dreams!

Ross had asked me to write about Freedom two or three days ago. I wanted to, but was tired. I still haven't unpacked and it's almost a week being home. 

He wrote through John Smallman things along the same lines as our discussions. I'm sure you probably have read it already, but I'll give you the link here: article if you're interested.

Anthony was out all week with a virus he picked up on vacation. I caught it but had to work. I had headache bad on Tuesday, and yesterday I felt feverish. My nose was really running bad. So today, he went to his dad's and I slept in. Until nine thirty (my normal wakeup is about five a.m.). I spent the day in my pajamas and took a long nap too. That kind of freedom is also a blessing! To be able to heal the body and let it rest.

Ross doesn't want to add to this message. He just smiles and waves.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Cousins who kiss <3 (he came up with that one....sigh!)

Friday, January 13, 2023

Love's Blessing


Many things are happening at once. Today we will describe trends as we see them going on around us, as well as things that are going on between us in our hearts as we continue to heal and grow on our blessed journey. 

Everyone is doing the best they can.

It is important for you to remember this, as above and beyond all things, Ross and I take great care to not judge anyone who follows us or reads about our work. 

The Spiritual battle is reaching an even greater frequency. It's more out in the open, and less hidden, for those who have 'eyes that see'.  Aside from holding the frequency of Divine Love and being loving to everyone and anyone we meet, 24/7, unless you are on the front lines, there is not a lot one can do. 

Years ago, one of our dear beloved readers, who is an expert on a certain kind of dog, wanted another puppy. A fine quality one to show at dog shows. An award-winning dog. This is what her family does, and excels at. 

She was the first I noticed to follow her intuition, and to ease up a bit on the spiritual ever so slightly, and to resume what brings her great joy.  It resonated with me. I didn't know who or when would follow, or even myself, but I sensed that in oncoming spiritual warfare it makes sense to ease back into a stance of energy that reinforces itself with joyfulness and contentment. 

I find myself doing this somewhat. I write less and live my lessons more. I spend time in my garden. Now that I have a little more free time I seek things I enjoy, such as housework and exercise. I feel better in my skin. I realize this war has been going on for some time, and there's no quick and easy end in sight. 

I'm healing very much, myself. Working on my Mother Wound, as I mentioned before. I'm adapting to my new work environment. Ross and I heal and grow closer by the day. Some of the things I've confided in him are that I liked his blood better when it was inside of him. If you don't understand, it's a long story, and I'm not going to explain it here. I know he had his purpose and he followed it. That's outside my hands and my control. But I can still have love for this dear soul in the way I loved him when he walked the Earth. I cried this morning. Why? I wanted to be able to tend to him as I did in Life. Wash his feet. Trim his facial hair. Enjoy that kind of closeness. He reassured me he is always taking care of me. And when we are in Heaven, I will be able to resume that kind of caring and it won't ever have to end.  A huge breakthrough for us, is that I was able to tell him, and realize from my soul, that even though his job was along the lines of 'saving the world', my job was to take care of him. And even though in many lifetimes he didn't let me do my job, I'm okay with it. Even now. I'm not mad over that any more. 

So lets go on to another who is following her heart. This one the pendulum has swung now twice in the same direction--very fundamentalist Christian--with complete renunciation of everything that is 'occult'. 

Everyone needs to follow their soul purpose, and their heart. There was a, Deliverance, I believe the word is. We congratulate her on this and support her as she is very deeply loved by us both. Everyone has their part to play.

For me, I acknowledge the only way to overcome Darkness, as in organized, ritual-abuse hierarchy of evil, is through Christianity. 

I have seen too, though, deliverance from cocaine addiction from Buddhist Chanting. 

Ross and I, our desire is for as many people as possible to reach Heaven/Nirvana/Divine Bliss. We cherish all from the deeply asleep to the Incarnate Spiritual Masters. We aren't going anywhere. We love it that you have regarded us as 'one of you' or 'one of the many' every time we have walked the earth. Ross calls it the 'salt of the earth' with a big smile. 

I regard tools of Divination somewhat from a historical perspective...they have been around for a long time, they resonate with many, yes it can be a slippery slope into a compulsion and darkness, by the same token it can awaken spirituality in someone who has experienced abuse from the church. It's a tool. 

There's a bible quote on the calendar in one of our rooms, that is I think from Peter, and it says to love deeply because love covers up a multitude of sins. 

It does.

It creates a sense of safety, one of nurturing, warmth, love and compassion, which fosters the development of Trust. 

We are the first to admit it's a crazy battle out there, metaphysically. Many in our group have gone off on their separate ways. Others have remained with us which brings us great joy. There is no judgement, we understand that each must follow their spirit, everyone has Free Will, and that is a beautiful thing in and of itself. 

Love the Earth.

Love everyone around you! In these times of sudden (polite cough) 'soul exits' you never know who is going to 'leave next'.  

Console the bereaved.

Be the angelic ambassador only you could be, right in your shoes, wherever you are.

Dream. It is okay to follow your dreams! 

Rejoice! These are special times. We are lucky to be here to experience them. 

Ross says that is enough for today. He says 'thank you' and 'have a nice weekend' and 'not to bad for writing on Friday the 13th'.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple

Saturday, January 7, 2023

The Life Force With Tenderness


Yesterday I did a lot of healing. This is personal, and what most people would choose to keep private.

Since I've been open from the start here, about all of my incarnations and experiences, I will summarize here to the high points.

And remember, what's 'new' and 'connection' for me, might be simply 'old hat' for you, and that's okay. You too will have your area of life to make 'connections'  as you progress with your life lessons.

I'm working on healing my mother wound.

It runs DEEP.

There's really no way to get around it. It will 'flavor' all my relationships until it heals. And I sense now is the time.

Yesterday after the healing I was thinking about the mother wound. Even calling it that wasn't really fair to my mother. She did her best. And in later times she supported me strategically so I could go to school at University, raise a son, and have my career. 

We just didn't understand each other.

My mother wound, is remembering falling asleep in her lap, in the rocking chair, and that glorious feeling of warmth and togetherness. I did this up until age three or four. I still enjoy heartbeats today in my work because I loved to listen to the sound of my mom's heart as I was falling asleep.

I don't know how it happened, but all that warmth and closeness evaporated between me and my mom. 

No longer was she the carefree, happy-go-lucky, PRESENT mom.

And I was alone. Utterly alone. 

My sister was born, mom moved on, probably in her pregnancy because I didn't fit anymore on her lap. Thankfully my father and nana and Uncle and nannu were close to me. Gave me the validation I needed.

But not mom.

I internalized it as rejection, as not good enough, as something wrong with me, something to hide, and to settle for my emotional needs not being met. 

Yesterday, I was alone. Anthony was at Disneyland with his dad's new family. I had a reservation to go but Anthony thought it would be weird if I was even in the same park...

I didn't know what to do with myself.

But I crawled back into bed. Oh so many mornings I had to get up out of my crib to go to a babysitter! Part of the pampering my souls needs is the healing of this wound. Anthony's first two years, my sister's whole lives--they got to sleep in until they were ready or needed to get ready. 

I just crawled into bed and said, 'Ross, I need your, your warmth, your loving acceptance'. His chest glowed warm, and I just basked in it. For a long time. A lot longer than I realized. I just needed to get that feeling back. 

Ross talked with me. In his teaching ways...

About what happened to me when I was little, in this life, the neighbor boys messing with me. What traumatized me greatly. Enough to have PTSD and need therapy.

The boys were curious about the Life Force. And their roles in it, as males. And they chose me to 'practice'.

Everyone, almost everyone alive, gets to experience the Life Force that makes new Life. Not only as being a product of it. But in working with it and co-creating with it.

In the ideal alignment, there is polarity, and the couple who is in love, align with the Life Force completely. On even a quantum level. New life is made. The couple heals their emotional and past life wounds together. They communicate freely. He protects her. She relaxes in this protection.

Ross and I have had our problems in the past with that one. If you read the blog, you'll know. But we have been talking, me talking about those times (especially back in India). Thankfully, now he is not incarnate, Ross is there for me. He's always looking out for me, this I know. It doesn't feel exactly like 'protection' but it is, I know deep down. 

So we are making incredible healing. 

What Ross did yesterday was to reframe my immediate past life, as a kitten, under the context of Life Force. 

In the darkness, the only thing that approximates the joy of Creator--love and gratitude and being in alignment with God's will--is sexual pleasure/peaking. 

So in the dark societies, they take this natural 'high' and seeking of it, to twist it into control. In humans, sexuality is ingrained, a need that can be exploited.

And in that immediate past life, you see, the trained child not only has a pure energy of playful spirit that draws in the sexual interest of those warped in that direction by the darkness (early violation, generational trauma abuse)--it's like a two-sided coin to them!--the value is in filming the warped one fulfilling their urges/needs/fantasies that permits blackmail and control.

Specifically, these urges are not in alignment with Creator, and they separate instead of join. They isolate one in their own perception of pleasure. This reinforces the false sense of separation, and the occult/dark hierarchy of their entire system. 

There's a thousand different levels of this kind of pleasure that's not in alignment--porn, bestiality, you name it somewhere it exists--but the kind that affected me in my past life was as a child kitten. So that's how I was able to view the energies and systems and structures. 

What Ross did for me yesterday, is to make it clear that Life Force, is Life Force. On the one hand, in alignment, in the other, inverted, but my Life Lessons permitted me to get a deeper/first hand experience in it. And such experience is good. Even though it wasn't fun or happy or easy to understand, as a soul I am a better person for it. 

I love it when Ross is a teacher to me.

He makes even the most difficult and painful lessons worthwhile. 

I'm not sure how to tie this all together, as a lesson for all. But for me as a student of my own life lessons, I sense a theme, a unity in the instruction, and an ability to apply it to my daily life. You see, Life Force is everywhere, not just in the bedroom. From taking care of pets, to gardens, to helping the's all the same Life Force. 

I guess what's reassuring is that even when distorted and manipulated by darkness, Life Force still is Life Force. They wouldn't get anywhere without it.

It's all LOVE. 


Carla has shown an incredible amount of vulnerability with me the last six months. Carla has always been a good sport and eager to make progress in her lessons. 

For her, the mother wound was a painful one. And much of the groundwork in the healing for her was in experiencing motherhood herself, and that closeness between mother and infant. Carla was learning just as much as baby Anthony that mothers could be present and nourishing with love and compassion...every day!

Carla wants to be able to talk to me when we are Home in Heaven. She just doesn't want to wish for all her pain to vanish and for her scars to magically heal once she 'pops in there' back in our Home Heavenly Realms.

Carla is doing the work now, to make sure she has the skills now, and has shored up her deficits...because Carla wants to make the perfect Bride for me in her heart.

You how powerfully I love her.

There is never anything Carla could say or do that would take my love away. 

But just how Carla wants to get the house in order so when it is her time to pass the mess of what's left will be a lot easier on her son...Carla wants to prepare in order to hit the ground running and be off to the greatest start, based on her human perspective.

I think that is very sweet and kind of her to want to prepare herself for our eventual reunion.

What Carla doesn't know, is just how fast she is going to forget her day to day here in the Illusion, and how even faster she is going to remember her Galactic self...when it is her time....and that is a long ways off from now....

(he smiles and sighs) I just don't know what else to say.

I want you to have hope.

And faith in your good future.

No matter where you are, not only in your life lessons but in your spiritual progress.

Everything works out for the best...

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Old souls

With New Eyes That See


Two nights ago we watched Raiders of the Lost Ark after a fun, although, rainy day at Disneyland.

I'd first seen the movie when I was around sixteen. And off and on maybe two or three times since. But this was the first time since I'd learned Reiki, as well as after I've developed my hobby--understanding hidden symbolism of the occult.

I was absolutely shocked by the content of the material presented in the movie from so very long ago, from the detail, as well as for the implications for someone who is 'into' End Times Bible Prophecy. 

It's all there.

The part that first startled me was Indiana Jones is an expert in the occult! 

I'd never heard that before, or understood the full implication. Now I do. He could have been a member of a secret society or an Illuminati! We never really know, to be exact, except that such knowledge requires lots of study, and possibly, initiation of some sort.

Another part was how the German war machine was searching the globe for religious artifacts which hold great occult power. 

That was true. Totally true. The spear that was thrust into Jesus' side at the crucifixion, is another such item--there are many. And the goal to use these 'supernatural weapons' in 'warfare' actually is historically correct. I didn't know that when I was sixteen and saw it for the first time!

Why was the ark hidden in something that looked Egyptian? I don't know, since the ark should have been Hebrew, right? 

But the Temple of Solomon is where it was supposed to be hidden.

The Temple of Solomon!?!?!

They are rebuilding it. 

Trump purchased the property for it. I remember hearing that and going hmmmm even when I wasn't as good on my End Times stuff. 

This is where the A/C is going to sit, and declare himself G-d. 

Don't expect to see End Times stuff on the news  along with news, weather and sports! There's places to look. Bible, old testament, Revelation, book of Jubilees, stuff like that. That it would be so clear in a movie from so long ago startled me. It totally went over my head at the time.

And then, in the final scene, with the Ark and the French guy speaking the old language? He had on the breastplate of a priest--with all the correct stones in it! in the movie!

This is where life and art are one! There's priests for the Solomon Temple already trained how to do the sacrifices and everything. Here! Now! Today! It's been going on for years. We are close enough to the end times that they have teams preparing one another to pick up their duties right where they left off...

I wonder how many other things are 'hidden' in our entertainment and culture, like this? And how much more time will it take for us to be able to understand? 

So many, many things are hidden in plain sight. And for those of us trying to just get through our days, it is understandable we don't 'get it' most of the time. Fortunately, one day we will. And it is a good thing.


Our purpose in describing this to you is to keep doing the work you are sent to do.

Carla has done hers, dutifully, and now she is able to make the connections and is able to share them with you.

Your life is not hers, her life is not yours!

Do not by any means compare yourself to her on this 'discovery'!!!!!!!

Instead, look to your own path of growth and development. And when you revisit something from your past (in Carla's case it was this movie)--see for yourself how much more you are able to see and hear and understands--compared to back 'when'.

That is our lesson for you today.

You have come a long way. 

Congratulate yourself for this!

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Twins

Tuesday, January 3, 2023

For The Curious and Those Concerned


Yesterday during Monday Night Football, a devastating injury took place on the field. The players were crying while watching the medical teams work to bring life back into a young, rising star player. 

Eventually the game was cancelled.

Donations to the player's toy drive, which had set a goal for $2,500, were well over two million dollars by the time I went to bed. It's probably higher this morning.

Let's take this event, and unwrap the layers, to help understand on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level what is happening.

Mom? How can he fall lifeless like that?

I was asked this question. My explanation was 'R on T'  which later Anthony came up with the term, commotio cordis.  The heart has a cycle of electricity, where the signal for the muscle to beat travels through the 'wiring' (Purkinje fibers) in the heart from the 'pacemaker' (sinoatrial nodes). There is a brief, very brief twenty millisecond window of time in this cycle where the wiring, which is living tissue, 'recharges itself' and 'rests'.  A blow to the heart muscle/wiring at that brief moment in time, causes an abnormal heart rhythm called ventricular fibrillation. The heart quivers like a bag of worms. It isn't organized enough to make a beat. Blood flow stops. There's no blood flow to the brain. And the person falls. 

Electricity is used to revive the heart by rebooting the electrical system. That's what an AED is for (Automated External Defibrillator). 

Until the stickers are applied, the blood is oxygenated and kept moving by CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation)...which was being done since the witnessed fall on the field. This blood flow isn't exactly one hundred percent, it's about thirty percent, but it is better than nothing. With no CPR brain cells die. 

Why is it taking so long?

Well, nine minutes is pretty much normal for resuscitation efforts. After ten minutes, with no ROSC (return of spontaneous circulation), most teams consider stopping efforts.

With a young, healthy patient, sometimes teams try for an hour or longer, using full medical, electrical, interventions. If there is something causing the problem that is fixable, like a collapsed lung, then you try and fix it. 

In this case the family was invited to be at the code blue. This is a modern concept, so the family can achieve closure and truly witness that 'everything was being done'. There has to be a team member available for the sole support of the family and to make sure they don't interfere with resuscitation efforts.

Usually, the family is asked whether to continue or to terminate efforts, when the ROSC isn't likely.

Nobody dies on an airplane!

During a medical emergency I got to know the crew in flight. Technically, nobody 'dies' on any flight because a person isn't 'dead' until a physician declares the patient 'dead'. I have been taught this and actually last time I did it was during Covid. I had gone up to an intubation, the patient was pulseless, and we can't intubate someone who doesn't have a pulse on the Covid unit. To save the primary doc time, I checked for pupil response, breath sounds, and heart sounds, which were all absent. 

Because of the sensitivity of others, sometimes people pass away but the professionals don't want to draw attention to it. So, for example, on a plane, a blanket might make the patient appear to be sleeping in their seat. When they aren't. It's eternal sleep. And they are taken off the plane after the other patients. This is to spare the others.

In yesterday's event, it is possible this or something along the lines was done to spare the reactions of an entire stadium full of people.

Without a doubt, the publicity experts and public relations experts for the football league, the teams, and the stadium are putting together a strategy to minimize the panic of the crowds and the public.

Now what?

You aren't 'dead' until you are 'warm and dead' if you were freezing to death you would need to be returned to room temperature before any physician could declare you as having died.

In this case the news is it was cardiac arrest, and circulation has been returned (ROSC).

It's not over.

They need to see how functional the brain is. There is a blood flow test we used to use on comatose head trauma patients. If there was no blood flow then they were declared 'brain dead'--no electrical activity. 

For these patients the question is to call the organ donation organization and see if they are a possible organ donor. Then they are kept alive until procurement of the organs is possible and recipients are brought to the hospitals to receive them.

What we do often times now, to help the patient, is to put them in an Arctic Freeze (I forget the actual name of the device). The patient is kept cold through a chilling blanket/blood chiller. The cold after a possible brain injury stops the propagation of the injury and gives the brain a chance to recover. It takes a few days. I would imagine this is what is being done currently in the player's critical state. 

That's why there's no news, no updates. 

Medically the outcome is still being decided.

A  Strong Warrior

I'm giving thanks to this player for helping to awaken so many. The newscasters, the coming together of fans from both teams, the players, everyone has been deeply touched  by what happened. 

Emotions are flowing freely. 

Commercials were stopped.

Everyone agreed that there's no reason to play, it doesn't matter, until they find out if their player is okay or not. 

People confess this is a violent game. And that sacrifices and risk of injury, even career-ending injury to bone or head, is understood by everyone, loss of life is not an appropriate sacrifice for anyone. Especially someone twenty four years old who doesn't even know he could die. 

I have been watching football, lots and lots with my son, who loves it. I am shocked by how the stands are packed full of people who live, eat, breathe, football during these economic hard times. I understand from a control point that 'Bread and Circus' helps the people be easier to control. But there's something in the fans' energy, in their faces, that has been haunting me. They worship football. A violent sport. The creative energy of the masses could be spent advancing their dreams or solving world problems. Heck, even in my house it would be a lot more organized if we were not spending hours on the couch watching the Red Zone...

I have been wondering how to break this spell on the masses here in the United States?

It looks like Spirit took care of it. For now. 

A thought...

I've been frankly, flabbergasted how there's all this footage of soccer football players, the healthiest ones on the planet, dropping dead suddenly during games. 

Don't people see it?

I learned a lot yesterday. 

People are conditioned to see a head injury or an orthopedic injury take place. The player is carted off the field, and either the player or the news from the medical team is that the patient is 'okay'. 

The game moves on. 

This was the first time where the falling down and the resuscitation were witnessed together, seamlessly. As well as the reactions/emotions of the medical people and the teammates. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. It's not 'okay'. That's 'he's okay' signal still hasn't been given. 

The game was cancelled.

News keeps covering it, over and over with the hypnotic news cycle to soothe viewers.

There's a lot of videos out there, even TV shows about funny home videos, that exploit the weakness in humans that laughs at other's falls. When Anthony would watch those shows I'd tell him about the hours of physical therapy and surgery and recovery needed from even one of those falls he was laughing at. 

Hopefully now, one plus one is two in the minds of the masses--dropping like that in the middle of play is not normal, it's a true medical emergency, a life is on the line, and it shouldn't be denied or ignored.

I have a book I bought about Died Suddenly...people, not the awake ones but the everyday ones, need to raise their awareness about this phenomenon taking place outside of this one incident...

Wakey Wakey, eggs and bakey!

This dear player, is an example of a category of souls who are called 'Awakeners'. The last example who comes to mind was the Iranian woman who was brutalized by police and the world is aware of her plight. 

It's no accident this happened when it did.

The souls of both the one who hit him, and himself, were in complete and perfect alignment with the plan and signed up for it before birth. The nights before, during sleep, undoubtedly they were going over the plan together. 

Everyone involved, even the newscasters and commentators, rose to the occasion. People with their spontaneous reactions were actually reflecting TRUTH. 

All is Love.

Love is the only thing that exists...past, present, future...especially in our Home back in Heaven. But here, too. If you just shake the dust off it here a little...

So many now are praying, for this player. For the teams. For the medical teams.

And THAT, friends, is an enormous win for our team!

Here is a video that really warmed my heart. It was sent to me by a friend. Play it often and play it loud! It will make you feel better. It really will. click to hear beautiful African boy sing


I want you to know that this is just one marker in the chain of events to help awaken everybody up. There are going to be no stragglers. 

What you will find is as more and more of you become awake to what is important in life, the process will gather speed among the masses.

This is what people talk about a 'critical point' or 'tipping point'.

Once the point is reached things can progress very rapidly.

I take great care to divulge there is no TIME and TIME never existed!

Time is an illusion.

So, don't get your panties in a bunch over my lack of giving 'time estimates'. 

I won't go there.

I never will.

I give PEACE.

Peace which is timeless, eternal, and stronger than life itself.

I invite you to engage with this PEACE on a daily basis.

That is enough for today.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple who are very much united in everything

Monday, January 2, 2023

A Quick Meditation for The New Year


This morning Ross had me sit for a moment while there was still sunshine. It's been raining.

I sat outside.

First he had me relax, completely, and not to concern myself with anything else.

Then, month by month, he had me look at what will be sure to be happening. And also, he asked me if there's anything I would like to do, during times I anticipate having vacation. 

I saw Anthony turn eighteen, then his Spring Break travel, his graduation, and eventual college placement wherever it is meant to be. I saw myself with new patterns in my day, and new time for interests later in the year. I realized with happiness that both Thanksgiving and Christmas eve are mine this year, with the rotation we have for the co-parenting. Anthony likes to keep things fair between us, so he continues what the court set up for him, even though he's almost an adult. 

I was calm instead of anxious.

I saw myself one year from now, asking myself the same things.

For some people New Year's is a time of renewal and hope.

For others, including myself, my thoughts tend a little towards the somber. For example, an image of my father wearing the 2009 eyeglasses on New Years when in June that would be when he passed...

Many things happen which we can control, and the ones we can't, well, we most certainly can control our reactions to them!

I was grateful for this meditation. I highly recommend it. It's never too late, really, to just imagine the year ahead, month by month...

I learned an important lesson last year. I'm not sure if I was able to mention it or if I just thought I had. 

Everything is love.

It really is.

It's like this set of glasses or goggles that fit on you, and once you get them on you are like a little kid seeing right for the very first time. You're amazed by it. Romantic love, family love, love for coworkers, love for patients, love for pets, love for your garden, patriotism, is all LOVE. Anger, pain, suffering are from needs for love being thwarted in some way, sometimes going way back to our youth...these are cries for love that are greatly distorted. Even heading to the most distorted cruelty and sadism imaginable--these are sick, twisted reactions to a perceived lack of love. You don't need a romantic love to validate you. You are YOU. And when you look, the love shows up in mysterious and delightful ways! Sometimes when your family of origin is lacking, then the warmth and nurturing are made up with friends, yes? This is an example.

But most important today, truly, is the meditation. 

I hope you enjoy experiencing it yourself!

Ross is smiling and nodding.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple

Sunday, January 1, 2023

A New Voice?


I woke up this morning with a new realization: I needed pampering.

It's true.

I'd be the last to ever think about it. But it's been a long, hard, difficult road...and my spirit is crying out for gentleness, calm, nourishment, and peace.

I think the last of the pandemic has finally hit home for me, after being on the front lines of it. Everything we experienced was something perhaps we had read in history books (lockdowns, mandates) but never imagined possibly happening to us. And the thin line separating the mark of the beast from mandates was haunting to the very core.

I realized after my nightmare--Anthony had a leg missing and then his doctor asked him to donate an arm to someone who didn't have arms. The doctor said he'd get him a replacement arm but it got infected and didn't work...My anguish, my terror, my anger at medicine and that doctor was so real! It made me realize our society is definitely messed up, and it's affecting me on a deeper level than I had thought. 

I am tired.

Mentally, physically, spiritually, work is one thing, my spiritual work is another. I ran the race as a sprint starting in 2010, and here we are twelve years later, with confirmation of our success such as this Jesus through John.

Michael woke me up too, and he had plans to show me. It looked like a big box or building. I told him I was sleepy and I wasn't sure I could retain the facts. Should I take notes? He said no and offered me a really strong cup of coffee. He had a sip of his coffee too to be polite. I just saw light blue like swimming pool color, with a darker blue border showing the plans for the structure. It was big and Michael was excited. 

Then I realized how much the enemy hated him. And I remembered what happened to Ross. And I confessed I couldn't live without Michael. I started to cry because if this plan meant some battle and there was risk I just couldn't understand why we were in this situation to begin with? Couldn't we get out in some way?

Michael reassured me.

I don't remember any other details or exactly what was said. 

Even with my mother passing, I've been put through the ringer. The estate is set to close. Finally. The powerlessness I felt, especially in how to grieve (I wanted to go curl up on mom's couch one last time, and just take all the house and her energy in. I couldn't. People were there. On that couch. I was never alone in that house again, ever. And I had to ask permission to go. I've had the key forever. Very painful, to the core.)

It's gone now. I can let it go.

And the move, to this house, three almost four years ago...It was hard too. I remembered in my dream last night we went to look at my old house, and there had been homeless people staying there without permission, and the roof was raining/leaking everywhere in that old house. It had been really hard to live there, plumbing leaks and roof leaks and neighbors who stole my parking spot and noise...It was a beautiful home and sometime now Anthony and I reminisce about it. But having to beg the association for repairs was stressful and a burden.

It's been two months now I've switched to outpatient surgery. This is the first time since 1994 I've had Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's off. I'm just barely starting to feel human again. I've taken call for twenty-eight years. I'm so glad to be relieved of it. 

Ross says to share about yesterday.

I spent all morning packaging, labeling, and addressing the first half of the bracelet giveaway. When I first started it was very small scale, materials and postage were cheap. A couple dollars at most. I went and stood in a long line, and spent two hours at the post-office mailing them. I had almost fifty items to ship. People in line behind me and the other woman at the other window mailing out charity 'thank you' gifts--she had even more than I had--were angry. One man said, 'this isn't commercial, arrange a pickup!' I was a little afraid. My poor clerk had a postage printer that kept getting stuck and she would have to open it and scrape the sticky gum adhesive off the insides for every package sent. The printer always does that. But she was professional and did it right. I spent around three hundred dollars in postage. It's between five and six dollars for domestic postage, and around fifteen to twenty for International. The hostility directed at me took a toll. I tried my best to counter it, with prayer and faith. I resolved to make multiple small trips and use the kiosk for the other half of the giveaway. 

Ross' point is 'nothing is free'. 

We want you to enjoy the bracelets, and have them bring you joy and good energy. 

We don't even ask you to pay it forward. 

We give them out of love, and joy and gratitude for our community.

Ross says that is enough.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple