Last night I made a tiny adjustment in perception. Ross told me to write about it. Since it's something from the realm of Spirit, on that side it totally makes sense and is clear. Writing about it in the physical might not be as clear as I'd like. I'll do my best.
The energies are set up right now for healing and manifestation. There's some parts of me that are really always in a lot of pain. I just bury them. It's always under the surface. I was doing dishes, listening to a YouTube on NDE's, and when Jesus told the person 'tell others that death isn't real' I started bawling just as fresh as if it was now when those losses hit.
Unhappiness in relationship has been pretty much a standard lesson for me, in this life, in past lives, in many many past lives.
A big part of healing for me has been to accept what is.
Over time I've learned that there's Good Reason for the unhappiness in this life. Early life experiences, attachment style, and wanting to heal so bad through connection that I sort of became not as strongly connected to myself.
I've learned too that emotions aren't my strong point. When I look at someone's face who is talking to me, eye contact isn't easy. And no information or data whatsoever comes through my reading their expression. I would just guess. I couldn't tell if a smile was genuine or not. Annoyance I couldn't see. At the same time, my mother had a hair-trigger temper. I would do anything to keep from setting her off. So I got to be vitally empathic to read her signals/body language.
I remember when I was married to my college sweetheart, and he became abusive, I would read the signals and energy on him when his frustration was building up. Instead of hiding like my mother, I would pick a fight on my terms and my time because I knew that energy was going to blow anyway from him. I might as well control it.
So with the healing, and healing, and HEALING, especially during these recent quiet times where I can't even walk properly and the house is getting behind in the chores...Ross encouraged me to manifest by imagining the end result, really feeling it, and divine thanks for it, just as if it had happened. To imagine being held in loving arms, by someone kind, who really 'gets' me, and allows my nervous system, which has been through so much in all the lifetimes, to blossom in its Divine Feminine and rest...
I'm understanding the energies, doing the work, living the lessons, and coping as best as I can.
Well, last night, in my own bed for the first time in over a week (it's upstairs, not so great when there's been knee surgery)...I understood.
Ross said, 'it's just as important to notice and celebrate the small victories and accomplishments as it is meeting that end goal/destination/manifestation. '
It's the old 'enjoy the journey' thing again, isn't it?
Well, really, no.
Not at all.
Because this time, there is Direction. You know where you are heading. Love. At least for me.
And there's lots of kinds of love in our path. Amazing love, perhaps not romantic, but incredible people with incredible hearts who are present in your life and support you.
When you understand Love is Everywhere and Everything, and you accept and allow your past to become the past and not a Curse (as it was for me), then you can explore your future by feeling the feelings you will have at the direction you want to go. Just not to the point where you are missing out on the blessings. Right now there's a hummingbird out the window. A close friend in the UK recommended comfrey to me (the bone-knitter!)--and I got some yesterday (@sokugarden on Instagram, email email@example.com and tell Courtney Carla sent you). That type of synergy in the Universe lets me know I'm loved.
My knee is getting sore now sitting in this brace. But what I think Ross is getting at, that we need to acknowledge and love ourselves along the journey. I can do dishes now! I can walk without crutches as long as my brace is on tight! I can even cook simple dishes, for example, yesterday's St. Patricks Day slow cooker meal! This year I've gotten to know my half-brother I didn't know I had, mom's estate has finally closed so I can move on, and I have the job of my dreams!
It's easy to let the annoying 'lack' of 'what you want/dream' fill your soul.
How much better it is, to imagine the 'lack' filled--as one day it ultimately will be! And to take off the 'eyeglasses' that make you 'unfocus' on the here and now, and appreciate all you've been through, how you keep going and keep learning. It's important.
And for my friend Courtney, she's amazing. I got not only handmade, homemade comfrey balm with bees wax in it, but Cannabis balm, calendula balm, lip balm, lip scrub, a gorgeous soap! On Instagram you will be impressed with her work. You really will. My non-CBD balms were twenty dollars for a small tin, and the CBD was twenty-five. The rest she gave free just because she's so kind!
As I recover, I try to take each day as it comes. I'm so grateful it could be fixed. So grateful. It's not easy, and it's not fun. But it does shake up the routine, and help me grow closer to Creator and my journey. And to Ross too.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla