Oh my!
I've been doing a lot of inner work since I last wrote! And I've been fortunate to have received the Mantle of Divine Mother, a shield I highly recommend. It is soothing and also helps put you into alignment with your purpose and Source/Divine Creator/All That Is.
I was wrong.
I see it now.
How long did it take me to figure it out? Centuries upon centuries, for like, two thousand years!
DOH!
I had a lot of emotions to process, a lot of pain, suffering, fear, grief and guilt. What happened with the passing of someone I dearly loved back in that lifetime, set me off into a total tailspin as a soul. And I kept choosing to incarnate over and over in ways to hurt myself and my beloved. As much pain as possible! I was acting out my pain.
Even though my partner was my best friend and over time the relationship got sour, even though the marriage was really in lots of trouble due to his absence, lack of commitment and protection to me, and his dedication to his work--in his heart he really loved us both. Me. And the mission.
It's a simple misunderstanding, how can you love someone if you're not actually interacting with them on a regular basis, right?
But, I GET IT now.
It was like a flash that just hit me all over, a realization, that took a similar painful event recently in this incarnation that was just enough to 'set me off', kind of like when you are going to set a broken bone, you have to move the limb in the direction that caused the break in the first place, just enough to get the bone ends loose, then you pull hard up and back to get the ends into approximation in proper position. There is a lot of crunching and icky sensation when you are setting a bone for someone, and fortunately, we know to inject lidocaine into the hematoma at the fracture so the patient is a little more comfortable when it is done.
The release I felt, the relief, is indescribable!! Yes, over being WRONG! Because it meant neither one of us was at fault.
I wasn't rejected.
It was just bad luck, so to speak.
And what Hope Johnson says about everything being love (and anything else is just ego so don't listen to it), is not only TRUE, it applies to me, too, with the worst pain I have been carrying for millennia. As a soul.
So now, there is no need to focus on any outcome.
It just IS.
And I am ready for whatever is next, because this heavy burden has been loosed.
Why do I share?
Because I hope the same for you.
The freedom and lightness of being is really wonderful to experience. Whatever it is, that has really bothered you for the longest time, and how you feel that 'this is the way it has always been' and 'it will stay that way' does not have to be like that.
Ask God to help you out. To find your way.
I didn't ask, I was lucky, it just happened.
Do not be afraid to sit with some pretty uncomfortable feelings. Even for like a few days. The pit in the stomach. The urge to just collapse into despair but you hold yourself back from it because you know this is a part of growth so you acknowledge it but don't let it take over. And you communicate as best as you can your feelings to someone you trust. Be real. Be authentic. Even if you think your feelings don't matter, they do.
As you notice your feelings, you might get glimmers of insight. And then if you are moving in the right direction, Spirit will accelerate your understanding and you'll be completely amazed at how you had thought your were right for so long and you really didn't appreciate the Big Picture!
You will be delighted to find the LOVE that still was there, even in your darkest hours.
Then you will be set free.
Another thing, is you will be astounded at all the teachers Spirit has placed in your life, and how your experiences were tailored to get you to this one moment to help you SEE what before you couldn't.
You'll be in awe of just how incredible Creator is over that one!
Just know it exists, and you'll feel it inside and just KNOW once it happens.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Couple who are United as One
