Sunday, December 5, 2021

Set Free


This is a very odd time, and yet, a very deep healing one too. 

The holidays are upon us. I need to decide what to do and how to celebrate them, now that mother has left us for the heavenly realms.  

There was one year about ten years ago, where I really wanted to bake holiday cookies. I did. And I haven't had the feeling to do this since.

In the past I used to send Christmas cards to just about everyone I knew the day after Thanksgiving. This year, I'm not sure who to send the cards, and what to do. 

For gifts, I've made lists. And I realize my opportunity to send gifts or cards in time for Christmas abroad is almost at the 'now or never' point. I'll be working a lot this month, including being on call for Christmas Day. So I have to conserve my energy.

Our holiday bracelet giveaway was paused last year due to covid. All the materials are here, the packaging is here. But do I have it in me to organize and send everything out? I keep praying to be able to do this. There isn't an answer yet.

But I've been caring for Anthony who has been sick all week with a bad head cold. And I've also been watching lots of his favorite TV shows with him. Yesterday we watched some of our favorite Pawn Stars, and then a single episode of the Dead Files. After that we saw the tail end of It's a Wonderful Life. 

I need to add that my old house has sold not once but twice since I moved out. And now it's for rent.

I wanted to ask the realtor for the gossips behind the sales, but for some reason I didn't (the one who sold me this house also helped me sell my old one). 

To emphasize how molasses-slow my emotional healing is, this morning, I understood that God wouldn't let me live in the old house to my old age. Even though there were happy memories like of Anthony being born, there were several bad memories that were quite serious leaving imprints in that house. The worst was Jared walking out the door during a pregnancy massage when I told him I was seeing angels. He knew I was psychic, he was psychic too. But he 'had it'. And that was that. 

In that old home, I couldn't have healthy boundaries. It had an Association, the homes were connected, and I couldn't even pick the color of the house on the outside. People would take my parking spot. It was high on a hill, and even if the land was moving (I couldn't prove it, I'm not sure if it was or not, I just wondered) there wasn't anything we could do.

I didn't value ME.

I was ready to stay there forever because I felt God guided me to that home. And it was my 'forever home'.

But God wanted MORE for me. 

Today was the first day I realized it. And also, today I was able to light a fire in the fireplace. I actually plan to light both of them! Yes, I have two fireplaces, one in the living room and one in the family room. 

I was listening to KOST Christmas carols, and using the bellows on the fire, when Anthony woke up. I was a sight, he thought I was dancing. But I was happy. He enjoyed the fire too. 

I asked Ross, because now I understood, right when I was waking up, how am I supposed to be able to pay for this house? It's twice as much a month and there's a whole lot left on the mortgage.

He said to let him take care of it.

I trust him.

I leveled with him. I told him of the AC, and the changes I see (Austria wants to take away the Nuremberg code). I said I'm afraid. 

Again, he said not to worry. He will strengthen me.

So, what verse came up on my phone today? Isaiah 41:10.

Don't you be afraid for I am with you. Don't be dismayed, for I am your god. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness. 

It came up right when I was ready to start my day.

I've been really taking it slow and easy, because I've been fighting the cold too, even though I have to work during the week. I can't stay home and heal. But, this slowing helped me to understand that even though my parents/early childhood experiences taught me not to value myself as I should, Divine Creator and Ross wouldn't let me stay in that 'comfort zone' of being treated poorly.  Even though I didn't think there were reminders, there were, and God picked me up and placed me someplace where those type of reminders don't exist.

Our lesson to you, is to really stop and examine the things that have happened in your life, and to notice that God works for our Highest Good. It's good for us to grow to understand this, and why and how it came to pass in our lives.

These are the most important lessons of all, and they STICK.

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I love Carla and I know she loves me. A lot of this incarnation has been guiding her to understand and appreciate that she is worthy of love. My love. And also, her love for herself!

Perhaps this is a timely lesson for you to love yourselves too.



Ross and Carla

The Dynamic Couple