Yesterday was a hard day. I've had a surgeon yell at me now the last two times I was working with him. He yelled at me bad. Then I knew it, there's a pattern--they go to my boss and tell him they don't want to work with me any more. It was the surgeon's fault, the same surgeon with the neuromonitoring tech. My boss didn't stick up for me. The surgeon said it took me forty five minutes to get an a-line. I didn't. I clocked it and the record showed less than ten minutes after induction I got it in.
It's the perception.
My boss is saying things like, I don't know, it's just not very loving or kind. He said there's another surgeon who doesn't want to work with me, a female. How there's lots of anesthesiologists, and if he was a surgeon, he would want to work with someone who knows his routine, and comes before the surgeon to prepare. And again, by not being able to work with that latest person--the list has been growing. He says I might be too cautious and too safe. But he has to tell other people things too. (I know one who is unsafe, leaves the patient when they are unstable, and it was reported to him.) I told the boss that the surgeon was out of line. And that I'm actually getting better in so many ways, even now getting good at blocks.
On the way home I was sad.
Ross said to me, 'let them go their own way'.
Yes I'm late to work sometimes. Especially recently. First off, in August Anthony started a whole new school. He likes me to drop him off. We are getting used to a whole new routine. And second, there is freeway construction near home. So, they lanes were repainted to move traffic into a new path to accommodate for the construction zone. The only problem is the old lines still show up too, so you can't tell what lane is where. Especially in early morning when the sun is just coming up. There have been three accidents in one week. I've been delayed ten minutes to work one day, another two I've had to take alternate routes, with are less direct and take more time. My surgeon who lives across the freeway from me, not the one in the first paragraph, this one is truly nice--he was delayed ONE HOUR for his first case due to being stuck in yesterday's traffic. It was an eight car pile-up, and I saw a photo of a Porche underneath a teepee pile of cars, both nose up and tail up/nose down.
My friend Michelle is leaving the O.R. entirely because the patients are getting bigger and sicker all the time. Her body is wore out from it, and she doesn't want to take call. Life is short.
As I listened to Ross, I realized that my first job is to raise our boy right. He needs me. He's getting some not so good grades. He's having to rewrite his first paper but the teacher is kind and going to help him step by step. I took him to the frozen yogurt after school (mini size, no toppings) and the hardware store. He bought three strings of purple and orange lights, and a twelve foot dragon whose wings flap and his chest has fire and ice light, and flames come out of its mouth. He was thrilled. Last night was baseball practice, I was there for that. And I'd cooked a whole chicken for chicken soup in the crock pot all day. We came home to that, it was delicious.
What I envision for us is growing our own food to decrease expenses (yesterday's breakfast bagels had our own tomatoes, and also, a side of our own honeydew melon) and improve health. We are currently seeing a naturopath. We are looking for our own needs and health.
As I was falling asleep last night, Ross asked me if I wanted to hear something really nice. I said of course. And he said over and over, 'I will take good care of you'. I heard it. I felt it. And I resonated with it.
What was funny was that when my alarm went off early like it does (I work this weekend), I was having the most incredible, amazing dream!
Ross was back.
There were all of us together again, his group from before, and also, archangels. But we wore different costumes and disguises. We had a big auditorium. We sat in one row at a table up there facing the audience. I was always next to Ross and on his left, my seat a little closer to him than all the seats were spaced. I remembered looking at his hair, and beard, both were a little lighter and shorter than the photos. But he was HIM and he was real. Our disguises were to help people realize it's really him and all of us. He would answer questions from the audience. And then he started to do miracles. One man was so unhappy he took a large pickaxe shovel and cut off his left leg with a clean cut at the thigh and it didn't bleed. That was the first miracle I saw Ross decide to do. It took some time but he reattached it perfectly. But the man was angry and called it a trick and everything 'fake'. So our group kept going from one town to the next, with pretty much the same thing. As I was waking up, Ross was reattaching a long lost amputated hand. But people didn't 'get it'. They didn't believe. They didn't want to believe. They were cynical, angry, upset. Defensive. We worked hard as a group. They were so close to starting to believe when I woke up. I was even floating/flying to prove to people something was up. Everything was very vivid. It felt real. And I trust.
First thing this morning, I woke up, and saw this headline https://steemit.com/informationwar/@gomeravibz/2100-caged-children-liberated-and-saved-by-u-s-marines-and-navy-seals-from-deepstate-owned-underground-bases-in-california. This is China Lake. And this is why there were a couple earthquakes I bet. My surgeon said there was one at midnight the night before last. He felt it. Just a jolt.
Here is a video that brought tears to my eyes:
I adore the analogy of lightning just talking and thunder kicking butt.
I've had a sense of timelines for everything, and this is right on track with my intuition.
Ross says, 'Carla is home' and the word 'home' has the most wonderful glorious sound to it.
I also wanted to share something special about Ross. Khiem isn't doing well. Not at all. Please send the Transition symbol and Reiki to his guardian angel. I could have gone to see him the days leading up to where he's at now, but Ross said, 'let me take care of it' and encouraged me to go to our son. Ross was right. Khiem had been asked if he wanted to see me, he said no. I've given the gifts, he liked them, but never brought up contact or visiting. He has been so immersed with his health, I understand. I realized if I went I would go to prove I'm a friend, and friends don't have to prove to friends that they are friends. They just are friends. On the other side, after the Transition, he will know everything anyway. I trust so much in Ross. I really do. He helps and he keeps an eye to the big picture for our family. I can always count on him.
It's morning, time to get breakfast ready and wake Anthony up. He has a big test today, a national one. It's just for practice but we have to get him there early and me to work. I'm backup call today.
Ross smiles, and he looks so very handsome. I could look at that face all day.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Ross and Carla