Saturday, November 27, 2021



My hair looks like this at the moment. I slept at the hospital in my call room, with my hair in a bun. My hair is slippery, so little pieces of it straggled out. All I've had is a cup of coffee, but fortunately, I was able to sleep undisturbed all night, and find my way home.

Ross asked me to write a little about how I feel, and what I learned yesterday while I was on call. I won't say how many, but yesterday we had a lot of broken hips to fix. Amongst other things. And a very young (under forty) year old coworker had emergency cardiac surgery yesterday for serious blockage. It runs in the family, we are told, but our whole team was pretty much in shock over the youth of it...

All patients did very well. Our teams were working sort of as a hybrid 'on call' and 'short day OR' schedule. From the management we were allowed to run up to three rooms, so we ran two all day.

I was mindful of how Divine Creator provided for me, with certain people and their skill sets, including our anesthesia tech, being ready and able for the challenges of the day. 

What I learned, is that by offering to buy lunch for the entire O.R. team (twenty-one people in all)--it made a small holiday for all of the workers. I always buy from the same restaurant, good, affordable Italian with delivery. My dinner last night was leftover lunch. I had three pieces of their garlic bread because it's delicious! 

I saw how the receptionist, the single-mom RN I'd talked to who is recently graduated and going to work at another hospital (she does the Covid surveillance testing), thought ahead and offered to put together a plate for me and set it aside since I was working. The GI staff was astonished they were included, and set aside plates ahead too. 

If you get a chance to surprise people, and feed them, and help them feel special and appreciated, it's a really good thing to do. The vibration in the area soars! Literally. 

I was surprised I had not one but two patients who couldn't extend their heads. It was just frozen stiff, and if they look up it would be either with their eyes, or bending their back. Just like with a 'yes' you move your head up and down with a nod, that movement is super important for intubation. When people can't move like that it makes it tough. But fortunately I was able to meet the challenge and all teeth were intact afterwards too.

It's been a funny season. I've changed. It's hard to pinpoint it. But an example is, this year, I didn't get a single pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks or anywhere. I didn't feel the need, and it didn't feel like 'indulging' or 'rewarding' myself. I don't want a peppermint mocha either. I'm okay to just hang out at home.

I felt it acutely, how my brother-in-law's mom had to choose between her son and daughter, due to one side's Covid belief system. I saw the look on her face, in the photos posted on that celebration. A smile but not a completely free and happy one. 

The cousins weren't together. What I had thought was a wonderful way to be included, since Thanksgiving was the family's big meal celebration and it included me always, was just sad. I recall that last year, everyone but that part of the family was at my sisters. So it's two years now, of separation. 

Ross and I encourage you to think carefully about the outcomes of your decision-making process. Always keep a stance where you can pivot graciously or side-step rather than becoming locked-in with your beliefs. Always ask yourself, am I motivated from Love or Fear? And if it's FEAR, ask yourself, 'what is the worst thing that could happen?' and 'how likely is this going to happen'. Contrast this with 'what is the BEST thing that could happen if I went and did the opposite of what I am inclined to do because of this Fear?'  Remember often things done from underlying fear will disguise themselves as something 'virtuous'. So if you have 'virtuous' or 'judging' emotions, they always warrant a further look and examination, just to be sure.

Life is difficult.

The squeeze is real.

I hear in Germany there's some serious mandatory stuff heading down the pipes. Like your health insurance will be taken away if you don't um, 'comply' with a specific procedure. What can you do? We don't fault you. It's not our life to live. Again and again we ask ourselves, too, 'is this the battle field hill we are going to die on?'   At work, I have to be tested again and again. It's awful and nobody makes time for me between cases to go get this done. I have to sneak it. And the N-95's I must wear, are not really easy to get at the hospital. They don't just dole them out like they used to. I wear mine two, three times, sometimes more. I comply a little. I have to. To survive.

It pains me to no end that I no longer can travel to places like Canada. Or that my favorite airline had the brutal policy against its workers. 

I know in my heart, I'm at very high risk for a side effect. I also was asked to promise by Dr. Zuabi, from the Other Side, and I made that promise. I'll keep it. 

Our point is, in difficult times, look to your own 'scorecard' and not at other's by what cards they play. Everyone has their own struggle. With respect and love, we can bridge the ever-widening gap that is being constructed by the social engineering. 

I need to go. Turtle is looking at me's time to feed her and start my day.

Ross sends you his love and powerful blessings. He also gestures to his head and invites you to really stop and think from time to time, about things that are 'hidden in plain sight'. He says question everything, including what brings up strong emotions in yourselves, and strong feelings. Examine why they are so strong and what is motivating them. 

He says sometimes, things that get us worked up are what we see in ourselves but don't really like about us, and we project them onto other people or political parties. What we see as 'weakness' can often times really be a 'strength' once we learn about ourselves and face it, and accept it. The we can reach out with love across the chasm when we are unified deep within our hearts and souls...

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,



Ross and Carla

The Couple