Saturday, December 16, 2017

Joy Is Where You Find It

I'm going to talk to you from my heart.

This is a lesson that is well-deserved, it's taken me a long time to learn it.

In medicine, at the beginning there is great joy in learning! For example, last week, I was drawing a blood specimen from an anesthetized patient during a case. It was before prep. And the scrub tech wasn't scrubbed in yet. I saw him fascinated by what I was doing.

I invited  him to help be my extra pair of hands.  I and the nurse talked him through the part with the vacutainer and the tube, so he could help me draw the blood from a very difficult to stick patient. I needed both hands to adjust the needle I had just stuck into the vein.

You should have seen (and fortunately for me as I am an empath--I felt) his excitement and quiet focus as the blood went up my needle, up the plastic tubing, and into the blood draw tube! I needed to send two tubes.  So he got to fill a second collection tube.

Was it much extra work on my part to invite him to help? No. And DID he help? Yes, I couldn't have done it without him!

At the beginning in a career in medicine this 'excitement' is the 'drug' that keeps you coming back for more.

My career in medicine, has been since my first day of medical school in 1992. Actually, since I was a volunteer in Oakland Children's Hospital Emergency Room in 1990. It's a long time I've been at it.

Once the skills are in place, you build up and add to it.

The teamwork.

The bedside manner.

The job done well.


Mastery of the specialty.

Where am I today?

I'm tired, to be honest.

The last four weekends I've either worked or had a work commitment (a funeral). And this morning? I have to go to the O.R. again, this time for ACLS 'review'. We are to practice our skills at handling 'Code Blue'.

I work every day.

And when it's time to rest I don't get that opportunity.

Life is speeding up, and I feel so incredibly slow! I know it's the whole Ascension thing...because when I took Karuna Reiki, and went 'multidimensional' with the attunement--like all Karuna Reiki students--I experienced time not being like always. There's something funny about the space-time thing that takes a while to adjust back to 'normal'. It has to do with the high frequency vibration of the Karuna Reiki, and being able to work with it and assimilate it into yourself.

Yesterday morning I yelled at Ross. In frustration.

I have never once yelled at that man in this incarnation.


But I told him I am tired of this speeding up, of never having enough time, and having to eat every meal like an animal--so fast!

Yesterday, I woke up sleepy. I forced myself out of bed. Anthony only likes 'warm things' for breakfast. I've fed him yogurt already this week. Ross said, 'keep it simple, make eggs and toast'. I did.

I had to eat the toast standing up while packing the car, going back and forth from the house to the car.

Lunch wasn't any better. I had half a donut while walking in the halls for a morning snack. I sat for lunch and had my fill of salami which was horrible and didn't eat, pecorino romano cheese, and bread. Also one banana. I had a glass of water. (I don't get breaks like I did as a resident or academic medicine attending). There was a gap, there was no History and Physical from the surgeon, she said she had to get it from him. I knew he was downstairs in the doctors lounge eating pho, a soup from Vietnam our cafeteria serves on Fridays. So I sat to eat my real donut I'd saved from the morning box on the break room table. The white frosted one with the snowflake sprinkles.

I hadn't finished it halfway before I was called--nurse stuck her head in the door--why aren't you at the bedside like you said?

I stammered, 'because you said there was no H and P and you needed to get it'.

I rose, and ate my donut's second half while walking down the hall.

In medicine, you get calls from nurses all hours of the day. I got one from the floor when I was at home. Through 'Perfect serve'--I hate it. Some computer encrypted thing our hospital pays for. It's like 'tag you are it' on a doctor because it time stamps the request. I got an 877 call at home--I won't answer because I'm tired of solar sales pitches. Instantly my cell phone rang, downstairs, and I ran to get it.

This nurse didn't understand the medicine I offered for the patient's problem--one that wasn't noted in recovery room. I offered a lubricant for the eye. She had never even heard of it, or known how to use it.

The whole concept of doctor's orders is a farce!

It's the other way around. The nurse will only do what she wants to do, and won't do anything else. And if you aren't nice and sweet while she is doing this to you, she will write you up. (The male nurses can be even more difficult to work with if they have a chip on their shoulder that they are not a doctor. Most of the time they are reasonable though.)

So I told her--YOU PICK what you want her to get, the ointment or the drops. I can't show you how to use the ointment. I am at home! I'm not at the hospital.

They call during cases while I'm taking care of someone, like just about to intubate or wake up and I need my full attention.

They call when I am on the toilet.

And when I am on the road.

This is what is called, 'a life of service'.

Medical students without family in the field have no concept what it is like.

Here is the lesson:  there comes a time and a place where one needs to find and create one's own joy.

Joy is everywhere around you.

All you have to do is look.

For me, I have things of Spirit I can see and hear too.

So there's a lot of area for looking!

Yesterday, what brought me joy?

  • hearing Anthony giggle over the 'It's Friday, Friday, Friday' goat parody of that song by that woman who was reported to be horrible singer with that YouTube thing a few years back.
  • having him confide to me in the car on the way to school. link to it is here
  • A beautiful view of the ocean on this particular route I took to work.
  • Being able to tell the front desk--honestly--when they called to ask where I was and why I was late--'I am here! I've been here! I even said hello to you and you said good morning back!' 
  • Knowing my specialty well enough that I can draw up my drugs in the room once the patient is in--I don't have to prepare everything in advance like I used to.
  • A super nice surgeon and team, their high vibe is really appreciated.
  • The surprise donuts.
  • One of my patients was really old and especially cute. And his wife was really kind and beautiful.
  • Helping the person on the table with the more painful than usual procedure--I could see blood pressure and heart rate going up--even while asleep--and deepening the anesthetic.
  • Finishing in time to go watch Anthony play, and pulling up right next to his dad's car as they were just getting out of the car. 
  • Watching Anthony's progress on the court, as he gains new skills.
  • Remembering to wash the uniform last night
  • Falling asleep on the couch as Anthony played video games and waited for the wash to be complete. 

The more crazy news is out there, the more I find the need to look away from it. I stopped looking years ago. And even the celebrity magazines I used to adore. After a while the whole 'pregnant and not pregnant' thing just was so wishy-washy I got bored of these 'celebrity magazines'.

I have no control over the economy, healthcare...or the news.

I'd like to offer a perspective on a film Evita Ochel posted. It was about Millenials, and how they reject 'the system'. 

It's logical--the Millenials are too busy paying for school loans to invest in a house--economics are really bad for this generation. 

The video person said they want 'Socialism' of some sort. Where 'everybody has enough'.

I smiled.

There's the old third chakra thing going again.

Just from a different angle.

In this video, the Millenials need to look UP to the hand that is dangling the marionette strings and creating this situation for their lives!

When I was little, people in my parent's generation could graduate from high school, have a job that didn't need college, and buy a house and support a family.

Why did that change?

Because of those who control the system.

They put on the squeeze.

They put it on so tight that the young ones can't survive.

In fact they are begging for relief.

From the government.

Asking for NWO right on schedule, as was written into the master plan, which has NWO 'hit' around 2020. 

They are pawns, these Millenials. Cannon fodder for a political objective that dates back to the 1700's. 

And all of us, my generation included, unwittingly played their part. 

We didn't know. Not any of us that this could happen. 

I see so many things with this...both the situation for the millennials and the micro apartments.

I see the ability to overcome obstacles.

I see practicality.

I see creativity.

Part of me has concern, for I see a movement closer to the 'hive' where the Dark Ones want us to live like insects and to be governed by a 'hive mind'. 

Which brings us to this message from the Council, which brings a solution for all.

Go follow your heart, go where your creativity thrives, and go find like-minded people.

This creates the future.

Everything based upon Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart--functions because our 'implied consent'.

Walk with your feet.

Take care of each other.

Go off the grid.

Everything will grow from there.

There's a concept in some of the 'Truther' videos about being a part of the Beast (their shorthand for the system, society, the living conditions created for us by those who do not have our best interest at heart)...and partaking or entering into agreement with it. The point is to avoid it. It's not easy. I just signed up for my healthcare insurance. I felt like it was a deal with darkness, they don't care about me, they are taking my money, and I don't like it. I just can't figure out a better way to do for my family.

This is where the creative ability, just like with the architects( I adore Jerome Vinçon's work here for a chef ) who specialize in small spaces.

And you know what else I see in these small compact spaces?

Homes that look very much like what Ross and I live in when I'm not here. I've seen it, UP, wherever he is, I think on the New Jerusalem. It's lots of cabinets of white, very clean and organized, very futuristic, but also very beautiful.

The future is now. 

Joy is where you find it--it will come to you if you open your eyes and look for it.

Joy is HIGHLY important at these times of change. 

Try not to worry. Usui told us this so long ago, and he is correct in it.

Ross wants me to put the five Reiki Principles here:
  1. Just for today, I will live with gratitude.
  2. Just for today, I will not worry.
  3. Just for today, I will not anger.
  4. Just for today, I will do my work honestly.
  5. Just for today, I will have respect for every living thing.

It's time to get ready for work. Again. Sadly. On a Saturday. 

I'm also on call Christmas day, fortunately it's backup call.

I didn't do so well with number 3 yesterday. 

Today is another day.

I want you to know I poured my heart out to Ross yesterday. He sat with me and said he would answer any question I had.

One was about why we don't know anything down here. Why is it so frustrating?

He reminded me how on my biggest work, I don't get told anything in advance--it's always at the last minute, last second really (this is why I don't accept offers to 'help' with my 'projects' where I clear spaces or open vortexes--because I have no clue until I actually do this work that I was to do it. I can't tell you how many 'vacations' turned out to be 'more' and I had no concept of it at any time through planning the trips.)--the need for security like this is real.

He says it's not forever. All this--the way things are now. 

He advised me, just like I now advise you, to live in the moment and be mindful--to take pleasure in the things you can. And not to worry.

We send you our love. Ross says, 'I am really busy preparing a surprise for all of you'.  He rubs his hands together with excitement.

I hope the surprise is soon.

clap! clap!

Aloha and Mahalos,

Ross and Carla
The Couple