I had my first inkling of the effects of the Full Moon in Gemini when I read an abstract to this surgery article on disruptive behavior in the OR in the summary portion of my Anesthesiology journal. It explained why my surgeon was having outbursts late at night in the Operating Room. He was working on a complex case, and yet, at another hospital, about thirty minutes away, another patient was in very bad shape and needed surgery too. He had been at our hospital all day, it had taken longer than planned (his whole lineup), he cancelled one case, and still, this one before him...was super tough. He's normally very positive and outgoing. But this time, he yelled in absolute frustration. The team was quiet. There's really nothing much to do but be vaguely supportive. His hands are in the patient, and we want him calm and to finish safely.
It's the competing clinical needs that gets to a surgeon and really pushes their buttons.
For me, what gets to me is going without--no food, no sleep, no mental break to keep my mind focused and sharp. It gets tiring to watch monitors all day, and have people do what they do physiologically under anesthesia--blood pressure swings, pulse swings--into unsafe levels where it must be corrected. It happens suddenly and without warning. You don't want to know what happened when I tell you I had a bad day. It's usually something very traumatic to me, in a big way.
My moon is in Gemini. I didn't read the Full Moon Report until yesterday. It explains a lot.
Twice now I've had bad days at home. Just really awful, really sad days where I feel like I can't get anything done. Yes, yesterday I was able to bundle up thirty bracelets ready for shipment. But I drove to the Post Office and the line was out the door! I had to turn back for home and hope for another day. I was starting to work on my bracelet project when I got a phone call. The firewood people were not only ready to take my order, they were going to stop by. I'm very happy to have the wood. It's one thing to cross off my list. It's just that the list isn't going by my workflow or plan. And there's a whole lot more on the list.
Let's get to Anthony's MRI. I keep trying to book it. The facility charges insurance one thousand dollars. But the insurance has to authorize it. When they do, I will have to pay the full one thousand dollars towards my deductible. And even for this, the authorization people are dragging their feet. This is a sports injury and my son is in season for his sport. So in desperation, I asked for the cash price. And it's five hundred and twenty five dollars. It will save me four hundred and seventy five dollars to go that route. And yes, the facility told me that most parents come to this decision for their children's sports injuries.
Think about it. I pay out eleven hundred dollars a month for an insurance plan. But during the year, I must pay about seven thousand dollars deductible above the monthly fees to the insurance company just for Anthony (outpatient, inpatient) before the insurance actually pays a dime. Until then, they just give me the benefit of negotiated contract rates. Sometimes. And they decide whether I can get an MRI for my son or not, and when. Where is my eleven hundred dollars a month going?
To pay the workers at the insurance company. And to pay all the system. Which includes people who can't pay for insurance at all and get subsidy.
I can't go to the doctors, because my money goes to the pool to pay for everyone else's insurance--subsidized or not--and everyone else is taking so much from the pool there's not enough for me unless someone with no medical training whatsoever, someone who is incentivized (gets bonuses) to deny me services, agrees to let me get care for myself and my family.
It's the same thing with the dentist. I pay three hundred a month just to be able to go. And when I do, it's a fifty percent share of the costs. So for four cleanings a year (eight hundred dollars total value) I am paying thirty six hundred dollars a year.
To top is all off, Anthony isn't walking to school, he isn't playing on his team, he's getting heavier and just sitting in his uniform and taking stats for his team.
I was also steaming because my boss wants me to work for him today. It's my last day off. And he took it, just like that. I couldn't say no.
Here is the advice.
I had that old sinking feeling of being not good enough because I'm from North Long Beach, it's such a familiar feeling, and it was coming hard and fast at me while I sat at the bleachers at Anthony's game.
I remembered I hadn't sent out the Reiki, and I did, but this time I said, 'I'm sending flowers from hell' and I imagined a beautiful pink blossom coming out of my anguish and pain and suffering and lack of control over any of my life. If you know me, and you know what a Virgo rising means--order, completion, and control of yourself and your environment is the absolute necessity to a sense of well-being.
It was the only time I felt Ross all day. He consoled me, and said it's not that bad in his Galactic way, and I felt the energy squeeze from him.
I also sent the Divine Peace Healing, it was routine, after that.
But what I realized, and therefore, must be Ross' advice, was that the privilege game (that feeling of being not good enough cause I'm poor and from North Long Beach, like the outsider looking in to a world of rich people) that got triggered by watching the other team, kids from a thirty five thousand dollar a year private school that was really beating Anthony's school, BAD....is a destructive cycle.
You look at someone who appears better than you, and you feel worse about yourself.
This is also the cycle that influences people to go the opposite direction by selling their soul, in the big leagues of the world of Entertainment.
It's not good.
What my dad taught me years ago, is to play the 'But for the Grace of God there go I' game--to look at someone worse off than you, and to count your blessings.
It's true. This cycle uplifts and helps you gain compassion for those who are suffering. You feel better when you help someone else. It's true.
If you think about it, Anthony's broken finger could have been worse. Even his knee injury in basketball could have been much much worse. At least he was on a team and I was in the gymnasium watching his team lose, when like baseball he might have never made the team.
I was sad that he didn't pursue his basketball over the summer, and get better. Anthony is stubborn. He decided baseball was it for him and he wanted to pitch. We had fun at his games this summer and this fall. It is what it is.
And his size? There's not anything more I can do than I have. We eat very healthy. It's inactivity. With my toe it's hard to be active. And he may have a blessing from the last injury--he may have a slipped femoral capital epiphysis (the growth plate moved) and that's why he can't turn his foot in or run well. Better to know now and see what can be done about it. He also may have a discoid meniscus, which is vulnerable to injury.
It could be lots, lots worse.
For the month, I have work.
I also have more of a fire under my butt to get me moving towards a better work-life balance. Get the website up. Sell things on it. Teach more. Look for something new.
Yesterday, Anthony and I watched Elf. I found our old blue ray disc. But in the middle, there was a scratch. We couldn't watch it. We were very sad. But Ross said, 'just buy it'. We did--eight dollars on the streaming service to own it forever. We finished the movie.
We saw the bunny having trouble going to the bathroom. She was in pain. Her poopy butt that come back. But it's cold, and rabbits aren't supposed to get wet. We bathe her on warm days.
Ross said to just try.
So together, Anthony took care of the cage, I took care of the bunny sitz-bath. I toweled her off the best I could, and Ross said to turn on the heater for the night to help her out. She appreciated it so very much and it felt good to have done the right thing by her.
BE prepared to work and to work hard for new changes and things to get better. That's the message of the Full Moon in Gemini. Don't worry too much about the astrological lineups. Honestly we've been through way stronger ones than this. Just do your best and angels can do no better.
It's time for a simple breakfast and to wake Anthony up and to make his lunch. I have an eight thirty start today, and his school starts at seven.
clap! clap!
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla
The Twins who are Loving and Good <3 (Ross adds, even when Carla complains! he says, 'you won't hear me complaining! and he giggles)
