September 16,2008
2109
Hey Cousin!
Cousin Carla!! It’s Susie your cousin, the one that was married to Rich. I knew
you were thinking of me when I passed/was passing (you wanted to call me on the phone all week before but didn't get around to it).
I got a lot of
comfort in the process when I thought of you seeing people die and being okay
with it. (strokes my hair). Everyone has a hard time of it up on earth (it is
higher, I found the right place, don’t worry, I am in Heaven-well not quite
there yet. I have five days to hang around a bit then ZIP! I want to say
goodbye to all my loved ones starting with you.)
Cousin what is
it you talked to me about at the wedding? My wedding, not yours?
C: I was on
vacation so I missed it. I looked at the pictures a lot with you. Of that and
your Tahiti honeymoon.
S: I was
happy, wasn’t I then? But I saw the look on your face when we were talking,
something wasn’t right. As a little kid you always knew something you were
right ahead of us. Not on the motorcycle when we would ride ahead of us--you were smart on or off the bike! I always
remembered that look—it flashed right back when Richard said he wanted a
divorce. Love and family, God, it wasn’t. It was hell. I had my kid and then
BOOM! Remember how I took so long to have another one? It was Richard, not I.
Richard wanted nothing to do with me or hardly anyone. Only your Father. I
heard Richard pushed him away as well. Sorry that it hurt everybody. Richard
had his way of alienating everybody. I died like your Auntie Edna. I also died
like Aunt Annette, full of cancer. Everything happens for a reason I suppose.
But it was hard for me to learn I had so much to share with you when I passed!
I thought it was done, over, finished! Take me to Heaven! Will you?
When I
crossed, there was a book with lots and lots of names on it. There was mine. I
had suffered (with the cancer). That’s what got me in. I wouldn’t of for
forcing Richard into marriage. I should have let go. Saw that one quite clearly. And also I saw
you, on the earth, giving light and sparks to everybody. Even me! For when I
thought of you and you thought of me back I got a ZIP! A little sparkly. And it
helped.
You are like
white on the other side. I am proud of you for working like this. Who taught
you? It was Blessed Mother as your spirit guide? I saw her. She was pretty! I
hardly gave her any credit for giving birth to our Savior and there she is
standing there right among you.
She is never
far from you or you from her. There are LOTS of angels to protect you. You have
your work cut out for you—not with the boy he is fine, a powerful
pleasure/treasure but with others in your life. With your Mom, Dad and Sisters.
I saw what they had done to your heart. I’m sorry when I was alive I really
liked them and I never saw the hurt they’d done to their kids. I thought you
were quiet. When the kids turned out okay I thought they’d been great/terrific
parents. I wanted to be like them in that I did for little Scotty. Great Scott.
Geoffrey Scott. That’s why I named him. I thought Dakota but it would have been
the future in advance (all the kids would have made fun of him)
Then I saw you
from here. I saw the scars upon your heart, a powerful burden. Of not being
understood. Of your mother’s thirst for alcohol. How no one loved you for who
you are—unconditionally. Except for your Nana Angelina and Nanu Filippo.
Anyhow, ‘my
little powerful miracle is about to begin’. I want you to tell yourself. God
will make it up to you. (You will forget the pain and focus on the pleasures).
Let your heart gather itself one last time. Feel every drop of pleasure as it
flows towards you. There will be a child for you, and then some. I want you to
be happy in your ‘other life’, the one apart from this. You deserve it. That’s
why I talked to you. You loved me and I knew it and I felt it. I always looked
up to you for being smart and you always looked up to me for being ahead in
life.
I want to talk
to you another time. Have rest. Have peace. God loves you. I want you to
remember this and always go forward.
Cousin Susie
M B 9/15/08
