November 7, 2009
I love you.
Thank you for taking the time to send to my mom something special. That’s how I saw you. I watched you all the time since you mailed it. I liked what I was. And I’ll talk.
I chose my life for the reason that you guessed. With all that Christianity there was a great big log in my parents’ eyes on homosexuality. (kind of like the virtue guy in Bhante).
I chose to make it clear to them there is loving, there is pain, it is NOT a choice, it is genetic. Just like her brother Don. Sometimes it happens on the cycle of abuse/molest. Mine wasn’t. I was always like that since the day of my birth. I was born with it, born with it, born with it.
I died, full well knowing I had caused it (ed -his death) through all of my excess. I was dark as the night for most of it. My pain had driven me to believe I was above the laws of the spiritual world my parents had instilled in me.
Towards the end, I saw the rightness of their ways. I asked Jesus for His help. I went home to Him.
I am healthy. Just like they said, I am healed, I am comforted, I am at peace. But so are they. They understood the error of their ways. God has made a blessing for you. Not ‘for helping my mom’. For You. I saw it. Something very happy. And love.
Pray for Chris. A lot. For wisdom, understanding. Clothe him in the gifts of light. He will respond to it….
I will stay with you for your son (names him by first name)'s surgery. You won’t be alone. I will talk to you and bring you joy during the recovery. I am walkng on the light.
Thank yo for loving me so much. And also my mother, your childhood friend. It is blessed. It is blessed. It is blessed.
Seattle, WA, USA
* = tonsils and adenoids were scheduled that week. Also Chris is the anesthesiologist. I also got a message from another journal that just 'opened up to that page' last night, that says 'he loves you' and 'let it go'. He actually looked me up on Facebook about two months ago. But haven't interacted much. I feel nothing for him any more. But I hope he is happy. I have success in 'letting him go with Light.' I have one pleasure: that after almost four years I would still be in his thoughts. I must have done something right in that brief 'relationship'. Namaste.