October 9, 2008
I felt a need to call Sally on Saturday. It turns out from Mom Roy died. The memorial service will be Saturday 10/18 in Fallbrook.
I just saw a glimpse of him in Levi’s 501’s and a tee, hair greased back. Looking very dapper. There’s no moustache. He’s maybe twenty. There is an energy and vitality to him that is electrifying.
He’s looking at mea, near, moving his head from side to side as if struggling to focus/remember me.
R: Slow great big smile across his face, holds his arms wide, “I died!”
C: we hug each other. I smile and say ‘how about that?’
R: I’m still here!
C: So am I.
R: you thought I wouldn’t talk to you, didn’t you? (teases me).
I saw at your cousin’s house when I was talking to you about my surgery that was something more you wanted to say. Why’d you hold back?
C: Everyone was there. You would have thought I was crazy. I knew you’d figure it out. But you felt it. I hoped at the time you would.
R: God will make it up to you (gives me romantic advice about D)
C: Have you seen Aunt Edna?
R: No I haven’t (she appears linking her right arm in his left) they’re both smiling. Aunt Edna waves to me.
AE: Carla! How are you? (Hugs me)
C: I miss you…(I cry here). I’m doing really great. The baby is so good.
AE: I know I have been watching him. That boy is really something. (Shows me something knitted in purply heather) It is a knit cap. I made it for you. God wants you to buy it and wear it at Christmas when you are with your boy and on Christmas Day. I love you very very much. You are looking beautiful. Keep exercising. God wants you to lose that weight. Everything will be all right now, honey. Everything will be all right.
Even if D. doesn’t tell you it. There’s always me. (taps her heart). I am loving you from Heaven. I died and I saw how much my love for you had grown (in this lifetime). Carla we’ve been together a lot. I am lucky to share our relationship of our life and heart. Even up here it keeps growing, blossoming, like a flower.
I will marry you. This is what God said. I know it sounds impossible. I want you to know when you are trying on that dress, the one for the wedding, I will be there. I will whisper to your heart which one God has meant for you. I helped make it (it is already chosen). It shall be more beautiful than that expensive ‘l’esposa di Gio’ dress you have there on that ad. And throw the ad photo out. Also the list of what you want in a mate. Toss it. Give it to God as a way of saying thanks for what God has given. Thow it in that trash outside so it gets taken out. (she tells me what to cook for dinner)
God loves you. I bless you. As also does Roy and Sally. (they hold hands, fingers weaved, and wave bye, Roy and Aunt Edna)
We love you,
(she kisses my head and goes)