I was so stressed I wanted to eat lots of this: SPAM Musubi!
Today has had some very strange energy for me. I wanted to sleep for much of the day. I didn't want to do anything. And lo and behold, this is the first time I didn't want to write!
This 3G bites. There is no WiFi here. If I had known, I would have brought MiFi. Only the iPad has 3G connectivity, and as you saw by the end of Mermaid Hair, it only fits so much! That is why there also are no pictures.
Part of my 'legacy' from childhood is not being able to process strong emotions in real time. Sometimes I under-react or over-react too.
Today was one of the worst days ever as a parent. The kid is so into buying stuff as I looked into a waterproof camera at Target (yes, they have one here in Kapolei), he demanded a two-hundred dollar camera for himself!it was like, NO! All day long at every store, and yet when I want to go Genki Sushi I get resistance on that too.
We went to new store, Down To Earth. It is different. It is vegetarian! And the pill and remedy section was BIGGER than the produce section, I am not kidding! The remedies were all mixed together by 'complaint' or 'organ system' if you allow me to speak a little doctor-ese. I had a terrible time finding vitamin B-12. If you go vegan and don't take B-12 supplement daily soon you will feel like, well, awful and run-down. I was missing it after one week of vacation...
I liked the store a lot. Here is something awesome, the new 'dirty baker's dozen' produce for 2013. Blueberries are safe now, but summer squash and kale have been added to the list. Here is the link: http://www.downtoearth.org/environment/organic-farming/foods-to-always-eat-organic-new-2013-“dirty-dozen”-list
I laugh. My 'baby daddy' had a tattoo with his sign, Pisces, a picture of earth, and the letters D T E under it. It was on one arm at the shoulder. The other arm had the family name and crest. On the back was an unfinished work, a Merlin. My son's father was sectioned for term breech with rupture of membranes...an old wives' tale says that breech babies are born 'with the sight' or psychic gift. There was enough of that to start a relationship, that's for certain! I hadn't thought about it in years, those tattoos...and about those three letters D T E?
It stands for down to earth. LOL.
Tonight, at that first line, I 'processed my emotion' that had been mulling around:I felt disrespect by my kid asking and asking when I say no, and for not respecting me. I was drained from all the conflict. I said this has to stop, I don't have the energy. When I say no I will say no one time. If this continues, your dad AND your martial art teachers are going to be notified. He also knows now and agrees not to ask for anything over fifty dollars, period. I took care to leave him with a sense of my believing he can do better, and confidence he will.
I sense he was glad I spoke up. He shared how at school kids tease him, and call him spoiled. He notices how other people look at him at the store when I say NO but he keeps asking. He can tell they think he is a spoiled brat and it hurts. He blames my mother for getting him hooked on cola (she used to 'sneak it because it made him so happy' against my wishes). He has a food addiction and it is getting worse...he craves the unhealthiest of foods, and the Vitamix to get him to drink greens he won't eat failed too. He only takes orange juice, banana, and one other fruit in a smoothie, and some days won't even drink that. All the nursing, all the organic everything seems to have been in vain. But at least today, at breakfast, he ate vegetarian by his own free will.
When it comes right down to it, it is just us in this family, and lately it has not been pleasant. I had sort of consciously, sort of unconsciously, been looking for a 'new dad' to keep both of us in line. The healthier alternative is what happened tonight: I respected my Divine Feminine, reached deep into my Balanced Divine Masculine, and brought it out into the open, this 'energy imbalance' in our relationship that was getting uncomfortable. It feels 'balanced' now. I don't think it would be wise to expect anyone to 'fix' what is 'ours' in the first place,too.
Today I saw butterflies three times. There is also a pink art one over my bed.
In Native American lore, the Butterfly represents completion of a wish, desire, or goal. It means all of the work has come to fruition. It is time to enjoy the achievement and results.
I guess that is something to write about?