This was my dream, on that day, twenty-five years ago, naieve as they can be, I walked down the aisle. The organist refused to play 'Here Comes The Bride'. I walked down the aisle to Water Music by Handel.
It was a lovely ceremony.
What is going on in my mind?
My dream died.
I never think of that dream.
Not any more. I can listen to REM and no longer cry. In my day-to-day I am fine, and never think of it. Except perhaps to give thanks I listened to my intuition and got out. It would have escalated. I basically left to save my life. I didn't go to a shelter. I studied hard and got in to medical school. Then I cut the ties.
The reason I am sad is for the loss of my dream.
Somehow, I think, God loved me enough to spare me that dream.
For me, it wouldn't have been good at all.
You see in Heaven there are no vows or ties that bind anyone to anything. Yes, there are couples, in 'lives between lives'--only because they are truly friends and really like each other. They 'grow' at parallel rates. Otherwise, when the 'fit' isn't 'right', couples in Heaven move on pleasantly, with no questions asked. Each wants the Highest Good for the other.
How was my day? Oh! There is so much I would like to tell you, but due to certain limitations on what I can say I have to be 'vague on purpose':
- Never do a case with a poorly running i.v. Because the case can get bigger in a hurry and you are going to wish you had a better i.v. You can never have too much i.v. access, my teacher used to say.
- I saw something so awesome that one of the surgeons stopped afterwards and said, 'I need to talk to the anesthesiologist!' Across the room, he said, 'What you have just seen this other surgeon do, is vary rare and talented skill. Only a handful of people in the world could have just done this.' I knew. I was watching the whole time. It was like a pancreatic anastomosis someplace else in the body--very tiny things sewn to tiny things. I enjoyed it. Plus, this surgeon is my friend I have known for almost twenty years. I am one of the anesthesiologists he requests to do his cases. I am 'on the team'. : )
- I also know that this surgeon has very poor eyesight. That he compensates so well, is truly a miracle.
- This surgeon also taught me the concept of 'my American Dad'. He survived extreme hardship.
- When I gave my 'Tour', this is the one that was practicing on the robot in his free time. He stopped, let the 'tourist' sit at the controls, and showed an interest in her. Nice people, you know?
- I can still put in an arterial line at the bedside when the blood pressure is seventy--I haven't lost 'the touch'. LOL
- I dealt with extremely anxious people all day--either patients or family members--and made a visible difference in their faces after having had worked with me. One kept hugging me and saying, 'Thank you!' and the men kept shaking my hand.
- I was hungry and dehydrated the whole time I was doing this. I had no dinner because of a birthday party my son was at. We got home just in time for laundry, shower for the kid, and story. And taking care of the pets!
- My list is long for tomorrow morning. I have a busy day with an ortho spine who likes to crack innuendoes all day and brag about the gym. Yes, there ARE jocks in Medicine, and they are just as 'charming' as they were in High School.
Thank you God for showing to me I am so much more than a bride!
I am a PERSON and a nice one at that!
Society is stupid sometimes. In so many ways!
Parties like that, in the first place and at the twenty-fifth, are SO not 'me'.
I bet they are not very 'YOU' either. Just sayin'
P.S. I was supposed to share about the Reiki intraop I did on one patient. This patient looked 'normal', but it was kind of like that scene in MIB where K goes to that line-up of border-crossing illegal aliens. 'I bet you don't know one WORD of Spanish, do you?' he asked the alien, figuring him out.
Well, I got into the aura and it 'tingled' funny. At the heart chakra, and also in the abdomen. This was strange because we were operating on totally different places, and the patient was 'healthy'. I have NEVER had 'hot' or 'tingle'. This one wasn't um, 'human' in the way that 'alien' wasn't Mexican, energetically. My guides cautioned me to 'step aside' and 'let them take care of it'. The patient woke up fine, and it was like 'nothing had went on' in 3D. But in 5D, it was a very big 'win'. They wanted me to write about it.