As you know, I live in Southern California. I am a native, and nothing is more normal for me than driving on the freeway.
Today, after I had my hair cut, I drove two exits up the 405 to see a friend. I had hopes to take her to see a healing garden at the back of a hospital where I used to work. But she sounded busy on the phone. We made plans for me to pay for the catering I had done for L&D day and night shifts.
Right when I hung up in the car--there is a button on the steering wheel--spirit caught my attention:
to the side of the road was a duck.
A little brown duck, with it's orange-yellow feet in the air. It was intact, not torn up or anything. But it was on its back and it was not moving.
A Dead Duck?
Oh Spirit, this is not good. I remembered the horror of the pigeon that flew into the windshield of Mark and my car way back when I was applying to medical school. It broke its neck, was paralyzed, and was moving its little head in circles. It was suffering. Without giving it a second thought, Mark crushed its skull with his foot to put it out of its misery. I almost threw up and started crying immediately.
With that sign from Spirit, I knew without a doubt that our marriage was dead.
I braced myself for my friend's work. Her restaurant was closed. I went in the back door, like she said. I walked slowly through the kitchen to find her.
I was interrupting a meeting. I felt embarrassed. It was important. There was no way I was going to get my friend out in the sunshine. I tripped over a chair walking to the back where they said she was.
He was there.
At the meeting. His back was to me.
I saw the hair. His hair. His sexy curly hair, just the way I like it.
I had never seen his hair before. It had always been under a hat.
I was a goner. All I can think of now is touching it and going through it with my fingers. *Sigh*
There is no turning back.
Sometimes giving up and letting go has nice surprises.
I think I'll let go some more. <3
Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention--that dead duck was a mallard--all brown with no colors--so it had to have been a female. ; )
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