I have had a relationship with Ed for over ten years now. He is my hairdresser and friend, my 'gay boyfriend' if you don't mind.
Ed and I enjoy a fascinating affection that blesses each of us in its own way.
Ed cares with his heart, and many times I come to Ed feeling like this, Eeyore, all mopey and sad and depressed and ugly and fat.
Inside me, Ed sees a Treasure.
In my heart, Ed knows 'me'. Not the Doctor, although he knows life is hard and sees how I fall asleep in his chair when I am post call.
He knows my mother's heart. When I had my baby, it was Ed who came to the hospital and said special Hebrew prayers out of a book to bless us.
When I was so heavy with child I could not take out the big trash cans for pick up day, Ed made a special trip to do it every single week until the baby was born.
When I got depressed after the hormones hit, and all I could do was cry and hold the baby, it was Ed and his partner to came to my house. One visit was all it took--baby blues begone!
Ed is an incredible male who lets his heart guide him in his friendship with me. He is open and honest about EVERYTHING, and believe me, we have discussed EVERYTHING.
We share our hopes and dreams.
There is never an inch of jealousy or comparison.
We just are.
We are friends.
That's what I like about Ed best: I can be myself with him, and never doubt about his love and affection for me.
Why is it that straight guys get in the way of their own friendships with women? There is testosterone on the brains of both gays and straights.
It is the expectation they perceive that women want from them?
Is it the sum total experience of their interactions with women before?
I don't know.
All I know is that once I was fed up, sick and tired of getting my heart broken. This was long before I met Ed. So, I decided to be gay. For two weeks I told myself I was 'into women'. But one peek at the chest hair at the collar of a coworker in the research lab, and I realized I was not fooling anyone.
Then I pestered God to have mercy on me and let me be a nun.
God said, 'No'.
Then I became a single mother, and have essentially lived the life of a nun for almost a decade.
Today I realized I want to be whole, and although I have lots of 'catch up growth' to do with my heart and spirit when it comes to relationships, I am willing to give it a try. Even if it starts with just working on loving myself and forgiving me for every mistake I have ever made about 'Love'.
I also realized that my standards of 'Love' are from Heaven, where Love is 'different' from the expectation-based 'Love' they have on Earth. My entire perspective is Spirit-based, and not quite compatible with what is on Earth in this time.
When it is right , it will happen.
Friends first. I would like to be very good friends (with NO benefits!) with a very nice straight guy. It is important for me to take that 'next step'. An eligible guy, not just a married one.
If things happen, they were meant to be.
And if they don't? I will always have a friend.
No matter what, I have Ed, who loves me just for who I am, and always helps my inner beauty sparkle when he cuts my hair. He also is a huge fan of my Reiki work, and encourages me and shares my joy with each new breakthrough in this healing work.
I hope you find your 'Gay boyfriend' for you, ladies. And whatever equivalent there is out there for the men.