This morning I saw a truck on the way to work that I had never seen before. I was praying, praying over one of the most challenging areas of my lifetime. I was giving up hope of relationship because my ego. At the hint of possible 'connection' my ego has a tendency to go bezerk like bridezilla. It gets out of my control, I don't like it, the person I am when I am 'trying to get someone to like me'. It blows any chance away of any 'connection' of worth and lasting strength.
I told the guy I like I am not interested in a romantic relationship. In writing. I said basically, I love you like a brother.
It was because I am not ready to let go and be myself. This 'person', this 'ego' takes all of the fun away.
I also did it because I wish for MORE than a romantic relationship--I want something that is REAL and Right for both of us. A relationship where EGO is not involved in any way from either person.
In the car while I was praying, I prayed for my heart. And when I did, here comes this truck. Spirit sent the 'message' vibration as I saw the words in huge font: Dedicated Lily/
So for most of the day, unlike others before it, I was present. Here and now. And because of it, I spent the day in anguish, pain, and feeling hopeless about my life's future in partnership. I felt like these beautiful delicate flowers all by themselves in a field. Just me.
I knew in my heart it was for the best. Better to have NO relationship than a BAD relationship. And it would have been BAD because of my ego. Better to cut it out.
Then the most amazing things happened in my world of Reiki at work!
- My circulator told a patient in front of me that she was 'lucky to have the best. She is very holistic and uses Reiki on her patients.' I asked the patient, who 'perked up' suddenly, if she was 'into that sort of thing?'. She said an enthusiastic YES! So I asked if she wanted Reiki treatment. She agreed. I offered to give her a 'report' of my findings from the Reiki intraop. Her husband was there, and pleased with the exchange. I am taking Reiki to the next level in my work!
- My Reiki student from Kenya scrubbed today. We spoke and I shared with him 'Cletus'. He was interested in the financial intel that is hidden in the end of the article.
- Dr. Joe L sat next to me in the doctor's lounge. The book is in publication now. There is a warmth now between us, a mutual respect, and I really like that a lot. I think amazing things can happen at any time! (especially thanks to the big white vortex I placed in the Doctor's Dining Room about two years ago...) http://www.basichealthpub.com/author.php?AuthorID=231
- I brought my own organic sprouts and tomato into the dining room, and cut them up on my plate. I added beets and black beans to my 'salad'. Everyone can see I changed what I eat. I 'minister' without saying a word.
- I saw our Chef for the hospital. We are friends. He's been in that Dining Room (with the Vortex) every day for years now. He is showing interest in learning more techniques, and I said, 'why not RAW vegan?'. He offered to work at my favorite restaurant 'for free just to LEARN'. I spoke with the owner--we gave him RAW vegan food for dummies AND a one hundred dollar gift certificate to the restaurant AND her cell phone number to arrange for a tour of both kitchens, the vegan and the RAW vegan one! Can you imagine how many people will benefit when the lead of all food at the hospital gets these new skills and masters them?
- When I dropped off the Reiki patient in recovery room, my good friend CJ was there as the nurse. CJ is Jewish, and watched over me and my boy like a mother hen when I had surgery myself. She is the only one that visited up on the floor. When the patient asked about the Reiki, CJ got curious. She asked for a healing, which I did, on her arthritic hands. I felt the Reiki flow. She smiled in wonder and amazement--'I can feel it in your hands! I feel heat! What is that?!' And she felt better.
- The neck I treated on another coworker months ago is doing 'okay' and definitely 'not worse'. Reiki sticks!
- In the Doctor's Lounge I took my Flower Essence drops. I am healing deep from within my soul with them. The guys in there, the docs were like, 'WHOA! What is THAT?' and I explained it. Four dudes were totally interested in natural healing, and they worked in medicine, as doctors and reps!
- My urologist sat at the table with me in the Doctor's Lounge later, before our case. My colleague from the group was present. The urologist asked about Dr. Joe L's book. And then about Reiki. I explained it. (I knew my colleague was interested). The urologist, who is Vietnamese, said, 'It's like Kung Fu! the CHI....' I agreed. I also said the Reiki 'is like my hobby' and 'I teach others to do it.' and 'there is no side effect'. He wants the healing for his father who is having dementia really bad. I offered to give the surgeon a healing sometime just so he could check it out.
- My neighbor who is moving showed me her bruised finger. I healed it as we spoke. I saw the swelling and bruise get better as I worked.
- She was so excited she went back into the house and asked politely, even though I am allergic, to give Reiki to her cat. It has herpes of the eye, and needs surgery. She wants to avoid the surgery with the Reiki. Because it was left eye, and I felt the cat's vibration, I understood why it was sick. It was more than just 'she is stressed'. I tried my best to comfort the kitty on all ways I could 'connect'
Things are stacking up for Reiki in ways I never imagined. With each question, I have to think and adjust my energy to 'match' the best 'level' of reply to 'make the most sense' to them. I recall the patience of Cobra, Lady Isis, and the Dalai Lama, and model my responses after them. Their being one hundred percent love and patience 24/7 inspire me!
On the one hand I am excited to know that Reiki is really taking off. On the other, I am a little concerned about how I will be able to handle it as more interest appears in the Doctors With Reiki philosophy in medicine. Combining Eastern medicine with Western truly is the most advanced medicine we know of at this time.
My friend, writer Tig Monk, blogged something about relationship that was exactly where I was at. It was about being present, in the now, and just enjoying whatever connection there is. He said most people ruin relationship by trying to control the other so as not to feel their insecurity and anxiety. I laughed and realized in my pain at least I was experiencing mine!
It feels so good to write this. I have peace for the first time today, about my heart. I can face anything if I set my mind to it. And my decision is to surrender to my emotions, even the not so 'cuddly' ones, because that is what I am this moment now.
I actually got a quick message today. From 'Him'. He gave me a big basket or platter with spirit flowers. He paid attention to me intently. I asked, with surprise, why He was here? He said 'I came to see you.'
I asked, 'Is this real?'
He said, 'there are two reals--you where you are sitting right now, and this where we can talk to each other across distance. Both are real.'
'But I am LONELY!' I was confused, because here I was trying to process my emotions, and they weren't so good. I was feeling awful about being alone forever in this moment here and now and really having the courage to face that. I was ready for however long it was going to take to feel my feelings I need to feel so I can heal, right?
Then He shows up!
He explained how he 'knew' and thought to say hello.
I paused. I worked very hard to collect my thoughts and feelings. Then I understood what Right Action meant for me in this situation.
I thanked him for the flowers. I thanked him for the visit. And then He left.
P.S. One of the nicknames Blessed Mother calls me is 'Lily'. <3