For whatever reason, my asking for kindness today from a friend, was given 'the silent treatment'.
As a result, I will heal online for everyone to see.
There are two things right now 'holding me back'. I want to heal, to learn, to grow.
First, I am a survivor of abuse and neglect at the hand of a drunk babysitter. I was pre-verbal, but still able to have memory around the age of one: when you scream for help and your cry is ignored: you shut up.
You internalize that your own basic needs are not worthy to be met.
You learn that being wet, soiled, and hungry, is what your caregiver wants for you.
Even if your bottom is on fire with pain from a horrible diaper rash--YOU ARE NOT WORTH THE EFFORT.
You think children are resilient?
That is a lie! A lie that perpetuates the making children second-class citizens. Another one on my short list of stuff in this society that has to go is the notion that a baby's cry is 'cute'. It is anything but! It is their only form of communication; to belittle it is to belittle the child, the angel in flesh that has come to YOU.
Well how the heck am I supposed to get over this? I wanted to ask over a cup of tea. Have YOU ever seen anything like this? I don't know what to do! I would REALLY LIKE TO MOVE ON. What does your Buddha study suggest to try to help? I have exhausted all of my alternative and Christian options, and I am still 'stuck'.
That would have taken eight minutes, nine if you count the one minute of 'ice-breaker'.
The SECOND thing I really wanted to know, just got answered. My friend and colleague, the Jewish author, is also concerned about the backlash from the general public and the energy ramifications to those Light Workers who are on the front lines.
My concern, was that as a second-grader my weakness was in spelling. I had to work very hard to learn to spell correctly. Ever since then, I get irritated at people who get away with poor spelling. I am like, 'if I had to learn this, you can too!'
In a way, my work in Reiki and my own spiritual development has been like working on my spelling. And when I interact with others, and I 'know what to do', a part of me would rather be 'doing my own growth' and not 'helping' simply because the vibrations of the others are so uncomfortably dense and heavy. It is the energy of the mind and the ego 'wanting to understand' the unexplainable, except through the open heart, that brings me down.
I am so glad I got this call just a minute ago. My friend is writing the first book to 'marry' alternative and conventional medicine for cancer therapy into one truly Integrative book. He just had lunch with the pathologists, who were very dismissive of alternative care. I told him I would stand by him when the storm hits, and take it with him. I told him my haters told ME I should get my license yanked, and that it hurt.
To be honest, the studies for alternative medicine AREN'T that robust in their data. Both my friend Joe L. and I have seen it work. But how to prove it? Not so easy to do.
In deep love and gratitude to the universe for answering my call. Perhaps I can take a Rain Check on that tea?
Namaste,
Reiki Doc
