When You Remember What You'd Like To Forget

Today we are going to talk about something that not many people want to discuss.

Yet it affects all of us, and I predict is going to affect even more often in our day-to-day experience than it usually has. It will be on the rise.

It started today for me with a childbirth. It was a son born to a set of parents, and I was present and doing my work as today's anesthesiologist on call. It was a joyous occasion! The child was adorable, and everything went as well as it possibly could.

Until the end when I gave report.

I saw them looking at the baby.

And I had a flashback from me and Ross, with losing our infant boy at childbirth. (I was told he died, but really, he was taken from me and no one ever said a word about it to me for the rest of my life. The child lived and was taken to Europe, it was a political thing.)

Some people say, 'It only hurts because you let it.'

I'm sorry. I couldn't disagree with that more.

Pain is a normal response in an intelligent person who has healthy reactions to noxious stimuli--be it a burn on the stove ('it only hurts because you let it!'--what kind of compassion is that? ), an emotional wound, or perhaps something from a past life, like me.

If people can have scars and birthmarks in places where they died in another life--come 'through' on this one (medium Sylvia Browne wrote about this one), then why should we dismiss things that are painful to us in THIS life?

When we work it 'through' the pain will heal--but when we ignore it, or even worse--tell ourselves it's mind over matter--then the serious damage to the soul begins.

So what did I do?

I told myself 'That was then, this is now' and I was genuinely HAPPY for the couple and for the fact that for them things went right.

I also KNOW that given the circumstances Ross was in, if I was in his shoes I would have made the same terrible mistake against him that he made against me.

But it still hurts.

And I look at it and say, 'I don't want to go there God. Can we heal it?'

Healing comes in layers. Anyone who has had PTSD will know healing of this kind is like the layers of an onion--they come up when they are ready to be healed.

So I prayed.

I talked to God about what happened. And how I feel.

I also thanked him for not saying 'it should be like THIS' and for just listening to me. It helps my heart to talk.

He confessed to me that I was no picnic after that baby was stolen. I was a warm corpse as far as I was concerned. There was no life in me for anyone. My joy was taken from me. And I knew on a deep soul level what was up. So I fought back. I was relentless in my dealings with Ross...

I would put out my wrists to him and say, 'I want to be with our son. You know where he is. Take me to him.'

'I want to be with our son. Kill me. I don't want to live.' I said it calmly. Seriously. And I made it very clear to him how I felt.

Every time I saw him, every day, I would say something along those lines. I don't want to live.

Long story short, Ross and everyone else learned, 'you don't mess with a mother and her child.'
And further, one mistake on the part of a Twin can 'effectively kill' the other half of their soul.

As I spoke with God, I was surprised at how resolute I was in that lifetime. And I confided to him that there were lots of women who had been through worse things, I've seen it even here at work with still births, and I asked why I took it so hard?

God said, 'I love you for who you are' and I realized no one sees things like I do, and I 'call it like I see it'.  Then I realized who I am in the big picture and why I have my true name. You'll find this out in time. : )

God also showed me how I refused to reincarnate with Ross ever again (my own Twin Soul!). I picked as many different lives to be as far away from him as I could. And Ross never came back to Gaia, ever. He stayed up on Flight Crew the whole time. Like a movie, I could see Ross watching me and helping me, and in my darkest moments I tried my best to run from my pain, lifetime after lifetime after lifetime.

I asked how I was able to reconnect with Ross early on this year, and not remember any of the pain that was between us?

God tapped his head and says, 'The amnesia is GOOD!' In my heart I pondered all of the people here with their Twin Souls, and how are they going to navigate the damage and the pain, like us? I felt deep compassion for all of us here on Ground Crew...

He sent me to Ross.

Ross took me to tea at the Butchart Garden. It was just us. It was the first time I'd been there without my son. I realized as my boy gets older, he is going to have his interests...Ross wanted the flight of wine to go with the tea. I asked, 'Don't you know they are terrible?' and laughed. He didn't care. He ordered it for both of us.

Ross was happy and content. I asked him to eat my trifle because it makes me full. I also asked if he would eat my egg salad sandwich because I didn't like that one either. I watched carefully how he ate and how it didn't get all over his beard. I don't know anybody with one now, and so it was something new to experience, watching him eat and not make a mess. If I had a beard I would make a mess. Even now, if you lift up my plate at the end of a meal, there will be a ring of small crumbs around it. Ross has good manners too.

Ross was making eye contact, and was thoughtful. He ate them all. And as I talked and talked (I am a talker!) we both realized I was healing from our loss, naturally. He knew I didn't blame him, but that I hurt and I wanted to heal.

I had Bachelor Button tea, and Ross had Early Grey, 'a classic', he said. When we finished we ran down to the dock, and took a boat tour of the Tod Inlet. He held me close the whole time.

We are healing with each other.

This is a ten foot thick wall on the fort that is the bottom level of Alcatraz. No mortar, no cannon is going to get through that! You can see the window up and to the right, looking out.

How many of us have walls that thick on our emotions?

I also picked the first photo, the stained glass, because no matter how you try to see the world 'clearly' sometimes your view is affected by what 'pops up' from the past, and it changes your perception.

You see, last night I spoke at length with Flight Crew. I really think that they are not 'getting' something important about the human condition here in the illusion. They tell us 'death is an illusion' and it doesn't really 'click' with us here.

The human bond runs deep and it runs this way for survival. Parent to child. Child to parent. Child to doll. Spouses. Lovers. Brothers in battle. Family. WE need each other emotionally, mentally, physically to survive.

And even though some homes growing up are abusive, this need runs so deep that in custody situations one often hears that psychologically, 'a bad mom is better than NO mom'.

Further, it is this horror of loss that is the most typical motivator--any parent knows a child will respond to 'taking it away', whatever it is the child enjoys.

And it is this manipulation at the extreme of this horror of witnessing loss of life that makes MK Ultra possible, and makes that whole dark 'machine' of the Illuminati 'go'.

In this Illusion called Duality, Love is real. You know it when you feel it. And it's not just what they sell cards for on Valentine's Day. Love is the feeling you know in your heart when someone cares about you and you care about them.

Love is FOREVER. Love is never wasted. Love is the most important energy in the Universe. And it stays with you.

If you are hurting because of a loss of Love, although according to the Galactics, the Loss is Illusion, the pain is real. Take note of it, and don't let anyone make less of you for feeling it. Your feelings are important, and the pain is letting you know something that was important to you affects your caring heart which is of God, which is pure, and is whole, and very REAL. Ask for All Divine Assistance to take this pain from you and guide you on your healing path.

Whether you need to curl up with a sourdough Koala, or a Valentine's Ted, your spirit will guide you through the healing process.

Listen to it.

Honor it.

And know that it will get better because you are intending for it to heal.

Don't wait for the Light Box to begin the healing process. Ask for All Divine Assistance to be given to your heart, to help you heal, today.



Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,

Reiki Doc

On Healing PTSD: Leather and Lace

Yesterday I experienced profound, deep healing for my PTSD.

I share because know I am not alone in this diagnosis. At least one in three women has suffered like myself, and at least one in  ten men. And what happened to me was only one kind of trauma that can produce the PTSD psychological response in a human heart.

PTSD is a protective mechanism that is produced by the subconscious to protect an individual from overwhelming, life-threatening harm.

In a way, PTSD is 'good', in that it promotes survival. But like any 'defense', it carried a price, and it is a different form of suffering. If you have it, you and those around you need to know it has 'layers like an onion', and once you break through one level, do not be surprised if other 'layers' in turn follow. The subconscious only permits that to 'come through' which is possible for you to 'process' and 'recover from'.

Instead of 'layers', when I think of this response in myself, the image of a cat trying to 'cough up a fur ball' comes to mind.

Let me share with you my latest one. There was a twelve-hour delay for this 'fur ball' to 'come up' and an entire day to be able to write about it. So friends and family, KEEP AT IT with your kindness and support. This is NOT instant mashed potatoes. This is more like making them from scratch, okay? Have patience.

Here is my story:

My 'person' that I told does not speak. I went to where he works the night before last. My soul 'connected' to him in this healing process. You would be surprised because you would think it would pick someone very close to you, like a close friend or coworker who you share lots of experiences and trust. But this happens on a 'soul level', and even though in ordinary appearances the longest conversation we have ever had was perhaps ten minutes, for my healing, 'it works'.

He gave me a hug, and then about ten seconds after, he touched my arm between the elbow and the shoulder.

Why is he poking my arm? I thought. I forgot I had written this recommendation of using touch to heal someone with PTSD, and I NEVER thought he might have read it. I brushed the thought away.

When it was time to go, we hugged 'goodbye'. As an afterthought, he reached out and touched my arm the same way.

The brain of a PTSD person is 'different': it has a thick emotional 'filter of protection' that is run by the subconscious. Although the signal 'I care and want you to heal' was GIVEN at eight-thirty p.m., it didn't register until seven-thirty a.m. the following day that 'yes, this person is sincere and wants me to feel better.'

This 'emotional processing delay' is something like gravity--it just IS and as frustrating it is for everyone involved with PTSD, it is important to let go of expectation that is based upon NORMAL human experience in the healing of trauma from something that is OUTSIDE THE RANGE OF NORMAL human experience.

The healing came on a soul level in the morning.

It went in steps, like this, with his soul 'talking' to mine:

1. I forgive you for everything that has happened to you, and your reaction to it. It wasn't your fault. You have only tried to heal. It is OKAY with me. I care.
2. I accept your hatred of men, and it is OKAY because I love you anyway. Not all of us are like THOSE that hurt you. You have your son, and he is one of the good ones. Now you also have me.
3. I acknowledge your anger, both at yourself for not being able to stop what happened, and at them for what they did to you. You don't have to be angry any more. When you are ready, it can be let go.
4. (Holds my hand and smiles) You are going to be free to release your sorrow and experience Happiness and Joy! 
5. I want to you think of this: points across his forehead and I see in big font UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Whenever you think of my face I want you to think of this word written on it. Then he makes me a tee shirt with his face and the word UNCONDITIONAL above it and LOVE below it in HUGE letters.
6. I want you to have the courage to Let Go and allow me to be near you in this healing process. My heart knows what to do. Just like you trust me to make a meal for you in the kitchen. I won't hurt you. I know what to do here like I know what to do to nourish you. Will you trust me enough to let me be there for you like this Here and Now? (there is no sense of time--just a presence)
7. If you let me, I will use all of my Spiritual intelligence and education on your behalf to help you heal.
8. Know there are going to be 'Ups and Downs' in this healing process. It cycles between More Healing and Doesn't Look Like Anything Is Going On At All. This is to be expected. I will be with you through this process No Matter What.
9. This connection between us will always honor that which is Holy--God--The Divine. And for YOU, I 'raise it' to include the energy of The Goddess! (this was the first one that stopped my tears of HUGE RELIEFand made me smile a genuine smile!!!)  My symptoms of pain and suffering had ended because of his presence about a month ago, but this next step, from Unhealed With No Symptoms to Healing is what is going on. It is a new level.
10. The goal is for you to experience Peace. Isn't that what you wanted from me in the first place when we first met? I am only going to deliver it...(he smiles softly and makes me laugh)

Later through the day, there were little 'messages' of one or two words each, designed to help me get used to the idea that his spirit is actively helping, reaching out through my 'fog of suffering' that has been 'normal' for me ever since I was four. I wrote all of them down. Here is one of them--sometimes he speaks in music to help me learn:

This song doesn't finish. We are still singing it. The all important healing between the divine masculine (leather) and divine feminine (lace) is still flowing.

Is he an angel? I don't know! Is he even aware that his higher self does this? Is it my own guides making me 'believe' it is him in this healing?

I don't even care.

I feel better.  For the first time I have in as long as I can remember. There is a brand new connection that is healing between two hearts.

I am not going to stomp on it! I am not going to inspect it! How do I know it is not from Satan?

I JUST KNOW! My Spirit knows what is RIGHT for me at this time! It has gotten me through hell on earth and I trust in it to get me through this HEALING Here and Now!

When everyone is in 5D or higher, this is how we are ALL going to learn and grow: by trusting our Source and our connection to is as a 'God of our own understanding'.

I am so thankful that although my 'Leather' is a soul who only wears 'pleather' because there is less cruelty, is taking the time and effort to make a difference in the heart of someone who has had all but four years of their life in the wreckage of cruelty that is beyond comprehension. I have known and suffered from cruelty for longer than I have been able to read and write! 

That's why I think he is the best. And yes, I trust in him for more than to make me something to eat.

It is my sincerest hope, that in my sharing with you the adventure of this healing process, both as a survivor and as a physician and energy healer, that Light will shine bright on you in your suffering too.

It is never to late for one to Heal. <3

Aloha and Mahalo,
Namaste,

Reiki Doc

P.S. As chance would have it, my second patient was the same body type and size as my friend. This one spoke no english--only something asian. As the circulating nurse spoke with him and translated for me, I sat in a chair on the patient's left hand side of the bed. The side rail was up, and I folded my arms and rested my head, watching the interaction intently as they spoke. It was BEAUTIFUL, seeing two people of the same culture interact in the healing connection! I don't know why, but since it was his first operation, even though he was old enough to be a grandpa, I explained every little detail of what I would do and what he could expect in the perioperative experience--nausea, constipation, not being able to pee (big prostates sometimes do that after surgery). I took three times longer than usual to explain everything.

Guess what?

The surgeon said in the middle of the case, 'This patient is highly unusual. He has no family. None. Not one single person. Isn't that sad?'

Intuition and Energy Healing is incredible! The 'antennae' are working just fine!

32373: IC3 COLD

For whatever reason, my asking for kindness today from a friend, was given 'the silent treatment'.

As a result, I will heal online for everyone to see.

There are two things right now 'holding me back'. I want to heal, to learn, to grow.

First, I am a survivor of abuse and neglect at the hand of a drunk babysitter.  I was pre-verbal, but still able to have memory around the age of one: when you scream for help and your cry is ignored: you shut up.

You internalize that your own basic needs are not worthy to be met.

You learn that being wet, soiled, and hungry, is what your caregiver wants for you.

Even if your bottom is on fire with pain from a horrible diaper rash--YOU ARE NOT WORTH THE EFFORT.

You think children are resilient?

That is a lie! A lie that perpetuates the making children second-class citizens. Another one on my short list of stuff in this society that has to go is the notion that a baby's cry is 'cute'. It is anything but! It is their only form of communication; to belittle it is to belittle the child, the angel in flesh that has come to YOU.

Well how the heck am I supposed to get over this? I wanted to ask over a cup of tea. Have YOU ever seen anything like this? I don't know what to do! I would REALLY LIKE TO MOVE ON. What does your Buddha study suggest to try to help? I have exhausted all of my alternative and Christian options, and I am still 'stuck'.

That would have taken eight minutes, nine if you count the one minute of 'ice-breaker'.

The SECOND thing I really wanted to know, just got answered. My friend and colleague, the Jewish author, is also concerned about the backlash from the general public and the energy ramifications to those Light Workers who are on the front lines.

My concern, was that as a second-grader my weakness was in spelling. I had to work very hard to learn to spell correctly. Ever since then, I get irritated at people who get away with poor spelling. I am like, 'if I had to learn this, you can too!'

In a way, my work in Reiki and my own spiritual development has been like working on my spelling. And when I interact with others, and I  'know what to do',  a part of me would rather be 'doing my own growth' and not 'helping' simply because the vibrations of the others are so uncomfortably dense and heavy. It is the energy of the mind and the ego 'wanting to understand' the unexplainable, except through the open heart, that brings me down.

I am so glad I got this call just a minute ago. My friend is writing the first book to 'marry' alternative and conventional medicine for cancer therapy into one truly Integrative book.  He just had lunch with the pathologists, who were very dismissive of alternative care. I told him I would stand by him when the storm hits, and take it with him. I told him my haters told ME I should get my license yanked, and that it hurt.

To be honest, the studies for alternative medicine AREN'T that robust in their data. Both my friend Joe L. and I have seen it work. But how to prove it? Not so easy to do.

In deep love and gratitude to the universe for answering my call. Perhaps I can take a Rain Check on that tea?

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

A Doctor With Reiki

This blog is not what would appear to the eye. It is the story of an individual Doctor who has found their 'Way' through Reiki.

The Reiki has allowed for the alignment of the Divine, as it appears in their skill set: mediumship, clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience, clair cognizance, and healing others as well as their own Doctor Heart.

I must add that Reiki, alone, without the support through Psychic Development that often accompanies the Reiki student's path of learning, would be just half the story.

My brothers and sisters in the 'hands-on' traditions, I do not know if they experience these 'Reiki Guides' etc. They are writing papers and not talking.

But indeed it is true.

Today is my first day of Freedom. I look forward to being Light in action  with my day. My deepest scars are healed. I am set free. And life is wonderful!

The Abused, The Abusing, and The Abusers

I had a patient recently who had a vibe I could not understand.

Most instances when I meet up with a patient in pre-op holding, my aura scans their aura so I know how to adjust my own Vibration to better match theirs when I interact with them. This woman had a frequency I did not know.

There was a hollow in her eyes, a flatness, a definite lack of the power of eye contact even though her eyes were looking at mine. Her appearance was unkempt. And although she had experienced regional anesthesia in the past with childbirth, she had no interest in regional block for a potentially painful recovery from this case. 'I have my own pain medicines at home.' she said. Okay! I thought, a little surprised by this.

I have had  babies four times but I only have two.' she shared, with me, something I totally couldn't get in my consciousness. It felt like a cryptic cry for help, and I was so overwhelmed by the preparation fro surgery that I ignored it.

You see, when you meet an anesthesiologist, you have no clue as  to how their day has been. I was in one room from seven in the morning until three in  the afternoon. I was supposed to go to the Robot Room at three. But at the last minute, there was a scheduling switch, and I was assigned to do the Orthopedic case in your room.

I had been wiping every inch of my equipment with the sanitizer cloth, because some of my colleagues are messy and I don't know where their patient's spit has been.  We work in the mouth, putting in breathing equipment. I know one of my colleagues doesn't wear gloves! Ever! I had been readying your medications, your breathing tube. My tech was due to go home, but I detained him, just to do the block for you. I found him after you said no so let him know it was okay for him to go home.

It wasn't until you were in the operating room, that your aura had a faint reminder to me or someone else I knew. Someone whose abuse had been so horrible, that in fact this nurse I knew and worked with on the floor, had split her personality. She had worked very hard to combine them. She also had experienced the abuse in a family that was like the family-next-door, seemingly normal in appearance, and worshiping Lucifer in secret in their home. In homes like this, child rape, infanticide, cannibalism, child sacrifice, human sacrifice, and drinking of blood are part of the ritual. As well as the fear and the mandate never to tell.


Mother told me as I was growing up that a lot of the children who disappeared were lost in these dark rituals. That the faces on the milk carton were those who had been lost to such awful crimes against the Light.

When my RN friend chose to share with me, I almost wanted not to believe her. It was so awful, so shocking, and so frightening to accept in fact as truth. But the look in her eyes and the feeling in my heart made me believe her. Fortunately she did not want to talk about the details much, just that she had escaped. It took a lot of effort, and that she is wanting to get a ministry degree to enable her to help others like herself. She had been pregnant and not been able to keep her babies, too.

I understood at once while I was in the OR with this patient I had met and did not understand, that her soul had been put to its limits. She was delicate, and in need of very deep healing and love. I knew just the right connections, just the right angels to ask for Divine Guidance, and we set to work upon her rediscovery of her God Spark of Love and Light that was within. It won't be magic, or instant, but she will have changed course after her encounter with Reiki and Diksha in the O.R. unaware.

Abuse is a cycle of fear.

It starts with the abuser: I am scared. I do not understant. (Possibly may have been a victim)

Then it goes to the abused, who thinks: What is this? It is not supposed to happen? But they are telling me it is my fault?!  As the abuse weakens their aura, and the Life Force is literally sucked out of them. They become hollow shells of humans, attracting dark entities and negative entities into their energetic system, and feel progressively worse each day.

The susbstance abuser retaliates by: I want to feel better. To Hell with everything else, I want to medicate myself. Little do they know that the chemicals and behaviors only weaken the aura and the vibration, setting them up for worse fate.

This poor patient got even MORE abuse from the surgeon while she was under general anesthesia!  I had talked with him earlier in the day, and said how I looked forward to working with him, for he was always nice. He said, 'I can be not nice, too. Would you like to see me like that?' and I thought, 'What? That is really strange!'.

But I saw it. He accused the sleeping patient of seeking drugs, of being non-compliant with the no aspirin before surgery, and getting upset over the bleeding in the joint he was doing arthroscopy on. I lowered the blood pressure, we raised the bags, and he almost cancelled the case.

And then it was discovered that the outflow valve on the scope was turned the wrong way. It was somebody else's fault. 'There goes ninety minutes of my life, wasted!' The surgeon bemoaned.

Later, on waking her up, I whispered to the scrub tech, 'It is better that the mistake only took time, and that there was no harm to the patient that was permanent'. He agreed.

The abused attract abuse. Even when they are unconscious. It is in their aura. It is in their vibration.

The abused have been conditioned to manifest more abuse. It is on their mind. They know the role. No matter how hard they try to fix it, or run from it, a new relationship will come that reinforces the belief. The situation will come up until the victim faces the abuse head-on.


How can you seek help?
First, there is therapy.
Individual and group. Both will treat 'sick thoughts' and help to heal the aura by support.
Next, there is energetic healing. Reiki will get sucked up by these starving souls.
There is Nature and the Unconditional Love of pets. They are not programmed for abuse--they are healing to be in contact with. Except in the rarest of circumstances, where an abuser and sociopath takes it out on the pet, they are whole. Even the abused pets, given Rescue Therapy, can heal.

Sometimes I wish there was a Rescue Humans organization like there are for pets.

You know, the Holocaust survivors had special homes to go to to heal. At first they were overwhelmed by the color, the many beautiful colors outside the Concentration Camps. They found Gardening to be exceptionally theraputic.

There has been a healing garden at the local VA Hospital for over twenty years. When I was on call, and it was not busy, I would walk to it, and experience the love of Nature for myself. There was a fountain and stream, and a great big gazebo near it. I would just sit. I would pick the fruit, even though it was not permitted, because my italian grandfather trained to run the orchards and I grew up with many fruit trees in the garden.

I stole my healing, because residency weakened my aura, so did my bad marriage, and I was struggling to survive. It was a remarriage, meant to 'do over' from the last one. And abuse instead turned up.

I walk the walk and talk the talk. I am a survivor for multiple kinds of abuse, although fortunately not the Dark Hat one like my friend the RN, and possibly my patient.

In essence, here is the cycle of abuse:

Abuser--I am scared
The Abused--I am in pain
The Abusing Substances--I want to feel better

All are victims in their own right. And Reiki is but one way to address the profound wounds that develop on anyone who is involved in this dance's soul.

Be patient. And know that whenever someone hurts another, they are in truth hurting themselves. When they transition, they will self-evaluate. And choose the harshest punishment for themself to pay back the Karma. It is Universal Law. Many times family members are picked for soul issues that span multiple lifetimes to be worked out. If you are abused, change your mindset to I WANT TO HEAL. The Universe will bring it. It won't be instant, but years from now you will look back and have a better life, so much more so you can't believe how you had once lived!

You are not alone.

I send Reiki healings to you every day.

This too shall pass.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc