When You Remember What You'd Like To Forget

Today we are going to talk about something that not many people want to discuss.

Yet it affects all of us, and I predict is going to affect even more often in our day-to-day experience than it usually has. It will be on the rise.

It started today for me with a childbirth. It was a son born to a set of parents, and I was present and doing my work as today's anesthesiologist on call. It was a joyous occasion! The child was adorable, and everything went as well as it possibly could.

Until the end when I gave report.

I saw them looking at the baby.

And I had a flashback from me and Ross, with losing our infant boy at childbirth. (I was told he died, but really, he was taken from me and no one ever said a word about it to me for the rest of my life. The child lived and was taken to Europe, it was a political thing.)

Some people say, 'It only hurts because you let it.'

I'm sorry. I couldn't disagree with that more.

Pain is a normal response in an intelligent person who has healthy reactions to noxious stimuli--be it a burn on the stove ('it only hurts because you let it!'--what kind of compassion is that? ), an emotional wound, or perhaps something from a past life, like me.

If people can have scars and birthmarks in places where they died in another life--come 'through' on this one (medium Sylvia Browne wrote about this one), then why should we dismiss things that are painful to us in THIS life?

When we work it 'through' the pain will heal--but when we ignore it, or even worse--tell ourselves it's mind over matter--then the serious damage to the soul begins.

So what did I do?

I told myself 'That was then, this is now' and I was genuinely HAPPY for the couple and for the fact that for them things went right.

I also KNOW that given the circumstances Ross was in, if I was in his shoes I would have made the same terrible mistake against him that he made against me.

But it still hurts.

And I look at it and say, 'I don't want to go there God. Can we heal it?'

Healing comes in layers. Anyone who has had PTSD will know healing of this kind is like the layers of an onion--they come up when they are ready to be healed.

So I prayed.

I talked to God about what happened. And how I feel.

I also thanked him for not saying 'it should be like THIS' and for just listening to me. It helps my heart to talk.

He confessed to me that I was no picnic after that baby was stolen. I was a warm corpse as far as I was concerned. There was no life in me for anyone. My joy was taken from me. And I knew on a deep soul level what was up. So I fought back. I was relentless in my dealings with Ross...

I would put out my wrists to him and say, 'I want to be with our son. You know where he is. Take me to him.'

'I want to be with our son. Kill me. I don't want to live.' I said it calmly. Seriously. And I made it very clear to him how I felt.

Every time I saw him, every day, I would say something along those lines. I don't want to live.

Long story short, Ross and everyone else learned, 'you don't mess with a mother and her child.'
And further, one mistake on the part of a Twin can 'effectively kill' the other half of their soul.

As I spoke with God, I was surprised at how resolute I was in that lifetime. And I confided to him that there were lots of women who had been through worse things, I've seen it even here at work with still births, and I asked why I took it so hard?

God said, 'I love you for who you are' and I realized no one sees things like I do, and I 'call it like I see it'.  Then I realized who I am in the big picture and why I have my true name. You'll find this out in time. : )

God also showed me how I refused to reincarnate with Ross ever again (my own Twin Soul!). I picked as many different lives to be as far away from him as I could. And Ross never came back to Gaia, ever. He stayed up on Flight Crew the whole time. Like a movie, I could see Ross watching me and helping me, and in my darkest moments I tried my best to run from my pain, lifetime after lifetime after lifetime.

I asked how I was able to reconnect with Ross early on this year, and not remember any of the pain that was between us?

God tapped his head and says, 'The amnesia is GOOD!' In my heart I pondered all of the people here with their Twin Souls, and how are they going to navigate the damage and the pain, like us? I felt deep compassion for all of us here on Ground Crew...

He sent me to Ross.

Ross took me to tea at the Butchart Garden. It was just us. It was the first time I'd been there without my son. I realized as my boy gets older, he is going to have his interests...Ross wanted the flight of wine to go with the tea. I asked, 'Don't you know they are terrible?' and laughed. He didn't care. He ordered it for both of us.

Ross was happy and content. I asked him to eat my trifle because it makes me full. I also asked if he would eat my egg salad sandwich because I didn't like that one either. I watched carefully how he ate and how it didn't get all over his beard. I don't know anybody with one now, and so it was something new to experience, watching him eat and not make a mess. If I had a beard I would make a mess. Even now, if you lift up my plate at the end of a meal, there will be a ring of small crumbs around it. Ross has good manners too.

Ross was making eye contact, and was thoughtful. He ate them all. And as I talked and talked (I am a talker!) we both realized I was healing from our loss, naturally. He knew I didn't blame him, but that I hurt and I wanted to heal.

I had Bachelor Button tea, and Ross had Early Grey, 'a classic', he said. When we finished we ran down to the dock, and took a boat tour of the Tod Inlet. He held me close the whole time.

We are healing with each other.

This is a ten foot thick wall on the fort that is the bottom level of Alcatraz. No mortar, no cannon is going to get through that! You can see the window up and to the right, looking out.

How many of us have walls that thick on our emotions?

I also picked the first photo, the stained glass, because no matter how you try to see the world 'clearly' sometimes your view is affected by what 'pops up' from the past, and it changes your perception.

You see, last night I spoke at length with Flight Crew. I really think that they are not 'getting' something important about the human condition here in the illusion. They tell us 'death is an illusion' and it doesn't really 'click' with us here.

The human bond runs deep and it runs this way for survival. Parent to child. Child to parent. Child to doll. Spouses. Lovers. Brothers in battle. Family. WE need each other emotionally, mentally, physically to survive.

And even though some homes growing up are abusive, this need runs so deep that in custody situations one often hears that psychologically, 'a bad mom is better than NO mom'.

Further, it is this horror of loss that is the most typical motivator--any parent knows a child will respond to 'taking it away', whatever it is the child enjoys.

And it is this manipulation at the extreme of this horror of witnessing loss of life that makes MK Ultra possible, and makes that whole dark 'machine' of the Illuminati 'go'.

In this Illusion called Duality, Love is real. You know it when you feel it. And it's not just what they sell cards for on Valentine's Day. Love is the feeling you know in your heart when someone cares about you and you care about them.

Love is FOREVER. Love is never wasted. Love is the most important energy in the Universe. And it stays with you.

If you are hurting because of a loss of Love, although according to the Galactics, the Loss is Illusion, the pain is real. Take note of it, and don't let anyone make less of you for feeling it. Your feelings are important, and the pain is letting you know something that was important to you affects your caring heart which is of God, which is pure, and is whole, and very REAL. Ask for All Divine Assistance to take this pain from you and guide you on your healing path.

Whether you need to curl up with a sourdough Koala, or a Valentine's Ted, your spirit will guide you through the healing process.

Listen to it.

Honor it.

And know that it will get better because you are intending for it to heal.

Don't wait for the Light Box to begin the healing process. Ask for All Divine Assistance to be given to your heart, to help you heal, today.



Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,

Reiki Doc

WiFi of the Heart Center

Have you ever sat at a grand piano? Did you look inside? If you did, did you notice the tiny strings for the high notes, and the great big wire thick ones for the low ones? Did you press the keys and hear the notes? Isn't it a wonder that one great big instrument can have such a range of sounds, and play music on it? Especially when the lid is open--the sound it amazing!

As an Intuitive-Medium, Intuitive-Medicine, Reiki Master/Teacher and Karuna Reiki Master/Teacher, I have a range of vibration I can pick up, much like a radio dial. But unlike the radio, which gets pretty much the same type of programming audible on any station on the dial, I am like the piano, in the depth and breadth and range of vibration I can pick up.

What am I talking about? Let me give you an example. Today I had conversations with three very different people. I will not go into details that might give away their identity. Instead I will share my impressions, in the order that I was with them today.

The first was a man in his late forties, who was a professional. The business was his, and he had an office that was impressive. Original art, with autographs from the artist to the professional. One of my passions, the care of animals, was struck by the decor and the business. I had to wait a very long time to see this man. Long enough to start doing plies and releves and stretches during my wait. And then, BAM, into the door, and in ten seconds, I found a man behind a lot of expectations, who really truly had a love for animals, once. He was going through the routines. He was going through the business. Full protection was up. I felt like I was getting lip service. And I called him on it. I played the doctor card, slowly, first by asking if there was a chance of a particular infection of the bone going on in the wound on my pet. He startled. He dropped a defense. He backpedaled. And then we had a real conversation. I never could get a 'read' on him. But the impressions were worldly, likes finer things/wine/liquor/Vegas, and thinking about the end of his career. I shared how my dream to be a veterinarian was crushed because of my severe allergy to cats. He disclosed how he had developed an allergy to guinea pigs. 'Does your voice drop?' I asked. 'No, just I get all runny in the nose and eyes.' he said. 'My voice used to drop. And my eyes would swell. But now I get welts when I touch one. It's pretty bad. Don't let yourself get to this.' He gave me a container of Silvadene for free.

I met him on his turf and connected heart to heart. I dialed in on his 'station'. He was average average average. Let's call him 'Middle C'.

The second was a friend I was eager to spend time with. Our boys are on the same team. Her story of her psychic awakening, and buying so much information about a certain topic from Amazon and watching lots of YouTube videos got her husband to ask, 'Are you okay?'. (Wake ups like this are typical.) She is a reader now. And I asked, 'What is the most common thing people want to know when they book your services?'. She answered, 'Love, and then money/jobs'. She found that people who really want to grow tend to book longer sessions, and the ones that want to run the reading tend to take the twenty minute ones. We laughed how her son was asked in kindergarten how many things to we have in pairs? The teacher coached the children with 'two ears, two legs, two eyes...' and the son raised his hand and said, 'No, we have three. One is right here (pointing to the middle of the forehead)'. The teacher said he was wrong. But at home, my friend said, 'You know you are right, son, don't you?' and he said, 'Yes'.

For fun I asked if she wanted to figure out a team mom with me. We did. We shared our impressions and they overlapped. The time just flew by, and it was time to go. These were the high notes.

After the boys were done, mine wanted to play. That's when the subject of our 'project' started to open up to me. Being in her aura, I picked up so much more depth. This woman was a professional athlete, and had toured. If was like our impressions across the park were a skeleton, and the Universe was showing me this woman's story to flesh it out. And then I smelled alcohol on the breath of the partner, from four feet away. And I understood. My life twenty years ago was one of such pain and fear and sorrow. Confusion over survival. And fear of not being able to support myself. I went to a medical school that was far away, to get away from my spouse. For many years I was righteous, angry, and actively looking to heal in any way I could. And when I thought the coast was clear, ANOTHER horrible romance came my way. I could not dodge it. And then I let go.

Number three was one of the low notes. Survival-oriented, needing public assistance from a women's help center to get back on their feet/find their way. I could not communicate the wealth of my experience to this woman. She couldn't understand the nuances in my perspective, about custody, about divorce, about co-parenting a family. About Al Anon and its usefulness to those who have been affected by a friend or family that was a drinker. She was affected by the disease, too. And she needed to heal.

To me, it was like an eight-track tape, or a cassette. Her level of development was something I used to use a long time ago. And I saw clearly that her poor self-image was projecting itself out as a drunk partner. That she manifested her worst nightmare, and fought hard to divorce herself from all reminders of it. Like in Abraham-Hicks, until you VIBRATE at a certain frequency, you will not ATTRACT those things into your life. I had to heal my heart in order to expect and to look forward to a healthy relationship in life. But she couldn't see it. For she was at a different level of development, one that was right for her.

Did I give Reiki? Yes. Informal Reiki. Through intent. Through a daisy-chain connection of violet-white light from my heart to hers. And by asking Archangel Michael to step in, for I was not sure of what to do in this situation, exactly. I gave her course a hard jolt, added a 'twist' to it. One from a Higher Dimension, one of Source.

So what do Man 1, Friend 2, and Team Mom 3 have in common? The same thing as drunk husband or our kids--everyone on this planet has a Wonderful white/bright light about six inches diameter shining in through the crown of their head. It gets 'stuck' on the way in for some people though. Man 1 at Orange chakra development (no passion, no creativity), Friend 2 indigo (still not locked in to Higher Purpose, but close!), and Team Mom 3 yellow chakra and blue one too (power and not being able to speak up about it). Healing is the gradual clearing out of old blockages, from our mind our hearts our consciousness, all the way through the rainbow (7 chakras), to Earth. When we are Open, we can flow Heaven to the Earth. And ground it.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

On Socialization

"What kind of man would ask to see a baby, anyway?!" said the mother with the stroller to her mother (the grandmother) in the elevator at the mall. "I did this (gestures with hand like a karate chop into the distance) and gave him a dirty look."

Wow. The same lady who had opened the doors that were closing  by jumping across the elevator quickly was slamming some male admirer of her sleeping infant in a baby Bjorn on her chest. Quite the duality.

Today we are going to talk about what it takes to live in groups. "Live from your heart but don't forget to take your brain with you." Judgement. Only for survival, as an instinct.

What probably happened to the woman in both examples, is that her inuitive energy fields sensed something weird about the man that wanted to admire her baby. He could have been a pick-pocket, or a child molester, or a kidnapper. I doubt a sincere evolving being would have raised her warning signals. And for us, a mother and boy, two Reiki practitioners,  there was no visible or energetic discord to her bubble of safety.

Living in groups has a key thought that is a principle that determines how one interacts with others: the sense of reasonable ability to survive.  Carolyn Myss talks about this. "I will help someone to survive but not someone to surpass me." is very common thought. 

I was raised poor. The common thread I heard through my childhood was, 'our parents did better than their parents. We did better than our parents. We are raising you kids to be better than us financially.'  It was the hope of Mom and Dad for us to surpass them in every way. Even to be taller than Mom, who is 4' 11" and found this to be somewhat limiting in life.

They told us most American parents do not want their kids to even be as good as them.

And in raising us the way they did, they were priming us for success. I have a good education and career. My sister I wrote about lives in a well-to-do neighborhood and is involved in a big charity as a housewife. And my other sister jets around the globe with the 'in' crowd. She has partied with Britney Spears, met LMFAO, and been to the Playboy Mansion more than once. (I could not live her life, but she surpassed my 'Playboy Club member' parents in that respect.)

Where does the Reiki part come in? Already we have talked about energy fields and auras, and how they interact. We have talked about Intent, and its use in childraising. But now, I want to add the Collective Conscousness to the mix.

We are all connected. Energetically. In the highest sense, our thought patterns are 'catchy'. Ever been to a live sports game where the crowd is the extra man on the team? Ever notice how the winning side is louder and more vibrant than the losing one? And how fast it can switch with the momentum of the game?

Mob dynamics is an animalistic herding phenomenon that is present in the human species. Take a look at the sinking of the Italian Ship recently. Witnesses who survived said that 'women and children first' went out the window. People were pushing and shoving and walking on other people's faces in order to survive. The 'get free and live' mentality spread like wildfire, and all the socialization went out the window. There was an article by Mark Steyn about how the economy and the times are basically parallel to the dynamics of that crowd on the sinking ship.

I say, not so.

If there are enough Evolved Beings and Reiki Practitioners,  they can jack up the Collective Consciousness on purpose. I do it in the O.R. every day. And in the Labor and Delivery Room. Verbally, I am like, 'you can do it!' or 'yay!' to the surgeon. Energetically, I radiate Light, Peace, Calm and Harmony. It's 'catchy' and I do not enjoy surgeons/teamplayers in the O.R. being negative and hurting patient care. There are some patients who are so negative they trigger the Collective Consciousness and case outcome by themselves. That is harder to counter. But a room full of laughing spirits helps to cut that fear the most.

Fear? Or Love? That is the concept of duality. You get to choose. Follow your heart, but be sure to take your brain with you. You can control your reaction in a given situation. Reiki training and a daily meditation practice (even praying while in the car) help support this 'muscle' in Spirit in your core that can effect everyone around you, and thus, the World.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc