Thursday, December 5, 2013

On Facing My Worst Nightmare Tonight ((( Heart )))

I faced my worst nightmare tonight.
It wasn't in a hospital.
It was at an 'Open Mic' night at Au Lac.

I went there for a friend, my friend and Reiki student, Amber.
It was her twenty-fifth birthday tonight.
She invited me to come.
I knew it would mean a lot to her.

The OR ran late and by the time I arrived it was three hours late for her party.
I waited for a guitarist to stop, and I walked to where she was sitting.
I gave her a big hug, from my heart, and had her open her present.

I chose the new Doreen Virtue Virgin Mary Oracle cards--
Amber sees Blessed Mother now, too.
And with Doreen's cards there is never anything 'reversed' or 'upside down'.
They are all positive. (I also gave her a pendulum, and a little more, and a card.)

I don't like crowds.
I am uncomfortable around people I don't know.
Especially ones that look like the people who used to smoke pot with Dad at the nudist camp where I 'grew up'. (there's a blog post on 'Growing Up Nudist', if you're interested).

I didn't like the Vibe.
The 'searching' and the 'playing' with Consciousness.
It was like the giggles from smoking pot--I couldn't take them seriously.
Or Dad.
I was old enough to know the difference.

Pot smokers can be okay--Wes Annac--go ahead, Light Up for God's Sakes--I know you think my 'wine with dinner' is toxic so we're even! LOL
Incidentally, Edgar Cayce enjoyed his cigarettes--he used to say, 'there is no tobacco where I am going'…

But for me, with that type of crowd, I get nervous.
Very nervous.
It's because of when I was a kid, and Dad seemed, well, out of control momentarily by these people.

Tonight was OKAY.
Everything was FINE.
No one hurt me.
And Amber gave a beautiful tribute to the magic that has brought us to be friends:

  • I gave her anesthesia for her c-section, and forgot about it. She did too.
  • Amber sought me out for my Reiki when I was at her work (she is a server)
  • I taught her Reiki to help her mom who has end-stage breast cancer.
  • She asked me to look up her file at work--did I do her anesthesia?
  • She was right! We marveled at the coincidence...
  • I also wrote a letter for her to get into a Master's program, and it worked!
Everybody clapped and cheered to learn of my role in her journey! All of the ones that looked like those people I feared-- loved me, and accepted me, not as their own, but as Amber's.

She also gave credit to my Twin, my brother, who owns the restaurant but used to be my kid brother when I was alive while he was an infant…He is important in her Path and Magic too…He was just as embarrassed as I was, but glad in the heart, and walked out of the room when the crowd started to clap and cheer his name.

On the drive home I sang to keep myself awake.
And I thought. I thought about the people that make me nervous, and why?
I couldn't figure it out.

I pulled in to the garage, and saw the snowman had fallen over completely. It is my boy's treasure and delight, and he would be upset to know it was not standing up. It is one of those inflatable eight-foot tall ones that lights up.

So I checked.
It did not have the pegs.
The little pegs that anchor it had come out. There are three and none of them were in the ground.
I fixed them, and it stood up.

Then I understood!
They do not have the pegs!
These people who make me nervous are 'flighty' and 'top heavy' or 'airy', with 'too much spirit' and not enough of solid contact with day-to-day 'earth'.
They do not have the pegs…

Their reality is not like mine as I know it, a world of discipline and structure.
They do not have the pegs…
For years I looked for someone to 'anchor me'.
I deliberately sought out partners who were 'big' like bouncers just to help me 'ground' and feel 'protected'; I was so spiritually 'flighty' that I was afraid without it I would 'float up'…It was uncomfortable!
It wasn't until medical school and splitting up with my baby-daddy that put me Here and Now all the way--LOL.

No wonder why that personality 'bothered me'…I was looking at part of myself--floaty, otherworldly, yours truly.
I was that way for most of my life! 
Until I woke up.

Always look past the 'uncomfortable feeling' to see what is True in your Heart Center.

I'm glad I did.
Happy Birthday Amber!
There is magic for everyone tonight.

Aloha and Mahalos,

Reiki Doc