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Monday, February 11, 2013
Tears I Can't Cry...
I like angels. I used to have my collection of them on display in my kitchen when I lived in another house.
I have a 'connection' to Source 99.99% of the time. Today is one of the 0.01% days. There is just 'nothing'. I can't decide what to do. I can't figure out where to go. I don't like to eat, although I get hungry, and will find something in the fridge.
It's Quiet. A little Too Quiet on my 'sixth sense'. It is like my senses are 'jammed'.
Today I paid some bills, and made plans for Spring break. And that was it. It took me hours to do what would normally take a half hour.
Why do I get this way? Sometimes when it is somebody close to me who is Transitioning to The Other Side. Nothing seems right. I am 'slow'. Everything seems 'off'. It was that way with my Italian Grandfather to whom I was close. His wife is not doing so good right now. Nana is having respiratory issues in late Alzheimer's.
I cried a lot this weekend. It was the first visit to Dine With Shamu where I knew Jaime was dead. She was the manager, and had looked out for me with a kindness only a single mother would know in her heart. Jaime never had children, but she and my boy have the same birth date. We were close. And we shared a love of whales! Together, the whales, the trainers, Jaime, and people like me, form a 'pod'. When I last saw her, Jaime was too thin, in much pain, and grieving the loss of Sumar. When one of our pod is lost, we feel it bitterly. The trainers and the new manager were understanding, and supportive to me with my tears. I saw Kasatka, Nakai, and Uli, and was delighted to be there next to the pool.
I always cry over a loss. My heart is big, and full of love for my Ohana. Although I am most fortunate to be able to contact them on the other side, my heart still fills with sadness over their not being with us any more. Jaime did her best to reassure me at her place...'I will be with you! I will be with you! I will be with you!' she said in Spirit.
'But I never had the chance to say goodbye!' I protested.
'What is the use of saying goodbye when there ARE no goodbyes?' she said softly and with a smile in her voice. I understood it was her time, she was in pain, and it was what she needed--to 'go'.
I also cry after a tough day with my patients. When I get to the point where I think they are going to die, either way, whether they make it or not, my adrenaline is depleted. Once I get home and the door is shut behind me, I let it all out. Fortunately this doesn't happen more than once or twice a year.
There is one more cry that started in medical school: the 'I want to go home--I don't like it here' cry. Although I can't remember where my soul originates (Home), I 'sense' that things are 'different' here on earth, and very 'unnatural' for anyone from 'Home'. I cried a lot about that back in the early nineties. But now, it is taking on a form of the 'patient almost died' form: the 'can't believe I went through SO MUCH on my assignment!' cry.
It is a healing cry. One that means the fight is over. And that all of the efforts can rest. Some much needed 'Yin' can come into my Vibration.
I lay down twice today. Both times were incredible absorption of new Vibrations. I thought I was done, but I wasn't finished 'upgrading my system' according to my Guides. 'So crank it up!' I said, giving my full permission to do whatever they had in mind. Apparently, it was a much as I could take, the said. But I did get a remote viewing that might be of interest.
From the command deck of one craft, I was taken to a glassy, dark viewing area. There was a big black hole, cosmic size, and I was told it was the Galactic Central Sun. There was a long conveyer belt-type structure leading up to it. I saw some 'characters' be locked, laying down, feet first, onto the belt, one at a time, and get placed into the sun. Then the belt would reverse and the next would go on. I saw the Queen, Prince Philip, her corgi, and the Pope. I had just missed the Bushes. Senior, Mrs. and Dubyah. I wanted to make sure they were done and can't come back like in a horror movie. I was shown how the 'molecular' structure of the soul was like 'ashes' from a cremation. It was a done deal. It was safe.
I asked how we would know it was 'finished', as undoubtedly there were many more 'minions' still doing the Illuminati thing. I was told to watch the Television. It would be broadcast, when it was time. (I think it is a holographic image of the people we are seeing 'stepping down' now. The 'real deal' is 'finished'. I 'sense' this but as we know Time is not 'accurate' in the higher dimensions')
What to do on a day like this? Tell yourself 'tomorrow is another day'. Do what you must. For me it was laundry and some very light housekeeping. (By the way, I do not have maid service. I do not like the energy that they bring into my home. I would rather it was messy but energetically calm than 'neat' and energetically 'frantic'.)
Time will tell what the cause was for my 'funk'.
Tomorrow is another day. It sure feels better for having shared right now. Mahalo and Aloha nui loa.