February 19, 2006
Yesterday while the baby slept 1030-1230 and I held him, the fourteen-year old cheerleader who died came to me. She said she had died of an arrhythmia. (ed - I think she may have had low potassium-anorexia).
She said she had wasted her life and she didn’t want to be dead. I asked her why she was around. She said so she could be with her family for the funeral.
I asked if it is hard to not be able to have your loved ones respond to you? She said yes but it was better than nothing at all, but she could see me really well and stopped by.
I asked her how she was doing. She said a lot of “I should have” kind of things. (ed - She could have just gone real vagal and bradied down, too, come to think of it, on her accident where she got full resuscitation).
She told me not to worry and to have faith. That everything would be good with the baby’s future and the lawsuit. Not to be afraid. And that I would be happy. She said she would come back so I could write (ed - I was busy with the baby).
She just is here. She touched my arm.
“I died.” She said quietly.
“There is another life after we die. Just like in Heaven, but different. There are no harp-playing angels, just light. Beings of light. I gravitate towards them. Open your eyes. It is like that down here. Run! Run from whatever and whoever brings you to the darkness. This is how you will find your family.
Go to the baby ( ed - who had just started to cry). God loves you and so do I.