December 21,
2007
1401
At 02:45 a.m., In OR
7, as I was adjusting the left hand position and padding on Ignite Doe (A.T.),
I felt her to my left and behind me. Her voice was gruffier and more
street-wise than she looked—“Hey! Look at me!”
I cringed, not
wanting to be distracted from her care. Left craniectomy. Ventriculostomy. Ex
Lap for bladder rupture.
She’s here
now. I see her looking at me. Let’s see what she has to say:
"Thank you for
talking to my mom for me. You are very nice. I saw that you wanted to sleep.
But you didn’t. You talked to her and comforted her. Explained things so she
could understand. I would have done that for her if “I had listened”. I hadn’t.
I went out that day when she had warned me strongly not to (Gestures with hand
to stomach). “ I have a feeling. I have a feeling something bad and horrible is
going to happen.”
"But I knew best.
All and what was right for me. All 24 years of me (Laughs). Now I will never be
the same. I had sex ( you saw that I had shaved). I wanted to be a dancer, a
miracle like “Dancing with the Stars”. I could hardly walk, with that sciatic
pain I had." (Pats my arm)
"I want you to
deliver a message. To my mother. That I love her so very very much and dearly.
And that I thank her for everything she ever did (for me). I saw when I got ‘up
there’ how very hard it had been. I never had seen it, felt it. Oh how she
cried! The times were tough on her! And physically when exhaustion took her to
the edge..much like you right now so full of life and love for your son…so very
tired you are and how you missed him. I saw your getting up when the page was
sent (I see a little back into the past when I encounter an inhabited body
now). How you sat up on the edge of the bed and came to your senses. You had
just fallen asleep/only gotten an hour's rest. And how you looked for your pagers. Got
yourself ready. And the room and waited for me. I thank you for it. For thy
excellence. And for giving lots of blood when I was hemorrhaging. I may not
have a chance. But someone else will with my organs—you bet on it."
(Shows off her
hair, long blonde) I was proud of it. How very proud I am to have it back up
here in Heaven. (Pats my arm).
Whatever
happens, whatever is best—locked up in a shell that doesn’t work so mom can
feed me. So dad can…never mind.
Anyhow, there
is someone here to see you. In line..(cracks a joke)…
Pats my arm,
speaks low and quickly “You are going to be all right (in home and family).
Don’t use your head, use your heart on it this time. Someone that will marry
you is going to smile at me. At ME
(Mark Taylor.) For the very first time. This love for you, it is going to
happen. Awakening. God will have an awakening, on both sides. Down onto the
earth. Doors wide open to Heaven. Going back and coming there again (points to
a door in the clouds). There has never been anything like it. God will guide
you. Do not be afraid. You are the first in a long time. It is Gamaliel. The
one from before. (ed - this is a reference to a past life where I was a Jewish slave in Bethlehem, and so was Gamaliel my husband and best friend. He died suddenly, and tragically. I was never the same since.)
That child
(points to the baby) and all your suffering with the father is the price you had
to pay, like credit-in-advance, reversed—for all the joy you shall inhabit.
God is waking
up somebody that can talk to you in many ways (points to chest) there is an
openness. There is an openness that only God can fill. That is why “I had to
make a lot of room for you.” (Mark Taylor steps back and A.T. steps forward.)
Good bye, good
luck, God is watching and I bless you. I will pray!
A.T.
