This is a story of very deep healing, for me. And also observation in general...because I always am seeking to learn and to grow.
Dealing With Irrational Fear:
Are you cold? Can I get you a blanket? I asked gently, as the patient was shaking like a leaf. We both knew why she was trembling. And we both knew I was making a gesture of comfort.
She said, I am just really nervous...
So was the spine. Very tight. Very closed. I prayed. I tried everything. But in situations like this, it takes my combination of experience AND patience to get the block in.
As I was 'trying everything', I felt a Presence in the room. I looked up and I saw Ross standing across the room, feet three feet off the ground, not saying anything. (Lately he likes to watch me work.)
The delivery in the O.R. was uneventful. The patient relaxed after the birth. But as the baby was being born, I felt a very strong need to give Reiki and the Transition Symbol. I focused. And as it was being born, I saw Ross holding the spirit of the child in his arms, playing with it, and loving it tenderly. The child was absolutely delighted to be with him! And Ross wanted to get my attention. He has never done anything like that! But I have been calling him in and asking for his blessing on the newborn every now and then...
It wasn't until the end of the case when the nurse asked the parents what the name is of the baby that I understood...Benjamin! That was the name of our son! The one we had had together and lost at an early age. It had terribly scarred me, the loss of my boy...my soul never healed from that loss.
Dealing With Light:
This was the patient who all caregivers wish to clone:
- beautiful and calm, and very mellow
- baked about eight loaves of cinnamon coffee cake for her team
- visible spinous processes on the back
- pleasant, kind, and full of love for all
That patient had a daughter.
And her name is Eden.
Lightbox For Two
I want to speak with you in the call room. Get the book. Write what I say. Ross mentioned this after the last case.
I wasn't sure what to expect. He hasn't done this before.
Here is a transcript of my notes:
Earlier I couldn't believe it--on pandora radio during the case, the song by Lady Antebellum, 'I need you now' came on--it's not just for everyone else except me any more! Now I have Ross...
Ross: I'm sorry.
C: (I start crying. Tears flow in torrents. He holds me. Gently.) It wasn't your fault. It was the amnesia.
He gives me a single pink rose in bloom.
Ross: Smell it.
C: (I do and I hear tinkling bells that are not of this world). Is it going to drug me?
Ross: (smiles and laughs) No! But the one who should be asking is me when I get something from you! (this is his joke at my being an anesthesiologist)
C: I like you. I like having you.
Ross: I will stay.
C: It hurts, baby. It hurts. I know what you said about the Ocean and to move on...but I don't know how to do it without the pain... I feel like it's my fault I feel pain...like if I meditated enough I wouldn't feel it any more. But all the heartaches, Ross! Not just you...I tell myself it's nice I loved...But the rejection! It hurts. Your rejection was worse than mine, all those people making you die...
Ross: (waves his hand). That was my way...I am here for you.
C: My suffering was nothing compared to you!
Ross: I love you.
C: Oh my God I need you so much! (I sob) I realize it's like childbirth--I have to get all these buried feelings OUT. I accept. And all of a sudden I feel better!
Ross: (I see Ross holding up a baby with a green plastic suction cup--the Kiwi--stuck to it's head.)
C: I LAUGH! (in childbirth when there is a dystocia, the obstetrician uses these suction devices to pull the kid out. Forceps are no longer used any more.)
Ross: (Kneels) I am always here for you. ALWAYS! ALWAYS!
C: Why are so many people not? It is so not of Heaven! I want to heal. All of a sudden I see a view from the ocean facing balcony of my room at Ko Olina--for some reason I suddenly miss Hawaii very much.
Ross: Open your heart.
C: I understand I am the ocean with the palm tree being him, together we make paradise.
Ross: (softly) We just got some garbage out, huh? (as in litter being cleaned up out of the ocean)
C: I feel glowy and Light. In my heart center. Yes. Thank you.
Ross: I do good work. He shows an image of himself waving an epidural needle in his right hand. Just like you.
C: I realize I make a lot of people happy with my anesthesia skills and never give it a second thought.
Ross: Carla? That's what I'm going to call you. Not Amee (my old name when I was his wife) for a little while. Carla? I want you to know with my soul that I will be there for you. It is because you care about me (touches his heart) and my well-being so much that your sadness overwhelmed you with my loss, not once but two TIMES as Gamaliel and as Rosso. That was a lot to ask of you as a spiritual mate. It wasn't fair to have them back to back. Everyone has their loss and to each it seems incredible, life-shattering to say goodbye, but it isn't. Sometimes it leads them to something better, when they look back on the experience..
Yours was not good.
It was shattering, in fact.
Only the bravest of the brave could have withstood it.
(touches his chest) I couldn't.
You held your vibration and Light and then without warning or ability to change the way that I was heading--both times--I lost my life to violence.
I gave my life for you, but for all women and men and children. You knew this at the start but I didn't explain how hurt you would feel for you to sign because I didn't know. (he is referring to the Life Contract that we signed pre-birth for all of our assignments and incarnations as Illuminated Twin Flame souls). Nobody knew that suffering of the soul in Spirit is a side effect from being 'hidden' from God.
The mate serves as a substitute for Source to one another. And you had both your 'hearts' ripped out and torn to shreds and never recovered.
You lost your LIGHT in a giant aura leak--not only because of me but Benjamin, too, our son.
C: I didn't know what to say.
Ross: I love you. I am proud of you. I will honor your development of us.
C: Baby? I don't UNDERSTAND! I am here in scrubs and a long scrub jacket in a call room a million miles away. All of a sudden I had an insight. Are you making peace between us?
Ross: Nods emphatically yes. Touches his chest. In my heart. (I realize he needs to heal too.)
C: But I never blamed you. I always forgave you.
Ross: I have to forgive myself. He looks down.
C: I draw the Divine Peace Healing symbol for Forgiveness.
Ross: annoyed It's not that easy.
C: I stretch out my arms for him. He comes. He sobs.
Ross: I hurt the woman I love! I HURT MYSELF!!!
C: I don't know how to fix it but I still love you.
Ross: Let's go in the Light Box together?
C: Okay. The angels have a double one. We hop in.
Ross: I want to say I am sorry to you for all the times I hurt you with my ministry and left you alone with all your suffering and no where to turn and no one to comfort you. You are a friend I adore. Remember when we were friends when we were kids? both times, not once.
Ross: Let's lie down first, then you can go eat. I will go away after. I won't say goodbye. I have to go.
C: This isn't a trick to get me in?
Ross: presses my arm I wouldn't do that. I need to heal on my own. Will you assist me in the process.
C: I will.
Ross: smiles I want Peace.
Then I felt the usual pulses and energy waves of the Light box. This time is the first I was aware of the presence of the healing team. I asked them, how do you make this go? Is there a plug? (there are no plugs--no cords!).I recalled I never felt like this as a kid, but the past two years this time of tingling and buzzing and floaty sensations are normal. I asked how it works, and why I am in? (there is a damage to the DNA of my soul, and it just has to be repaired). I said, cool, thank you! (and there was a cheer. There were many, up and to the right, in a little window, pumping their fists. They were saying, 'she is the first one who asked! she is the first one who asked!' and they were very glad I appreciated their efforts.
As a test, they played 'I Need You Now' by Lady Antebellum. All I felt was love and gratitude for Ross, who first came to mind. The pain, the emotional suffering I had experienced earlier whenever I heard this song was released!
In summary--Patient One represents Duality, or the Illusion of the Third Dimension.
Patient Two represents The New Golden Age, with abundance, love, and prosperity for all.
And the dialogue between Ross and myself is what Twin Souls and Twin Flames do, besides enjoy each other tremendously--they heal each other to their very core as issues arise.
Have hope and know the energies are raising up to where all souls who are Ohana will meet, Soul Mates and Twin Souls included.
That applies to YOU.
Aloha and Mahalos,
P.S. Lady Antebellum, Need You Now.http://youtu.be/cw0tCdRLy0w