My dear friend in South Africa had a beautiful post about 'what is Love in Relationship' today.
Today was a huge day for me, spiritually. From the roses here, that the nurse had brought in to the recovery room that greeted me first thing in the morning as I came in to the hospital--they smelled beautiful! To now, when I just put the steam vaporizer in my son's bedroom and kissed his little cheek…the entire day was filled with LOVE.
It's wasn't a fun day! I had trouble getting in a spinal in a sweet patient, and had to ask for help, and even then it didn't work. On the next case, the same surgeon accused the snoring that was as loud as the bone saws and hammers as 'coming from both the anesthesiologist and the patient' (this spinal actually was working!) It was miserable in some spots. But still, when I looked for it, Love was there. The assistant surgeon showed the x-rays of the spine to the surgeon who was chewing me out--and said, 'look at the osteophytes! no one can get in there!'
I also had a moment of great self-love when I defended myself and called this guy on the carpet--'Look, I do OB anesthesia. I do more spinals and faster and better spinals than most of the group. But THIS, this back? It's not going to happen.' and I looked him in the eye as I said this! I used to back down, out of fear for my work. I even called him on his saying I am not 'up to snuff' by saying, without ego, 'you don't have to ever work with me again if you don't want to. Just tell my boss and he will schedule me without you every time since'. (I knew he doesn't like to work with me; I hardly ever do, and when I do , we always butt heads.)
When the anesthesia tech came to the room with some more spinal kits and needles for my next case, I confessed, 'I don't really like him'. She understood and mentioned, 'Not many people do like to work with him.' Compassion in the workplace like she showed me is another form of unconditional love.
It was Heart-Centered in the O.R. for me, all day!
So what is Love?
First of all, my dear South African, let me help get one thing out of the way--it is something called The Orion Personality. It is offensive, arrogant, demeaning, insulting, and very rooted in Earth. Just like a bull these entities are stubborn, masters of their craft, and focused on moving things ahead. They are almost like the Asperger's syndrome of the cosmos. They are good people, with good hearts, and very poor intergalactic social skills! Unless you have the patience of a saint, long-term relationship happiness isn't going to happen if you look for it there.
Actively looking? What traits are good? What traits are 'red flags'? Would you date someone who did this or did that? Every few days we have a new 'dating topic' question from your heart.
I love looking at those questions and the comments on your Facebook page!
But today, I spoke from the heart: relationships sure don't sound fun to hear how you all describe it--it's 'work' and 'effort' and all this. I'm glad I'm a single mom! Isn't it true, taking all social expectation out of the picture, that for psychological and physical reasons most couples last about four years?
Might I please turn the question around?
I AM that I AM equals I AM LOVE.
Love is everywhere around you. You are dancing in it. You can't feel it until you get to a certain place, but when it 'hits' it's like the entire reality falls in love with you, and you fall in love with it. All the memories. All the people. All the experiences. All the challenges. All the hopes and dreams.
One day, out of the blue, you hit this Vibration.
Everything makes sense, even you make sense to yourself like you've never understood before.
And you trust completely in what is to be, what is Right, what is Here and Now.
Somebody on Twitter said, 'when you fall in love you become very very very understanding'.
It's not just about 'the other', it's about 'you' and 'everything else', as well.
Am I in Love? I don't know. I could be. Is my heart Open? Yes. My heart is fully Open.
How I envision it is within my own natural 'frequency' or 'vibration' there are others who are going to come near and 'like what it is'. And if I 'like what it is together with them back' I think things will keep going until 'something comes up that one or the other of us don't like.'
That is where the very very very understanding comes in.
And the annoyances. There are several--I won't name them--and it's not 'leaving the toilet seat up', but I can't live with them. It would drag me down. Trivial things but very important and not likely to change--and they are not many. <3
My friend, Love is when you keep feeling good about who you are with this person, and they in turn keep feeling good about who they are with you.
Everything else is fate, luck, chance, perhaps even 'destiny' or 'karmic debt'.
'You are neither possessed by your lover's needs nor by your own. You are love. You live as love. And when you find your heart yearning still, practice surrendering more deeply as love. While washing the dishes, picking your child up from school, or firing an employee, practice allowing love to flow through your every gesture, word, and breath. In every moment, practice receiving love deeply into your body and giving love from every cell. You are thus transfigured, breath by breath, from a needy woman looking for love, to a self-sufficient woman to loves herself, to a woman always and already full of loves' bliss and blessing power.' --David Deida, Finding God Through Sex, page 108
This is one of my favorite books! It helped to free myself from being trapped as a woman looking for love, and grow to one who has love and joy spilling out of every inch of her. When my 'lessons' get too challenging for me about Love, sometimes I still cry, and I despair; but I heal from it now instead of being 'stuck'. I 'bounce back' much faster and am resilient in my heart.
With so very much love,
Aloha and mahalos,