Thursday, September 5, 2013

A Taste Of My Medicine

This is the Buddha Shack at the Japanese Garden

Everyone needs healing. 
Even me.

This vacation was a broken dream of sorts; something I had hoped to happen did not. I could have spoken up and done something about it, but I was afraid, and I did not. 

As a result, my 'dream' that had been 'getting me through' the last year 'died'.

Instead, I arrived with a sense that 'this is for the best'. I even recalled how one year ago I was 'close in my heart' to a completely different Lightworker, and how that 'ended for the best' on its own last October too.

There were layers and layers for my soul to heal. My room placement is as close as can be to a healing place. It is no accident I am in this part of the hotel. The view isn't great, I know it. But the healing for me is.

Chief has been working a lot to 'undo the past'. I have been okay with it. It has been happening since Saturday. My sleep is deep and restful. I wake up knowing a lot of 'work' has been done.

But at the Butchart? Jenny B came through, but we could hardly 'speak'; I was in such a dour place.

'It wasn't like this at the beginning!' she blurted out,'There was a lot of mess, a lot of negotiation on my part, and a lot of hard work as a couple to get where we are today!'

'Oh, just look around at this testament to his love for you--this is nicer than the Taj Majal!' I answered back.

She was very quiet the rest of the day. I sensed she had trouble 'connecting' to my Vibration. Mine had 'changed' since we spoke so much last year. Back then she promised me love and good fortune for my heart! I knew no matter what she loved both of us. She welcomed us to her home, where we ate lunch. But then for the first time, Robert spoke to me, 'You know, some things are just not meant to be.'

It helped. It was a truth.

But I was 'lost' as a heart as I wandered the grounds. The Japanese gardens didn't 'connect' with me as before. The boat ride, my favorite, at Tod Inlet, with the moon jellyfish, barely got a smile or me to relax.

It wasn't until the Buddha shack where I sat and chanted my mantra that I began to 'let go'. Buddha came, so did Jenny B...and then someone new 'popped in': master garden designer Isaburo Kishida.

He looked at me. I looked back, sad as ever. I am always sad to some extent. I remember Home so much, and I like it so much better back where everyone is of a vibration similar to my own. Very high Vibration. Sometimes I just 'don't get it' here.

There are no secrets in Spirit. Everyone KNOWS because we sense each other's feelings very accurately.

He didn't love me. I said, looking the Japanese master gardener straight in the eye, accusing him and all Japanese of being heartless and putting work and faith before Love.

How do you know? he asked, without skipping a beat. Before my eyes flashed my aromatherapy oil gift.

He never talks to me or shows any interest in me, he hasn't pursued any time with me at all. He stopped answering all emails. He has done nothing. That's how I know.

But how do you KNOW that is Truth!? he asked, pointedly. At once, I saw the socialization, the ability for one to care deeply and not do anything about it. How the feeling and action are not 'connected' like in Western culture. And further, how much work and devotion to beauty like his garden shows how deeply the Japanese do understand and enjoy pleasure, very very much.

He had me. He was right. As I looked to him, from his left came my One. I hadn't 'seen' him in months, in any way whatsoever. I realized in some way, he cares. He also told me his age. No matter what the future holds for either one of us, at least I know the feelings I had felt for him were returned in some way. I could go on and not be stuck.

Then the Buddha came. No visions. No prophecy. No lessons. It was Him and He was There, as Love. Not a romantic western Love. A different kind of Eastern Love energy. I meditated on that Love a long time. Then it was time to go. My son had stopped trying to find Canadian Pennies in the ponds and water in the garden, while I was pretending I didn't know him...LOL. It was cold and we went for hot chocolate at the coffee shop.

Right outside the gift shop, I 'heard' Jenny B. She had a gift for me. She wanted me to find it. She wanted me to 'buy something of Love'. I looked everywhere. The pretty heart I had seen a girl hold at the restaurant, the one that caught my eye for the patio, looked cheap. The candy looked cheap. The clothing looked like it was for grandmothers.

Then my son was in the back at the BC jade. For the last two years he bought little bears on amethyst crystals. He wanted another.

A jade buddha on the top shelf caught my eye. It cost seventy dollars, far too much for a tiny piece of  carved jade. He was smiling and the light hit him in a certain way that I felt Love energy. Instead I focused on my son. The clerk found a piece I could afford about fifty dollars. But he couldn't make up his mind. At the last minute, he said, 'Mom, I see you would like the buddha. I already have two of these at home. I will not buy any gift for myself so you can buy that one for you. I know you like it.'

Jenny B was right!

Love comes in so many shapes and sizes! And although I might have some 'thoughts' about 'what love looks like to me' and 'how love should feel' in a personal way, my lesson is that Love is far bigger than all of this. 

And one day, Love is going to be Right for me. 

I don't know who my Other is, if the one I think is mine actually IS. But at I know he cares. 

Love is never wasted. This is such an important truth! Even when you think it is, just know in your heart, it isn't. Love is never wasted and is healing in its own way every time. Keep your heart open; it might sting and close from time to time, but open it as best you can. Life is a waste if you pass the time always protecting it.

Aloha and mahalos,

Reiki Doc