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Saturday, January 19, 2013
Late Blooming Lilacs
Are you single? Divorced? Just breaking up in a relationship? If so, this blog post is for you.
If you are paired happily, and committed, this is not the article for you.
I am a humanitarian loner. I have saved countless lives, championed for those less fortunate, and given from my heart for the betterment of others' lives. My entire raison d'etre is to relieve suffering.
Does this give me a free ticket to romance? No. My love life has been difficult my entire life. The last one, the father of my children, shattered my heart. The wound was deep. We had known each other in a past lifetime. I knew it. He didn't, although we had a dream that matched. The part where it ended for him, and he thought it meant everything got better, was in fact when he died. I saw it. I was not able to retrieve the body and give it a proper burial for political reasons. I was so traumatized in that lifetime that I lost my ability to speak. In this life I was so overjoyed to find him! I thought it meant that everything was going to get better, and mend my heart. Instead, my heart got broken one more time.
Today was a baby step. It was a huge one for me--I went out. Not with friends. Not on a date--my gosh--the last time I went out was in 2009! I went to something I had always wanted to experience: a murder mystery dinner show. I went by myself. (I have also gone to a concert by myself. It was Rascal Flatts. None of my friends like Country.)
Spirit wanted me to go. I got signs all along the way. But the place? It was a Recovery Club! And it was a fundraiser! I didn't know a soul.
Guess who sat at my table? My patient. His wife, the nurse, who recognized me. I sat next to someone with the same first name as me, with the same spelling, on my right. And to my left was a trained opera singer, a tenor who was like, seven feet tall! Spirit has a wonderful sense of humor, doesn't it?
The best part about the evening was the table of vegans that was celebrating a birthday. One of them said, 'Namaste' to the 'detective' from LA-PD. Without skipping a beat he pressed his hands together, bowed slightly and said, 'No Steak'! I was really laughing at that one.
There were those in recovery, those who supported the fundraiser and were health-oriented like me, and there were the spouses.
Now, from a Spirit point of view, the crowd was fascinating. I met a man who was clean and sober from cocaine for thirty years. I looked, curious, but not judging, at the rest. I found it ironic that the vegans brought a magnum bottle of red wine into the clubhouse, in front of those present who were in recovery. But I did not judge. It is not my place to judge, only to be amazed at this school called Earth.
As I was laughing, and enjoying myself, I consciously let my aura relax. It flowed open wide and easily. My aura can flow for miles if I let it. Today it was white and went outside the strip mall row of buildings.
I was at peace. I finally found a place where I can be myself. I can say I am an anesthesiologist (usually I don't in a bar--no one will buy me drinks!), I can eat vegan, avoid alcohol and keep my vibration UP (I will take a glass of red wine with dinner at home, but not for 'entertainment' when I go out), and make connections with people that I never would meet. The wife of my patient invited me to go with her on their next nurses' 'girls night out'.
There were newlyweds, newly engaged couples, a couple that had tension, long married couples, and many singles of all ages and backgrounds. It didn't hurt me, the joy of those who were together. Today I took my first baby step towards that goal--with the faith that what happened has no connection to what might happen.
In Life Contracts, we take a major theme, coupled with a minor one. Sylvia Browne also is Humanitarian-Loner. The minor is 'that one thing you can't get right no matter how hard you try.'. She has been married three times, and has just given up. But she helps millions! The financial one is a typical minor, as can be health or other things 'you just can't get right'.
That was my baby step into the Higher Dimensions. It was a giant leap for an old soul with scars like me.
Namaste, or perhaps, 'No Steak' ; )