December 29,
2003 10:00 a.m.
52 year old
male, ASA 6, 23 beers, +THC, fell down the stairs
I was the
attending on his case. I felt him in the OR. I didn’t want to see. Just now, as
I rested, he came to me, interrupting me…very quiet, standing by my bed.
“When you held
my hand, I was thankful. When you covered my eyes, I got respect. When you
checked to make sure that my arm didn’t fall off the table at the beginning, I
was watching. I was grateful that you didn’t make my body have a hard time at
the end. You checked to keep their instruments from lying on my face. As I was
going up (I never really knew what happened) I had a sign for me to run and go
and talk to you. Someone in white told me to say to you ‘thanks.’ I was
grateful and I felt it. I was watching them take my body apart and open it. I
thought my lungs were good just like you. I was sorry that I smoked so much.
And that I drank.
I have a
powerful spirit. Next time I can make a better showing in my body, if I get
one.
You were an
example to me. Of genuine respect, love, and compassion. I saw you honor me. I
wanted you to take that green religious medal. I showed it to you/had it shown
to you. Send it to your mother (a cadaveric kidney transplant recipient), and give her my respects. From an ‘organ donor
in the sky’ you let her say. Don’t tell her what it was that happened to me. Or
how I passed. Just say I wanted her to have this gift.
Thank you for
tending to my pain. Not to my heart, not to my body, but to my soul. My body
any my spirit are unlucky. I saw you had the common sense to take care of my
gift, so that it would pass good/usefulness along to others.
I love you.
Thank you for
helping me pass along to another life.
A.G.
P.S. I am
quite far away from you and I am smiling. I am sorry that you had to see me
die. Thank you for loving me in spite of it. God will bless you. Handsomely.
With light.
(I started
crying. He held my right hand with his)
Smile Dr. Carla.. Dr. (my full name). You taught me well today. Just like you did your
resident (tousles my hair). Have a good time out there. And not to drink (too
much like I did while I was alive)”
(I saw him
with the lady in white, waving goodbye.)
