December 29, 2003 10:00 a.m.
52 year old male, ASA 6, 23 beers, +THC, fell down the stairs
I was the attending on his case. I felt him in the OR. I didn’t want to see. Just now, as I rested, he came to me, interrupting me…very quiet, standing by my bed.
“When you held my hand, I was thankful. When you covered my eyes, I got respect. When you checked to make sure that my arm didn’t fall off the table at the beginning, I was watching. I was grateful that you didn’t make my body have a hard time at the end. You checked to keep their instruments from lying on my face. As I was going up (I never really knew what happened) I had a sign for me to run and go and talk to you. Someone in white told me to say to you ‘thanks.’ I was grateful and I felt it. I was watching them take my body apart and open it. I thought my lungs were good just like you. I was sorry that I smoked so much. And that I drank.
I have a powerful spirit. Next time I can make a better showing in my body, if I get one.
You were an example to me. Of genuine respect, love, and compassion. I saw you honor me. I wanted you to take that green religious medal. I showed it to you/had it shown to you. Send it to your mother (a cadaveric kidney transplant recipient), and give her my respects. From an ‘organ donor in the sky’ you let her say. Don’t tell her what it was that happened to me. Or how I passed. Just say I wanted her to have this gift.
Thank you for tending to my pain. Not to my heart, not to my body, but to my soul. My body any my spirit are unlucky. I saw you had the common sense to take care of my gift, so that it would pass good/usefulness along to others.
I love you.
Thank you for helping me pass along to another life.
P.S. I am quite far away from you and I am smiling. I am sorry that you had to see me die. Thank you for loving me in spite of it. God will bless you. Handsomely. With light.
(I started crying. He held my right hand with his)
Smile Dr. Carla.. Dr. (my full name). You taught me well today. Just like you did your resident (tousles my hair). Have a good time out there. And not to drink (too much like I did while I was alive)”
(I saw him with the lady in white, waving goodbye.)