Today was my day off. I had arranged for coverage so that I could visit my mother who has been in the hospital for 34 days, and just got out of the ICU.
I had to cancel my day off. I had a special request case--someone who was undergoing surgery requested my services by name. I don't recall having had anyone ask me personally, but I get special requests often. Many workers at the hospital ask for me to be there when they have surgery. I like to be there for them.
After the rest of my cases, I was stuck. Something did not feel right, inside. I did not know what it was.
I got in my car and went down to the beach. It soothes me. Even though it was freezing I didn't care.
I carried an old pirate shirt from a costume one of the kids wear to sit on because I didn't have a towel. I brought a box of tissues, too, because I thought I might have need of it. And my keys and cell phone, of course.
Just seeing the sand, with the little footprints from the birds made me smile. By the time I got to the water and the roar of the surf, I was in the right place to allow whatever was to happen, to happen.
I sat cross-legged on my pirate shirt...and didn't know what to do.
I chanted, Nam Myo Renke Kyo ('may the forces of the universe bring balance and peace').
That didn't work.
I stopped all thinking.
My right hand started to pick up the sand, by the handful, and let it sift down like an hourglass.
I made a pile about ten inches tall. And then what was within started to come out:
- I missed my mother
- I lost my uncle, over money issues in the family--long story, you don't need to know. But we had been close
- I lost my grandmother's house--it had to be sold to pay for her long-term care
- I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's--she wasn't the same, but I still love her
- It has been over a month of crisis upon crisis in the family health from mom and my niece
- I have been working a lot of long shifts
I realized that in my assignment, I chose where I live because I always wanted to be near the water. And I have. I have always been a short drive away from salt water and sand my whole life.
I laid my right hand flat on top of the pile of sand. The energy instantly connected with mine, and the tears started to flow. I was comforted. It was not spirit, not human, but something in between, that seemed like someone I know but was their Higher Self. It was male. He promised to make a sandwich for us to share. He asked, 'Do you know what I mean when I say I will make a sandwich. Not one for you, or one for me, but one for BOTH of us.' Cryptic as those words were, the feeling I got from them was that this entity was going to be by my side through thick and through thin, and not to worry.
And the tears stopped. I picked everything up and went back to the car.
I think these are the moments the channelled messages from others describe, a sense of 'going within' and 'honoring it'. That is how you find your Way when you are a little off course, and floundering.
It takes a strong connection to Nature, trust in Spirit, and openness to just Be for the moment.
It is incredibly human.
My sisters had started to call me 'Robo-Doc' because I keep going and going and going...
But today I heard the call of the Goddess, my feminine side, my intuition. And I took the time to gently honor it.
I hope you take the time to honor yours too. Masculine and Feminine are balanced. We all have a little Goddess energy within us.