I didn't have the best day. My boss doesn't want me to take more than one week vacation in summer because the others complain. But when I worked with the scheduler, someone cancelled their vacation, it was open, everybody else had theirs blocked, and he said, 'take it'.
My boss came into my OR to ask why. He asked about my other vacation, too.
Although I was supposed to leave the OR before four others, the other cases finished just a little before mine. It was too short a time for relief, so they went home. And I was the last in the OR!
I had wondered why the counselor called during surgery. I found out why...
I totally forgot an appointment with the counselor for my son--I had to arrange for someone to take him. And I didn't.
I called her back, and sat in the empty hallway by pre-op holding, and I had tears silently rolling down my face, tears of anger, shame, embarrassment, and disappointment.
Because I let myself down, and even more, I let my boy who is hurting, down.
So on the way home, I went straight to Papa, Divine Father, and cried.
I told him 'I give up'.
And 'Everything I try to do, except for this spiritual work, turns to shit.' and 'Please, can I have a break on my lessons, and if I can't, please make me stronger?'
I couldn't even find the words to describe what I needed to ask Him for--so I said, 'please listen to the unspoken longing in my heart!'
He gave me an assignment--only to think about my prettiest pair of shoes.
But those, the Cinderella ones, are old, I had them re-soled, and every time I wear them the glue makes my feet turn black.
So the second prettiest shoes I had to think about.
Then Ross came.
I just put my head on his chest and bawled.
Then he went away.
I neared home.
I saw two beautiful rabbits as I came to make a turn. They were on the grass, sitting up, like the picture of the first rabbit, but side by side like this.
I looked at them with love for their beauty.
The bunny on the right facing me, or the one on the left as I saw them, looked me in the eye.
I felt it.
And it raised its paw up above its chin, it's right paw....and it WAVED at me!
I know because it did the same thing TWICE!!!
And I totally started cracking up.
I have had pet rabbits, and seen rabbits nearly every day since I've been working after graduating from college--on my commute.
And this one said, 'Hello' with its paw, and smiled at me from it's heart.
Aloha and Mahalos,