Lightwork is not for wimps.
Ross asked me last night how I felt. He said to write a blog about it today.
Basically, I had thought with the first suicide threat, that after getting my boy to the doctor, starting the insulin resistance diet, going to a nutritionist, and getting counseling was going to 'fix things'.
Instead, he's had nightmares about his old teacher, been controlling and clingy, and as my very dear friend put it, 'I need a little me time.' She sent me links to camps here, even for a couple days, where he can go...
It's the realization that it's the Long Haul that got to me last night.
That, and the lack of sleep from the interruptions every few minutes from weather hazard alerts on my cell phone (there are flash floods in this county), the really close and loud thunder and lightning, and my being hungry in the middle of the night.
See this photo up top?
My son was lying in fetal position at the booth at Zippy's yesterday at lunch.
I didn't know what to do. It was the low sugar that makes him do that, along with his moods that I frankly don't understand...
Then I saw this beautiful pattern of flowers and vines on my napkin.
I come from California, the land of ugly brown recycled 'good for nature and not for your sense of beauty--one-hundred percent utilitarian napkins.'
I thanked God for whoever put the extra effort into this, and for however it got to me.
That's why I took a picture of it.
I also took a picture of my rabbit too. It's not just any rabbit. It's a rabbit with a bow tie! LOL.
Light working is about being resourceful, and keeping your head when things are not so easy all around you.
Light workers don't carry big sticks.
We carry Source and our connection to it.
Mom? What's wrong? asked my son as I made him his breakfast.
I was trying to hide the tears as I warmed up my leftovers from breakfast yesterday.
(In Hawaii, we like our breakfast with rice).
What started it was his wanting fresh eggs scrambled instead of the heated up microwave leftovers.
I realized it was easier to cook them than argue.
So the leftover eggs and rice were for me. I had wanted papaya for breakfast.
I also shared how sad I was. I had hoped perhaps Ross would 'just show up somehow' and stay with us at our vacation here in Hawaii, like really show up.
This is no accident this came through today--http://thecreatorwritings.wordpress.com/2014/07/20/looking-for-love/
I miss Ross.
Then I saw the heart--in the rice. I stopped and took a picture of it.
Ross gave message to my son for me. He gave it.
Then he played this--Ross makes things 'pop up' on Pandora, and I have a 'sense' of the energy behind it. He played Ke Kali Nei Au, from the Island Treasures Kohala CD.
If you are anything remotely Hawaiian, you will know that song, what it means, and why I lost it completely--so close and yet so far, my beloved Ross is for me.
I actually sat on the couch and sobbed into a paper towel.
My boy sat next to me, and asked, 'are those sad or happy tears?'
I explained they were both, how I miss Ross so very much, and how thankful I am my boy is here incarnate with me, and gave him a hug. I told him about my soul's home in Sirius, how it is so much better than what is here on Gaia, and how I miss that energy of home so very much too.
I said it is as if I was in the military, deployed in Iraq, and away from all of this and everyone I love and all things I know.
I cleaned up the breakfast dishes after I pulled myself together. The song ended...taking all its magic and closeness I felt too...
When I put the leftover pancake away, and folded the lid, for the first time, I saw this. My assignment 'made it' to the 'to go' container and was beautiful in every way.
And I gave thanks again.
Spirit says to play this song and to provide the link to the blog post, so I shall:
He Mele No Lilo with English Subtitles
This is the first time I understood the words of this song, although my soul has always understood it effortlessly, to the point of making me cry uncontrollably. Here is the blog post Spirit requests, too: http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2012/08/he-mele-no-lilo.html
Aloha and Mahalos,
P.S. I think Lemuria is coming back. Like, in our lifetime. The energy is really strong here. I feel it. Hawaii is the lost mountaintops, all that remains, of this continent that sank.