This post is not for the faint-hearted. Not in body. Not in spirit. It is going to have some images that are medical, so if you gross-out easily, you might want to pass on this. Because I am a medically-trained person, I 'think' in medical terms. I am going to describe what's in spirit that to me, seems like what goes on in the physical.
I am also going to make the pictures less 'graphic' at the beginning and let them become more so as we work our way down.
Most of us know what to do in this situation. When there is a minor cut or scrape, the first thing that we do is clean the wound. We would never put a dressing (bandage) on something that has not been cleaned first, or else it would get infected.
This is how wounds heal...with the physical body...on the Earth.
Wounds hurt. (this one is a fake one--I've seen many wounds and this one doesn't look 'right'--it is just for the camera.
But as you can see in this picture, there is special equipment that medically trained people use to 'make everything right' and to optimize the conditions for healing to take place.
We consciously seek these people out to make sure that the conditions are right for our bodies to mend, to heal, to restore balance where the wound once has been.
This is a real wound. It's not fresh. You can see at the edges there is proof of dried clot or 'scab' formation. The inside is healing. It takes time for a wound like this to heal. Many times when I am in the Operating Room with a trauma patient, there are wounds like this on the head and arms that I tend to while the surgeons operate. I don't want the family to see their loved one looking like they have been through something and we didn't care enough to clean them up a little. As I watch the monitors and the patient, I gently wipe and cleanse each spot I find that needs it. I have done this my entire career.
As an intern in general surgery, I used to irrigate the wounds and deride them, picking out little square pieces of glass and small pieces of asphalt that had embedded themselves under the skin.
I also learned, when there is infection, or lack of blood flow in some cases, or just plain damage like in a burn, you need to cut away everything that is not-viable, all the way until you get to a deeper layer of skin that oozes and bleeds--only this can support granulation or 'new tissue growth'.
In my line of work I have seen burns over ninety percent of the body. I have seen the pilot of an airplane who crashed at a local air show and was life-flighted to us. I have seen a bicycle rider who has been hit by a large truck. I have seen a one year old with its hand stuck in a meat grinder. I have seen a ten year old with a almost severed arm. I have seen gunshot wounds, stab wounds, impalements and brain oozing out where it shouldn't.
Yes almost all of these can heal.
They heal because it is time for it to happen, there is help, there is training, there is equipment, there are the necessary supplies, there is patience, there is courage and persistence on the part of the family and their loved ones, and there is the expectation that all is going to be well.
In this blog, with my own shared experiences as an example, I model what it is like to search out what it is in the soul that is not viable, and to go 'into the wound' enough to 'debride' it, with the faith that it will heal.
The last few months have been incredibly intense times for me to negotiate, to reconnect, and to heal with my very own Twin Soul, My Illuminated Twin Flame, Ross.
Together we have been through all of our 'conflicts', and although we love each other very much there has been an incredible amount of healing between us that we simply needed to do.
One of these areas where this manifests as 'infection' in my soul is my hatred of suffering. I argue with God, and I get in His face, and say, 'this isn't necessary' and I further state that 'I completely disagree with the so-called beauty of free will that allows suffering in any way'.
I have always had a very strong reaction to suffering. I don't like to see things that are broken, hurt, damaged, or not whole in any way. It deeply affects me. And this has something to do with a past life, the one I once shared with my beloved sweet precious Ross, and it carries with me to this day.
Anyhow, I am beginning to see The Divine's Side Of Things.
Last night, even though we are technically 'married', Ross got down on one knee and proposed. I said 'yes!'. I said, 'I will marry you upside-down, I will marry you under the water, I will marry you while skydiving, I will marry you anywhere, any time...and yet, if in the future, for your happiness, you ask me to leave, I will forsake my own happiness to ensure you have the right to follow your own. That is how much I love you.'
And a bell went off in my mind--why would I elect to suffer at my own expense because I love another?
Today, I was talking with Ross, about how I am so very ready to 'come up' to wherever he is right now--some higher vibration. But I caught myself. I realized how devastated my family would be if I were to go. I heard myself saying to Ross, 'I can't leave my family--it will be too difficult for them--I will stay and suffer for however long it takes until we can all of us be together again.'
That little bell in my mind went off again.
I thought about the heroes who sacrifice themselves to save others.
I thought about the Earth Angels who put themselves into horrible situations on Earth to Shine Light.
Then tonight I finally learned the lesson.
My computer with all of the baby photos on it died. I had back up with an encrypted storage device.
I forgot the password. Even through I have the family photos, as well as my novel, and my certificates in PDF format on that backup, I can't get retrieve them.
Last week, by accident, my son found the booklet with the password in a sudoku book right before bedtime. I knew the cleaning people were coming, so I put it in a 'safe place'.
I don't recall where I put it.
Today I went to the Apple store to find out what my options are.
Long story short--no password, no retrieval--no matter what. So we searched the house tonight. I went to look one last place, and it wasn't there.
I started to cry quietly. My son has seen me cry three times. When my father died. When my nana died. And now when I lost all of the family pictures--the baby pictures.
He was concerned. He told me to think happy thoughts.
I felt like throwing up. And in that agony, I felt The Divine 'nudging me' as if to say, 'I am HERE'.
and 'I am the Healer of All Things' and 'Let GO'.
I cried a few more tears, and surrendered. There was nothing more I could do.
Soon, after, my son went upstairs, and paused for a minute on the landing. He asked, 'How much does it cost to buy a new password mom?' He came downstairs and offered me thirty-five dollars of his own money--just about everything he had--to help me 'buy a new password'. He asked why all the baby pictures are so important to me, and said 'we can take new pictures of me now.'
Out of the mouths-and hearts--of babes! There you have it--nurturing, warmth, love and compassion...
I still don't understand it, but there is something to that 'surrendering' part. I've noticed in my own life when I have completely given up, the very things I was distraught over their not happening, suddenly happen. I don't 'get it', but I 'notice' this pattern. Have you ever noticed it too?
In Life, we never quite know if we are the blossom, or we are the bud.
We can't 'sense' it.
But in our Life's Journey, it is important that we embrace those negative experiences we'd rather not have 'met' in the first place.
The things that are troubling us and causing us pain in our spirit, are like the wounds we get from traumatic accidents.
It is important to work through them, with faith, in some Divine Being that is the Healer of All things, to let go, and to trust in the process that we shall be whole once more.
Why is there suffering?
I don't know.
All I know is that sometimes people who love someone else very much will elect to suffer to spare them their life or their pain.
And in some ways, pain shows us something that we otherwise might not see--about ourselves, and about others--who are important to us in our lives.
Aloha and Mahalos,
P.S. I woke up to a bible quote today. I never do. But Spirit was telling me about Love. It was 1 Corinthians 13--