Walk with me.
I don't want to be alone.
The first thing I did today, was go to a meeting about an electronic anesthesia record. Our team is very close. I represent one of the hospitals in the organization on this team.
My intuition is strong.
It perked up with this one woman with long black hair in the back of the room. Her energy I had never experienced before. I didn't 'see' her, I felt her commanding presence.
It turns out she was the owner of the company that makes the electronic medical records--and is listed in something like Forbes or whatever. Her net worth is possibly in the billions. To be that successful, there is little doubt what team they are aligned with, although in her case I am not absolutely certain.
One of my friends had a father who was in the postal service. He was told if he wanted to be promoted up to higher positions, he needed to join Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart. He joined, his wife joined the women's organization, and the friend in the child's one. It creeped her out. And they could not see the fun in the many fundraisers. When the 'non-profit' wanted to keep some of the money at the end of the year in the bank, which is 'not kosher', the family quit, and his career stalled, but they were able to live happily enough as a family without the influence of Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart.
After the meeting, where there were plenty of delicious vegetarian options, and hugs all around before it was time for our team of anesthesiologists to disband until the next meeting, I went back to my O.R.
I did my cases, and finished at six. I was thinking about possibly going out to a restaurant, when someone said, 'There's pizza in the nurses' lounge. Go have some. It's Ana's birthday.'
Ana is a cleaning lady. And p.m. shift sure knows how to throw a party. We had pizza. I had one slice of cheese pizza. The room was packed and everyone was laughing and enjoying each other.
Ana cut her cake, and I told Shawn, the RN who is so white I decided to teach him Italian--that Italian tradition lets you make a wish when you first cut the cake. So besides the candles, you get one more wish. He liked that.
The charge nurse said that for one OR birthday--where three were being celebrated at once--they even brought in the chocolate fountain. I remembered that with a smile! Filipina RN's sure know how to have fun! I teased her and said, 'next time we bring the karaoke'. She laughed and says she has it at her house, and it's wireless, and her little toddler loves it and knows how to make it work!
When we went to Mama Flor's retirement party, someone had an app on their cell phone that lets them do this--we put the cell phone on the ground, make a circle, and it takes the picture.
That is how close we are, all of us, in wanting our patients to get well. We are Healers, all of us, and as the Vibrations increase all over Gaia, our group is really starting to strengthen in our efforts and our Joy is palpable...the time flies...really it does.
One of my readers, whose name I won't mention, is like this.
When I was starting out as a blogger and on Facebook and Twitter, no matter what I did, on her iPhone she sent me roses.
It gave me so much support.
Her belief in me when I wasn't so sure of myself as a Healer on the Internet meant so much.
Every Rose I got whispered to something deep inside, 'Go on! God is with you! Go ON!'
I call her my Yellow Rose of Texas because she is like one of the precious few ones from there.
Recently, for about two weeks, I have been thinking of her, wondering where she has been, why she hasn't been on Facebook...
I have been having her on my mind, thinking about Texas and all the healers out there she knew, my team...
Then my last patient today was FROM Texas, visiting her sister. And I sent healing out to all the state of Texas through her. My hearings these days are BIG, very big, and it just takes one to heal timelines and everything.
So my work, my need for my friend, as a fellow healer, was sidestepped, by doing this what I did today--sort of a Plan B because Plan A was nowhere I knew.
Then today, in recovery room after I finished the Texas patient, I got a message from my Yellow Rose friend. It was a beautifully worded, kind and loving, goodbye letter from her to me.
Her angels are telling her 'she's done' and 'she's going home soon'.
She was so sweet she even cleaned the house in her last time left, because she wanted to make it easier on her husband. Although I'd like to know the medical things--diagnosis, treatment, etc--I know once you start dreaming of your deceased parents or angels tell you stuff like this, that's it.
And I was devastated.
As much as I wanted to doubt what she had to say, I knew it was true: I always start thinking of people a LOT with an urgency to contact them right before they transition!
It's this thing I do, without even knowing at the time I am doing it, but being 'sensitive' in this way makes me like an indicator of impending death.
And I don't like it.
I did what I could, and I sent Reiki to her. I sent everything I had in my Reiki toolbox, including the Transition Symbol. And for the first time, ever, when I gave Reiki I cried.
Soon she will feel like this.
I should be happy. But with my tears I went to Ross, and asked for him to make sure she doesn't suffer. He assured me she would not.
Then for the first time ever, Father-God came to me. (I usually go to Him in his office.) And he wanted to know everything I was feeling:
- a feeling like I didn't have enough time with her
- a feeling of gratitude for her being my cheerleader when I needed it most
- being glad and sad I had a 'spiritual sister' who was so close
- a feeling of disillusionment over this silly thing we call 'life' where people are coming and going like flights at a busy airport--it doesn't make any sense--I hate to say goodbye
- embarrassment that even though she said 'I will come visit you' and knowing I am a medium, I was crying because I could never, ever give her a hug except in spirit now
- And I really, really, really wanted to give her two dozen red roses in person, but I can't.
It's like back to square one for me. I started all this by helping people to cross to the light way back when I was starting medical school. I helped my grandfather and next my ex-husband's best friend who was dying of AIDS.
Ross asked me if I wanted to be there for her to help her to cross?
I said yes. I wanted to do it just like I did for my Nana Angelina.
He said they would arrange it so that it would be possible.
When my father was dying, I whispered into his ear, 'Daddy, don't worry. I can come and see you any time you want. I can do that. I can see Heaven.'
Although he hadn't moved for hours, right after I said that, he lifted his head off the pillow, scanned the room from left to right, and blinked his eyes very prominently.
He just did it once.
Later, when the chaplain anointed him, I SAW! I saw exactly what he'd been seeing, and trying to let me know--whiter than white walls with the gates of Heaven, with two armed angels with long spears at either side of the gate. It opened like a drawbridge, towards us, and down. And I saw all the light, all the glory, and I saw Dad go up. The angels took him, one on either side. I think we waved goodbye...
- sometimes being who I am is fun and the fun is contagious, like at my work
- sometimes being who I am is a little mysterious--like on the signals I get before someone is ready to cross
- sometimes being who I am is just like not being this way at all--I still mourn loss
- sometimes when I weep, at the same time I realize it is because of how much I am able to love
- sometimes being who I call The Yellow Rose Of Texas.
To you, my sweet friend, let us say, as one of my patient's family tradition goes-to avoid saying 'goodbye'--instead they say this, and I rather like it: see you next Thursday.
('Thursday' is their euphemism, for goodbye, and it hurts a whole lot less to say it...the goodbye is 'implied'.)
We have a date.
I will be there for you.
Thank you so very much from my heart for all the times you were there for me when I needed you most. Your lovingkindness did so very much to support me in my early growth...I owe so much to you for this...I am eternally grateful for your beautiful service to the Light, and to the Resistance.
Aloha and Mahalos,