Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Conditioning of Christmas

This is my story. It does not apply to anyone else, but is to serve as an example of longitudinal growth in Spirit on the topic of the 'Holiday' that is 'Happy' in the 'politically correct' circles on Gaia.

At four, I found I got to wear a pretty dress and see a fat man in a red suit people told me was Santa. I felt his energy, it wasn't loving, and at once I knew there was a 'disconnect'. But I 'went along' to please my mother, make for a nice picture, and keep the veiled threat of 'no belief no presents' in check.

My Christmases until my first marriage were far from happy. We were poor. There was resentment on the part of my parents, who did not want to go into debt. But they did, each year. Although the gifts were minimal, they still had to work harder to pay off the debts until March. My sister, who is more assertive, spoke up for what she wants. She got it. I kept my mouth shut, only writing a list when asked. There was always horror to watch her open two gifts for every one of mine. How could such favoritism exist within a family? And everyone happily saying 'we love you both so much!'.

I got excited for Christmas each year anyways. At eight and at twelve I got a bike and that was pretty great. My Aunt gave me roller skates when I was six.

Soon I learned to watch the faces as others opened my gifts. I became a great shopper and gift-selector.

Around twelve the family started going to Mass. Well, both girls and mom. Dad didn't go.. Then the 'meaning' of Christmas' started to make everything 'more substantial'. I kept going to mass with friends, even when everyone else in the family did not. There was a deep pain of 'my family is missing out on something wonderful' and shame that burned when my family was not doing 'what was right'.

My first husband's family was more traditional. We went to church together, and we also gave and got really nice gifts. His favorite from me was a London Fog raincoat. Mine was my first stethoscope. Although the gifts were great, I couldn't understand the German influence of 'one great gift all year'. Italians, of which I am half, never stop giving...

After that, I decorated my own 'Charlie Brown Tree' and enjoyed Christmas by myself. Until the second marriage, where at the end Christmas became the biggest hurt of all, a true litmus test for the pinnacles of our dysfunction as a couple (he was bipolar, and suicidal back then).

Now what am I? A mother who is 'keeping her children happy'. I decorated the yard and house because we all enjoy it. But my heart? My heart of hearts? This is what it says:

  • Why celebrate like this only one day instead of all 365? Each DAY is a spiritual GIFT!
  • Why do I need to buy a present to show someone how much I love them? The bond = $$$ + gift just doesn't 'click' with me any more.
  • If I am 'focused' on one day two weeks from today, where is my mindfulness on this moment NOW?
  • I am thankful for the 'gift' of having to work so many holidays that I can see they are 'another day'
  • I am similarly 'thankful' for the divorce that split my home, and having to 'share' the children for a holiday, never being able to relax and enjoy a single one. How hollow and empty they are, which perhaps is what they always were.
  • The gift-giving, on a corporate level, is the last-minute tax receipt frenzy for deductions.
  • The Spirit of Giving is there--in radio giveaways and all--but is still condition these powerful Light-beings experiencing Poverty to look to an outside source for assistance instead of awakening their inherent ability to manifest their biggest dreams!
  • For some, this is a time of year to sample the Spiritual Life, and perhaps they will continue throughout the year. 
  • At Christmas Mass (as all masses, but more so), there are angels in the rafters above the altar worshipping God. I see them plain as day.
  • There ARE blessings at mass (or any religious event). For me, though, I think I want to just spend some time in Nature alone. Right in my back yard.
  • I give thanks and have tremendous appreciation for this school we have called Earth, for all the different levels of Spiritual Development, and at least for something like Christmas to enjoy, without the hype, but with the family and friends who are so dear to us.
  • As a single mom, who works full time, I never have time for sending Christmas cards. Know I have boxes of them, and Christmas stamps from 2007. I mean to. And every one you send touches my heart, and I am grateful.
  • Many of the singers of popular Christmas Carols are Monarch Slaves, BTW. That sure takes the fun out of it. If you want the list, go to the end of one of the links on Cobras' little red pill. One is playing now, and it gives me the creeps.
Love and Light and Holiday Cheer!

Reiki Doc