Monday, December 31, 2012

The Warrior Stance at Big Box Hospital

"Mom got this terrible pain at five in the morning. The urine wouldn't flow in the catheter. The nurse had to come flush it. There were blood clots! You need to come in!" my sister texted, frantically.

I was due to relieve her for she had spent forty-eight hours in the hospital with mom. I hurried in. As I parked the car, which is a rental because mine is in the shop, I felt the Presence of Spirit in the Parking Structure.

Of all people, in popped Montague Keen.

'Is that really you?' I asked, in my mind, incredulously. (I felt another Spirit, too, one of my Reiki guides there, too. Some have seen the face of that entity in a picture I posted--and will pin up top here).

Indeed it was. And Monty guided me to be like a warrior, taking everything in, not making judgements, not getting emotional, as I went into the  hospital that day.

Here are my 'notes':

  • Walking In: I walk like a doctor. I had my travel mug of coffee in hand, and strode toward the hospital. I saw someone in scrubs, walking in from the opposite direction. I 'sensed' they were checking me out. It had to be a surgeon, because the time was nine and that is when surgeons round. (Anesthesia comes in before seven a.m.) When he saw me head toward the visitor's sign in, the energy connection broke. He said good morning to the security people and got in the elevator.
  • Entering the Room: My sister was gone. Mother had a strange look on her face. After pleasantries, she confided that the horrible pain and pressure in her bladder were still there. She had called the nurse fifteen minutes ago, and got no answer. I realized there was obstruction by clot in the foley again. I called the nurse. No answer. I went up the chain of command and called the charge nurse. I said' This is Dr. so-and-so' and explained the situation. The charge nurse came at once. She flushed the foley incorrectly (disconnected and broke sterile rather than using the side port for this purpose). Mid-flush, she asked 'is there chemo in this?' as she was six week's pregnant. She then talked about the pregnancy. The nurse assigned to mom came in, apologizing for the delay, another patient was sicker. I saw fear on her face. Fear that she was going to get written up.
  • Averting the Medication Error: To catch up the nurse wanted to give all of the missed doses from eight a.m. and the ones due at ten a.m. at nine thirty. One of the meds due at ten is Prograf. I knew there was something special about it, that one must not eat for some time in order for it to be absorbed properly. I questioned her. She said it was okay. I explained, 'look, I get it that you want to put this delay behind you and make everything right. But mom has had a kidney transplant and the anti-rejection medications are important. If the kidney is rejected, she dies! I am just an anesthesiologist. Would you mind calling the transplant pharmacist? They told her Cell Cept at 8 a.m and 8 p.m. and Prograf at 10 a.m. and 10 p.m. for a reason. The nurse didn't want to.  I rephrased my point, 'I am extremely concerned about this drug. I am concerned that this drug is not supposed to mix with the others. It is like an i.v. where two drugs when mixed together with make a rock in the line (precipitate out).' She got on the phone. The inpatient pharmacist said, 'Do what she says to make her happy.' But I looked it up while they were on the phone: Prograf--two hours empty stomach before taking, one hour empty stomach after. What surprised me was my intuition was in high-gear, and kicking in, in defense, without being agressive. I could hear my soul talking to the nurse.
  • Watching Mom: There were some things going on, and as a daughter I took them in. As a physician too. In her eyes, there was no Light. In her actions and words, the energy of Fear. In her foley, blood, as only I have seen in post-surgical patients. (Anesthesiologists watch the urine output during surgery). It all started to come together, the weight loss, the loss of appetite, the blood, the high blood sugar, the defeat: something was terribly wrong. I noticed in myself a familiar heart-centered extra boost of compassion and kindness kicking in. I only get that with cancer patients, and those I know who are going to die. Then I asked my urologist friend what was up. Bladder cancer is a risk for post-transplant patients. The only other cause is infection, but there were no signs of that. I had my diagnosis in my heart.
  • Connecting to Spirit 'Data': A medium had told mom she would die in a year. She had taken this news as a sign she had done something wrong (her usual way of looking at things). Instead of taking the year to make it special, she worried about it all year, trying to 'prove it wrong'.  Mistakingly, I had known others with a 'death by' date given from this same person, and all had been alive way past the time-so I reassured her with that 'he's wrong' angle. But on 12.26 Dad had spoken to me as I was waking up--'I am coming to take mom'. And yesterday, I had seen flashes of him as a young man, around the time I was born, but closed myself off to it. Some neighbors came to visit, and I could tell that they loved mom and would be checking in on her when she came back home. (I live an hour away). They had an incredible energy, and follow all of the Ascension 'alternative news sources' (mom had shown me some computer print-outs they had shared). No matter what, I accepted. And further, I accept the responsibility as first-born and as the only doctor in the family. to take the lead in the workup and what happens down the road.
So here I am. I know. And yet it is not 'known' for sure. There is no cystoscopy yet. There is no biopsy. I have mentioned my concerns obliquely to my sisters and to my son, to help them. 

Monty is clapping now, slowly, to make a point. He wants me to write about 'acceptance'.
You see, I had been thinking that this was the first time since 1993 I had time off between Christmas and New Year's. While sharing this with her doctor outside the door, I literally hit my head (gently) on the wall as I said, 'This is my first vacation for winter break in twenty years and I am spending it inside the hospital!' On the way home, I realized, I had stayed up until midnight on Christmas 2008 to book Winter Break off in 2009, which I had to fight for, but it ended up being Dad's last year. I recall the photo of him wearing the 2009 glasses on the couch with mom, oxygen tubing in place...

I can see how our Higher Selves work together, to make plans for family passages like this, for the maximum benefit and minimal disruption of all persons involved.

Monty is putting his finger aside his nose and gently tapping it. I think that means I got the puzzle correct. And he also wants to say a special 'hello' to his wife Veronica (I think that is her name). As I was walking out of the hospital, I saw people--health care people--practicing dance moves under an overhang in the rain. I thought it was for a flash mob. It wasn't. They have to do the same moves and conserve energy for it is going to be for five miles. They are the nurses on either the nurse float or the tranplant float for the Rose Parade in Pasadena. Monty wants her to know he sent them to her--through me--so she can see them on the Parade on New Year's Day. 'Everything is Sunny and Bright in 2013, Veronica--from your adoring Monty'. He bows and steps back. 'That is my New Year's Gift to her.'


Reiki Doc