There is safety in numbers.
But when it comes to Spirit, everything is 'one on one'--there are 'consultants', 'guides', but basically you have to experience everything yourself with your own Consciousness.
When I was told I have a Higher Self, and further, that this Higher Self wanted to get to know me, I took it badly at best. I wanted nothing to do with anything of this nature.
I still don't.
I have no interest in merging my soul, although kind souls offered information to help.
I don't feel particularly 'close' to any of my other Guides at this time, as well.
Even Ross, who feels a million miles away. He will come if I ask, but he knows now to stay away.
Otherwise, I turn into a gun-toting unicorn in pink guerrilla fatigues, who has PMS!
All of us know THAT's not going to help anything.
So I do nothing.
I watch, I wait, I take the time for the growth to come along deep within my heart.
Do I hate Her, my H.S. ?
No. I can't hate anybody.
How do I feel? Like everything I ever thought or felt or dreamed was just some pipe dream, and further, it was a means of entertainment, or 'growth', for Her.
I get my hands dirty. I am not ashamed of it.
In Spirit. In 3D. Anywhere I go across the cosmos. I am a fighter. Sometimes I get so pumped up that only Ross has the power to soothe me, and talk me down.
Even now, at a distance, he plays this song, the one to let me know he is very pleased with me and wants to be together with me in the SAME dimension soon:
Time In A Bottle -- Jim Croce
She comes through now. I will channel her, right here. She will be the H.S.
H.S. I am sorry!
C: For what? Taking the Galactic Party and using me? Everyone does it. It's the whole SYSTEM of using us for our missions that makes me sick.
H.S. You are angry. And upset at me.
C: No duh. Where have you BEEN the whole time I have been stuck here in this God-forsaken place?!?
H.S. I have been right here by your side.
C: Doing what? Knitting? It has been so long I bet you have made a whole wardrobe of sweaters!
H.S. I am very active in my service to you...
C: Or is it the other way around? Is this Free Will thing a whole crock of shit or what is it??!!
H.S. I do not have the degree of Free Will as you do. I only help. I am bound by honor and the laws of the Galactic Codex, and by Karma.
C: At least when you do something it isn't to serve some Galactic Goddess who is eating bon bons and popcorn and getting entertained.
H.S. You think I do NOTHING?
C: I know that for a fact. (I point to my heart). Why is this so filled with pain and anguish? If you were there it would not feel suffering at all. I couldn't.
H.S. That is the amnesia.
C: To HELL with the amnesia, I am sick of it!
H.S. That is why I am here. Today. With patience and for your heart.
C: Fix it. Fix it and let me get on to the next thing. I want to go. I want to shake off everything that bothers me and go-go-go on to my next task. I feel trapped!
H.S. Who would that serve for you to go off like that?
H.S. And everybody else who is counting on you?
C: (pause) Can I take a break?
H.S. No. You can't. That is what you signed up for.
C: Well, what did YOU sign?
H.S. To serve and to protect you to the best of my abilities.
C: And if I am lost, then, what happens to you?
H.S. I go without a part of me that I will miss very much. I cannot regrow it.
C: So we are more than sourdough bread and starter, me and you?
H.S. Yes. I sponsor you with my own presence.
C: So....you 'sponsor' anybody else?
C: Why do you even care about me?
H.S. Because I love you.
C: But you love EVERYBODY. All of the Galactics do. Why do you care about this one here, seated at the computer?
H.S. Because I have love and family when I am with you.
C: Even though I can't talk to you or know you for all this time up until now?
H.S. Just like if you were in a coma. I would come and talk to you every day.
C: So what happens when I go to sleep at night?
H.S. You are not to ask that question.
C: So what happens to the Consciousness of others when they fall asleep, and how does it 'interact' with their Higher Selves?
H.S. I told you once already not to ask that question.
C: Why not?
H.S. Because you know and the amnesia is blocking you.
C: Will you go away when I wake up?
H.S. I hadn't thought of it in that way. I thought of it as all our love coming together into One, Unity.
C: Dude? I know who I am, and I know what I know. I don't want to know everything. I could care less. I only want to go to Ross, and be his wife, and get the hell out of Dodge.
H.S. That is simply not possible.
H.S. Because Ross has a memory for you, both of you together, very happy, for a Long Life.
C: So....when the two of us are together, His Dream Wins?
H.S. It is for the Highest Good. We don't compete. But whatever serves the Light the most is what eventually happens.
C: (feeling very defeated)
H.S. Ross wants you happy. Happier than this. (gestures at herself and me).
C: Ross wants you. He wants you whole. And that has nothing to do with the happiness of me.
(I hear Time In A Bottle really loud now...)
H.S. Wouldn't you say that Ross wants YOU whole, and YOUR happiness has everything to do with the happiness of me?
C: Are there TWO happinesses? Or ONE?
H.S. In the grand scheme of things there is One, but there are many 'flavors' of the kind of happiness that we enjoy.
C: I don't know you. I don't go to strangers. No matter how much happiness is promised. Down here, people promise children puppies only to kidnap them in cars...
H.S. (she laughs a beautiful laughter that is like bells, and she means it). I would never kidnap you with a puppy. I would just have you taken directly to where it is I want you to go.
C: (dead silence and look at floor). I want to go. I don't like your laugher and your power to make me ZAP anywhere on your whim. I have to trust you and there is a long way to go right now between us. I don't care if you've saved my ass on all of my assignments. I have no way of knowing. And I don't have the patience to watch the 'replays' on the Akhashic Record. It is your word on mine, and I have had enough. I excuse myself now. I thank you for your time, for your concern, and for your love for me. Love can't be forced. Right now I do not feel the warmth and kinship you claim to show for me. I KNOW Ross. I see his face, I touch him. He sends me surprises--songs, small gifts, contact and reassurance. I only want Him right now. Not you. Thank you and good day.
H.S. (She looks at me, puzzled, with tears almost in her eyes, she respects my wishes, and she goes.)
C: ( I run and give her one hug, because her sadness, somehow, I feel in my heart. I can't explain it. I want her to know I am stressed and that I don't understand, and that I am at my limit, but it has nothing to do with how she has treated me. It is the situation. Any two in this situation would have the same effect on me at this time. I don't blame her, personally. I just don't enjoy being told that I have this Other and I am Not Me. She softens, and dries her few tears at the corner of her eyes, and goes.)
Ross says to put this here. I almost didn't. But I thought again, and agree.
One Is The Loneliest Number by Three Dog Night
Aloha and Mahalos,
P.S. Blessed Mother just said the Reunion is going to begin soon.