For those of you who have followed, the last few days have been rough. I felt very threatened by the Presence of my Higher Self. The blog posts links to those days will be added at the end, in case you want the rest of the story.
Yesterday, She--climbed in to my chest.
As I went up the stairs last night, before bed, I prayed with all my heart, thank you God, thank you for the mercy of letting me live, for having her go into my body, and for this compromise between us two. I have worked so hard to exist here in duality, and it would be sad for me to lose all that I have worked for, and simply give it up, to Her.
Divine Father answered back. He asked me to share with you what it is like to have all my dreams gone. All my hopes shattered. Because according to Her, 'now I have a new plate' on which to build my dreams that are based on Love and Happiness.
I don't think so.
Remember the time when Ross asked me what my happiest memories were, and then shattered them with Truth?
Last night my H.S. asked me, 'what is your happiest memory?'
They ask me this in order to get my vibration UP. Happy memories are good for this.
I said I don't have one.
I didn't dare, for risk of having Her smash that memory too!
She pressed on. It was in the middle of the night. I had to void. I got up and said, 'My happiest memory is that the toilet will accept my wastes so I do not suffer and I do not soil myself and my surroundings. That is my happiest memory that I have at this time.'
Even with Ross, I feel different. I feel 'heavy', like there is some 'drag' or 'weight' that is coming along with me. I can't 'move fast' with my energy like I used to. It was like quicksilver.
Ross wanted me to be with him, for some alone time, and I wouldn't engage. I was like--what about HER? and pointed my thumb to my back. He said, 'She is YOU, and She will stay quiet.'
I was like, NO WAY!
The other part that bothered me, is that he is so pleased. So very happy to have both of us together as one, my Higher Self and Me. He took me UP to our home, into our room, and I just wanted to go because I said, SHE lives here, not me...
Ross is very patient, the patience of a saint. He brought me back home, to my house, and simply held me tight. I cried on his shoulder how I don't understand, and I don't like it, and how come it has to be this way?
Earlier in the day, I had said, to God, 'even if I have to walk in circles forever, if that is what I have to do to be with Ross, so be it!'
Well, quietly, Ross said, 'what if you walk in straight lines?' last night, while he was holding me. He showed me his calendar/schedule. All this time is blocked off just for assisting me. He smiled and said, 'If you walk in straight lines only I will steer for both of us.'
Also in my half-awake, half-asleep state, I recall being with my Higher Self. She asked, 'Do you love me?' I said yes, I love everybody.
Out of desperation, she asked, 'How can I get you to like me?'
I said, out of the blue, 'Get me an ice cream?'
Next I saw, in my hand, was a sugar cone with one child scoop of vanilla. I liked it.
I offered to share with her.
She said, 'I can't!'
Yes you can!!!
And I gave her one lick. She wasn't really fond of it, or not, because she had never really tasted it before.
And I shared. I felt warmth and love in my heart, and together we ate that ice cream. I let her bite the bottom off, and she had the part that had melted. I ate the cone.
I don't know what today holds. I am just going along with it, and letting myself enjoy the ride.
It is very delicate, the soul, when it reunites with the Higher Self.
Anything can happen.
Just know the Higher Self will take the Higher Ground, and you will be permitted to experience it as it comes for you, the reunion with your Higher Self, your Soul Family, your Star Family and your Twin Soul who is the masculine counterpart of you, if you are female, and the feminine part of you, if you are male.
Aloha and Mahalos,