Early Morning Start
Yesterday morning it happened again. It's like, I look at the clock, do my chores, and then I look up and the time JUMPED about twenty minutes ahead. I was going to be late. And of course, then is exactly when my son doesn't want to get out of bed, he just stares at breakfast and won't eat, and he gets himself dressed but forgets his socks and doesn't want to go back upstairs to get them because he is sleepy.
I am in a state of panic. For an anesthesiologist, time is everything. We have to show up before the surgeon. Everything has to be ready. They clock us with little clipboards on 'first case starts' and we have to 'check in' when we arrive because they do stats on it.
Yet my neighbor, outside, as I am loading the car, seems to need to talk. Even his dog is glad I know her name. Another burst copper pipe. It's his third one. The insurance doubled his deductible after the second one. He is trying to fix it on his own. He has to re-pipe everything.
I completely understand, and I say words of support, even though I know I am making myself three more minutes late, and those minutes count. (If you ever read the book Oxygen, it's written by a lady anesthesiologist--not me!-- and she does the same with her niece who calls right before work...)
My son just stands there at the car instead of heading to school one we arrive.
He misses me. He doesn't get to see enough and this is why he stalls, the counselor says. And I just had the day off on Monday! Here its Tuesday!!!
In the car on the way to work the most amazing thing happened--I refused to get 'sucked in' to the drama. It is what it is, I can't change it, and I will accept the consequences. I will make changes so it won't happen again. Instead I noticed the beauty of the birds, the trees, the sky, and gave thanks for all my blessings.
Then once in the room, and ready, the neurosurgeon is nowhere in sight! We need his help to flip the patient prone, to make sure the supports and positioning are right before the patient is prepped. So we stand around twenty minutes, all the time I have to the need to void, but I can't because by law one doctor always has to be present in the operating room.
So we flip, once he arrives, and I run to 'go' once the patient is all tucked in, literally running down the hall and back . I break the ice by asking the surgeon what he thinks about the George Clooney wedding. His energy was good and loving the whole time--the brain surgeon--and he confides his wife thinks the bride 'looks mean' and I agree. My mom gave the marriage two years, I give it six months, and the surgeon gives it five years or longer. I quipped, 'So she can get alimony?' and we all laughed!
I get a nudge--and I apologize to the surgeon. You know what? He was chill. He said, 'this case wasn't scheduled, you probably didn't know about it...'
And I explained. Yesterday was the first basketball practice. But then there was homework. And a shower. And way too long after that 'sitting down to go number 2'. I had laundry and chores I did while loosely supervising my son, who resisted everything with passive resistance, did all of the things--homework, shower, etc. I need to be ON him. And I wasn't. We were in bed by ten thirty, but I wake up at three thirty. We both were exhausted and hit the snooze.
Bedtime is eight thirty.
He couldn't believe it! He goes to bed at midnight always. But I asked, 'when do you wake up? Like at six?' And he understood.
I'd like to say the story was happy, and ended there.
But I saw truth. The error propagated itself and affected way more people than I thought:
- The surgeon was one hour late for his patients at his office.
- The following surgeon was delayed, and her next case at a different hospital was pushed back.
- Another surgeon who was in the next room where I relieved someone to go do a heart--he went over because the tech who helps with the tumor ablation was in Hawaii--the surgeon knew what to do but it was not the routine. Also the surgery itself was more complex.
- This delay pushed the vascular surgeon back thirty minutes, and his next case as an outside hospital was delayed too.
We are One. And I saw how my part, and other's, affects all the way out like ripples in a pond.
I hadn't realized that. But at least I refused to panic, and kept in my center, throughout.
Pasta Di Amore
I had a gap between cases, and it was right when my favorite vegan restaurant opens. I felt the 'nudge' to go. But I stalled once in the parking lot. I had a really nice space, and I would lose it! This is a total Southern California thing, parking spots. I called to Ross for help, for guidance. He said, 'you will get one when you come back, even if you have to walk more, just GO!'.
I went.
On the way I thought of what I wanted. There is an asian style kelp noodle I craved, but in my mind I also pictured the really good italian one with zucchini noodles. And with both I wanted a piece of bread to go with them to keep me full, and yet there is no bread at that place!
Once I sat, after being warmly greeted by Chanel, the server who really loves me and she also told me good news--the L.A. place is soon to be open for business and they are hiring!--I said I wanted to order right away.
She suggested a dish that used to be on the menu--kelp noodles with pesto, dried mushrooms, dried onions (it's raw vegan this dish), and a slice of chimichurri bread (it's flax seed dense brown bread)-- called Pasta Di Amore--pasta of love.
It was perfect and I was delighted!
If this was POSITIVE manifestation, I also got to witness NEGATIVE manifestation in a surgeon... I came to relieve a colleague in a gallbladder surgery, which is typically routine. But this one was 'hard!' Everything looked strange inside, and it was hard to see. It was a struggle. Sometimes struggles happen. I notice with this one it's more often than others. He is nice, sweet, caring. His thoughts are often about struggle...I realized, if you think about problems--even in a 'problem solving' manner--if you think about problems and challenges most of the time, that is what you 'get'.
This caused me 'almost panic number two'--at the end of the day I might not be able to pick up my boy before the dollar a minute penalty. Here is was four, I was supposed to have a short day and be out by two, and I am staring at leaving at five at the earliest, and traffic is BAD this time of day!
So I called my sitter, who has not only the most amazing heart, but her prayers WORK! She agreed to back me up. I also messaged another 'friend with connections' about the situation.
Thirty seconds later, the charge nurse comes to the door with the call immediately above me, to relieve me so I could go pick up my son. I could tell that the 'relief' wasn't happy. She asked to go pee. I said yes. Then she wanted yogurt. So I said, 'okay'--and then it got really scary in the OR for a mom at this point--the surgeon got the gallbladder out, and was 'closing'. Rules are if it's ten to thirty minutes, you finish your case and your relief goes home. But this was a complex gallbladder, and he was going to take longer to make sure everything was all right, and it wasn't ten minutes like he said, Intuition told me it would be at least twice that estimate. I was screwed!
But I didn't panic.
I had already cancelled the sitter. But I held hope. The relief agreed to come anyway, once I explained the situation. It was twenty minutes for her. And I got to the school on time. No dollar a minute!
Old Time Fun
I was in my scrubs. We needed to go to a local jeweler to buy some pandora charms for my 'mother in law's' charm bracelet for her birthday. We found three, and ironically, Ross helped me to find the four leaf clover with the hearts one, that was perfect for her, for her 'Big Birthday'.
There was no way I was cooking dinner. My son suggested the 'Crazy Ice Cream Place' where 'They Give You The Pickle'. It was crowded. We sat at the counter and ate.
I was really happy to be hearing all the birthdays and noise and singing that this place is famous for.
And you know what? For the first time since this place opened, I had a hamburger. (yes I eat meat--my son is on the Insulin Resistance diet, and in support I am on it too.)
My heart wanted it. This was the chain I went to to celebrate everything with my family and friends as I was growing up. It closed. There was only one in San Diego for the longest time. Then they came BACK!
We had the burgers. And skimped on the fries and didn't eat all the bun. But then we had tiny sundaes--carb nightmare--but something fun and festive my boy and I needed for our long day. Tonight he spends the night with his father. We had been good all day...and we went to sleep happy. I felt like a kid with my own kid for that very short time.
And yes, he was in bed by eight thirty and me at nine.
Ross
I want to tell you about Carla. Carla is an engineer by training. A chemical one. (he shows lots of equations). There is lots of math, to be an engineer. You have to excel at it. You have to enjoy it. Carla has taken math as complex as linear algebra and boundary value equations, and also differential equations, and applied it in her engineering course work.
Carla is no dummy.
And yet when it comes to her perception, Carla can get just as strung out and panicked as the rest of us.
Carla is not perfect.
Carla keeps her head when things are unexpected, unplanned, and chaotic. That's what I like so much about her. A sense of fun and adventure, and willing to try anything. She encourages ME when together we are in tough situations!
So let me encourage you--Carla here by her example--she started her day off 'on the wrong foot' in a Big Way. An expensive Big Way that affected her reputation and her earning power in a negative fashion. She could have let it--the energy of defeat--consume her, and occupy her all day, 'because THIS Happened'.
She didn't.
She bounced back. She self-righted herself 'right side up' like a 'Weeble'--if you recall those play toys from the 1970's. She righted herself back up with her vibration.
So can you.
I am--both of us are in fact--your CHEERLEADERS and we encourage you on in your journey with your Life plan.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and the beloved he calls 'Reiki Doc', my Carla who is beautiful outside and in.
