This afternoon I went to a Mormon Wedding. Actually, it was a ring ceremony that was followed by a reception.
Many of my coworkers were there.
It was my first wedding I ever went to with my son.
The venue was beautiful, and although I have lived in Southern California my whole life, it was someplace I had never been.
This was a first marriage for the bride, and a remarriage for the groom. He is a friend and fellow doc whom I have known for some time.
I've never seen a groom so in love with his bride before. His face relaxed and crinkled. And she was totally devoted to him. And his children.
He works long, hard hours, like me.
Her family didn't show up. I asked, 'who is related to you?' and she explained it was their choice, she was going to have a good time anyway. (She said her family of origin wasn't the healthiest, and I shared mine had put the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional' like hers too.)
Today was an opportunity to make some meaningful breakthroughs in my own growth:
- At the parking lot, three other people from Main O.R. showed up at the same time. We are a 'work family', we spend so much time there.
- So few chairs were open. People had their purses and were saving seats. The only one who offered was a woman who worked at the surgery center. Things haven't been 'friendly' for me over there for some time. (Reason? As the nurses in the OR said last night, 'some surgeons want you to cut corners and be fast. You are safe. If I had anesthesia, I would pick you. But that's why some surgeons don't like you.)
- Instead of feeling awkward, I embraced this nurse and thanked her, and smiled as we introduced our 'men'--her husband and my son.
- This is a good thing, because with our seating arrangements, we were right next to each other too!
- Directly to my RIGHT at the seating arrangement was the last woman at the same surgery center whom I had confided my concern over the lack of small E tanks (the little green ones people have at home) of oxygen for transport of my patients from the OR to the recovery room. (with shivering, oxygen requirements go up five hundred percent). That was the last straw--and after I confessed to her I was never invited to the surgery center again. It's been four months now--with no explanation from my boss. (He had told me repeatedly to ignore the issue of the oxygen tanks, saying, it is a short trip)
- I turned on the charm, and opened my heart. As it turns out, she had a 'miracle' set of twins, just like my carrying my own pregnancy to term without miscarriage or major embolic event to me was a blessing I give thanks for every day. We became friends today, for the first time, instead of antagonists to each other.
- The heart team was there. This was the team for the program I started but later due to a very old-school, cruel surgeon who was abusive to me, asked me not to work with them (the woman who is the TEE expert is not received well in the 'old boys club'.) Many of these people had been outright cruel--so much so that I would shake when I saw them in the hospital, and avoid them at any chance I could to get away from interacting with them face to face. Oddly enough, today I felt 'ready', and when Spirit 'nudged' me I forgave all I saw, including the partner of the mean surgeon (who has since left). It felt good to forgive. I told the surgeons wife her husband is very skilled and I respected his work.
- I know I never would have had the time or opportunity to become Reiki Doc if I had been still doing hearts. It's a huge time commitment. I would have had less time for my family too. (It's an equal opportunity heart room--this January, a male colleague got 'asked not to come back' too--it's because he didn't know the TEE.)
- Many from my 'OR Family' saw me interact with my son for the first time, and actually met him. One, the charge nurse in Main OR, said, you are a Good Mom!
- I took the time to speak to the parents of the groom, and let them know how he's touched my life, and my family (he has done anesthesia for others). I also let them know how skilled he is in his work, and it's a blessing to the community he has this talent in his work.
- I took time to let each--bride, groom, parents, know how happy I was to share this special day with them.
- I let the bride know how we see so much 'ugly' at work, and how relentless our hours/schedule/caseload is--that her groom appreciates so much more his coming home to her beauty and Light and good attitude.
I used to be shy!
I used to hold grudges!
I used to compare--why me? why am I alone? when is it MY turn to shine?--(smile). Not anymore.
They even let me take home some of the floral center piece arrangements : )))
That is one old tradition in the family that goes way back!
Dancing... seeing my coworkers... time by the water with toes on the sand with my son--PLUS the centerpiece??
It was a wonderful day!
See how subtle Spirit works? And yet how far we can progress?
Give it time, and you will know, by following your inner guidance, that all the 'old you' you never really wanted to be, just sloughs off like an old sunburn...leaving behind the new, glowing, heart-centered person you ARE...and were always meant to be.
Aloha and Mahalos,
P.S. Yes, I gave Reiki. The sun was setting, and I made it available to the Guardian Angels of everyone present. I gave Galactic Reiki and Agarthan Reiki too. How could I not?