Friday, April 18, 2014

My Old Bedroom Shelves

For the first time since I spent a summer at home after freshman year at Berkeley, I slept in my old room, last night. My mother had my baby sister when I was fourteen. Although she shared a room with my other sister while I lived at home, it wasn't very much after I graduated that she moved in to my old room.

It's the safest place in the world, to sleep at your childhood room. Even if there was dysfunction in the home--and there was at the time, seriously, a lot of it--with time and with personal growth the painful memories have faded.

I've spent the night at mom's house before, but always in a different room, and I shared the queen bed with my son. Last night, he wanted to sleep alone, so I was back. Part of me felt the excitement like when I was sixteen all again. All that hope for my future, and relatively 'clean slate' when it came to scars and painful memories of was the failed marriages and the emotional abuse that went with them that caused the most scars to me.

I looked on the wall, and in the room were my old bedroom shelves. With a smile I remembered how we had gone to the hardware store, bought the mountings for the wall, the brackets, and dad had hung them up on my wall for me.

When I lived there, my shelves were filled with awards and tassels...

I had my old maple desk under it and worked really hard to get straight A's, and also to get into college.

The desk, too, was still in the room, but the awards? I have no idea where they are. Instead, the shelves were filled with all the trophies from my youngest sister--softball, cheer, and tennis. Those were her sports in high school.

It was very Zen, to look at where the awards once had been. To look at what has replaced them. And to see that the awards for another have no significance to you, and furthermore, that your awards have no significance to anybody else except perhaps your parents.

What are awards?

Why do we give them?

Why are we hesitant to throw them out?

Is it part of the conditioning of society? I know many 'Fraternal Organizations' are VERY big on Titles and Awards, and that leads up to association with Those Who Do Not Have Our Best Interest At Heart.

In Oneness, after The Event, after Ascension, will everybody just win?

How will it work?

I wonder.

Its fascinating, isn't it, to ponder the new world on Gaia?

With much Blessings, Love, and Light for Passover, Easter, and any other celebration that might come up soon,
Aloha and Mahalos,

Reiki Doc