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Sunday, April 6, 2014
My Beloved? You're Right. It Was My Mistake In The First Place.
Game. Set. Match.
You are right.
I know that is music to your ears! Just like it is music to mine when you call me Cinderella. <3
I know that story well. I have lived it. In many a lifetime.
My first gift that I can remember in this lifetime was a tiny watch with pink numbers and hands, that wound up. On it was the word in script writing, Cinderella.
She's been my inspiration my whole life.
I have to take my son to breakfast at his favorite place. He's getting dressed. I don't have much time to write...he's very hungry, and so am I.
But I want you to know how I FEEL.
I 'got' it. I got the point you were trying to make.
I got it yesterday.
Because of my friend who is dying, and the one who passed suddenly in the fire, I decided to 'pretend' that yesterday was my last 'normal' day on earth.
I enjoyed talking with my mother. I didn't mind the political positioning at the office department meeting on Saturday morning. I didn't care that I make the least money in the group! They explained the higher earnings go to 'those who like to work'. I laughed inwardly. How can you work those hours without a wife to take care of you like the men? How can you make time for your family? It's a balance, is it not--the income and the memories you make with your loved ones?
I went to my favorite garden. I saw where I had once wished to get married...I picked fruit and I ate it. I sent photographs of flowers to my friend who is dying, and the iris I sent her (her pre-agreed sign to let me know it's really HER who is contacting me from beyond) ...was matched with the rose (I sent her my heartfelt wish of every rose in the garden, that this is going to be MY sign to her that the message really is from me, and that I GOT her message when she has the chance to send it from The Other Side.)
I took my son to the park, and I saw with new eyes! The grandfather pushing his grandson with the blue balloon in the swing, and the child's delight. I saw turtles and ducks in the pond where I used to go feed them as a child. The squeak of the swing as I rode on it instantly transported me to childhood at Houghton Park, where mom used to be in her beautiful clothing and push me so patiently every single time we went to the park.
I felt JOY I had not felt in years.
And it felt GOOD to detach!
I wish I could feel like this every day...on others, concerns for my own survival, and my own physical exhaustion and hunger make me cranky and I lose hope.
I will say, I will make an effort to try to see the world more like YOU. For you are RIGHT.
And when I do, my Beloved, when you have the time, I would like to know just how that makes YOU feel about it!!
Remember, feelings are IMPORTANT!!!
That's what keeps us connected with our hearts--you holding up your end, and giving me a little 'tug' every now and then, just to let me know that you are there--and that you are happy to still have this connection with my heart.
I'll be smiling and holding up the other end of our heart-connection on mine, and giving it a little 'tug' back every now and then, just to let you know I am still overwhelmed with happiness just to have this connection to YOU.
I wish you a wonderful Sunday at work, my beloved.
Don't work too hard, and have a good day.
Aloha and Mahalos,