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Monday, August 4, 2014
I fed the snake today.
I have a snake. My boy wanted it as 'his' pet when he was five. I have what has been called a 'zoo', a 'menagerie'--I love animals and I am horribly allergic to cats, and dogs if they live inside. I have a bird, a turtle, and a fish in addition to the snake. Well, and some 'boarder' mice too. The child took care of everything for the cockatoo for two months before I bought the snake four years ago, to show he had responsibility and maturity to have him. That was the last I have seen of either character trait with the pets ever since--just like all parents discover--the novelty wears off quick.
Cecil is a ball python. He is very good-natured. I have written about him before.
I hate to feed him.
He eats live mice and rats. He is very picky--only fresh mice straight from the pet shop. The ones I've 'boarded' for a while don't 'smell' like mice. They smell to the snake like the bird, because they share the same room. So he won't eat them.
The good thing about the snake not eating some of the mice, is that the bird has some company. This morning I had five mice--all of them male, but in the past we have had the 'miracle of life' by accident...
For some reason today, I was having an exceptionally difficult time with the mice in the snake feeding box. I had three I brought from the pet ship this afternoon. I literally was shaking and making the transition symbol on them in their little bin, before one by one, they each went to snake.
I had to close the top on the box so I didn't have to look at them when the snake struck.
I am shown each mouse in spirit after it dies.
I am reassured that it is okay. The person who is with them has them wave to me. They smile...all of them smile, and wave--the spirit guide...and the recently transitioned mice.
It happened today.
Then I remembered why I hate so much to watch death...that's how Ross left me.
It was the worst thing I ever could have experienced. The wounds are deep. And they have stayed with me many lifetimes.
I cried while I was feeding snake.
I cried because of this world of death. And I begged to never have to experience the horror of witnessing anything die ever again! I begged everyone.
What was different, is that behind Ross--he's the one who smiles and shows the me dead mice--this time was a row of about twelve people in robes. Bearded people. SaLuSa was there too.
And I shared how this was never part of the plan, to have things keep on dying. Even though the snake must live, I love him and don't want him to go hungry--the whole downside of Duality is the horrific way that so many 'leave' the Illusion.
And I cried over Ross. How I felt powerless. And guilty. With my intuition I had foretold this to him many a time, but he was steadfast in his efforts, and would not listen to my guidance to him in our last life together on earth.
Then it happened. The fourth mouse, was one from the 'boarders'. The snake quickly coiled and it died with minimum suffering...
He didn't eat it.
The snake killed one mouse, a 'friendly' mouse, and kept looking all over the cage for a 'better mouse'.
I had to take its corpse outside. It's spirit told me it wanted to be buried with the compost.
I honored its wish.
When I was about to throw it in the hole, and cover it, it had one last word with me: make new Life!
Then I really started crying because 'God takes away everything I ever loved and God does not want me to be happy!' I also said that I didn't understand! I would never understand! And it is horrible and pointless and painful suffering that has to stop at once!
I know this is total bullshit--with my logic and my spiritual experience as a medium. But the emotional wounds are just as fresh as ever. I love God. But I also have hit my limit in the 'growth department' on this 'lesson' a really really long time ago. I also saw quite clearly that those who had advised Ross on our son, were those behind his death, and that they knew exactly how to destroy my heart as they had studied me on the timelines...I asked God how this evil can exist?! And why didn't He put a stop to it a long time ago?
Ross asked me to sit on the porch swing. I lay down on it, on my back. SaLuSa told me something, but I started to get upset. I think it was about the necessity of Transition for the delicate ecosystems. It was logic, to make me feel better. Ross gently stepped in.
He talked to me of acceptance. Do you accept I wanted to die? Do you accept I thought of you, when I asked that maybe I wouldn't have to die? Do you accept how I looked when I died? When I died, I was up, above, and even though I was talking and you could hear me after a point I didn't feel--I was safe. (As his twin, I felt everything too. And the worst was when I felt his energy go silent--I felt not only everything leading up to his death, but his actual passing, too, and his soul was gone for the first time where I could not feel it. There is no worse torture for a Twin.)
He asked, do you still love me?
Do you still love me in death? Do you still love me that I did what I did to our boy? Do you love me through the pain that you experienced? Do you love me still? Do you love me through everything?
I said yes softly to every question he asked...
He held me a long time.
Then he told the people who were watching us, to make it so I would never have to be reminded of his death again. He explained to them that I've had enough. And I accepted it, that outcome, his leaving me through a horrific, painful, torturing death. It was time for everyone to move on. Out of respect for what we have experienced as a couple, and as Twins (it is never easy to watch a Twin die)--could I be given that consolation to be able to move ahead with our new life, unencumbered?
The answer from the twelve was 'yes'.
For all it's worth, I feel better.
I was given a lot of healing by the twelve after Ross got me through my last lesson, as in, my most recent one, not my last lesson I will ever learn or anything.
I think it's important to write this.
For other people and their Twin Souls are going to have this kind of healing to go through, as well.
Aloha and Mahalos,