On Letting Go--Thoughts From An Anesthesiologist On Death

Today we are going to bring up a subject that might make some people uncomfortable.  This is not the intent.  The motivation is to bring to you the benefit of my over twenty-years experience in the Operating Room, and to help you make the most of your quality of life when it comes to end-of-life care.



Three Hots And A Cot

This is an old saying among those who work in the hospital, where on the coldest of nights, people who have no place else to go, will come to the emergency room complaining of chest pain. They understand the protocol to rule out a myocardial infarction (heart attack) requires three blood tests taken eight hours apart.  This why food and shelter is given to them for one day, and it is free of charge, as there are few resources typically available for people who use this as a last resource.

People are clever.

So are those who work in the hospital for figuring out a quick saying that captures the situation succinctly, and allows more energy to be focused on other priorities besides the current situation. You can't win. The patient has won by faking a heart attack on a cold winter's night when there is no shelter. And you go through the steps and do what has to be done, but you don't worry or lose any sleep over it, does this make sense?

This patient needs a six pack and a fishing pole.  -- James Jakowatz, MD, Surgical Oncology

To me, this quote from my teacher sums up all of end of life care for the patient's highest good:  there is a point where further intervention will decrease the quality of life for what little time the patient has left--everything must be done to ensure the patient's comfort and to meet the patient's goals of care.

I want you to think about that as we go through the next few scenarios...

Disease Has Its Own Course Over Time

Recently I did major cancer with reconstructive surgery on a patient who was 'lost to follow up'. After the initial abnormal finding on the mammogram and instruction to have a follow-up radiology exam 'just to make sure'--the patient didn't do anything except go from one second opinion to the next, trying to decide what to do.

Cancer growth is described as a 'doubling time'--one abnormal cell takes a certain amount of time to divide into two cells. By the time where it can be detected, it has been present for what could have been a length of time!

Disease is not going to slow down its progression once it gets detected; rather, it is going to pick up steam and accelerate itself in your body whether you choose to act upon the test results or not.

This is difficult and painful for me to say to you.

I know you would like to have time for the emotions to settle after receiving a devastating diagnosis, before you resolve to act. Anyone would like to have unlimited time to search for the best course of action which is right for them...I know this all too well.  I've done it myself, and fortunately I got lucky. But I was playing with fire, with my own life, and I was gambling with very high stakes with my delay.

This is where the love and support of family and friends, and if you are alone then the social worker or chaplain--to help you sort things out once the cards have been dealt.

What could have been a twenty-minute operation with nipple sparing turned into a seven-hour ordeal, with much greater risk of anesthesia and surgery, as well as extensive restructuring of the body appearance because of this delay.

If money is a concern talk to a social worker. Most of my patients these days are funded by the county or the state or Medicare...there are options you might not know exist...

Dedicating This To Mommy and Daddy

My father challenged the system in which I work.  He had a total fear of the ICU. When I worked at the VA, on ICU, and wasn't allowed to leave the floor, sometimes he would bring me Taco Bell...it took a lot of courage for him to walk the length of the ward to the break room to visit with me. He stared straight ahead, and avoided looking at the rooms on either side of him that were his worst nightmare.

I suppose this only further strengthened his resolve to have 'no heroics' when his pulmonary fibrosis was diagnosed.

Have you ever seen 'air hunger'? Father died of it. After a while even the oxygen doesn't work any more. At the end he was so exhausted he did not have the energy to brush his teeth. Mom had to do it for him.

When I got the call, that he 'wasn't looking so good' and it was time to come to his bedside, the hospice nurse from Kaiser was at my parent's home. To my eyes, I saw her giving him an overdose, and withholding definitive care (intubation of the windpipe, like I do every day).   I accused her of all of these things!

My brother--in-law and mom yelled back, and said, 'HE WANTS IT THIS WAY!'

And he died.  It took hours. I had to tell mom to give him permission to go. And once the chaplain anointed him with oil, I saw a vision, my clearest and first one of the pearly gates. I saw him cross over...(there is a blog post describing it in detail, around June of 2009 he passed...not sure when I blogged it).

Father said NO! To long-term care in a facility on a ventilator. Father said NO! to being embalmed. Father said I ACCEPT DEATH after a lot of work with his chaplain and hospice team (they call it Palliative Care with his medical system)...

I learned to respect Daddy for the lesson he taught me--on how to 'let go'.

Mom, on the other hand, said, 'I WANT TO LIVE FOR MY FAMILY'. In 1999, December 31, mom had renal failure.  She could have died in four days had she rejected dialysis.

She took the dialysis.  Then she said, 'NO!' to the support group of dialysis patients. But after a while, she and father decided to go.

Then she said, 'NO!' to the extensive medical testing you need to do to be on the transplant list. She was terrified of having to do the spirometry test.  But after a while, she and father decided to complete that last test and be placed on the transplant list.  She waited with excitement for the day her new kidney would come!  (she didn't want ours, because as she said, 'you girls will need them.')

After time, she said, 'God? I accept this life of dialysis in my heart. I won't fight it any more.'

Two months later she got the call! 'Charlie' the new kidney was hers! She had energy, and a new life! Except for a bunch of pills she had to take, she could travel and enjoy her grandchildren again!

She took care of Anthony for two years while I worked part-time.  He was born three years after the transplant.

But the anti-rejection medicines gave mom both diabetes and bladder cancer. It was ADVANCED!  She needed life-saving surgery.

During each step of the way, in private, I asked her, 'Mom? Do you really want to go through with this? Is this what YOU want? And not what you think the family expects of you?  You let me know, and no matter what, I will explain it to my sisters gently if you just want to stop like dad did.'

She valued my openness and concern. And she told me where all the 'funeral packet' is and how she's planned everything. But for now, she wanted to live, and that was her goal.

It was a very long, drawn out time for her in recovery. But now she is content, and alive, two years later.

So whether it is a YES or a NO, you have the right to decide what is right for YOU, every step of the way, when devastating illness makes itself present in your life...

Dad as a little boy

Here Is The Skinny

From where I work in the O.R., I see a LOT. And there are some things that exist that I call 'mortal wounds'...

• that LAST thing that goes wrong in a patient who has multiple serious medical problems of all organ systems--who was living independently until this seemingly minor 'thing' happens.
• end stage cancer to the point of intestinal blockage in multiple locations with ascites
• tumors everywhere and weight loss to the point of being 'cachectic' (wasting)
• going for anesthesia for something minor when there is sleep apnea and morbid obesity
• any anesthesia when there is pulmonary hypertension
• very extensive surgery in someone who is not in the best of health

The patients basically 'want their old life back' and seek surgical intervention as a drastic means to 'obtain it'...

They and their families are not thinking it through.

There are surgeons who will operate on anyone who has a pulse.  Whether it is to do an exciting case, or to 'help', or to make money, there is a lot of pressure not to cancel their case...

In essence, if I have a 'BAD FEELING' about the risk of a poor outcome (death, stroke, etc) but no test results or evidence to 'back it up', I can't cancel the case...but if you look very closely at my face and my eyes, you will see my concern there.

In very brief explanation, for the reasons above, I submit:

• there are too many 'miles on the car' to withstand the anesthesia, surgery, hospitalization and recovery.  There is little or no 'physiologic reserve' to help you get through all what it ahead.
• It's a choice of dying with tubes and bags on the stomach or just without--it won't extend life.
• The doubling time has increased the tumor load on the body to where the tumor is taking more of the nutrition than you. At this point we are just 'feeding the cancer' and tube feeding is withheld...
• airway management in anesthesia is a serious risk we don't talk about. If you open your mouth and no one can see your uvula (that thing that dangles down in the back) you better be having your surgery at an experienced center who handles the difficult airway. No one might tell you that you had a significant desaturation after anesthesia was induced and the airway was controlled with the breathing tube because it was difficult to put in place.
• the risks of poor outcome with anesthesia and pulmonary hypertension are about fifty percent where with other diseases it is less than one percent.
• surgery is like running a marathon--the longer it is, the harder it is on your system.

Have The Talk

There are three talks you need to have about the end of life before you EVER mention it with your doctor...


With yourself
What do YOU want? Do you want to be kept alive? Or allowed a Natural Death? Do you want hospice? Who would you pick to make your medical decisions for you if you can't? How far do you want to extend yourself in treating your ailment? And what 'decision points' will be signs for you that perhaps it is time to change up the plan, and perhaps, suit your goals further, in another direction?  (By the way, I strongly suggest doing what works for you in MANY areas of healing, not just one...)


With your family
I have made it know that if I am in a persistent vegetative state I am OKAY with it. I only want my loved ones to be able to see and touch me as they need to, and when God says 'it's time' I am okay to go. In the meantime, I have my Jewish Friends on alert that I want the Torah read to me as much as possible, in Hebrew--because even though I can't understand it, my soul somehow does, and is deeply comforted by hearing it. My stylist Ed is the one who is 'on the hook' for this right now, and has been for over ten years. When Anthony was born, Ed came to the hospital with his little prayer book--and said blessings over the child and me. It meant so very much to us both, that he would do something so kind that no one else would be able to do for us.


With God
This is the most delicate of them all. Because, as we know, we don't have the final say in the outcome. It is important at this point to invite 'Creator' (I call it 'God' out of habit) to help direct your choices for The Highest Good.  Case in point, a woman I recently met at a mediumship had a husband die young. He was very sick, and he wanted to suicide. She was very disturbed. She loved him and didn't want him to suffer, but the ways he had in mind were messy and graphic and more than she could accept at the time. A mutual friend found a group, 'EXIT' in their native Switzerland. It helps people in his situation suicide. So he drank something, and she listened to his heart, and fifteen minutes later it stopped and he was dead.  she STILL bears the emotional scars from witnessing his suicide, and he left her with three kids to raise all alone...and this was over TEN years ago! So his 'FREEDOM' cost her more SUFFERING... so when it comes to the 'big picture' (read 'karma balances' overall--do you want to owe any in the hereafter?) make sure you get Creator in your court when you can.

There are a lot of blessings at the end of life. Some people spend their energy and purpose in easing the Transition of those who need it the most.  It is inspiring to us all.


Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,

Reiki Doc



P.S. for synchronicity--I've had this post rattling around inside for two days--and my friend and Reiki student also published this--and she is thousands of miles away, and we don't really keep in contact much <3  http://thewaytotheway.com/the-cure-for-death/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=the-cure-for-death
(Dis-Ease is energy imbalance, disharmony in the energy body that develops into physical illness if left uncorrected)

Galactic And You Know It!

History is being made.


Recently, we drew back the veil on death, and what it means:  http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2014/08/lifting-veil.html


Then today, two very important disclosures took place:

• How The Galactic Central Sun was activated to save Gaia and her people: https://thesilverplatinumflame.wordpress.com/2014/08/21/my-journal-august-2-2014-i-pushed-the-red-button/
• The Truth About The Galactics and Us:  https://thesilverplatinumflame.wordpress.com/2014/08/21/my-journal-august-21-2014-some-necessary-words-about-extraterrestrial-beings/

This work is very important, and serves as a primer for all of humanity to awaken.

It is time to come home and enjoy the nurturing, warmth, love, and compassion Heaven has in store for all of us. Every single One.

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Reiki Doc

Lifting The Veil

Recently I have been asked several questions by my readers:

1. Explain the transition to the afterlife 2. Is there a formal script i can use as a guide for my moms service? 3. What basics should i cover? 4. What is death? 5. What is it like on the other side?
6. What do I do when my life becomes overwhelmingly negative and dark entities physically attack me and my pet?


Reiki was discovered, legend has it, because the students of Usui Sensei asked the question, 'How did Jesus physically heal others, not just healing the soul like modern beliefs discuss?'

In Japan, there is honor in that when the teacher does not know the answer to the question, they will make the effort to find out. Legend has it that Usui traveled through three different continents, learned several ancient languages, and studied the ancient tests directly in search of the answer.

Although my Japanese energy workers shall be quick to point out that this is legend, and nothing more, I think there is something worthwhile in this lesson:  that the students direct the class in the direction their collective consciousness wants it to go.

So here we are!


Let's review:

• the last blog post, http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2014/08/waiting-for-right-wave.html, discusses why we 'learn lessons'. For Ascension, this is an important step. Through self-discovery and increased awareness of ourselves, for example, how we think in a certain subject, or how we act that might have connection to a past life--we review and decide whether this 'thought pattern' is something we want to keep with us. This is a chance to raise the vibration by discarding low-vibration thought patterns from the energy body.
• Just like an epidural anesthetic for labor, there is a whole range of pain relief that an epidural can run. The heaviest it can be is so numb you don't know you have legs but you can move them. And the lightest is that pressure waves come and go (the contractions halfway covered up) but they don't hurt.  In this same manner there is a whole range of Consciousness one can have through the Ascension process.
• One of my colleagues who I respect and admire for her bold, pioneering spiritual growth, stated on her page yesterday that 'I don't need lessons'. Technically, this is correct. She has raised her vibration to a threshold where it is not as important for her spiritual growth--she has one leg 'up' on the Ascension 'bandwidth' already. She is leading the way and is enjoying the vibrations of the higher realms (5D). 
• For every one of her, there are many, many more who are just on the awakening end of the Ascension process, and are needing to 'do the work' to help prepare themselves for this new energy level or 'vibration'. Like getting a series of gentle Reiki attunements, their spiritual journey is going to 'open them up' to be able to handle the higher frequencies that are arriving to earth.
• Remember, Earth is like a one-room schoolhouse--and many grades are welcome and accepted in the program!
• People who have higher vibrations tend to be able to see ghosts and communicate with their angels easier than people who don't...

1. Explain the Transition to the Afterlife?   As people approach their Transition, they spend time going back and forth with their consciousness between both worlds. They are deciding and in preparation, much as a baby 'drops' into the pelvis in preparation of being born. At some point the soul disconnects from the body, and moves on to where it is from. Here is an example where I witnessed the transition of my beloved Nana Angelina (http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2013/11/what-i-just-saw-with-my-third-eye.html) and also when I witnessed the transition of my father (http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2011/10/why-behind-wow-oh-wow-oh-wow.html)
2. Is there a formal script I can use as a guide for my mom's service (she just transitioned recently from cancer last weekend--ed)?  Most services are for the living. Depending on how 'religious' your family is, it can take anything from a 'mass' type of 'service' that is something everyone recognizes as 'saying goodbye'--to simply opening the microphone for people to come up and share their memories of the deceased loved one. I tend to prefer the latter. I would use my pendulum and spirit and ask your mom from the other side what she would prefer. Here is a resource for you: http://www.ulcseminary.org/ceremonies.php
3. What basics should I cover?  Love is the Solution for Everything. She loved her family. She loved her life. She loved her career. She loved being a mom. Give examples to paint a picture of her love and how it was evident through her life. And give everyone an opportunity to share how she touched their lives too. For my father, I told the guests at the funeral, 'Dad, I KNOW you are up there (pointed to the back of the church) listening.' and I spoke from my heart a short message I had prepared for the family. The pastor let us come up. I, my boy, and my nephew all came up.
4. What is death? Death is when your soul no longer is connected to its vehicle to experience life, the physical body. Here is a description of the physical processes leading up to death itself: http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2012/07/energetic-look-at-death-what-you-need.html
5. What is it like on the other side? If you ask me, Heaven is a place--or rather, a 'vibration'--where nurturing, warmth, love and compassion flood your very being 24/7. Time does not exist. People don't need to eat and sleep, although there are rest periods. They have homes there. And many entertainers and comedians put on shows for people. You have access to the geniuses in the fields of your former work and your hobbies, and can consult with them for their expertise. There is a lot of watching and sending guidance and love to those of your family who are still incarnate in the Illusion too. As always, souls learn and grow, but it is slower and more gentle a process on The Other Side. As Sylvia Browne said, 'Live a good life, then go Home.'  My teacher put together this meditation which might be helpful for you: http://www.annereith.com/product/lives-between-lives-guided-meditation-anne-reith-ph-d/
6. What do I do when my life becomes overwhelmingly negative and dark entities physically attack me and my pet?  According to Anne Reith, PhD, my teacher, we have free will. The dark entities have to obey us. We tell them to Get Out and Go! They have to. It's that simple. It must be a strong belief and strong will to make them go. (these are those unattached to us. ) For those that are 'attached' and it's early, for some Reiki practitioners, self-Reiki is enough to 'clear the aura and energy field'. For others, for example, one woman whose Twin Flame boyfriend had entities that physically made him move--had a friend and lightwkrker removing the attachments without much success. I had her refer out. She got Margaret to clear her and her Twin. Now she is enjoying tremendous progress in her reunion with him. Here is how to contact Margaret for her services. Sometimes in cases of hardship ways to work around this are available too: www.margaretmccormick.com  For things that are often on high-ranking Lightworkers to disable them for their missions--sometimes etheric implants of a different nature are present. The work of Reverend Pamela and Alexandra Meadors are very helpful in cases like this. And example is Alexandra's husband Steven, who had one wrapped around his brainstem and altered every thought he had for the negative, leading to a life of addiction and abuse. He cured after this process of removal. http://galacticconnection.com/guardian-healers-alliance/irp-2/
7. What if you did not answer my question? spirit is always available if you ask. Archangel Michael and Archangel Raphael are always a good start. Just go within, and ask from your heart for All Divine Assistance. It might require patience. Oh yes, Archangel Nathaniel is very good for really difficult situations. He says, 'no job is too big!' So is Saint Jude and Saint Anthony for the impossible. Here is an example of mediumship for you: http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2013/07/my-ride-home-with-michael-jackson.html

Ross:

Good morning.

It is a pleasure to be with you.

Carla, in her humility, totally forgot how I came to her assistance on her last call. 

In the middle of the night, after a very long day at work and only one hour asleep, she got her worst nightmare--a bloody airway. It was similar to a tonsil post-op that bleeds and has to come back to the O.R. to control the hemorrhage.

She collected herself, put on her shoes, and made the sleepy drive from her home back to her work, where she spoke with the surgeon about the surgical plan. She also, after setting up, went to the ER to examine the patient. It was the worst--sitting up, bolt upright, with four buckets already filled with blood clots that had been spit out, and the patient gurgling and coughing up more blood as they said it, 'every thirty seconds'.

This one was challenge for the following reasons:

• blood loss can lead to hypotension (low blood pressure) after starting anesthesia. It can be life-threatening.
• the airway can be so filled with blood the only thing the anesthesiologist can do is have someone press on the stomach and they 'go for the bubbles' to guide them to insert the tube.
• the airway can be lost, catastrophically, leading to need for emergent surgical airway.
• blood can spray all over her, and the patient might have a contagious pathogen in the bloodstream she can catch.

I helped Carla.

I sent her colleague from OB to be randomly at the OR right before the case started, so she could have back-up just in case if she needed it.

The work has a Glide Scope which was very useful for this case.

Carla has had coins in the airway of children in the past, and knows how to keep the airway open if anything were to go wrong.

She is comfortable putting patients to sleep that are sitting up.

She asked for me, and her whole heart knew without question that I would assist if it was for the highest good for everything to go right. Her calm, her zen, her faith in me, as a leader to those present in the OR with her was contagious to everyone in the room; everyone thinks it is the surgeon who is the 'leader' and sets the tone in the Operating room, when actually, it is the anesthesiologist. In times of risk, it is the anesthesiologist who directs everyone in the OR towards the rescue of the patient from whatever danger they are in.

I love her with all my heart, Carla, my wife.

I would do anything possible for her, when she asks.

I am not incarnate. There is only so much that I can do for her with my support.

That being said, there is a lot that I can do to help her that isn't seen.

I was standing there with her, holding her with my energy field, stabilizing her from panic, and keeping her calm the whole time. She did not know or feel my presence.

I was there.

Your loved ones do this effortlessly for you when you are in trouble too. They are your angels, guides, and LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY--no matter what may have happened between you in your common life when you were both incarnate.

I want you to reflect on this as you go throughout your day.

Open your heart, and feel the love that all of us have for you, even me. I love you like Carla, only different--she is my Twin and there is no other love like that---and Both of us LOVE you with all that we are, and we heal you and send you blessings whether you ask for specific ones, or not.

Our presence is to guide you in your awakening.

Namaste,

Peace,

Aloha nui loa,

Ross and Carla, the Reiki Doc.

Acceptance

I fed the snake today.

I have a snake. My boy wanted it as 'his' pet when he was five. I have what has been called a 'zoo', a 'menagerie'--I love animals and I am horribly allergic to cats, and dogs if they live inside. I have a bird, a turtle, and a fish in addition to the snake. Well, and some 'boarder' mice too. The child took care of everything for the cockatoo for two months before I bought the snake four years ago, to show he had responsibility and maturity to have him. That was the last I have seen of either character trait with the pets ever since--just like all parents discover--the novelty wears off quick.

Cecil is a ball python. He is very good-natured. I have written about him before.

I hate to feed him.

He eats live mice and rats. He is very picky--only fresh mice straight from the pet shop. The ones I've 'boarded' for a while don't 'smell' like mice. They smell to the snake like the bird, because they share the same room. So he won't eat them.

The good thing about the snake not eating some of the mice, is that the bird has some company. This morning I had five mice--all of them male, but in the past we have had the 'miracle of life' by accident...

For some reason today, I was having an exceptionally difficult time with the mice in the snake feeding box. I had three I brought from the pet ship this afternoon. I literally was shaking and making the transition symbol on them in their little bin, before one by one, they each went to snake.

I had to close the top on the box so I didn't have to look at them when the snake struck.

I am shown each mouse in spirit after it dies.

I am reassured that it is okay. The person who is with them has them wave to me. They smile...all of them smile, and wave--the spirit guide...and the recently transitioned mice.

It happened today.

Then I remembered why I hate so much to watch death...that's how Ross left me.

It was the worst thing I ever could have experienced. The wounds are deep. And they have stayed with me many lifetimes.

I cried while I was feeding snake.

I cried because of this world of death. And I begged to never have to experience the horror of witnessing anything die ever again! I begged everyone.

What was different, is that behind Ross--he's the one who smiles and shows the me dead mice--this time was a row of about twelve people in robes. Bearded people. SaLuSa was there too.

And I shared how this was never part of the plan, to have things keep on dying.  Even though the snake must live, I love him and don't want him to go hungry--the whole downside of Duality is the horrific way that so many 'leave' the Illusion.

And I cried over Ross. How I felt powerless. And guilty. With my intuition I had foretold this to him many a time, but he was steadfast in his efforts, and would not listen to my guidance to him in our last life together on earth.

Then it happened. The fourth mouse, was one from the 'boarders'. The snake quickly coiled and it died with minimum suffering...

He didn't eat it.

The snake killed one mouse, a 'friendly' mouse, and kept looking all over the cage for a 'better mouse'.

I had to take its corpse outside.  It's spirit told me it wanted to be buried with the compost.

I honored its wish.

When I was about to throw it in the hole, and cover it, it had one last word with me:  make new Life!

Then I really started crying because 'God takes away everything I ever loved and God does not want me to be happy!' I also said that I didn't understand! I would never understand! And it is horrible and pointless and painful suffering that has to stop at once!

I know this is total bullshit--with my logic and my spiritual experience as a medium. But the emotional wounds are just as fresh as ever. I love God. But I also have hit my limit in the 'growth department' on this 'lesson' a really really long time ago. I also saw quite clearly that those who had advised Ross on our son, were those behind his death, and that they knew exactly how to destroy my heart as they had studied me on the timelines...I asked God how this evil can exist?! And why didn't He put a stop to it a long time ago?

Ross asked me to sit on the porch swing. I lay down on it, on my back. SaLuSa told me something, but I started to get upset. I think it was about the necessity of Transition for the delicate ecosystems. It was logic, to make me feel better. Ross gently stepped in.

He talked to me of acceptance. Do you accept I wanted to die? Do you accept I thought of you, when I asked that maybe I wouldn't have to die? Do you accept how I looked when I died? When I died, I was up, above, and even though I was talking and you could hear me after a point I didn't feel--I was safe. (As his twin, I felt everything too. And the worst was when I felt his energy go silent--I felt not only everything leading up to his death, but his actual passing, too, and his soul was gone for the first time where I could not feel it. There is no worse torture for a Twin.)

He asked, do you still love me?

Do you still love me in death? Do you still love me that I did what I did to our boy? Do you love me through the pain that you experienced? Do you love me still? Do you love me through everything?

I said yes softly to every question he asked...

He held me a long time.

Then he told the people who were watching us, to make it so I would never have to be reminded of his death again. He explained to them that I've had enough. And I accepted it, that outcome, his leaving me through a horrific, painful, torturing death. It was time for everyone to move on. Out of respect for what we have experienced as a couple, and as Twins (it is never easy to watch a Twin die)--could I be given that consolation to be able to move ahead with our new life, unencumbered?

The answer from the twelve was 'yes'.

For all it's worth, I feel better.

I was given a lot of healing by the twelve after Ross got me through my last lesson, as in, my most recent one, not my last lesson I will ever learn or anything.

I think it's important to write this.

For other people and their Twin Souls are going to have this kind of healing to go through, as well.



Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,

Reiki Doc

Rental Car Return

The energies are increasing.  All of the vibration on earth is preparing for Ascension, both of the inhabitants (human) and the planet itself.

I know, I feel tingly all the time in the muscles of my body. The dense molecular structure of our three dimensional physical bodies is being upgraded to one that is compatible with five D; we will keep our bodies as we ascend!

You have experienced your body grow from birth unto your present age, without much discomfort, right?

It is sort of a growing experience like this--one you don't think about but you see the signs of it and have to buy your son or daughter new shoes for their bigger feet or new clothes that fit because they simply grow out of them.

Even as wonderful as we are, according to the Heavenletters, our bodies are simply like Rental Cars for us to drive and experience life lessons. http://sirianheaven.wordpress.com/2014/04/05/heavenletter-4880-courage-and-greatness-side-by-side-april-5-2014/

But for all this, as it is said and done--and God? I'm still waiting for you to tell us how you FEEL, not mentally describing to us what we ARE--the time has arrived where we must discuss Vibrational Incompatibility.

As the vibration of Earth increases, each of us, on a soul level, has a basic choice:

• LOVE IT and ask for MORE and hang on for the ride!
• Hang in there with the discomforts and 'make it through' intact
• Realize you are growing increasingly uncomfortable with each increase in Vibration, and cut your losses on a Soul Level and OPT OUT to be reborn in a new 'Rental Car'

This all has to do with the thoughts.

Think of Eeyore trying to get the hang of Love and Happiness and Dancing Around.

It's EEYORE! How much realistically can Eeyore be expected to 'Lighten Up'? Even if he wants to, it's not going to be the easiest thing to accomplish. And perhaps Eeyore might want to reincarnate into a 'Rental Car' or 'Body' that has the capacity to be more like Winnie The Pooh.

Very devout Buddhists have a belief that everyone walks around with a little flag on their shoulder. For example, and I barely recall this as my medical school classmate once described it, let's say your little flag is the color white. That means you die in your sleep. The red flag may mean something like you die in an accident when you are young. The blue flag might mean physical illness, disease, and dying from that.

Although these Buddhists do not like losing a loved one or friend any more than others because of the concept of these little flags on the shoulder that are invisible, there is understanding because these little flags have something to do with the pre-birth contract, karma, and exit points.

We had someone at my work die in a fire in their home recently.

Everyone is sad. The guy who used to share a ride. The coworkers. Those who gave emotional support and knew things were difficult for this person. 

Everyone is reacting.

I knew this person, loved them, had a locker near them, and was Facebook Friends.

I also felt the vibration sinking terribly low. This person was a chronic negative thinker. Lots of smiles, lots of kindness, a beautiful heart. I could listen to the words, feel the energy, and know they were 'firmly rooted in the 3D life experience'.

In essence, we had an Eeyore that smiles.

This person checked out. Took their 'exit point' in the Life Contract in an accident. And put their 'story' to rest.

What God isn't telling you, but Sylvia Browne did: there is a LOT that goes on 'behind the scenes' of why we live and why we die PLUS each soul gets their choice on what option they wish to take, on a Soul Level whether to live or to pass on to another life.

It takes an enormous amount of trust in What Is in order to accept this: each person who dies, on a soul level--which might be completely unconscious--has either chosen to accept an exit point, or has come to the end of their Life Contract and run out of extensions.

So they leave.

And we cry. Because our Love that we once shared is very REAL and also exists between our two hearts no matter where each one of us is.

Game changes, story is over, and 'Life Goes On' (much as I hate that expression).

Next time you hear about mass casualties in the news, chances are, their Higher Selves arranged to be on this next 'Red Flag' exit point together.

When you find terrible disease strikes--do what you can and pray and help the patient heal--but always have in the back of your mind that little blue flag might be on their shoulder and doing its thing.

This is Illusion, this world we live in.

Just like at Disneyland. Do you know how much planning and work is going on behind the scenes 'backstage' in order to create the experience the guest has inside the park? Tons of activity! It is down to a science, and now they sell 'The Disney Experience' to management courses to help make people have that nice feeling that they have when they are in the park at OTHER places of business who hire the consultants!

So with this Illusion called Life, please know that 'Backstage' exists, there is logic and reason for everybody's actions and life story. 

If you ask me some who come to earth and incarnate and get terrible lives are like angels who agrees to be the vendors who sell popcorn and ice cream in the middle of the park and don't really get to enjoy the experience of the park...they just make the illusion 'go'...

I could be wrong.

I only wish to point out to you something you might enjoy pondering, something that might help take away the pain or at least lessen it, when something unexpected turns up in your life that deals with loss.

I have had all kinds of things taken away from me, from my heart, and I have cried many tears, acted out, and held grudges against the souls of those who left me for many thousands and thousands of years. Only now is it coming together and beginning to make sense for us--my soul and theirs.

So I don't blame you.

I embrace you.

I kiss you on the head, and soothe you as best as I know how, from one survivor to another in this crazy joke called 'the illusion' or 'life', and tell you that sometimes our loved ones have their reasons which we cannot understand. It has to do with the way things work, and their choices, and what they want to experience/their lessons--a whole bunch of factors.

We will go through the box of tissues together, me and you, as we face each loss! We shall eat the whole box of cookies to make ourselves feel better! I shall offer you with kindness my very best cup of tea...

We shall weather the storm that has been left by the loss of someone very important in our lives!

And as the Auras heal, I'll shake my fist at the sky, to whoever was involved in this decision that affects us deeply so, and say, 'what EVER!!!!!' just like the pure-blooded Southern California Native Girl I am...

I love you.

I am truly sorry you have to experience LOSS in any way, shape or form.

God loves you (much as sometimes I can't understand it myself by His actions)...and so do I.

I want you to know so much that's why I said 'I love you' twice...

I know it might not seem like it, from where we are, right here and now, but I believe with my whole heart, everything is going to be okay, for both of us, and something we don't understand has happened--as much as we don't like it and never, ever have to agree to like it--something has taken place that is for the highest common good for all souls involved.

Those who have left have had their say. 

What more can we do?

Aloha and Mahalos,

Namaste,

Peace,

Reiki Doc

The Exit Strategies

'Qui vit en paix avec lui-même vit en paix avec l'universe.'  --  Marc-Aurele

'He who lives in peace with themselves lives in peace with the Universe.'  -- Marcus Aurelius



Every Soul Has The Freedom To Decide Its Soul Progress
Earth, or Surface Gaia, is a school that offers something to each Soul in a variety of levels for Soul Development. Like a one-room school, Gaia offers Lessons that are available to every level of Soul Growth. Her Diversity is unparalleled in all the Universe!


Gaia Is Upgrading Her Curriculum
The Soul of the planet has a Soul Development Plan for Herself, as well. Think of Her being a planet as a 'Master Class', for example, a class for dance teachers or yoga instructors, to help Her become her best Soul she can be too.


Not Every Soul Is Comfortable With The New Upgraded and Further Advanced Curriculum
Each soul has autonomy to learn its Lessons at its own pace. Sometimes it is needed to repeat a Lesson until it is mastered at a Soul Level. According to Sylvia Browne, each Life is 'scripted' for major Lessons, and gifts, and Mission or Purpose, in a Pre-Birth Contract.
Each Contract has 'Exit Points'. There are about five of them written into each Life Script. At an 'Exit Point' a Soul has the option to continue the contract, or to exit Gaia and move on to something else. The last Exit Point is non-negotiable.
For some Souls, the incoming Vibrations of Higher Frequency are extremely uncomfortable to them. Imagine listening to fingernails being scratched on a black board, or chalk scratching on it, or any other unpleasant and annoying sound that drives one to distraction. How can a soul concentrate on its Mission when it is in this state of Distress?

Exit Plans or Exit Strategies Have Been Developed Between Each Soul and Source For The Event
According to a recent Gaia Portal, the exit strategies for these Souls who might not make the most from this 'Upgraded Curriculum' are in place. I have seen sudden, recent loss in some of the loved ones of my readers recently. They share about it on social media sites where I am present. They also ask for Reiki and for Spiritual Support (for the survivors and their ones who have passed). Although this loss is difficult, and grief is not a welcome experience, the loss is the soul exercising its right to 'go', and must be respected. My mother lost her uncle who is the same age as her--both her grandmother and mom were pregnant with them at the same time. Mom is the last survivor of her family line, almost. When you hear news of a sudden death, please use the perspective of the Soul and its option to leave and return as a newborn on Gaia or Off-Planet to continue its Soul Lessons at a 'level' that is optimum for them.  This also applies to sudden break-ups in relationships, too.

Angelic Assistance Is Available At All Times To Help Those Grieving A Loss
In case of overwhelming distress, make the call with your heart, mind, and soul, for All Divine Assistance to be given to you. Angels, Ascended Masters, and Deceased Loved Ones will hear your call! You may or may not experience 'contact' with these Guides, but they shall be Present with you. Journaling will help you keep track of the sudden ideas and signs and messages sent so when you look back you will see the pattern of Divine Intervention on your behalf. Dreams are important for this too. Also be sure to use the services of a reputable Medium if your adjustment to this Loss is extending for a long stretch of time and making your ability to function impaired.



I hope this message offers some explanation to what is happening from a Spiritual Perspective.

Let Go, Accept it as Divine Will, and Ask, Believe, and Receive as you enter your new phase that was suddenly placed upon you as the 'loved one that was left alone'.



Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,


Reiki Doc

The 'Closed Heart'--A Lesson In Duality and The Higher Dimensions

This is a story of observation.

There is no right, and there is no wrong.

This is looking at a death in the family through higher dimensional 'eyes'…

Our matriarch breathed her last.
I, who was very close to her, was present in the room.
I am comfortable with death because I am a doctor.

I was glad we were alone.
There was peace, a mixture of joy and sadness at the finality of the 'goodbye'
She had lived a good life, and spent years suffering from the ravages of dementia.

Yesterday was the viewing.
No one was invited but the closest.
She looked beautiful in her pink casket with pink rose sprays and a pink rose heart arrangement.

I wanted to see her One Last Time
The hands that helped raise me
And pay respect to the Heart that guided me throughout my whole life.

I was safe with her
And loved
Very much so

In the room, was another, who was there by duty as much as by free choice
It was better that this one was present, another decided not to even go.
'You were a good mother' this one said to the corpse.

The eyes were dry but the voice cracked a bit.
This one brought treasures to put in the casket
A favorite sweater, a robe, jewelry, a watch

I didn't bring anything
Except my Awareness
Memories washed over me of all the good that has passed, the kindness, the lessons; quickly I was transported to the place of No Time, of Silence, of Gratitude and Heart.

That is the Higher Dimensions.
But I kept being 'yanked' back into Duality
By the one who has 'cried all their tears' and brought the treasures.

This one was anywhere but here and now!
Old hurts brought up against others--the inheritance denied, the savings spent by a careless one, memories of pain, shame, and unhappiness.

None of these had anything to do with the deceased!
There was talk of who would come to the funeral, what time the meal after…
No matter how I tried to distance myself and get back to 'that space of Timelessness'--I was not allowed to return.

I left my hand on the shoulder of the one who had passed, feeling the cold, taking in the Presence.
And I opened my heart in Love to The One That Does Not Understand.
Left behind by parents and husband, perhaps the pain was too deep to fathom?

Or perhaps the knowledge that 'my turn awaits'?
There is Life, the endless busy rushing of the living.
And the Divine which encompasses us all.

Where is your Heart?
And what is its dimension?
No matter where it is…will you open it?

Just a little more, to allow Light to bathe every cell in your body,
Every thought, every emotion, every hope, every pain.
You are Light-That-Walks-Around-On-Two-Feet!

Always remember this.
My lesson from grandmother
Is the beauty and softness of a heart that is opened by pain.

By joy and sweet surrender
To Lessons that Life does bring
Not judging, not worrying…

Staying open to the Light
Through the Heart
To 'Connect' to something that connects us all.

And to share this Light with those who are too tired to grieve,
Too stressed to Open.
Fully present, Here and Now, I Hold the Space for Others to awaken…

In my family
my work
my home.

And also on this page.
<3






Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,

Reiki Doc

My Work With Nana Angelina: The Debriefing

Happy Birthday Nana. Today would have been your ninetieth birthday, but yesterday was your birthday in Heaven.

My niece Lauren was so sweet she made a birthday card and changed the day to yesterday so nana 'officially' made it to ninety. I placed that note in her hand, as my niece was too scared to come see the body.

Nana had a good death.

In medicine, there are 'good' ways to die that are relatively painless and easier on the body--nana had renal failure and sepsis (overwhelming infection). Lung disease deaths are one of the more uncomfortable ways to go. Cancer is in-between. I highly recommend hospice, especially 'bedside' hospice during the actively dying process. Hospice is helpful to prepare in advance, and also Death Midwivery is a new field of compassion to assist in this part of the circle of Life.


How I Helped Nana In The Physical:
I am a doctor. I've seen death many times before. I cleared my schedule on Saturday, and spent all day with my doctor's eyes and ears evaluating her. Early dying had begun. I agreed with hospice consultation, and spoke at length with the nurse about the psychosocial issues in the family unit (they are complex) and coordinated all of the needs for Nana.

I also gave comfort by doing cooling measures for the fever, touching nana's hair (she liked my stroking her head gently), and wetting her mouth and lips. I rubbed lotion on her, and sang her the very same lullabies she had once sung to me. They are Sicilian, and have a space at the end for the name of the baby. I added the names of every family member as I sang chorus after chorus of the song. She smiled, and her eyebrows raised and moved with interest, as each person's name came up.

After nana passed, I straightened up the gown and sheets, combed her hair, and placed her hands on the covers in a natural position. I closed her mouth, but the wrinkles looked unnatural, and decided for her to keep it open for the family. I also took the nasal cannula oxygen off.

How I helped Nana in The Mental:
Nana clearly did not know she was dying. She was confused at the start because she was hungry and feeling awful. The bulk of the work I did on her behalf was being next to her, not leaving, and reassuring her every time she woke up that I was there and it was going to be okay and she was going to feel better.

I also explained every treatment that was given, and why. She had once wanted to be a schoolteacher, but was never allowed to complete her education past the sixth grade. A lot of my intelligence comes from her, and I respected her ability to understand. Although her memory was not functioning due to her Alzheimer's, she was 'in there' till the very end, and I spoke to her as such.

How I helped Nana in The Emotional:
Our family is dysfunctional. Let me make that with capital letters--DYSFUNCTIONAL. I won't go into the story, but I will let you know I actively made sure she was exposed to a minimum of discomfort from people in the family who could not step aside enough to put her needs first. With diplomacy and tact, I gently invited others to 'take a rest' and 'come back later'. This was fair because no one knew how long it would take, although the nurses said, 'soon'.

When she lost her gag reflex as I was suctioning her, I texted my sister and let her know nana was unconscious (just like in the O.R.) We arranged a time for her to come back.

I also let nana know what time I had to leave for work, and that she wouldn't be alone after, more were coming. I let her pick the time to 'go' herself; I left briefly to use the restroom, and I hoped she wouldn't take the time then to 'pass'. Thankfully, she was still breathing when I came back.

How I helped Nana in the Spiritual:
My sister agreed to The Last Rites. I was surprised at how much it moved me while the priest was giving them. I filmed it. (I actually took many photos, which will mean so much to me after she is buried. The ones I have of dad comfort me to this day...)

I also gave Reiki. Nana was catholic turned jihovaah wittnes (they routinely check the internet, and that's why I mis-spelled it. I don't want a comment from an official member. Not here.) So I put it in the water for her washclothes I used to cool her. Just so she could 'soak it up' but 'not get a huge dose' and keep the permission thing okay.

How I helped Nana in The Angelic Plane:
Let me be candid--there are a lot of things I do in Spirit that might not 'match' the human 'job description'.

• early on I negotiated with Blessed Mother and my Twin Flame for an easy Transition
• I met nana's guardian angel, Ahrene, and spoke with her
• I kept the energy in the room UP and filled with peace and love with my presence
• This 'held the space' for nana to do what she needed to do in her own way
• I left my body with her, and held her hand as her excitement got her into the white tunnel to Heaven. (I could see her recognize family members over the shoulders of Blessed Mother and Nannu Filippo).
• I kept quiet, and present, as she met Jesus Christ, who was waiting for her.
• I let her know who I really am, when asked by Jesus and Mother Mary, to show her
• I comforted her that it was still me. (She looked puzzled and said, 'all those times I took care of you and fed you, I was taking care of THIS? And I never knew?'. I turned back to my present form and smiled with love in my heart and said, 'yes'. Then I dropped to my knees filled with love and gratitude for her loving service to me, and to the cause--the Liberation Of The Planet, the Resistance. I do not know what I am--I have the amnesia--but I do know I have a light body that glows. Jesus and Mary did not glow last night, I don't think I have ever seen them glow. They are Ascended Masters plus other higher things I don't understand.)
• We arranged meeting opportunities between us from here on out. (This morning she woke me up and said, 'Grazie'. She looks like she did last night, about forty to fifty years, in the fashion she wore back then. Her hair is long and has a wave, and there is one barrette on the left that is gold.) 
• I let her go with Love and a beautiful pink/purple orchid lei to Heaven. She had never been to Hawaii, but she should have gone because she would have loved it. That was my spiritual 'gift' to her. 

People do not 'find their way to Heaven'. 

There is ALWAYS an angel present before, during, and after to guide them the entire way. 

Sometimes there are many angels, and they work together for the benefit of the soul.

Souls that do not make it to the Light decline the help of the angels who are sent to guide them.  Each has their reason, and the angel can only stay and wait for the soul rejecting them to change their mind.

Because of the energy difference in Vibration between here and Heaven, that is why Divine Assistance is needed. Once the angel is with the soul, the passage is easy, like riding on an elevator, and the transition is complete.

Aloha and Mahalos,

With much appreciation for your healing love for both of us, Nana and me, the last days,

Namaste,

Reiki Doc

The Gift Of Presence

Today I spent eight hours with my Nana Angelina in her nursing home. I sat right next to her bed. When she awoke, I smiled and gently spoke with her. When she slept, I put the cold towel on her forehead and sponged her arms and the back of her neck and face with cool water. Her fever was 101F.

She stopped eating last week. Today her 'adult pad' (the appropriate term for an adult diaper) was hardly wet. They changed it once. The nurses changed her position in bed twice.

Nana will be ninety-three this week. If she makes it. Her organs are shutting down slowly before my eyes, and her skin is losing its color over the course of the day.

The hospice nurse came. The doctor had ordered to stop all feeds because she aspirates (chokes) when she eats her thickened liquid meals. She can no longer take a pill.

I spoke with the nurse at length, and agreed to the arrangements. The nurse later drove to mom's house where my sister and mom were waiting to sign the forms.

I asked Nana, 'are you tired? are you Done? do you want to see Nannu?' and she just stared blankly back at me. Earlier in the day, when she first woke up, she recognized me and asked for a kiss. She also said she was hungry.

What do you do when a loved one is in the early process of death?

You sit.
You talk.
You hold hands.
You take photographs.
You cry.
You thank God for the time you have left.
You give permission 'to go'.

Alzheimer's is a disease that causes so much suffering!

What do you do when you are watching the one you love so much arrive at end-stage dementia?

And what do you do when you are Reiki Doc?

You surrender.
You accept.
You see Blessed Mother over Nana's left shoulder and your Twin Soul over her right, and negotiate and get reassurance from the Other Side that she will not suffer. They say, 'we'll take care of her'.
You have visions of unicorns who present Nana as a young woman to you, and later, as she will appear from The Other Side (as she did when I was about ten).
You ask the Unicorns (there were a lot of them in a field in the etheric plane that I saw with my mind's eye), very politely in their ear, about unicorn etiquette:
     How do you say 'thank you' to a unicorn the proper way?
You watch as that question touches them deeply. They think reply, 'Mahalo nui loa' is what we say.
You make flower garlands and ti-leaf leis (the open-ended kind) in spirit for the female and male unicorns and put them on and say 'mahalo nui loa' to each one. They act like they tolerate it but you know in your heart they appreciate the attention very much, and look them in the eye and smile.

The message that came through tonight was that all is not decided yet--she is 'thinking about it'.

I also, in the silence, felt our auras communicate profoundly in the Language of Light, Nana Angelina and myself.

You also thank the nurses and LVN's for the remarkable job they have done taking care of your loved one.

When was the last time I spent that much time with Nana? I don't think I ever have.

What was my happiest memory with Nana? Taking her to see the opera Pagliacci and watching her smile. I wish I had done that more often.

What is my biggest regret? That I didn't spend enough time with her.
Her spirit corrected me--in the Language of Light--and said I was not made for that kind of life where you are a homemaker like she was. She also let me know she understood, and was proud of me. And she never wants to see me cry.

Her life, compared to what it was, is really hard for her. When she was more alert, she was embarrassed at the 'adult pad' part. She hated the food, although she loved the 'formal' dining room. Although all the nurses love her, and make her smile, and come to see her even though they don't have to, Nana's existence is not what she ever had in mind.

But to spend a whole day just with her, in her suffering?

It's the gift of self that always gives back more in return.

I feel wonderful right now. Except for the part where I am going to at some time say, 'Good bye'.


Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Something To Add: The Truth Of Death

There is an article that just came out by The Creator Writings about death: http://thecreatorwritings.wordpress.com/2013/10/21/the-truth-of-death/

It's true.

I am a medium. I've seen 'ghosts' my whole life. And I talk with them.

One of my favorite ghosts these days is the father of a Japanese chef I know. He showed me a perfect heart on the granite wall across from the counter where I was eating alone the last time I sat there. He is very supportive and kind, and has a genuine interest in my heart. He's a 'friend'. I only see him when I am where his son works.

If you are interested in more stories of 'what happens after death', I invite you to read my book, Messages From My Patients. I published it online one chapter a day on this blog as a service to humanity. There are over eighty chapters. The point of the book is that most of my patients who die, seek me out with a 'message'. I carefully recorded each one in a journal over many years. There are some relatives in the book as well, but I changed their names and sex to something different so my family wouldn't get upset if they read them.

Here is Chapter 1--it is about the first time I learned how to 'pronounce somebody dead': http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2013/01/messages-from-my-patients-chapter-1.html

I hope this book give you comfort and peace, especially in times of loss.

Please excuse the times I accidentally assigned the same number to two different chapters. You'll figure it out.

And just in case you are wondering what happens to the body as it dies? I wrote about that too: http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2012/07/energetic-look-at-death-what-you-need.html

I also shared what happened, both to my father and myself as a medium, during his 'Transition' with Our Lady into Heaven: http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2011/10/why-behind-wow-oh-wow-oh-wow.html

With great love for you and all whose lives are touched by the death of a loved one,

Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Healing The Lingering Effects Of Your Past Lives

How we die in our past lives is often such a traumatic event that the negative energy imprints from it carry over into our present incarnation.

Sylvia Browne speaks of how birthmarks often turn out to be clues as to the means of Injury and death. For example a birthmark on the leg might be from a spear, one one the chest, from an axe, knife, or gunshot wound. It is only under hypnosis that the story comes out from the soul.

Suppose a person lived in old Japan, and was sentenced to the horrible death of suppoku (stabbing your bowels in ritual suicide).  Would it not follow that in following incarnations serious bowel disease might arise? Things like ulcerative colitis and Crohn's?

Someone executed by the guillotine might have shortness or breath, or head or neck pain?

This concerned me as I woke up this morning. I asked my guides how we can heal it.

Because of free will, 'we' can't. Only you can ask for the healing, Archangel Michael says. He and Archangel Rafael are ready, willing and able to assist you in cutting the energetic cords from your pain and suffering which has been carried over from your past lives. Ask, in meditation. You don't have to 'experience' anything. Just know it will be done, right away, for the Highest Good. If you are guided to say anything, do so. But your karma will resolve and the healing through Archangel Rafael is going to begin.

Not all disease will heal if there are current ties to the present birth plan.

It can't hurt to ask, and you never know. Be sure to give yourself plenty of rest and fluids as an energy shift will take place as you are freed from the etheric ties that bind you.

Aloha and mahalo,
Namaste,

Reiki Doc

Goodbye Uncle Rainy

Legend says at the center of a Celtic Cross time stands still

I walked in to the restaurant, and spied my cousin, who I have not seen since the last funeral. He welcomed me with open arms. Once, he had taken me out line dancing, and we talked about our divorces and swore to keep up. His wasn't the dad that passed. It was our mutual uncle.

His father, came next, and gave me a big hug. The family millionaire, made in real estate investments and flipping houses, this uncle gave the nicest hugs. I have since discovered that behind those hugs are some nasty skeletons in the family closet. But since I have only three Uncles left, and this one never laid a hand on me, I hugged him back and was genuinely glad to see him.

Next came the daughter, the middle child of the deceased Uncle Rainy, let us call her Bree. Childless, she married her childhood sweetheart around the time of Uncle Rainy's accident. Both the bride and the groom had fathers in wheelchairs at the wedding that was over thirty years ago. Uncle Rainy was a quadriplegic. I greeted her husband too. He is one who never looks you in the eye and is in sales.

Around this time I started to notice something odd. All three of the surviving children were not seated together. There were entire sub-family groups at far different tables!

Bree was at the one with my sister, my brother-in-law, and Crazy Uncle Dee. They were close, and were in close contact. We often saw Bree at our family events. Dee had glass after glass of alcohol at the table.

At the next table was Cousin Dick. He too had a drink in hand. I won't go into it, but apparently his name was, ah, rather 'matching' his personality? His children were across the room with their significant others. Their mother was cousin Susie, who has channeled messages to me once or twice in my book. There was a nasty divorce over his hooking up with a mother from his son's roller hockey team.  I met her, and was surprised she calls his kids 'her children' when last I knew, only a few years ago, they were all adults at the time of their bio mom's death. She raised them, single, for like, eight years since the divorce before succumbing to cancer. Her children were devastated by her loss, and have never recovered. They are civil with their dad.

There was a table with the relatives, the sister of the deceased and their family. I hadn't seen them for thirty years. It was nice to see them again.

The one I wanted to see was Annie. Annie is the cousin I was closest to at family gatherings. I had always felt sad for her. Annie had married a black man, and this did not go over well with the family back thirty years ago. She had two children, and there were rumors that the husband was a drug dealer and that she should leave him.

All I know is that Nanu threatened not to go to my wedding if I invited her.

If it wasn't for Facebook, I would not have had contact with her at all. And this has only been in the last three or four months.

When I saw Annie, she was the only one who was crying. She was so depressed. Her best friend sat with her. Both were drinking it up. Annie told me how her friend took her shopping to buy something new for the funeral. Annie had devoted her life to taking care of Uncle Rainy. But only at the end, the last five years. I didn't ask questions. 

She showed me a picture of her dad in the coffin. I was so glad to see him. It had been five years since I last made a trip to the house. 

The story she told would make you cry. 

You know, when people are near death, they are pretty uncomfortable the couple of weeks before. I remember my grandma (dad's mom) calling me in a panic, at all hours of day and night, while I was in medical school, saying, 'I can't breathe!'. I would listen, and ask if she was doing everything her doctors were telling her to do. She would say 'yes' and I would say, well, you are doing everything right then, aren't you? She had terrible congestive heart failure, and there wasn't much left that could be done.

Apparently Uncle Rainy, full of cancer, couldn't feel any pain--'a blessing, his doctor said--from the cancer. But the malignant pleural effusion was what started to make him panic in the end. There was hospice involved, and some miscommunication about the hospital when in panic, Uncle Rainy said he wanted to go to the ER. Cousin Dick ended up taking him, and as the ambulance came, the father whispered into his daughter Annie's ear that he loved her forever, and they both knew it was the last time she would see him again.

Dyfunctional with a Capital 'D' Uncle Rainy said, in Spirit, when I started to notice the seating arrangements in the room earlier.

He was right. For all of his millions as a 'smart businessman' (after the lawsuit settlement from the accident and 'investments' after), Dick and Bree hadn't wanted to buy him a new suit. He wanted to be buried in a blue suit and a white shirt. Annie had to argue with them that all he had was sweats and tee shirts, but he used to wear suits, wanted to be buried in one, and could afford it. 'But do we have to buy him the pants?' Bree asked. 

He was buried in a grey suit with a blue shirt, Annie said, barely hiding her disappointment. He did get, however, the same type of funeral as his wife, Auntie Ann (no church, just people talking), and 'something for everyone to eat afterwards'.

Annie says she has no place to live. She lived in Uncle Rainy's home with him. There had been so much conflict over the family finances that each has a lawyer, making a total of three over the estate. All he wanted was for peace and to know that Annie would be treated fairly by her siblings. Uncle Rainy had cut them off to make a point to respect her, but the older two said it was Annie 'twisting things around in his mind' and sought legal counsel after the 'gift money' stopped.

Five years ago, I was shocked to see upstairs in that house. Downstairs was where Uncle Rene lived, it was beautiful with everything he could need, and updated. Upstairs was where Dick was. It was filthy and falling apart. He drank, just like his mommy.  And Bree used to be the alternate caregiver, until Annie came on the scene, and then the family grew more strained. All the while there were professional caregivers both day and night to help with his nursing care.

I noticed today Bree, and Dick, and their spouses, looked like cats with a big bowl of cream to enjoy. At the table, Bree was already talking about going shopping at the nearest outlet mall. 

Uncle Rainy wanted me to talk to you about this today. The whole situation that he left behind.

And to leave with these questions:

1. Do you think it will matter who gets the money now that he is passed?
2. Who of the three children is most likely to Ascend? Annie, Bree, or Dick?
3. What is going to happen to the family ties when 'money goes away'?
4. Who listened to their heart and married for love and was ahead of their time?
5. Why were the children not able to rise above their differences, and give their wealthy father the peaceful death he so desired?

These are the kind of thoughts that gets the separation between Duality and the Higher Dimensions clearer when you are an impartial observer.

I love all three of my cousins. I spent time talking with each of them today.

But I also have a bit of advice: watch out for those who spend other people's money and do not earn it themselves.

Namaste,

Reiki Doc