RIP Nana Angelina
The one-year anniversary of my beloved Nana Angelina's transition approaches. I miss her. Even though we were close, and she is not suffering any more, and I am happy she is in Heaven--and I saw her go there!--I am seeking HER this week in my heart.
I looked for the wedding rings of my grandparents mom gave me. They never actually wore them. And they didn't fit. Both my nanu and my nana's were too big for my finger.
Undaunted, I found the gold band Nana gave my mom in 1967, in the original Buffum's box, that my mom gave to me some time ago. It fits beautifully, and helps me to feel close to both mom and nana.
It is on the ring finger of my left hand. It's the only finger that fits. Ross is okay with it.
I hope you are too...
The Moses Violet Chakra Activation Key
This is a really powerful healing tool for our individual spiritual growth and development. Plus, there's a live channeled message from Ross in there too. http://reikidoc.blogspot.com/2014/11/the-moses-violet-chakra-activation-key.html
The Lady At The Bar With No Boundaries
I'm sure she thought she came across like this--beautiful and classy, sipping cognac at the bar.
She wasn't.
She was hugging everybody, her face ravaged by years of alcohol, and she was 'having a good time' and 'making sure everybody else was too'. She was loud, and came from the bar to our table, and told my son he was cute and she loved him, much to his dismay.
I focused on the people at the bar. Many ate small appetizers and drank many drinks. They were having a 'Cheers' TV-show type of camaraderie, everyone, sort of a laissez-faire and 'love' among people of 'shared interests'.
I had my glass of cabernet with my meal. So did a young mother of two with her husband enjoying a night out. Somehow I wondered why in my mind, ours was 'okay' and that woman's 'wasn't'?
All of a sudden BOOM! hit my consciousness!
It was like laser-focus of awareness when I looked at the disruptive drunk woman with LOVE --she was doing her best, what she knew how to do, and was at the right place, and the right time, for HER development. And we are One!
I can't point my finger at her, and say, 'she is different from me' as an excuse to shun her. Why? Because she is God's kid, same as me, same as you. I don't know the reasons why she drinks. And I don't have to worry about counting on her--which is difficult when you have an alcoholic in your life. All I had to do was watch her boundaries with my boy because he was uncomfortable. And energetically, I was able to do just that--I saw her turn once she hit my aura (mine is big). She just got another idea, and went and did that.
I said to myself, 'This is the Divine Feminine in her drunken state. Everyone at the bar has a spark of the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine in them, same as everybody else!
Pyrite
I couldn't wait to move out and go to college. I came home summers...but when I got married? I knew they took over my room the minute I moved out for good. But I never in a million years saw what would happen next...
They bought a cat!
My sister, who was always very stormy a relationship with me, had fallen in love with a three-legged cat 'Max' at her boyfriend's apartment that belonged to all of the roommates. They said it could be 'her' cat. Well, one day, it got hit by a car or something.
She was devastated. And she NEEDED (as in I will hurt myself if I don't get it) a CAT.
Dad said, 'Nicki, what are you thinking? Carla is highly allergic! She can't come home!' But my sister did everything in her power, and soon Pyrite lived in the house.
Everybody loved that cat, so much, and they didn't hide it, not one bit, in front of me. My baby sister slept with it and carried it through the house, my other sister who 'owned' it loved on it, my mom absolutely ADORED her new baby. I saw through all that, the lies, the excuses, on how that cat was 'needed' because they ALL wanted it! Except for dad, who apologized to me.
I tried but my allergies are so bad, that even on pills, if I touch one, I get welts, swollen eyes, and my voice changes.
Mom even told friends today, how at age six once I spent the night at my Aunt Edna's, and came home with swollen eyes and my mouth was distorted from the allergic reaction I had. She wondered what they had done to me, how I could have looked as assaulted as I did?
I tried for allergy shots--I couldn't take them. The allergists all said, 'Avoid cats'.
So on Thanksgiving, I would eat on the porch, with my dad. And everyone else was in the house. When I would visit, my husband and I had to stay in a hotel. For bathroom breaks, I would hold my breath and run in quickly.
This went on from 1988 to 2002. For every holiday. And for my knee surgery where I had to spend the night on the couch and have mom help me walk to the toilet too.
Words cannot begin to express the pain and sorrow, of having your family love their cat more than you.
It's complete and total rejection. When my marriage went bad, where was I to go? Home? I stayed in that relationship and suffered a lot longer knowing there was no place to run. (I studied for medical school to get a new life, and it worked).
Mom apologized to me in front of neighbors when we were all visiting her today (she seems fine, by the way). The look on the neighbor's face validated me like I have never been validated before.
Mom said, 'We had two daughters, it was a tough choice...'
Tonight, after the visit when our two families met, when I was at Island's, sitting next to the sister who had 'got' Pyrite... I had a 'sudden flash' of heart--the pain was worth it to have her alive today, sitting and laughing, talking about our lives, and mom's recent adventure to the ER...
And for the first time since 1988, it was OKAY that they did this to me.
After a while, Christina married--and didn't take 'her' cat. She got 'Giovanni' instead. Her son is just as allergic, if not worse, than I am. Pyrite turned on my baby sister, and hissed and bit her. It devastated her to be rejected by her much loved-cat. My mom and dad tried to give it up--for free- but nobody wants a cat, only kittens. The only way out was the pound to put it down. They didn't want to take that 'rap', and kept it. Ultimately the cat was removed from the home during mom's kidney transplant--because of her immunosuppresion. It took two years for the house to be 'breathable' for me again. I can't tell you what happened to Pyrite, but I know. Dad made me promise not to tell mom anything except 'he died of loneliness' when she was at the hospital. I didn't have anything to do with it, but I know who took care of it, and I am eternally grateful to this person for what they did so I could breathe.
Outside Starbucks
A woman who looked like a homeless psych patient was crying and screaming just outside the door. A worker was talking to her calmly. Her vibe was really difficult for me to interpret with my 'senses'. Anthony said she ran in, headed straight to the bathroom, and locked herself inside it our whole breakfast.
This is the Divine Feminine at its breaking point; no matter what, she and I and all the world, are ONE.
Ross
Carla and I made a significant breakthrough in our relationship as a couple today. I asked her, why do you love me?
Her answers were well thought out, and sincere. I wish I could remember what she said, or how she said it, but what I can tell you is it took her about six freeway exits and a lot of surface streets to get it all out! I didn't know what to say! But I was very moved by her expression...of love toward me.
Our love grows every day.
So I shall pass on the words, and share with you the images I selected to let you know how I feel about my woman, and where our relationship is at its present state.
Your Twin will find you, if they haven't already.
Remember the earrings, and how hard Carla looked, and that was just for the EAR!
Be sure to RAISE your vibration a little every day. Then you will be like a Homing Beacon to your Love, your Eternal Twin, your Twin Soul, your Twin Flame, just like Carla and me are to one another.
Aloha and Mahalos,
Namaste,
Peace,
Ross and Carla, the Reiki Doc Twins
